"Please, please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking..."
Tanqueray nodded overzealously. "Yup! We have to go...shopping with Javert!!!!"
"Ohdearlord..."
Suddenly, without any reasonable excuse, both Jean Valjean and the Bishop popped up, saying 'you called?' in unison. They then turned to each other, did NOT glare, but gave a less-than-smile, and began furiously comparing good deeds in order to determine which of them was the better Christian. Fortunatly for whatever is left of this plot, we don't need to go there.
"No, it'll be fine. We'll just take him into the mall, and look at clothes, and..." Tanqueray suddenly realized what she was saying. "Uh, ya. Bad, badbadbad idea... We'll just take the bus and get weird looks."
Javert, for some reason that no one will ever know, said, "Actually, I think it's rather a good idea. I do feel a bit conspicuous in this attire."
Jori glared, hard. Tanqueray tried to sidle away, but was quickly aprehended by both.
"Oh...No....You....Don't. It was your 'brilliant' idea, you're the one who found him. Let's go."
"Uh, but where? I mean...I mean... We're downtown. Where...all the stores are..." Tanqueray sighed, unfastened herself from Javert and Jori, and led the way.
"Oh! Here's the men's store that me and Phaydra once hid in to avoid these creepy people who were following us... Nah, too expensive."
Javert leaned down, touching Jori's shoulder. "Does she always talk this much?"
"Well... hmm... she's excited, so that brings the wordcount up, but she's also somewhat intimidated... Yeah, I'd say this is about average."
(Oh, just for the sake of this story, I'm changing downtown a little... I'm moving the police station is arrested by Javert for moving police property calls back I'll put it back when I'm done with it!!!)
"Oh look! There's the—"
"Jori. Please, for the sake of everyone I can possibly think of, do not finish that sentence..."
"—police station..." Javert sounded like he was having the first orgasm of his life. (I'm sorry, couldn't resist...)
"Um, no, that's not a police station. It's a, uh, prop. Yes. They're doing some show, and they needed a fake police station for a movie, but you don't know what a movie is, but let's go shop, you wanted to shop let's shop!!!"
Javert hadn't heard a word.
Fortunately, the station was on the same side of the street, as Javert neither knew or was in any state to heed traffic lights. With the look of a man who is approaching the gates of heaven intending to enjoy it for every last glistening instant, Javert walked into the station, completely oblivious to any and all stares he received. Tanqueray and Jori followed, discreetly, as close behind as possible.
Unfortunately, the cop at the desk had read Les Mis. And was a huge Javert fan. And recognized him, or at least that someone was trying to dress like him. She started laughing. Javert froze. His god was laughing at him.
"Ha ha, sorry big joke, knew you'd like it gotta go now thanks!" Tanqueray yelled back as she and Jori dragged the hapless inspector back outside.
"Ok, that was almost worth it..."
"Did you see her face?!"
"Or his! Oh god, I thought I was gonna die..."
They leaned against the wall, panting. Javert was in exactly the same position.
"Shit, you broke him..."
"Maybe he is a robot..."
Jori looked blank.
"Uh, sorry. FF reference..."
"Now what?"
"A blanket!"
"The hell?"
"When someone's in shock, you're supposed to cover their head."
"Is he in shock?"
"I dunno. Have you ever seen someone in shock?" They both shook their heads.
"Guess it can't hurt...do you have a blanket?"
"No. We can use his coat..."
"We should probably hurry...Police station, not exactly inconspicuous..."
"Or, we could smack him."
"Blanket."
"Blanket."
A few minutes later, Javert appeared to have completely forgotten the episode. Whether this was due to experience on the inspector's part, or the use of his coat as a surrogate blanket, remains to be seen. For whatever reason, Javert suddenly sat up, startling Tanqueray and Jori out of their game of tic-tac-toe (or bits of garbage on the scratches of a highly uncomfortable bench). Gathering his coat around him, the inspector announced, "Right. Shopping, then?"
Several more minutes later, when the girls had won their battle over hysteria, Tanqueray (ack, I hate spelling my own name wrong...) managed to wheeze, "Midtown?"
Jori just started singing. (for those of you who don't live here, I'll spare you the horror...)
Tanqueray and Javert both covered their ears, but it was too late! The horribly catchy jingle was stuck in their heads: they had no choice but to sing! Soon the whole bus mall was singing the horribly catchy jingle (or HCJ, I love acronyms). Except Grantaire, who was randomly there with a bottle of wine, singing (ha ha, I wrote sinning...) "J'aimons le filles, Et j'aimons le bon vin!" incessantly. (whoo! I have all the lyrics to that song, now just have to find the tune...) (also, my cursor is a French flag... that was totally random, but pleasant...) (anyway...)
The others ignored Grantaire, and only Tanqueray gave him a second glance. But she, too, soon looked away, as the entire street erupted into musical pandemonium!!! Javert attempted to regain order, but was instead tricked into singing a solo. He denies that this ever happened, but we have witnesses. Anyway. Eventually, this musical-lover's dream ended, much to the chagrin of the LM fans who found out later and wanted to know why they hadn't heard the people sing, and why they hadn't heard the people sing Do You Hear the People Sing?? (eh heh... my brain has just found its back... so, off we go...)
Just then, a huge thing came down and wiped everyone's memory of this unfortunate incident. Including you.
Tanqueray led the way, followed by Jori and Javert, who were busily trying to think of ways to make her less hyper. (ah hah! Found the culprit! It's the Dr. Pepper! reads label do not drink while writing fanfiction... hmmmmmm....) (I should probably just stop here, before I regret it... till tomorrow! I'm off to watch LM (evil 1998 version....))
(the next morning... ACK! THE 1998 IS SO EVIL EVIL EVIL! But, I've already done my rant on that. So, on with the story... because I'm insane, I'll leave the randomness from last night... so, here we go.)
At long last, our trio arrived at the mall. Javert stared. Tanqueray looked over to the 'home of Les Mis' (or Centennial Auditorium) and could hardly keep her eeps of joy contained, despite having the real Javert at her side. Jori just looked tired of the whole mess.
"What...what is this place?" Javert stammered, a first for him.
"It's a mall. It's got everything, clothes, food, random crap..."
Javert looked puzzled.
"Uh, not literal random crap... Anyway, if we're gonna get you a disguise, this is the place. Jori? You ok?"
Jori just looked at her.
"Ah. Yes. Right."
Half an hour later, they had assembled a vast array of men's clothing in a cart, and were ready for Javert to try it on. He looked somewhat skeptical.
"You are certain that this is what men wear in this place?"
"Yup. Go on. Actually, we'll come in with you, so you don't have to show us every outfit. And we can help you...with stuff..."
The girls exchanged evil looks that were totally missed by the good inspector. So, they all crowded into a changing booth with heaps of clothes. After the first outfit, a simple t-shirt and jeans, the girls looked to each other.
"Somehow, I don't think this is gonna work..."
"This was your idea. I blame you." Jori sat on a heap of discarded clothes, watching.
"Seriously, I don't think it's that bad. Look in the mirror."
Javert did, and although what came out of his mouth was not a scream, so he insists, several witnesses would refute that.
"Or, ok, maybe not your look. How about this suit?"
"Tanqueray. This thing costs $100... Jeans and a t-shirt is all we can afford..."
"Or, casual! Casual is a very good look, very..."
Javert glowered. "I believe that I will remain in my own clothing, thank you." With that, he swept the door open, toppling the pile Jori had requisitioned and sending both girls into a heap.
(ack, long, horrible chapter.....)