Author's Notes: ::sigh:: at long last, this fic has come to a close. although it didn't get as many reviews as i wanted it to, i still had fun writing it and getting very positive feedback (LADYBATTOUSAI!!!!). although it's finished, i will be working on it somemore, rewriting and editting -- the first chapter is already revised! umm, look for future RK fics from me! one's already in the works (i'm in the middle of chap 1, the name of the fic is Paths Cross). for more info on that fic, look for it when i get it posted!! Well, it's been a blast, and here i go...
(haha, feedback is always appreciated)
Disclaimer: peh, after 17 chapters of this, i still don't own rurouni kenshin.
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chap. 17 - forthcomings and resolutions
Although the heavy rain had lifted far long ago, a light mist still continued to spray at their faces, dampening the atmosphere, and certainly the mood. Upon arriving at the Kamiya Dojo, everybody found it impossible to settle back into the lives that they once had.
The life that they had once possessed, and had cherished, was now gone, not a trace left to be found.
Old wounds were reopened, teared at by the clawing hands of memory. Losses were gained, old friends gone, loved ones dispersed with the rain.
And it was with a heavy heart that Wolf remained at the dojo, unsure of where to go next. Many times the thought of leaving crept into his mind, only to be dismissed with other thoughts.
Kenshin still caught no glance at his newborn son, nor his wife. Kaoru remained bedridden, and although she pleaded with Megumi many times to ask Kenshin to see her, Kenshin never came. His shadow was never upon her room's fusuma.
But all this time, Kenshin contemplated when he would tell Kaoru of his past, thought of when the time would come of when he would see his son at last, and see the tired face of his wife. Many times the words ran through his mind, echoing there like a never-ending wave.
And at last he could put it off no longer.
His footsteps thumped on the wooden boards, the sound lingering there, reverberating in his ears and head as he reached his hand out to pull open the sliding door. He stepped in, and saw the expectant face of Kaoru. In her arms lay a tiny bundle, wrapped in many blankets and sleeping. Instantly, an icy wave of guilt crashed upon him, and he paused to regain his breath.
His son had his mother's eyes.
"He has your hair, and your hands..." Kaoru breathed. No tears stained her cheeks, and she pulled the baby closer to her.
Kenshin did not know what to say. He had come into the room with every intention of telling Kaoru of the true man he was...and instead, he felt as if he were being punished, and even if it wasn't the case, he felt as if Kaoru's gentle and patient manner was mocking him. His guilt rang louder in his ears. But...there was no way he could put it off any longer.
"He doesn't have a name, Kenshin..." Kaoru whispered, rocking the bundle of blankets ever-so-slightly, "I've waited for you to come...so we could name him together..."
Kenshin hesitated, but only for a heartbeat as he spoke for the first time in weeks, "Miss Kaoru...You don't know my true self...and with that fact, I came here to tell you who I really am...because you need to know." Kenshin's voice was hoarse and stifling with pain, and he felt his own words foreign and alien to him. But he pressed forward before Kaoru could respond,
"There is no need for you not to know, Kaoru. Because my past is stained. I killed, slaughtered, and loved another. I was the Hitokiri Battousai from the Bakumatsu...and I loved a woman named Tomoe Yukishiro."
For an instant, Kaoru's face flashed with an unreadable expression, but she wiped it clean as she nodded, allowing him to continue.
"They say that back when the moon was a deep crimson, the blade of my sword was the same color. That I cannot change. I also loved Tomoe...and I still do. But...I killed her...I killed my own wife...."
Kenshin's words rose and fell like the ocean's tide, and as he progressed, the tale of his past took every turn Kaoru could never find imaginable. She continued to rock the baby in her arms throughout his story, and it could have been that Kenshin was not even there, because she made no acknowledgement of his words. She knew in her heart that Kenshin was pushing himself away, and she had no idea how she was supposed to react. But she listened with an open ear as Kenshin painfully wound through his past, and dug through those bleeding scabs even further. Those scabs would become scars.
Kenshin's left hand ran across his cross-shaped scar, and he breathed heavily,
"I know already, Kaoru, that I cannot be a good father. I apologize with my heart the pain I may have caused you. I -"
"Kenshin," Kaoru interjected. Not forcefully, but in a sturdy tone that halted Kenshin's words.
Her expression softened, and she smiled meekly as she pulled Kenshin towards her, "Kenshin...have you held him? Have you held our son?"
Kenshin was startled by Kaoru's reaction. And still surprised, he hesitantly allowed Kaoru to place the bundle in his arms.
"Hold him Kenshin...And I will hold you."
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Light. It flooded in the room and gently burned the back of his eyelids. It warmed his soul and he felt lighter than he had ever been in a long time. Slowly, he fluttered his eyes open, and found himself next to Kaoru.
Kenshin's mind was instantly awake as he groggily sat up. Megumi sat in the corner of the room, gently cradling the baby in her arms. She looked up at Kenshin's awakening and stood up. Marching over, she handed the baby over to him without a word and began to exit the room.
"Oro...?" The baby began to wail as he left Megumi's hands.
Megumi paused within inches of the sliding door, her voice stern as she said, "Alright Kenshin, it's time to snap out of it. What happened when or where or how or why...I don't really give a crap. Right now I think you've got to pull yourself together. Mostly for the sake of your son, and mostly for the sake of your wife. Mind you, not for yourself," she sighed tiredly as her tone softened, "Everyone's got something going on Kenshin...just make sure you remember that."
With that, Megumi snapped the fusuma shut, and Kenshin watched her disintegrating shadow. He shushed the baby patiently, and looked at his son for the first time.
Kaoru was right, his hair was as red as his, and his hands were sturdy. He was healthy, and Kenshin gazed at his eyes. Deep blue and a soft navy tint. Tender, and easily broken.
Without him noticing, Kaoru woke, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and smiling as she saw Kenshin.
Silence hung in the air as the birds twittered outside. Kaoru sighed, and murmured softly, "Listen Kenshin...I don't know what you want me to think. I don't understand either. But I can say that I do understand you a little more. And for what it's worth, I accept you for who you are, and I don't care if you've loved someone else or tainted your sword with blood. I do hope that Tomoe finds me worthy to be your wife, and that you can love me unconditionally, just as you do for Tomoe."
Kenshin gazed in awe at Kaoru, and nodded. No words were needed.
"But Kenshin," Kaoru added, smiling, "I hope you don't mind, but I've decided on a name for the baby. Kenji...after his father."
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Wolf sat under a tree not far from the dojo, sinking his mind with the shadows. Running his hand over the protruding roots, he remembered the day he had arrived at the dojo, and the New Year they had shared. So long ago, he thought wistfully, so long ago...
And now Wolf felt that he could not remain at the dojo. His presence was out of place, and he felt something tugging at him, urging for him to move elsewhere. Where though? He knew not.
Maybe with some of the dying hope left in him, he could find a member of his family. Or maybe with a sliver of faith, he would find his father, not dead, but alive and well, unaware of his existence. Maybe...too many maybe's...
Wolf's eyes shot up as he saw Kenshin standing right above him. He had not even heard him approach.
Kenshin seemed composed as his lips formed a faint smile as he sat down next to the blonde. They sat in silence for moments, contemplating thoughts before Kenshin spoke softly,
"What do you plan to do next Wolf?"
Wolf was slightly surprised that Kenshin had read him so easily, but had no other choice than to sigh and murmur in reply, "I's don't really know. But I's do know that I can't be here....I's need to find somewhere else to belong...'cause I dun belong here....I'm outta place."
"You're right."
Kenshin's words and bluntness astonished Wolf and he felt almost sad that Kenshin was probably eager for him to leave.
"I'm not thinking what you think I'm thinking Wolf," Kenshin laughed, "I'm saying that we can't give you what's the best for you. Oh sure, there's fun here, and friends, but that's not how it's supposed to be for you. It's not going to be all this sweet. No one's life can be all sweet. You need a challenge Wolf, and we can't provide that for you here, so I agree with you. No, I don't think you belong here."
Wolf sat in silence, "What do you think I's should do?"
"What do you want to do?" Kenshin countered.
"...I's want to find family. And defend them. Always."
Kenshin was intrigued by Wolf's answer, and responded thoughtfully, "Family's hard to find. Everyone's always on the quest to find loved ones. But, defending isn't as hard to accomplish."
Kenshin thought hard, and suddenly an idea popped into his mind, and he dwelled on it before thoroughly deciding it would work,
"I think that you have to get out and about. Learn about the world around you, and maybe a bit of swordsmanship. I propose that you, with Yahiko, should travel around Japan, maybe even China, and learn and absorb as much as you can. Learn things you never though you'd learn. Yahiko is an excellent swordsman now, and can train you in the ways of the Kamiya Kasshein style. He has grown, and this way, he will gain just as much experience as you will. Maybe by the end of this journey, you two will become brothers."
A beetle skittered across Wolf's feet, and he stared at its blue, sheen shell, absorbing Kenshin's words.
Maybe. Maybe it would work.
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And so it was with tears and good-bye's that Yahiko and Wolf departed from the dojo's gates, bags slung about their shoulders and a Shinai hanging from each their waists.
Wolf and Yahiko slowly disappeared down the path, melting in with the trees and the wide expanse. Kenshin remembered his last words to Wolf, whispered delicately into his ear,
"You never killed your brother, Wolf."
He remembered Wolf's shocked expression, and his gentle, steady understanding becoming evident in his walk as he jogged to catch up with Yahiko.
It was a joyful occasion, really. A time that marked the end of Yahiko's boyhood, and the start of being a different person. But it was also mingled with sadness, mixed with the sadness of knowing that they wouldn't see either of them for months, maybe years. Sad knowing that the dojo would be filled with empty silence and shadows.
It was empty now, save for Kaoru, Kenshin, and Kenji. Megumi had retreated to her clinic, and although she promised she would make frequent visits, they all knew that she needed time alone. Sano's sudden disappearance had her in a state of shock, and it was hard to predict what she would do next.
As for Kenshin, he turned around to face his wife and his son, a flickering smile on his face,
"Kaoru. I have yet to do something else with my life. Although I am not sure of it yet, the time will come, and when it does, know that I will never be a good father or a good husband. For that I apologize. Say nothing, because we should savor this moment while it lasts. But I feel I have to warn you, Kaoru. The time will come."
Kaoru nodded understandingly, and wordlessly pulled Kenshin closer to her as she captured his lips in hers, holding Kenji between them.
Somewhere in the depths of the nearby forest, a girl watched. Her thick black hair fell into her amber eyes, and her bare feet stood within inches of a sturdy tree. Clothed in a black kimono, she stared at the couple. Her voice came in a thin whisper, her tone hollow as she spoke,
"It must be beautiful...to remember."
With that, her existence seemed to disintegrate as her being disappeared with the next sudden gust of wind, climbing higher and higher, and higher still.
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Owari