Disclaimer: do I LOOK like I own LotR? DO I, PUNK?
Legolas: oh shut up shoots disclaimer.
Everyone: Go Legolas, go! Shoot the disclaimer!!
A/N: This chapter occurs around the time chapter seven occurred, due to the fact that Frodo has been OUT COLD for the first six chapters, and dreaming about cheese lasagna, ice cubes, rap videos, comic books, the constitution, and MANY, MANY DISTURBING FANGIRLS. Things are looking very dark for him as he awakes…
A/N: I put myself and my friends (Usagi, Galadriel-in-disguise, Kiki-chan, and Mayiko) in this, and the next chapter. We may seem like EVIL anarchist/socialist people but be assured are not really this evil.
Scene: The authors note explains just about everything doesn't it? Well, Frodo is in the bright pink helicopter, which is flying somewhere over middle America, heading west.
Frodo rubbed his eyes and groaned as the helicopter came into focus, and he realized where he was. He had been dumped across two seats as the fangirls entered their helicopter, which was where he was lying now. He could hear the fangirls chatting, on cell phones, and with each other, behind and adjacent to him. He wondered vaguely who was driving the 'copter. He watched as three particularly intelligent fangirls thought of a nefarious scheme to kidnap Legolas, Aragorn, Eomer, Merry, Pippin, and a whole bunch of other (REALLY HOT) guys from middle earth, and scribbled it down in a notebook.
Poor Frodo stared despairingly at the ceiling. I'll never escape from these Fangirls. He thought miserably. Who knew fangirls were so smart? I wish I could tell all of my friends about the EVIL fangirls nefarious plots to kidnap THEM.
He was sitting up when a paper airplane made of what appeared to be a sheet of binder paper which read 'OPEN THIS NOTE IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE. Well actually, not your life exactly…your fans obviously won't kill you. Your sanity, however is another question entirely…' in bright red pencil, knocked him flat again.
Trying to make as little sound as possible, Frodo opened the paper airplane, which read.
Dear Frodo,
We sincerely wish that you were safe (well, maybe Usagi doesn't, but ANYHOW) your obviously not, since you have fallen into the hands of your EVIL fangirls.
Below are listed the only ways that will subdue a fangirl/gaggle of fangirls;
Option A: Spray them down with silly string. This is the best option, extremely reliable, works 100% of the time. Unfortunately, we are clean out of silly string, having used our supply of it on ol' Schwarzeneggers hummer. Therefore, unless you yourself have a steady supply of silly string, you must move on to
Option B: Make 'em faint. Galadriel_in_disguise fainted the last time SHE saw Aragorn, therefore it must be efficient SOME of the time. We are not sure HOW efficient. But we are guessing about 75% of the time. The problem though, is that you are surrounded by not only your own fangirls, but fangirls of various other guys from middle earth, so you may not be able to make more than 20% of the fangirls faint. Thus you will have to pass on this and see
Option C: Run. Just run. This however, is only effective when you can find some place to hide, which we sincerely hope you can, otherwise you will be forced to move on to the lamest option of all which is
Option D: improvise.
Good luck, and please, please, please don't do anything dim-witted.
Sincerely,
electrocuted-elf,
Usagi,
Galadriel_in_disguise,
Kiki-chan,
and Mayiko
P.S. DESTROY THIS LETTER!!!!
After he had shredded the letter into microscopic pieces, and sprinkled them on the floor, Frodo stood up in his seat. The 'copter immediately erupted with shrieks and sobs.
"AIIGHT, AIIGHT," yelled Frodo "Y'ALLS NEED TO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!!!!!"
After the last of the sobs had been stifled, Frodo continued yell in an incredibly bad imitation of a ghetto accent "AIN'T NOBODY GONNA MESS WIT' FRODO ESCOBAR, KNAWMEAN? ANY FOOL WHO CALL ME FRODO BAGGINS GONNA GET SLAPPED UPSIDE THE HEAD JUST FOR LIVIN'! FOSHOW, Y'ALL!!!"
This was apparently a very BAD idea, because as soon as Frodo shut up, the screams and sobs began again, and pandemonium reigned. Frodo looked around desparately for a place to hide. He made a dash for her only hope of shelter; the bathroom. Once inside, he slammed and locked the door, shutting all of the fangirls out.
After a moment, a can of silly string with a note attached to it bounced off of his forehead. He quickly opened the note, which read;
Frodo;
Congratulations on a temporary victory over the fangirls. A new shipment of silly string just arrived, so here is a can.
However, as we said, this is a temporary victory, nothing more. It will not take long for the fangirl 'intelligence' squad to figure out how to pick the lock. The only advice we can offer is as follows: be ready.
Best wishes,
electrocuted-elf,
Usagi,
Galadriel_in_disguise,
Kiki-chan,
And Mayiko
Frodo flushed the letter down the toilet, and began to formulate a plan for how, with the help of the silly string, he would keep the fangirls at bay.
To my completely awesome reviewers:
mirielle: Merry got his hands on a HAMMER??? This CANNOT be good…
Galadriel-in-disguise: hoo ha. The Hidalgo preview? NOOOOOO!!! Not again!!! It did look like a cool movie, though.
Aeccu: Well, now you can decide for yourself. Was Frodo lucky? Or not?
Pooki z Great: Whoa!! You are EXTREMELY hyper…maybe even more hyper than me…but in any case…THANK YOU!!!!!
DiamondTook3: Thank you for being such an awesome reviewer!!!!
The Dark Wanderer: Yes, I am evil. Also, there are MANY AUs around where Boromir gets the ring (written mostly by Boromir fans). Sometimes he even kills Aragorn (written by extremely hardcore Boromir fans). I have never personally seen a fic where Faramir goes to Rivendell and gets killed instead of Boromir, and Eowyn falls in love with Boromir, but I've heard that they do exist
Galadriel-in-disguise: I think that you really do enjoy clogging up my review box. Congrats on being cast as Teacher #1.
Galadriel-in-disguise: HAHA!!! I HAVE MORE THAN TWO LINES!!!! YOU HAVE LOTS OF LINES!!!!! Rock on.