Chapter 2: The insane, environmentalist, peacenik elves of Mirkwood.

Disclaimer:  WOULD THE EVIL PHSYCO WHO INVENTED DISCLAIMERS PLEASE STAND UP????  Ahem…I don't own LotR…or any pickup trucks or Toyota Prius's for that matter…

Scene:10:00 PM, everyone is grouped outside, holding their suitcases.

"So…whose car are we going in?" asked Faramir.

"Well which of us has a car that seats ten people?" asked Gandalf.

"That would be us," said Arwen.

"Yeah…" said Aragorn "Black SUV, parked around the back."

"ARAGORN!!!" chided Legolas "You know those aren't environmentally sound!"

"YEAH!" said, Merry and Pippen simultaniously.

"Shut UP, Perry and Mippen!!  I mean Merren and Pippy!  I mean OH BLOODY HELL!!!" screamed Aragorn.  Turning to Legolas he said "You are single!!!  You have no kids!!!!  You don't have to find a way to cart six kids around Gondor!!!"

"Dude, calm down," said Gandalf.

Aragorn was busy shooting murderous looks at Legolas, and had a hand on Anduril, which Merry and Pippen had somehow found.

"Legolas…" muttered Gandalf out of the side of his mouth, handing him the keys that he had filched out of Aragorn's pocket "this might be a good time for you to go get the car…"

"What?" said Legolas, pulling out his knives "I can take him.  Punk," he added, directing the comment at the slowly advancing Aragorn.

"Please, just do it," said Gandalf.

"FINE," huffed Legolas, and went stomping around to the parking garage in the back of the palace.

Everyone started backing away from Aragorn, including Arwen.

"ARAGORN!!" came Legolas's British accented voice from around the back of the palace "you might want to come check this out!!!"

Muttering to himself, Aragorn began stomping around the palace.  Glancing at each other, everyone else charged after him.  There was a loud crash, and many four-letter words, but in the end, everyone managed to get around the palace, with no serious injuries.

"Come check this out," said Legolas, pointing to Aragorn and Arwen's car's tires, all of which had been shot out with arrows that looked suspiciously like Legolas's.

"LEGOLAS!!" everyone yelled.

"DUDE!" said Aragorn "Just because I lost my temper at you didn't mean you had to go and…"

"Hey!  Don't look at me!" said Legolas.

"Who was it then?" asked Aragorn.

"Don't look now," Muttered Legolas "but it was them."

He nodded discreetly towards a group of surly looking teen elves, all armed with bows and arrows, and sporting black T-shirts with IEPEM emblazoned on them in bright yellow.

"What does ey-pem mean?" asked Pippen.

"It doesn't mean anything, Pippen," muttered Legolas "it stands for 'Insane Environmentalist Peacenik Elves of Mirkwood.'  And don't even start with them Aragorn.  They have no sense of honor, and will stop at nothing to get their point across."

"What is their point?" muttered Aragorn.

"That SUVs are bad."

"Well now what?" snapped Eowyn.

"We take my car," said Legolas.

He lead them through the garage to a silver Toyota Prius, and began to load everyone's suitcases into it.

"Alright.  No Problem," said Aragorn, beginning to help Legolas load the car.

"Um, yes, I have a problem," said Gimli.  "This is a five seater.  There are ten of us."

Everyone groaned.

"Alright…" said Gandalf,raising his staff above his head "…yes…only way…stand back everyone."

"Here we go," muttered Aragorn, backing up.

"Gandalf!" Yelled Legolas "Just what do you think you're…"

WHACK!!  Everyone began to cough and sputter as they were enveloped in a cloud of smoke, dust and faintly bluish stars.

As soon as the smoke, dust, and faintly bluish stars had cleared, everyone saw that Prius was now a ten-seater, and it was bright turquoise.

"*#@$!" said Legolas.

"Eeesh," murmured Gandalf "Nasty side effect!"

"Why the $#@%! Did you turn my @%$#! Car turquoise, Gandalf?!?!"

"It was a side effect!  I could try to change it back."

"NO!  If you did, there would probably be a bumper sticker that said 'I am a pervy dwarf fancier' or something equally hideous!"

"Well, um actually, now that you mention it…" Merry trailed off.

"What?!?!?!?!" said Legolas.  Merry pointed to the back of the car.

Legolas charged to the back of the car, where there was a hot pink bumper sticker that proclaimed in large, bold, acid green letters I AM A PERVY DWARF FANCYING ELF!!!!

"OH MY GOD!!!  I HATE YOU, GANDALF!!!!!"

Legolas launched himself at Gandalf and grabbed his staff.

"NOT THE STAFF!!"

After Legolas had finally managed to wrest the staff from Gandalf grasp, he began whacking the car with it, causing the car to go from turquoise to hot pink, to bright red, to canary yellow, to dazzling white, to fiery orange in a matter of seconds, but the bumper sticker remained on the car until finally, with a loud BOOM, the car turned lime green, and the bumper sticker disappeared (Merry and Pippen later reflected on it, and came to the conclusion the it was the force of the blow combined with the combination of four-letter words Legolas used at that moment that finally made the bumper sticker disappear).

"IN THE CAR!!"  said Legolas.

Everyone began to pile in the car, trying to get a seat as far away form Legolas as possible.  Suddenly, they again heard the faint, but unmistakable shrieks of fangirls.

"AAAAA!" screamed all the males in the group simultaneously, and dove into the car.

Eowyn drew her sword, and Arwen began speaking in elvish, calling on the wind and the trees to help her.

Turning to Eowyn, Arwen said "You go with them.  They're going to need someone to protect them on the road."

"Are you sure?" asked Eowyn.

Arwen nodded.

"Good luck holding the fangirls off," Said Eowyn, quickly hugging Arwen.  Jumping into the car, Eowyn yelled "Let's go!  They're almost upon us!"

"I'm not leaving Arwen!" said Aragorn desparatly.

"I'll be fine!" said Arwen, blowing him a kiss "And I hope that you remembered to pack clean underwear!"

Then she turned back and began chanting in elvish again, just as the first of the fangirls appeared.

"AAAA!" yelled Legolas, attempting to buckle his seatbelt, rev the car, and lock the doors all at once.

With a scream of the wheels, not to mention a scream of all the males in attendance the were off in a cloud of dust, leaving the fangirls, Arwen, the IEPEM, the palace, and soon Mirkwood altogether, behind.

HAHAHA HYPERNESS+RANDOMNESS=FUUUUUN

YAY!  6 reviews

Eollan: Thanks!

DiamondTook3: YAY!  SOMEONE WHO LIKES THE ALLCAPS KEY ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME!!  Ahem.  Thank you.  YAAAY!

Feather in a Pillow: GO PIPPEN!!  Heehee.

Taraondoiel: hehe…yeah…I couldn't help having a little dig at that part of TTT…I always thought it was a bit silly. Other than that thanks!

Nutmeg Took, AlA and pReCiOuS: THANK YOU.  Go you for being random!!!

Galadriel_in_disguise: THANK YOU!!  CH. 6 OF YOUR FANFIC ROCKS!!!  Is it raining in Northern Washington?  It's fake wannabe raining here.  Aragorn is sexier than Pippen?  HAH, that's what you think.  But then again, it's just as well that you think that because Pippen is MINE!!!!  Five million times more in love with Aragorn than you were.  WOW.  BOROMIR LIVES!!!!

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!