The Weiss Kreuz Picture Show

by seven dials

Yup, it's yet another obligatory Weiss Kreuz Rocky Horror parody. I know this isn't a new idea and tried very hard not to write this thing, but the muse insisted. Completed contains bad language, yaoiish sexual encounters and song parodies.

3. Quirks of Fate

The Weiss Kreuz Picture Show A Weiss Kreuz fanfiction by laila

Part Three: Quirks of Fate

"Say something, Ken-kun."
"I had absolutely no idea I was this sexually frustrated."

Ken had finally (at last, it's about bloody time) come to an acceptable conclusion about what was going on here. He was dreaming. Ken had decided that the whole situation was some kind of bizarre erotic fantasy on the part of a frustrated virgin repressed partly by lack of opportunity and partly by his own perception of himself as a nice boy, whatever the hell that meant – namely himself. He wondered how long it would be before he woke up and, more pertinently, if he really wanted to.

Omi, however, had already decided what he wanted to do. He wanted to get out of here before Schuldich could do another dance. This was all way outside the limits of anything he'd come across or even heard about in his own, admittedly rather limited, sexual forays and fantasies. He could think of only one way Schuldich could top that… thing he had been doing with Crawford and that would have involved getting naked and—

Okay Omi, that's quite enough. Let's cancel that thought right now. Please. Thank you!

He grabbed Ken's wrist and led him back across the ballroom floor, now littered with the supine bodies of the dance party, stopping short in the doorway, rather relieved that Schuldich was nowhere to be seen, or at least nowhere near them. Omi was rather peeved to realize that he didn't have Ken's full attention – he had spotted Schuldich, who was lying on the ballroom floor enjoying Quality Time with Crawford, and was watching in appalled fascination.

"Can we go now?" Omi asked plaintively.
That got Ken's attention. "But you were the one who wanted to use these…" He hesitated, trying to think of a way to describe their 'hosts', "… these bizarre people's phone."
"Yes, yes, I've changed my mind!" Omi cried. "Let's spend the night in the car. Let's walk back to town. Let's do anything, as long as it's not stay here!"
"But we've come this far," Ken pointed out. "They've got to get off the floor soon, it can't be comfortable down there. Maybe then we can ask."

He didn't particularly like the idea of trying to pry one of the dancers up off the probably sticky floor and ask where the telephone was, still less did he like the idea of doing the same thing to Crawford or Schuldich. As far as Ken was concerned the best thing to do would be to stay as inconspicuous as possible, go along with the lunacy until it reached some kind of natural break, then ask. Or, failing that, get the hell away from here without using the phone at all. But didn't that seem like kind of a waste, after all this?

Omi folded his arms irritably. Why couldn't they bolt for the door whilst all these weirdoes were otherwise engaged? This was the best chance they'd had of getting out of here relatively unscathed so far and Ken didn't want to take it? "I don't care about the phone any more! I just want to go!"
"Surely it can't get much worse." Ken said hopefully.
"Ken-kun! You never, never say that!" Omi shouted frantically. Brilliant, now watch everything go to pieces… even more so! "Think about it for a moment—"

He broke off, noticing that the guests in the other room were back on their feet and staring at something just behind him. He noticed, too, that Ken was, once again, very definitely not listening to him. He was too busy staring over his shoulder at whatever it was, utterly taken aback. The moment for getting out of here had very definitely passed, if it had ever existed at all. Doubtful, that… Sighing wearily, Omi turned to try and work out what all the fuss was about.

"Now that, Ken-kun," Omi said shakily, "is why you never say things like 'it can't get much worse'."
Ken nodded once, distractedly. "Got you…"

'Total Player'

Youji Kudou threw open the mesh door of the lift in a way that made the most of his undeniable talent for Drama and Making an Entrance, his long black coat billowing dramatically around him. He was good at posing and why not when it flaunted his clothes and dynamically sexy body to advantage? He directed a wide, flippant smile anywhere and everywhere, but grew curious when he caught sight of the newcomers.

Youji:
How'd you do.

I see I've got some unexpected guests.
You look kinda… unformed
But never mind that,
I'd guess that you've come for the sex.

"Come for the what?" Ken demanded.
"Just ignore him…" Omi muttered, going scarlet and hiding his head in his hands. It sounded more as if he were talking to himself than to Ken.
Ignoring their reactions, Youji strode across the room to the throne he had insisted be installed on the stage there, as befitted a man in his position with a hall full of conventioneers to impress. His servants followed, their expressions scrupulously unreadable.

Youji:
Don't get strung out
By my sensual ways
I know I can look rather sleazy.
But it's plenty of fun
To live life on the edge
God, ain't it great to be easy!

Youji shrugged his coat off to land on the throne, revealing a navel-baring skintight top, shiny leather pants which hung low on his hips and clung indecently tightly to his well-shaped thighs, and a pair of heavy boots. The crowd responded as one man; Ken and Omi could only watch in amazement as the entire room gave a long, adoring wail which might or might not have been Youji's name.
"How in the seven hells do those things stay up?" Ken demanded, utterly astounded by Youji's pants.
"Sock glue?" Omi blushed. He had been wondering exactly the same thing.

Youji:
I'm just a total player
I'm sheer sexual mania.

What, you're taken aback? Well now, fancy that.
So you've not got much further than kissing?
God, it's hard to believe
That you're both so naïve
I'll make sure you know what you're missing.

After delivering that rather damning verdict on Ken and Omi's vie sexuelle, Youji forgot all about them as he turned to the rest of his guests, the people he had actually invited and expected to see. He wandered among them shaking hands, receiving flattery and working the crowd with his practiced, polished charm whilst Ken tailed after him like a nervous child, desperate to get his attention. Omi stuck close to him, glancing nervously around himself as he walked.

Ken:
Are you out of your mind?
Um… I mean, we'll decline.
That's really not why we're here!

Omi:
Right!

Ken:
This is fucking bizarre!
All this fuss for a car…
Oh, is there a phone somewhere near?

Youji, judging correctly that Ken was about mad enough to fetch him one, finally deigned to notice the pair, turning back as if surprised they were still around. Then he leered at them both, tapping Omi under the chin and forcing the boy to meet his eyes; Ken Youji must have judged rather less innocent as he ran his thumb over Ken's lower lip, making him flinch away with a shocked yelp.

Youji:
So your car let you down
On your trip outta town?
You know that it could've been fated.
I can see you're upset
But don't you kids fret
I'm sure you'll be glad that you waited.

He stalked back to his throne through a veritable snowstorm of red and black streamers and glittering silver squares, and flung himself dramatically across it, master of all he surveyed. His servants struck attitudes around it, Schuldich draped languidly over the back, Nagi and Crawford kneeling either side. If it had been intended to impress it hadn't worked, but if on the other hand Youji had been trying to point out what a bunch of lunatics he and his staff were he couldn't have wished for anything better.

Youji:
I'm just a total player
I'm sheer sexual mania.

Why not stay for a while?

Crawford and Schuldich:
While.

Youji:
I'll show you my style.

Crawford and Schuldich: Style.

Youji:
There's so much that you could discover.
Though I'm kinda perverse
There's plenty who're worse
And you'll never want more in a lover.

I'm just a total player
I'm sheer sexual mania.

Youji sprang to his feet again and surged back toward the lift, the crowd of adoring guests parting in his wake like the Red Sea for Moses. The servants stood to watch him go, all three far more calm and collected than the fawning guests who clustered after him.

Youji:
I'm just a total player

Guests:
Total playe-er…

Youji:
I'm sheer sexual mania!

Guests:
Mania…

Youji:
So why waste any time?
Let me blow your minds.
Tonight's going to be quite stupendous.
I'm making an Aya
To relight my fire
So prepare to see something tremendous.

And the blonde stormed dramatically into the lift, slamming the gates shut and vanishing into the bowels of the building from whence he had come, leaving a semi-hysterical crowd of conventioneers cheering and applauding their hearts out, Nagi looking bored and unreadable as ever, Crawford and Schuldich exchanging glances over the back of the empty throne, an utterly baffled Omi and Ken more convinced than ever that he was dreaming.

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes." Nagi said dully.
Omi started. "Um, what?" He guessed Nagi meant him. Well, him and Ken. Nobody else here was wearing wet clothes.
Right, Ken thought, that's it, I have got to be dreaming. This is some kind of stupid erotic nightmare and it's going on far too long. Why is Omi in it? Wait, I know why Omi's in it. But if it's that kind of sex dream then why haven't I done anything perverse to him yet? And where did all the rest of these weirdoes come from? Why would I dream anything like this?
Schuldich grinned, clapping his hands together. "Good plan, Nagi." He agreed.

The rest of the guests crowded round expectantly, aware that something interesting was about to happen. Omi would have debated the 'interesting' idea and he glowered at the guests, hoping to make them back away. Unfortunately it didn't work. Omi hadn't been expecting it to but he still yelped in alarm as Schuldich bore down on him. Why oh why hadn't he thought to come armed? He glanced over at Ken in the hope that he would know what to do, but Ken was having problems of his own.

Ken was backing away from the advancing figure of Crawford, horribly aware that it didn't look as if the guy would be content to stop at his jacket. Unfortunately, in trying to get away from Crawford he had bumped right into a terrifying blonde woman with her hair in the most bizarre style Ken had ever seen, dressed in a clownish take on a dominatrix outfit, who also happened to be brandishing a rather nasty-looking whip. Compared to her Crawford looked quite pleasant really and if this was an erotic fantasy Ken supposed he couldn't have expected to stay dressed for much longer anyway. He closed his eyes and muttered another choice selection of curses as Crawford set to with a will.

Behind him, he heard Omi give a small, embarrassed squeak as Schuldich went for his shorts. It went against everything Ken stood for to leave Omi in that position, but… really, what the hell could he do for him? He was in exactly the same position himself.

Finally Crawford stepped away, leaving Ken in a pair of dark blue boxer shorts and not much else. Next to him Omi – who had at least thought to wear an undershirt – pulled free of Schuldich before the guy could insist he took anything else off, blushed to the roots of his hair and tried to hide behind him. Ken let him, at the same time realizing Omi was wearing more than him, shouldn't it have been the other way around and he hid behind Omi? He also noticed, as the guests drew back and fell silent, that Crawford had left his socks on and that made Ken feel stupid, so he took them off.

"Why are you taking your socks off?" Schuldich, who had been busy handing Omi's damp clothing to a small, brown-haired girl who was blushing even more furiously than Omi, asked in mild surprise when he realized what Ken was doing. "We don't mind you keeping them on."
"Because they're bloody wet, okay?" Ken snapped, deciding to get angry to conceal his discomfiture. "Why I should have to take a perfectly dry t-shirt off and still wear wet socks is utterly beyond me!" And he balled the offending articles up and threw them irritably at Scary Blonde Dominatrix Lady.

There was another silence. Ken folded his arms and fumed whilst Omi peered over his shoulder, trying to work out where to put himself and failing. As if this wasn't embarrassing enough he wasn't sure if he was comfortable clinging to a nearly-naked Ken. It was giving Omi some quite extraordinary ideas and things were weird enough as it was without his brain getting in on the act. And everyone was staring at him!

"Nagi." Schuldich said finally, promptingly.
"What would you like me to say?" The boy asked dispassionately.
Schuldich grinned again. "Something suggestive would be nice."
"Say it yourself." Nagi said evenly, and stalked off toward the lift.

Omi couldn't quite work out how it had happened, but when the servants set off for the lift, the guests dispersing, he found himself tagging along, or maybe Schuldich was urging him along? He didn't know. What exactly was going on here? How had they got roped into playing along with this… whatever-it-was? Omi didn't like not knowing what was happening to him, so needless to say he was not at all happy with the way things were panning out. It would, of course, be utterly useless asking Ken what he thought was happening because Ken plainly didn't have a clue either.

Ken looked even more lost than Omi felt. There was something about being the only individuals to show up at a social gathering in their underwear that made him feel slightly awkward both on Omi's behalf and his own. Some people do have these weird little prejudices.

"What do we do now?" Omi asked plaintively as he was hustled down to the lift.
Ken shrugged his bare shoulders expressively. "No idea."
"Oh." Omi said. It had, he supposed, been rather too much to expect Ken to have any cards up his sleeve when he didn't actually have a shirt on.
"What are you looking at me like that for?"

Ken wasn't talking to Omi. He was talking to Nagi, who had been waiting round the lift, his silly hat held in front of him, and was giving him an intent look that Ken wasn't sure he liked. Then again he hadn't liked any of this much so far and he doubted he'd like what was coming next. Why were they going along with these people anyway? He wished they'd stayed home. He really wished he had a weapon. Any kind of weapon. A moderately blunt pair of scissors would have done. He was beginning to get seriously pissed off with this. Ken had never had much in the way of patience and this situation, he thought, would have tried the patience of a saint never mind a short-tempered individual like… well, like himself.

"Hi," Ken said almost aggressively, "my name's Ken, this is my boyfriend Omi—" There was no hesitation this time; these people hardly seemed prudish and he felt the need to make it plain that neither Omi or he himself was in the market, "—now who the hell are you people and what the hell do you want with us?!"
"You know, it's meant to be a big deal to go to Youji's laboratory… you're very lucky he's decided to let you see it." Nagi said dispassionately, utterly ignoring both Ken's questions and his obvious righteous indignation. "It's where he keeps all his… stuff."
"His stuff?" Omi echoed disbelievingly, holding one hand out to silence Ken who looked as if he were about to start yelling or attempt to punch someone or both. "What stuff?"
Nagi nodded. "Yes. All the stuff he doesn't want anyone else to know he's got. Come on, you've got to take the lift."
"Is anyone listening to me?" Ken shouted. "What the fuck do you people think you're doing?"
Omi rested both hands on Ken's forearm and looked at him imploringly. "Please, Ken-kun, let it go… let's just play along for now, all right? Please?"
Ken looked down at Omi and, with a visible effort, forced himself to calm down somewhat. "Okay, okay, whatever. Christ, Omi, I've had it up to here with this!" He gestured vaguely to somewhere between his shoulders and chin.

What Crawford and Schuldich thought of Ken's little outburst would have to remain a mystery as the pair were engaged in forcing open the mesh doors on the lift, or rather Crawford was trying to open the doors whilst Schuldich lounged nearby, examining his fingernails with an air of bored tolerance. He looked quite phenomenally uninterested and, as he lounged and picked his nails, he shook a few strands of his unruly hair from his eyes with a single toss of the head. He yawned.

Screw bored tolerance; Schuldich was just plain bored. He didn't know what was going on either. What the fuck was Youji thinking? He would have to find out. Ho hum.

Crawford got the lift doors open, finally, and pushed his way in. Omi frowned, looking at the tiny contraption. We're never going to fit in that thing, he thought. There's five people here including me and two of them are big Westerners, that lift's about the same size as a phone box, we are never all going to get in there.

He watched in amazement as Crawford and Schuldich stepped inside, Schuldich grabbing mutely rebellious Ken's wrist and dragging him after them. A gentle shove from Nagi had Omi stepping quickly in to join them. Inside the lift was stuffy and close and full of arms and legs and Omi had his nose shoved against the breast of Schuldich's jacket and one leg bent uncomfortably then Nagi stepped in too and Ken swore in a stifled way that suggested he was having difficulty breathing and somehow Crawford got the doors closed and this was worse than the subway at rush hour. Omi could barely move a muscle. He wondered where Ken was. He couldn't see anything but Schuldich's suit jacket. It was no bad thing he hadn't ended up squashed next to Ken given what the both of them largely weren't wearing.

"Is… Youji your lover?" Omi asked suddenly, directing the comment at Nagi's barely visible glittering jacket sleeve.
"Like it matters, Omi." Ken muttered sardonically from… somewhere. He was still in a foul temper.
Nagi blinked and Schuldich snorted with laughter, though it was hard to tell whether it was at Omi's naïve comment or Ken's irritable response, but it was Crawford who spoke. "The Master isn't the kind to settle down for long." The man said bluntly. "We are his servants."
"Oh." Omi said.
Schuldich grinned. "Aren't you going to ask us what kind of servants?"
Omi squeaked and went bright red; the crush meant Ken's reaction was unfortunately lost to posterity.

The lift shuddered to a stop and Crawford forced open the gates. Omi staggered out gratefully, identified Ken somewhere in the crush of bodies and limbs only because Ken was the one who was virtually naked and with a little bit of difficulty dragged him out too, then gazed around himself in giddy disbelief. Was this really a mad scientist's laboratory?

It wasn't much of a laboratory. Omi judged it decidedly disappointing by classical standards. He didn't understand what the seating arrangement was for. Clearly Youji had decided to carry on with his party up here: there were still plenty of guests around, stood on an upper tier watching the proceedings. To a newcomer, the oddest things about the lab would be the artistically-arranged collection of marble statues scattered about the room, the huge covered object over which a large chandelier-like object covered in weird knobs, spigots and protuberances hung (what was the point of it?), and what looked like a cell door set into one of the walls. Mounted on the walls were a fair number of the computer banks, weird buttons and switches and huge monitor screens which seem to come as standard in mad scientist rig-ups.

And then there was Youji in designer scrubs, posed heavily in the middle of the room, obviously waiting for someone. Them, judging from the way he grinned as the lift doors opened. Ken wondered if it was too late to grab Omi and bolt back into the lift. Probably. He couldn't go out into a rainstorm dressed like this – that way tabloid infamy and in all likelihood death from indecent exposure lay.

Behind Omi and Ken, who had been a little unsettled by his trip in the lift and was leaning heavily against the outside of the lift cage, Crawford and Schuldich now disentangled themselves from one another, Schuldich with obvious reluctance, and stepped into the body of the room, Crawford now bearing a glass of champagne he couldn't have had when he got into the lift. He handed it to Youji then crossed over to the large covered box. Nagi finally staggered out of the lift, leaving his battered hat and silly jacket behind and looking rather happier for it.

"Nagi, Schuldich, go and help Crawford." Youji said suddenly.

Schuldich didn't exactly need the excuse to go hang round Crawford some more, but he was pleased to have been provided with a perfect opening. He walked over to Crawford and joined him by the huge covered box, followed by Nagi who was picking at a loose thread on his sequined halter. Crawford was putting on an apron when they got there and he wordlessly held out two more to his companions. Nagi put the apron on, did it up and looked like he was wearing an apron, stockings and tap shoes. Schuldich looked rather less bizarre, perhaps thanks to the fact that he was already wearing a shirt and pants.

"I shall see to… ah… I'm sorry, I never caught your names." Youji leered at his two unwilling guests again, giving them both an immense wink.
"We didn't tell you them." Ken said shortly.
Youji laughed. "That would explain why I didn't catch them." He replied teasingly. "So, then… you two are?"
Ken sighed and, for what felt like the nine thousandth time that evening but which was in actuality only the third, did the honors. "I'm Ken Hidaka, this is my boyfriend Omi Tsukiyono, hi." He said impatiently, setting his hands on his hips. "Now why the hell have you dragged us up here?"
Youji smiled; once again Ken's startlingly reasonable, if petulantly-phrased, question was doomed to be ignored. "Tell me, have my staff been behaving?"
"If you consider their forcing us to undress in the middle of a crowded room behaving," Omi said from the safety of Somewhere Behind Ken, "then yes they have!"
Youji laughed again. "Of course they did. I told them to. I would have been disappointed if they hadn't! I'm glad I could trust them with that. But I like it when people speak their minds. Cheers." He raised his glass to the couple in an ironic toast, taking a sip. "I must say, you two have good taste in underwear."

Omi blushed, clinging to Ken's arm, whilst Ken gritted his teeth and began, ever so slowly, to count to ten. Maybe after that he'd feel a little less like breaking someone's jaw but frankly he doubted it. It would take rather more than counting to ten to calm Ken down right now. How had wanting some time alone with Omi turned into this… he didn't even know how to describe it! Youji surveyed them both over the rim of his glass for an uncomfortable moment or two until he decided to take pity on them.

"Here." Youji collected a pair of dust coats from Crawford and thrust them at Ken. "Put these on. You both look rather…" He paused meaningfully, casting a significant and lingering – to say nothing of bluntly lascivious – glance over his guests' half-naked bodies, "… uncomfortable."

Yeah and I wonder why that is, Ken thought sourly, but he bit the comment back. He didn't want this arrogant jerk knowing he'd got to him. Even if he was sexy— um, what? Beside him Omi flushed a not unbecoming shade of scarlet, snatching one of the coats from Ken and practically throwing himself into it, nearly ripping one of the sleeves in his haste to get himself covered up. He buttoned the coat up as high as it would go, holding the gaping neck together with one small hand. Ken shrugged the other coat on, slipping his hands into the pockets. Rather to Omi's dismay, he hadn't bothered to fasten it.

Feeling that events had reached a lull, Youji turned to his home help and gestured to them to check the equipment once more in readiness. In practice this turned out to mean Crawford, as Schuldich stared in total incomprehension at a barely fluctuating data readout for about a minute before declaring that he didn't have the faintest idea if the reading was right or wrong and Nagi had walked over to stand by the covered object, waiting patiently for things to be readied.

Youji decided to ignore them and turned back to his guests; it was his duty to keep them amused. And to keep vamping on them. He didn't want them growing bored.

"You know, you two very fortunate." He said conversationally. "We have few visitors here and we seldom show them hospitality."
That did it: Ken Hidaka was now officially Well And Truly Pissed Off. Hospifuckingtality? What in the name of all that was holy did this man think he was playing at? "You call this hospitality? Jesus Christ, what in the hell do you do when you take against someone, shoot them in the head?" He demanded, stepping toward Youji and wondering if it was worth fighting the temptation to break the guy's nose. "I don't want you to be hospitable goddammit! I want to use your phone and leave, not get dragged into some crazy sexed-up B-picture because you're trying to be welcoming! What in the hell good is hospitality when it's not getting my bloody car fixed and Omi and me out of here sometime tonight?!"
Omi grabbed Ken's upper arms before he could try and deck Youji. "Ken-kun, please!" He begged. "Don't be impolite…"
"Who's being fucking impolite?" Ken shouted. "I want to go home! Is that too much to ask?"

There was a sudden silence. Youji stood his ground, a small smile playing on his lips. Ken glared up at him, a study in constrained fury; the only thing that kept him from losing it completely and hitting Youji was Omi's desperate attempts to restrain him. All eyes were on Youji, awaiting his reaction. Nagi had actually caught his breath. Schuldich's smile grew as mocking as his eyes, though only he knew who the joke was on.

And Youji started to laugh. "What a perfect example of an alpha male you are to be sure, Kenken." He said, tapping Ken gently on the cheek and making him blush furiously. "So self-assured, so forceful. You must be proud of him, Omi."
Ken, deciding for once that discretion was the better part of valor, he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day and so on, turned his back on the man. "Oh, fuck you," he muttered.
"I'm busy right now, but we could try that later if you liked. Though I suspect you'd lose." Youji gave Ken a wink and a smile, and was unsurprised when Ken responded by looking at him strangely, his expression an admixture of offense, mortification and classic scandalized-virgin astonishment. It didn't take a Schuldich to know Ken was thinking why the fuck is he saying that to me?

Omi bridled, insulted on Ken's behalf. "I am proud of him, actually." He said defensively, wrapping both arms around one of Ken's in the hope that it would make him feel a little less put-upon. "Leave Ken-kun alone. He's right anyway, why can't we use the phone?" Youji smiled at the boy's indignation. Behind him, Crawford and Schuldich exchanged a meaningful glance as a few of the guests began to oh and ah appreciatively. Even the stoic Nagi had raised a wry eyebrow.

Youji decided to lighten the mood which, logically enough, he did by asking, "Do you have any tattoos, Ken?"
Ken blinked, turning back to him. "What? I'm dragged in here in my underwear and you ask me if I've got any tattoos? You can already see I don't." Youji opened his mouth again, but Ken got in first. "And to save you asking no I don't have 'Heaven This Way' written on my inner thigh."
Youji shrugged. "Pity. Never mind, moving swiftly on… Crawford, how are we doing?"
"Everything is prepared, Master." Crawford replied levelly. "We wait only for your word."
"Good." Youji replied, draining his champagne and handing the glass to Crawford. "Then shall we begin?"

Youji finally abandoned his nonplussed and rather embarrassed guests, much to their relief, allowing Omi to give Ken a quick hug – he didn't care what these weirdoes thought of Ken, it was none of their business anyway – which Ken quickly returned. Conscious that this wasn't really the time, though, Omi turned back into the center of the room, watching Youji closely. He was tense, hated to admit it but tense was undoubtedly what he was. He was glad when Ken, now stood right behind him, put his arms around his shoulders and he rested one hand on his lover's forearm. He didn't have to ask to know Ken was wondering, what happens now?

For Youji was ignoring them completely; Omi wasn't sure if he was relieved or alarmed. The man had made his own languid way over to a microphone and was now tapping it with one fingernail as he gave his conventioneers a sensual, smoldering glance from above it. Crawford, after disposing of Youji's glass, had moved over to a control panel whilst, by the covered box, Schuldich and Nagi were tying on surgical masks and snapping on elbow-length rubber gloves.

"One, one, one… is this on? Ah, yes." Youji tapped the microphone again and smiled at the hollow clunk his fingernail made as it hit the microphone's surface. He straightened and turned back to the convention guests "Welcome to the climactic event of this year's convention!" he began, then had to break off as the attendees went into raptures of applause, whistles and cheers. Squeakers were tooted, noisemakers rattled, flags and banners waved with violent abandon and streamers and glitter showered down over Youji. Omi and Ken traded puzzled glances: Crawford and Schuldich shared one of acquiescence. Youji smiled politely and waited for the applause to die down, which ultimately it did.

"Thank you," he said; the languorous look in his bedroom eyes very nearly set the convention guests off into another fit of cheering, shrieking, whistling and banner waving. "I would like to welcome you to my laboratory where, if all proceeds according to plan, you will witness a startling breakthrough in the world of biochemical research."

More cheers, gasps, applause, whistles, noisemakers and some fool letting off an air horn. Nagi put his hands over his ears and Schuldich looked up sharply, scowling behind his mask. Omi stared: he was beginning to suspect he and Ken had ended up in some asylum for the terminally deranged. To him, it was the only explanation which made sense. Ken merely blinked. He was very confused.

"And," Youji said, with a single sharp gesture effectively cutting the shrieking off – none of the guests wished to miss a word – as a sudden silence filled the room, "paradise is to be mine."
"Say what?" Ken asked in the pause that followed, then colored and laughed anxiously when he realized everyone was staring at him. Youji arched one eyebrow at him then turned back to his guests. If he could cope with his enthusiastic convention guests he could surely cope with Ken's utter incomprehension. Omi squeezed Ken's arm and gazed anxiously up at him.

Just as things were about to get really awkward the audience started to applaud again.

"Thank you." Youji said. "I appreciate your enthusiasm! But… really I don't deserve all the credit for my amazing discovery. Not so long ago I felt sure I was doomed to fail. I was struggling, I couldn't see where I was going wrong… but I was! I was mystified!" He gave the room an appealing look; the guests reacted with looks of disbelief and murmurs of surprise. "Mystified." He repeated, shaking his head and slumping sadly. "And seriously contemplating giving up, only… one day when it all seemed hopeless… I got a break. Luck! Just dumb luck! And everything just…" Youji snapped his fingers in the sudden silence, "… fell into place. Just like that, I knew where I was going wrong. What a fool I was not to see it before! And all it took was an act of providence."
"Providence." Nagi and Schuldich echoed in unison, voices harsh and discordant.
"That's how it happened. That's how I discovered how to capture it, to recreate that spark… the very spark of life itself."

Youji finally looked directly at his guests, looking horribly self-satisfied. He received in return gasps, cheers, yet more whistles and enthusiastic shrieks and a veritable monsoon of confetti.

Youji gave the conventioneers a wave then crossed the room to the still covered box, snapping on his rubber gloves. He nodded to Crawford, waiting by the control panels ready for action, before he turned back to his two rather less enthusiastic and willing guests. Ken looked utterly lost; Omi hardly seemed any less bewildered. Youji was a little let down to note they even seemed slightly alarmed; as he watched, they were exchanging another apprehensive glance.

"You see, Ken… Omi…" Youji felt that it was time to address the pair directly; Omi fidgeted anxiously and grabbed Ken's wrists, whilst Ken pulled him closer and held him more securely. "You are most fortunate that you chose to arrive tonight of all nights." Youji's tone was level, only his gaze was somewhat faraway, his eyes somewhat misty as he thought of the paradise that was, hopefully, soon to become his. "For tonight is the night my beautiful creature is destined to be born!"

As the blonde watched excitedly, Schuldich and Nagi grabbed the ends of the trailing red cloth covering the draped box, uncovering it with one swift, practiced motion and revealing that the thing beneath it wasn't a box at all, but a large tank. There was something suspended inside it, in clear fluid. The guests began to murmur expectantly. This hadn't cleared matters up at all for Ken, though; he frowned and looked, if it were possible, even more mystified than before. Omi, rather more gratifyingly, gasped.

Youji smirked at them over the tank. Ken flushed, his lips parting slightly as if he were about to say something very important but had forgotten quite what, and wondered why. It wasn't like Youji appealed to him in any way. Ken really didn't find him attractive at all. Not a bit of it. Nope, he wasn't the least bit interested in him. Youji could aim as many suggestive looks and lewd remarks at him as he liked and it wouldn't make the blindest bit of difference because Ken did not find him even remotely sexy. He was absolutely without allure. Right. Sure. Okay. Now stop staring at him, Hidaka.

"Crawford!" Youji yelled excitedly. "Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator!"

Crawford, stood tall and dignified by one of the mysterious panels of instruments and surveying both the laboratory and his so-called Master's caperings with a look of sinister disdain, threw open the switches on the wall panel which opened the oscilloscopes. Something started whining insistently in the background and for a change it wasn't Schuldich humming ironically because he was feeling so bored. Though the shaggy-haired German did look somewhat bored; he was lounging against the side of the tank and half-hiding an immense yawn, like the yawn of a sleepy jungle cat, behind one deceptively delicate hand.

"And step up the reactor power input three more points." Youji added, glancing casually at Crawford over his shoulder.

Crawford lazily cast his eyes along the panels again, finally finding a button which allowed him to do just that, which he pressed the required three times. The laboratory lights dimmed and began to flash on and off, the insistent low hum started building to a crescendo. Crawford walked over to a stiff crank handle which, with a little assistance from Schuldich and a few colorful German curse-words, also courtesy of Schuldich – German being a very good language to curse in – he finally got to start moving.

Youji watched excitedly as the strange apparatus above the tank, which up until this point hadn't done a lot or even made any sense, drew level with his head. Equally excitedly, he began twisting its various spigots open, smiling with demented glee as they sprayed various brightly-colored liquids into the tank which lit up, bubbled and smoked in a highly dramatic way. For all that he was afraid and could tell from the way he had tensed that Ken was as well, Omi approved of that; finally this place was beginning to look like a proper science lab.

The thing in the tank began to take on form. It was, in fact, beginning to look almost alarmingly human. The convention guests stared at it in amazement, too shocked even to applaud; Nagi raised a questioning brow. Even Schuldich looked a little less blasé.

"Ken-kun…" Omi said nervously, tightening his grasp on Ken's wrists.
"What's he doing?" Ken muttered. "What the hell does he think he's doing?"

Again, it was a good question – and again, like most of Ken's good questions, it was doomed never to be answered. As they, as everyone watched the liquids in the tank began to drain away, revealing the very humanoid something which lay therein. Lying flat on its back, it looked like nothing so much as a stuffed doll. Humanoid it may have been but alive was another matter.

So it was that Omi, who had almost convinced himself that the thing in the tank was nothing more than a life-size featureless mannequin full of, oh, he didn't know, socks or something, actually shrieked out loud when the thing, covered in so many bandages it looked like an extra from 'The Mummy's Tomb' or some other cheesy horror flick, began to move.

(Ken cried out almost in unison, but that was because Omi had squeezed his wrists so hard he thought they were about to break and it had, not to put too fine a point on it, hurt like hell.)

Youji eagerly scrambled up the ladder on one side of the tank, losing all his cool in his desperate haste to get acquainted with his beautiful creation. Crawford made his way rather more circumspectly up the other one, and both men peered into the bottom of the tank where the heavily-bandaged figure was glancing blindly around, unable to see a thing. Youji, leaning so far forward that Omi thought he was about to topple into the now empty tank, eagerly grabbed at the bandage covering the shambling figure's head and yanked it off, like an impatient child unwrapping a long-awaited birthday present. Said action did very nearly overbalance him, but he righted himself, clinging to the edge of the tank and gazing in utter rapture – and, again, not inconsiderable lustiness – down into the eyes of his creation.

For a moment the three simply looked at one another. Youji stared at his creation in lust-struck wonder, Crawford cast his disdainful gaze over the entire tableau, and the creation glanced up at Youji in shock for a moment or two before glaring at him as if he wished for nothing so much as Youji's imminent and bloody death. Youji didn't seem to care. His mind was already running to the hundred and one, no thousand and one naughty things he wanted to do with this… this specimen of sheer sexual perfection stood in the bottom of the tank.

Crawford shook his head once, disdainfully, and climbed from the ladder over to the crank where he began to winch up the apparatus again. Since Youji appeared to have been struck dumb, not to mention stupid, by the beauty of his creation he supposed he would have to move things along himself. This would have been a good move had the figure in the tank not grabbed onto the ascending apparatus and started rising up with it. Crawford didn't appear to notice but Youji did, and he shook himself out of his trance, fuming, as the figure of his creation was winched slowly ceilingward and out of his reach.

This, needless to say, would never do. Oh, he would have to take Steps…

'The Katana Of Fujimiya'

Aya:
I've got my sights on a target
Who's just gotta be killed.

Scrambling down from the tank Youji hurried over to the wall and Crawford, giving his erring handyman a quick clip round the ear which had Crawford straightening and giving him an evil look. Ignoring said evil look, Youji stalked back over to the tank. The apparatus – and the figure – began to descend again. Schuldich and Nagi headed over to join them, both now brandishing large kitchen scissors.

Aya:
For the crimes he's committed
I'm determined
That his blood will be spilled.

Oh, he'll rue the day
That he took her smile away.

Oh, he's gotta pay
'Cause I'll hunt him down
And deliver my vengeance…

Youji made a lunge for his dangling creation as he drew level with him, but he saw Youji coming and sprung nimbly out of the way, landing between Nagi and Schuldich, who had removed their masks in the interim. They both took a startled step back before simultaneously lunging at the redhead and starting to cut the bandages from his arms and legs.

Aya:
This is my goal and
It takes up
The whole of my time.

Servants and Guests:
Who did the deed?

Aya:
For I'm chasing the guy
Who's to die
For committing the crime.

Servants and Guests:
Who did the deed?

Aya:
His life must end.
He killed all my family
So he's earned my revenge.

You can depend
That I'll hunt him down
And deliver my vengeance…

Youji had managed to regain his footing and, from the tank, tried to wrap his arms around his creation's neck. With a startled expression on his face and an involuntary yelp, his creation hurled himself away from the blonde and spun off across the room. Nagi grabbed at the end of the bandage around his chest, grasping it tightly, but was nearly pulled off his feet by the young man's headlong plunge. Schuldich reached out and grabbed him tightly round the waist with one arm, steadying him as the bandage unrolled.

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Omi – discretion being ever the better part – covered his eyes with his hands, but peeped through his fingers as Youji's Big Event degenerated into scenes of ludicrously ordered chaos. Ken, far less prudent, stared openly, eyes wide and confused. As the bandage around the youth's chest unraveled, Youji got to his feet again and scrambled out of the tank onto Crawford's shoulders. They had got no more than a couple of steps, however, before master and servant found out the flaw in that plan the hard way when Crawford, uncharacteristically, slipped and they both collapsed to the floor in an undignified tangle of arms and legs, Crawford coming off worse by far – Youji had somehow landed right on top of him.

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed
Who did the deed.

In her study, Manx surveyed the scene with the kind of calm that one can only achieve from witnessing something at one remove. She looked dispassionately disapproving, like a schoolmarm stood in front of a class of riotous seven-year-olds.

Manx:
Aya's different and it makes me fatigued.
I don't understand
Why he's got this strange need.

We all have our problems
Which we have to relieve
Without grabbing a sword
And making someone else bleed!

Back in the laboratory, chaos reigned absolute. Free of the bandages, the creation struck an unknowingly sultry pose then headed up the ramp to address the conventioneers. By the tank, Schuldich hurried to the downed Crawford and enthusiastically checked him for injuries. A wicked grin crossed his face as it occurred to him that, as Crawford was still in a daze, he'd have to try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! Youji ignored these… goings-on; he was too busy dusting himself off, a look of grim determination on his face. He would catch that creation of his!

Servants and Guests:
Who did the deed?

Aya:
I've got my sights on a target
Who's just gotta be killed.

Servants and Guests:
Who did the deed?

Aya:
For the crimes he's committed I
'm determined
That his blood will be spilt.

Servants and Guests:
Who did the deed?

Crawford, somewhat revived by Schuldich's 'ministrations', let the German help him back to his feet and they hurried to join Nagi, who was stood by the now empty tank watching the proceedings with an air of philosophical tolerance.

Aya:
Oh, he'll rue the day
That he took her life away.

Oh, he's gotta pay
'Cause I'll hunt him down
And deliver my vengeance…

Youji set off across the room after his delinquent creation, stalking up the ramp to the observation galleries like a tiger stalking its prey only to find his way blocked by the crowds of guests. The redhead cursed quickly and broke into a run. The servants, now back in some semblance of order, had formed an impromptu chorus line. They had decided – quite wisely – to play this one by ear.

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed
Who did the deed.

"Jesus Christ. Omi, what in the hell is all this in aid of?"
"I don't know either, Ken-kun…"

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed.

Aya:
God, he's got to die!

Servants and Guests:
It's Takatori
Who did the deed
Who did the deed.

Author's note: I know that, as Aya is supposed to be Youji's creation, the above song makes no sense. But I figured that, creation or no, he was still Aya.