Heartbeat
Warnings: SasuNaru & Slight ItaSasu. That means guy x guy kiddies.
AN: I'm on a roll! XD; Finally wrote a SasuNaru too. There aren't 12/13 in this fic, but have no certain age. Just a jump in the future, more into their prime I guess. To avoid any confusion, the first scene is present time, and after that all flashbacks are in italics.
Edit: reposted to change the tone a little.
Vocab:
Niisan - Brother
Usuratonkachi - Sasuke's common insult to Naruto. loosely translated to 'total moron'
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"It's not that I've forgotten...."
Moments like these... Sometimes they felt like the only times he ever had peace of mind.
In the early hours of morning, awake before most of the world, when the sun hadn't quite risen yet. Nobody saw him during this time. When he talked quietly, out loud, to himself. To remind himself...
"But there are times when it feels like I have...."
To remind himself of life. Of what was left, and what was soon to be. Of how he felt, and how he was supposed to feel.
"...forgotten..."
Like this.
Cheek resting gently on skin. Warm, tanned skin. Listening, as breathes were drawn and exhaled. Feeling, as the chest rose and fell in time.
But most importantly...
"This hearbeat....."
The heartbeat beneath his ear. That sound...
He hadn't forgotten his brother. Hadn't forgotten the deaths he needed to avenge. Hadn't forgotten the power he needed to achieve. Hadn't forgotten the words that had been spoken. Hadn't forgotten the path that those words left for him to follow. Hadn't forgotten venomous, dangerous, whispers that promised strength. Hadn't forgotten the faces of the lost.
But times like this, like this, listening to this heartbeat.... For this moment, just this moment, those other thoughts weren't the first things on his mind. The darkness slipped back into the shadows of his mind. There was a state of calm and peace and light.
"It reminds me...."
It reminded him that there was a life to think about, after his goals were accomplished. Long ago, he had never looked past the goal. Only toward it. But now... what would he do with his life once his brother was dead? What did he actually want out of life aside from revenge?
"To keep living..."
And yet despite his words and the peace, the light..... The ability to filter his emotions and thoughts... The heartbeat...
Maybe the thing that he cherished most, ....
"Because I used to forget when I was alone...."
selfishly perhaps, was that....
"...When there was only you."
Naruto never awoke before the sun.
"Niisan."
-------------
"Are you sure it's ..alright?"
His brother always seemed untouchable.
Itachi's head nodded once. Sasuke's small hands reached out somewhat hesitantly, wrapping around wet silk, and then tugged eagerly. His older brother's hair. It was different. In texture and appearance. It was...
"When I get older... I want hair just like yours, Niisan."
They were bathing. But Sasuke was sure, even though it was steam and sound of running water muffled sounds within the tiled walls; that his brother laughed at is comment just then.
"We'll see..."
-------------
It had been raining so long Sasuke had forgotten when it started. The branches of the tree he leaned against gave slight cover, yet he was still wet and trembling slightly from the cold.
He didn't care.
"Where have you been?!" Naruto's voice came roaring through the forest, once he had spotted the dark blob of blue and black.
"I've been looking all over for you! Sakura-chan's been looking even longer!"
Sasuke remained silent, seemingly staring right through him unseeing. Naruto held back another complaint and frowned, tugging uncomfortably at his own soaked clothing chilling his skin. Sasuke had been missing for hours... And he didn't know how long before that, since it was Sakura who first noticed, because he had been reminiscing with Iruka-sensei when she told him...
It had been raining since the night before, and from the looks of it Sasuke may very well have disappeared before that. His hair was tangled and flattened against his face, and a large puddle had formed around his body. But Sasuke didn't seem to notice or care...
"Sasuke....?"
Naruto took a few steps closer, and was almost scared when dark hollow eyes turned to him. So hollow.... "What are you doing? Out in the rain..." Naruto asked quietly, anger gone, hoping Sasuke wouldn't leave without answering.
Naruto jumped when a boom of thunder crashed over head, before the background noise grew louder and the rain poured down more heavily than before. The silence between them now seemed loud, and he found it harder and harder to concentrate and keep from yelling again. But the expression on Sasuke's face, or lack thereof, made him hold his tongue. He also looked as if he would disappear, or break, if he were touched; so Naruto stood right where he was. Something wasn't right, that much was certain.
"I was wondering..." Sasuke finally mumbled, quietly.
Naruto blinked, leaning forward to hear the words over the rain, water running into his eyes; but he paid it no attention.
"If I sat out in the rain.... if anyone... would notice I was gone."
Naruto froze. It sounded like something he himself might have said when he was younger. Sasuke wasn't supposed to think such things though. Everybody loved Sasuke. And even though he understood why Sasuke ignored it, something about it being his name or blood or something like that... Sasuke wasn't supposed to act like this. It was wrong....
"Of course people did...." He replied softly, taking a daring step forward. When Sasuke didn't move, he moved closer again. "Even me..." He continued, until he was kneeling down beside the motionless raven-haired boy.
Sasuke closed his eyes and smiled bitterly, the first change in expression Naruto had seen since he found him, and laughed weakly. "The one person that I wish would find me..."
".....Will never notice I'm gone."
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Wet grass brushed his cheek, and Sasuke sniffled and shivered in the cold. He had been huddled under the low branch of a bush outside in the garden for hours, and it was raining so hard that each drop felt as if it burned his skin.
His father had once again told him the words he was growing to hate. To become a great ninja, like his brother.
He had gotten so frustrated, that he wondered if his parents would even notice if he was gone, when Itachi was home for them to notice instead. And now he found himself huddled outside in the rain, and just as he feared.... no one had come to look for him. No one noticed he was gone.
"Am I so unimportant...?" He sniffled again, pulling his knees closer for warmth, even though his clothes were soaked through. Burying his face in his legs, he sighed sadly. It was almost dusk, and it would be getting dark. Wasn't mother going to at least call to him for dinner...? He was starting to think they might never notice, and he'd be forced to go inside, but then the rain stopped. But that couldn't be.... because he could still hear it pelting the ground and rippling puddles.... He looked up and froze, holding his breath.
"Niisan...?"
Itachi held an umbrella over his head, explaining why the rain had seemed to stop. Sasuke gulped, trying not to sound hopeful, "You came looking for me?"
"Of course," Itachi smiled, and then frowned in disapproval, "you've been gone for three hours, after all."
Sasuke trembled, tears pouring down his cheeks like the rain.
"Come on, we have to get you... dry." Itachi barely managed to finish before Sasuke had launched himself forward, hugging his waist tightly as he sobbed into the other's clothes.
The umbrella fell to the ground forgotten as Itachi freed both hands to stroke Sasuke's hair soothingly.
Sasuke was scolded for getting his brother wet when they reentered the house. Itachi insisted it was his own fault. Sasuke just clenched his fist tighter around the fabric of Itachi's shirt as they sat down at the table.
-------------
After a brief moment of unease at the words, Naruto scoffed and snorted. "Well, sorry, but I'm going to notice, and going to get you out of here, so...." He eyed the sopping wet Uchiha, "Get used to it."
With a newly born determination, Naruto reached out and lifted one of Sasuke's arms so he could pull him up. Flinching at the cold chill of the other's skin, but reassured Sasuke wasn't going to fight about it when he failed to respond, Naruto hoisted him up as if he were a lifeless doll and wrapped the freezing limb around his neck so they could walk.
"Geez," Naruto muttered to himself as he tried to ignore how cold and wet they both were. "We have to get you dry..."
Sasuke froze suddenly, feet rooted to the ground.
"Ah..? Sasuke, what? You'll get sick if I don't... EHH!??"
Naruto was speechless as he found himself somehow trapped in Sasuke's embrace, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Turning bright red he sputtered, trying to come up with words, but he quickly silenced himself when he noticed....
Instead, he stood perfectly still and just waited patiently, as the rain continued to fall and his rival sobbed silently into his shirt.
-------------
"Forgive me, Sasuke.... Maybe tomorrow."
------------
And so, when Naruto began to stir into waking, Sasuke gently removed himself from the warmth and the moment of peace he kept to himself each morning.
He didn't express his affections in visible manners. Naruto loved to love, though. And Sasuke let him cuddle up to him, let him say whatever he liked, let him sleep almost uncomfortably close wrapped around him, let him make a big deal about taking time to say goodbye before missions, let him nuzzle their faces together even though it served no real purpose...
But didn't return the actions. Naruto was flustered by it, that much was obvious. But at the same time Naruto treasured it, because only he was allowed to do what he did. Their relationship was so complex that it made Naruto's head hurt, or so he said, but he had also added that he wouldn't want it any other way.
"Sasuke is Sasuke,"Naruto had said......
Or maybe Naruto secretly knew what happened in the early hours of morning.
That Uchiha Sasuke clung onto the village's loudest ninja like a lifeline, and drowned himself in the sound of his heartbeat, savoring every moment until the sun was overhead.
But he doubted that. And hoped, that if Naruto ever did find out, that he'd keep it to himself. It was selfish, he knew. Because Naruto deserved affection for living so long without it. Yet.... he couldn't help it.
He was Sasuke, after all.
-----------------
"Niisan... why don't you have a lot of friends?"
Itachi raised an eyebrow and the question and blinked. "Err..." Sasuke blushed, trying not to make the question sound offending. "It's just.... You're good at everything, and everyone likes you. But you only train or ...." the little boy frowned, brows wrinkling in deep thought, "...Or you're with me."
"I don't see why it matters."
"But it does!" Sasuke insisted, flailing his arms in a wide gesture, "Tousan and Kaasan talk about it all the time! You don't spend time with them either, so why..."
"I spend time with you."
Sasuke dropped his arms, feeling happy and frustrated with the words all at once. "But why? I'm not near as strong as Niisan...."
"Foolish little brother," Itachi smiled, opening his arms, which were instantly filled with the distraught younger Uchiha. "Because...." Sasuke wrapped his arms around his older brother's neck as he was lifted, holding on tight, burying his face in Itachi's neck as he spoke.
"...Sasuke is Sasuke."
----------End
Awwww, angst. Damn me and smashing my two fav pairings together XD;; I should really stop doing that. Hope it didn't make your brain hurt in confusion.