The Weiss Kreuz Picture Show

by seven dials

Yup, it's yet another obligatory Weiss Kreuz Rocky Horror parody. I know this isn't a new idea and tried very hard not to write this thing, but the muse insisted. Completed contains bad language, yaoiish sexual encounters and song parodies.

7. Further Indignities

The Weiss Kreuz Picture Show A Weiss Kreuz fanfiction by laila

Part Seven: Further Indignities

"It's not easy having a good time."

Youji sighed as he wandered through the collection of statues which, up until five minutes ago, had comprised a good half of the people in the house. One would have presumed that Youji had a good relationship with an insane homosexual sculptor or was one himself going by his collection of statues of slightly unbalanced (mostly) young men in odd positions.

Absently, Youji threaded past Righteously Enraged Teenager, alias Omi, and rested one hand casually on top of the head of Annoyed Man in Wheelchair, formerly known as Persia. What to do with these people? He didn't think he'd be keeping them. His garden wasn't big enough and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stick Ken – Young Man on Edge of Nervous Breakdown, or something similar – by the pond. Or Annoyed Man in Wheelchair, for that matter. The neighbors would think he was mad.

He left the collection of statues and headed over to the control panel, where Schuldich and Crawford still loitered. Crawford, naturally, was not at all surprised by this turn of events – how could he have been? Schuldich just looked bored.

"Even smiling makes my face ache." Youji said gloomily, then rubbed at his cheek. "Or is that because Ken fetched me one? Bloody Ken. What'd he want to do that for anyway?"

Crawford kept quiet. Personally, he could have thought of at least ten possible reasons why Ken might have wanted to punch Youji off the top of his head. He wanted to punch Youji, though obviously not over Omi (there were more than enough other reasons to want to smack Youji one without getting defensive over a cheating boyfriend you'd cheated on). Patience, Crawford… your time will come. Your time is coming very, very soon. No need to get Youji's guard up. Still, Youji appeared to be sunk in a self-pitying haze and probably wouldn't have noticed anyway. He was far too busy getting melancholic.

"Aya's behaving just like Farfarello did!" Youji was lamenting.
Schuldich snorted. "No he isn't. Aya's being mean and moody and glaring at everyone a lot. If he was behaving just like Farfie he would have started screaming and trying to stab you in the face long ago."
"He's throwing me over for a bishounen!" Youji turned on Schuldich, angrily. "Just like Farfarello did for Nagi! Oh, Aya! Why?" he mourned, turning to gaze at Aya's naked statue (Pensive Adonis, Youji would have called this one, and he wouldn't have kept it in the garden either) with mournful eyes, then quickly looked away again. "My children turn on me."
"That's what kids do." Schuldich said wryly. "You give 'em your youth then they fuck off and leave you. They don't write, don't call…" He laughed, shaking his head, then abruptly snapped out of it. "Hey, Youji. Master. Whatever your name is. When can we go back to America? Or Europe? Or anywhere but here? I grow weary of speaking Japanese, being so much taller than everyone else and being unable to buy my clothes off the peg!"
Crawford smiled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "At what point did you start buying your clothes off the peg, Schuldich?"

Youji ignored the young man's discontent. He was gazing up at Aya and starting to smile. He had just had an idea. A very, very good and fiendish idea. But maybe he'd leave Persia out of it. Make that he'd definitely leave Persia out of it. It would never do to get that man involved in anything other than a very minor way, if at all. But the others… well, why not? He grinned, his depression seeming to melt off him. Amazing how the thought of Aya in shiny PVC shorts could cheer a guy up…

"Schuldich," Youji said lightheartedly, "I'm grateful to both you and your… let's call him your partner Crawford… for all the help you have given me. Such loyalty as yours is remarkable and deserves to be rewarded. And you will both find, in time, that when the mood strikes me I can be quite munificent."
"This is some kind of jam tomorrow deal, isn't it?" Schuldich said suspiciously.
Crawford laughed briefly and humorlessly. "We ask for nothing, Master."
"And that," Youji said, at his absolute peppiest now, "I will have no difficulties providing."

Youji stalked back through his art collection and to the lift, having to weave around Omi and Persia to do so. Maybe he should have waited for those two to get a bit further from the lift doors before he threw the transducer. Oh well, he thought, wriggling past Omi and into the cage, too late for that now, that'll just make what comes next that one bit easier.

"But it'll have to wait." He posed by the lift cage and pretended not to notice that Crawford and Schuldich had exchanged a look which as good as said I thought as much. Well, at least they weren't surprised to hear it. "It is time for the floor show, if you'd care to watch. I can't leave my guests waiting for too much longer. That would be most impolite."

And, slamming the lift door dramatically, he descended into the lower depths of the building again. He didn't see Schuldich give the departing lift a very rude gesture indeed.

"Floor show?" Schuldich said incredulously once the lift had rattled away. "Bra-ad…"
Crawford smirked. "As long as he's distracted."
"Yeah, but a floor show? Is he nuts?" Schuldich shook his head, his tangled hair hanging in his face. "No, don't bother answering that. What do we do now? Are we still playing along?"
"No, Schuldich." Crawford said, his smile growing malicious. "We are not. It's time."
Schuldich returned the grin. "That's the best news I've heard all year."

And he grabbed Crawford by his rather loose tie, dragging him forward by it. With one hand on the knot of Crawford's tie and the other disordering his neatly-groomed hair, Schuldich kissed him passionately and almost bruisingly hard.

Which was why Manx had decided not to bother burying her head in her hands until it was needed. Now it was needed and she wouldn't have wanted to waste the gesture. Sighing deeply, she ran her hands through her distinctive red curls. Floor shows. As if things hadn't been weird enough without that. Ken had been utterly correct, Youji really did need to go and get his head read. She should have started those lectures on morals long ago. Youji had needed them and needed them quite badly if his current behavior was anything to go by. Too late to do anything about it now.

Worse… Persia and floor shows. Oh, dear God. Never mind, Manx. Never mind, at least it's not you out there and it could have been. She would have to cope with poor Persia making an exhibition of himself. At least she had a book-lined study and a wing chair and one of the longest and most portentous of her portentous speeches to deliver. There were still plenty of ways that things could have been worse, hard though it was to believe.

Manx straightened, ran her fingers through her slightly tangled curls, and carried forbearingly on.

"And so, by an extraordinary twist of circumstance, it seemed that destiny had decreed that Ken and Omi were to keep their appointment with Persia after all." Manx said with a calmness that did her no end of credit given her own grave misgivings. "But none of them could possibly have foreseen the conditions under which their meeting would occur! And so, bare hours after declaring their love for one another, both Ken and Omi had fallen victim to the unnatural passions of their depraved host. This in itself was proof that Youji was a man of scant morals – and some persuasion. What additional debasements were the once-innocent couple to be subjected to?"

Oh no. She'd had to ask that question, hadn't she? That was a very dangerous question to ask about any guest, however unwilling, in the Kudou ménage! As Omi had rightly pointed out, never enquire just how things could possibly become any worse. It's always possible for things to get much worse than one could possibly begin to imagine. Manx hadn't wanted to know how things could get worse. Unfortunately, it seemed she was due to find out. So were Ken and Omi. She felt very sorry for them – not to mention for poor, beautiful Aya!

"And what, too, of the floor show that Youji had mentioned? After midnight, in a secluded, empty house? What diabolical plan had seized Youji's crazed imagination?" I'll second that, Manx thought grimly. Crazed imagination… yes, most apt. I like it. "What indeed. The one thing that was plain was, from the iniquities of the night thus far, it promised to be no Sunday School outing."

It had been easy for Youji to think of an outfit for Aya, or more precisely for Aya's statue.

It consisted of a pair of ridiculously brief and clingy shorts and an abbreviated zip-front top, both in shiny black PVC, long leather gloves, fishnets and black ankle boots. With high heels. And – why not? – a few discreet touches of kohl. Yes, all in all it was a very nice combined package and something he would never have been able to get Aya into any other way, so why not make the most of the situation? Youji was pleased with himself when he had done, stepping back to admire the now-dressed statue from all angles. Very nice indeed. He was excelling himself tonight.

The others (comprising of Omi, Ken and Nagi – Persia would have to shift as best he could; older men, and bearded older men at that, didn't float Youji's particular boat) were a bit more of a problem. Finally Youji gave up and dressed them all the same as Aya, though naturally he didn't expect them to pull it off with Aya's aplomb. Nagi in particular looked very strange; he was normally such a model of upright dignity that PVC clothes looked very odd indeed even when they were only gracing his effigy. At least Ken and Omi were no stranger to shorts. Whatever, though. It would do. And he might as well have them match with Aya. It would make things look more… unified, yes that was the word, unified.

Job done and the now-dressed statues happily ensconced on stage behind the closed curtains, Youji ran gleefully off to change his own clothes. He wanted to both match his 'co-stars' and look masterful and that would necessitate, perhaps, a rather severer ensemble. And a long coat. Or maybe even a cloak. After humming and hahing in front of a full-length mirror for an embarrassingly long length of time, he finally hit on the perfect outfit. Grabbing one of his long coats and throwing it over his shoulder, Youji pulled his sunglasses down his nose and struck a sultry pose in front of the glass. Ah, yes. That, he thought, would definitely do. Perhaps the riding crop was overkill, though.

Oh, what the hell. Slamming shut his closet doors, Youji ran back downstairs to prepare for the second of tonight's Main Events. Such a shame the convention guests had all gone home! Oh, well. A floor show without an audience was still a floor show, wasn't it? And it wasn't like the others would care if anyone saw them or not. It would merely have been nice, for the sake of his not inconsiderable vanity, had there been someone to witness his second great triumph of the night. Or should it have been his third? Seducing three guys, including both halves of a couple, one after another within the space of one and a half hours had been no mean feat either…

Youji thought briefly of roping Crawford and Schuldich into serving as an audience, but they seemed to have vanished. Well, their loss.

Youji stood in the wings with his hand poised on the last of his convenient levers, his coat draped over Persia's unwanted statue, which had been shoved discreetly into one of the corners so Ken couldn't ruin the event by tripping over it. Had Omi seen what was written by said lever he would no doubt have wondered, yet again, if Youji had done all of this before. Why else would he have a De-Medusa Ray, or whatever the thing's name was, mounted on a wall in the backstage area? Unfortunately Omi, like the others, was beyond commenting.

Cast onstage – not that any of them could exactly have wandered off in the interim – footlights on, curtain up, smoke machine quietly ticking over in the wings, stage lights on. Let the floor show begin!

'Rose Tint My World/Floor Show'

Youji smirked in triumph and threw his lever dramatically, watching from the wings as Nagi sprung to life. Though he couldn't have had a clue where he was, what he was doing or where that bump 'n' grind style music was coming from, he rose to the occasion quite admirably, though the dance was a little on the stiff side and he did appear to be both defining and describing the term 'jailbait' in the process. Perhaps it was the shorts.

Nagi:
Something that I'd quite forgot
Was that I liked Youji quite a lot.
I know I used to find him hot,
But now I really wish I'd stuck with Tot.
And the only good times that I've had
Were with a guy who was totally mad.
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.

He froze again immediately afterward, but didn't turn back into a statue. He merely struck, on the near side of the stage, an uncomfortable-looking sensual pose and stayed there, seemingly utterly oblivious to the statues around him. Well, all for the better.

Youji threw his lever again, very nearly bursting into applause when Aya animated. Aya, admittedly, was no great shakes as a dancer but Youji really couldn't have cared less. It was enough for him that he was gawping at a barely-dressed Aya as he struck a range of sexy poses the redhead would have torn his particulars off for even suggesting he struck under any other conditions.

Aya:
I was born to be Youji's bride
But it's a life that I just despise.
My problem is I've too much pride
And that's a fact I simply cannot hide.
I'd stop all this with my glower,
But the Death Glare has lost its power.
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.

Then, like Nagi, he froze. Stood on the far side of the stage this time, in another sexy pose but it was a manly one. Even that outfit couldn't make Aya look less manly. Youji wolf-whistled at him, but the man didn't even turn round. Again, all for the better – ordinarily Aya may well have run him through for it.

Youji was so busy gawping he nearly missed his cue for the lever. He remembered just in time, this time resurrecting Ken. At which point Youji realized something he should have done long ago: Ken, clumsy enough in trainers, was obviously not going to be able to cope with high heels. The boy was having obvious difficulties keeping his balance. The best one could say for him was at least he was trying.

Ken:
It may be I'm dense
But this makes no sense!
I know I've lost my innocence,
But what the fuck's it for?
I simply cannot understand
Jesus, what's this guy got planned?
I only know it's underhand
Why won't someone explain?

All things considered, Ken didn't deal too badly with the inevitable loss of balance. He did at least manage to control his fall and end up in the obligatory Uncomfortable Sexual Pose, so Youji couldn't have been too disappointed.

And then there was Omi. One last tug of the lever and the little blonde animated. Omi, unlike the others, had a certain natural grace; in fact he seemed to be busy showing his companions How It Was Done. Unfortunately, Youji didn't watch him for very long – he was far too busy rushing off in order to make his own cue, grabbing his coat off Persia's head on the way there.

Omi:
My submission
To all this hedonism
Was perhaps a bad decision
Or maybe just insane.
It could be abnormality
When faced with sensuality
To care about morality
But I feel quite ashamed.

And Omi, too, froze, in between Aya and Ken. He had thrown all his weight onto one leg and looked not at all put out by it. Put together, the four looked as if they were posing for a photograph entitled 'Outfits and Positions I Would Not Like My Mother To See Me In'.

Behind the little group, a set of white velvet curtains. What with the black outfits it made quite a nice contrast, at least for the few seconds that they remained in position.

Within moments the curtains were opening slowly and dramatically as a strange and tinny little fanfare played, revealing a cheap mock-up of what appeared to be a basement, complete with couches – flimsy-looking things, obviously not intended to be sat on – a large TV monitor and a set of spiral stairs, all done in shades of black and white and gray. It was almost a shame Ken and Omi were temporarily unavailable for comment, as they would both have had something to say about that if they'd been given the chance. It was perhaps for the best that they weren't. Ken in particular would have completely ruined the mood Youji was working so hard to create should he have done. The floor was wreathed with dramatic billows of dry ice.

At the top of the stairway – the only substantial thing in that crazy forgery – and picked out by the beam of a spotlight: Youji.

He was now dressed from head to toe in black leather, a pair of sunglasses perched on the end of his nose. The black gloves he wore were leather, the long coat he had slung over one shoulder was leather, his leather pants were even more indecently tight and low-slung than the last ones were. His top revealed his lean, well-toned stomach and perfect navel (though it was, however, rather less revealing than the ones he had forced his 'co-stars' into). The tails of his long coat billowed dramatically in the artificial draught of a wind machine.

The riding crop really hadn't been necessary. He looked every inch the master and commander as it was and, realizing that, Youji discreetly tossed the crop into the wings. He'd only have to find somewhere to put it anyway. He wanted both hands free, thank you.

'Fanfare/Don't Leave Me'

As the fanfare ended, Youji draped himself wistfully over the balustrade of the stairwell, somehow making the rather absurd position look sexy. He raised his eyes heavenward, a mournful expression on his face.

Youji:
Whatever happened to Aya-chan
To make her poor brother so blue?
For he loves her best
Doesn't care for the rest
And I wanted him to notice me too.

Youji began to descend slowly down the stairs, his eyes locked onto Aya's. The other four turned to face him as he gestured to them, Ken rather ruining the dreamy slow pace at which they did this by getting back to his feet first. All four looked quite disturbingly vacant, though how disturbing rather depended on the individual.

Youji:
Oh, Aya, please listen
This is my position
Your taking a lover
Would not betray her.
Yes, I've turned to others
But still I keep wishing
That I could have you there
I'm missing your kissing.

Flinging his coat away with a dramatic gesture Youji, from a standing start at the foot of the stairs, sprang into the all-enveloping fog, temporarily vanishing from sight. There was a splash.

Youji:
Can't you believe me?
Whoa, whoa, whoa...

The smoke cleared, revealing a small, but deep, swimming pool, at the bottom of which, picked out in tiles, was the stark image of a white cross on a black background. The plain design didn't detract for a moment from the spectacle of Youji, sunglasses still perched on the end of his nose, bobbing happily about in an inner tube. He was already soaking wet and didn't care at all; he was having a great time. He grinned as, slowly, the other four approached the edges of the pool, the water casting strange patterns of light and stippled shadow across the semi-darkened room.

Youji:
Don't leave me. Need me.
Don't leave me. Need me.

Half out of his head or not, Ken was Ken and therefore impetuous. He jumped into the pool to join Youji without a moment's hesitation to be joined, albeit with less zeal, by Nagi. And Aya was Aya, regardless of mental state. He had to be practically shoved into the pool by the giddy Omi.

All:
Don't leave me. Need me.
Don't leave me. Need me.
Don't leave me. Need me.
Don't leave me. Need me.

It was Youji's idea to start getting… 'feely'. Discarding the swim ring, he located Aya and, grabbing him round the waist and pulling him close, he began giving the redhead one of those dazing, utterly mind-numbing kisses that had so stupefied Ken earlier. The idea was embraced, if such a word wasn't inapt, with enthusiasm by the others. It may have been thanks to Youji's influence, but all five seemed more than in the mood to give their all to all.

Youji's attempt to keep Aya all to himself wasn't one that came off (Ken, for instance, had come to the conclusion that being shorter than Aya wasn't a problem after all), but with three other willing candidates to do interesting and maybe illegal things to he decided he could live. No, it wasn't easy to keep one's head above water and conduct a group grope at the same time, but the five gave it their best shot all the same. Hands met hands, limbs entwined, kisses were given and received in gleeful profusion.

Backstage, the De-Medusa Ray control tripped all by itself, belatedly reanimating Persia who thankfully found himself back in his suit rather than stark naked. Wheeling himself out of the wings with the half-formed idea that he needed to find Ken and Omi and get them all the hell out of here, the man caught sight of the pool and the… events transpiring therein. He stared. He felt himself getting a little hot under the collar. He tried to tear his eyes away, without much success.

Persia:
We've got to get out of this place
Before we all lose our wits!
I've got to fight, not get uptight.
Or I may succumb to disgrace.

A well-placed gust from the wind machine dislodged his natty Black Watch tartan blanket, revealing one of his legs. A leg clad in a fishnet stocking and ending in a chic black high-heeled ankle boot, the identical brother of those Aya and the others had been dragooned into. That leg appeared to have a mind of its own and it now commenced executing a series of perfect high kicks. His wheelchair set off rolling across the stage whilst Persia desperately struggled to regain control of his wanton leg.

Persia:
And my life will be lived… just for kicks.

None of the others noticed or cared. They were all rather caught up with their own affairs, if again that wasn't a poor choice of phrase, not to mention now spending most of their time underwater. Ken – perturbed, bewildered – managed to break the surface for a moment or so, largely because he still needed to breathe.

Ken:
Maybe I'm dense
This makes no sense—

Aya pulled him back underwater. Barely a second later, Omi surfaced briefly to snatch a gasp of air.

Omi:
Who cares if it's insane?

And he dived back beneath the surface again, dead set on locating – he didn't actually know who it was but one of the others had been groping him enthusiastically and it was great. Only he suspected it hadn't been Ken. Ken was otherwise occupied but, given that so was he, Omi didn't exactly feel he had grounds for complaint. To put it simply, Omi had just discovered why it was that swinging and swingers' parties were so popular with some people.

For a moment, as Omi vanished back beneath the surface, all was still or at least it was as still as it was ever going to get under the circumstances. If one ignored the swimming pool, its waters roiling and bubbling like some sinister witch's brew, as well as Persia's ongoing battle with his depraved lower limbs, things could almost have passed for peaceful. A flurry of feathers cascaded gently onto the churning, foaming waters of the pool. It didn't seem to matter.

Silence.

Broken by Youji as he was boosted out of the pool, water pouring off him, on a water lift courtesy of Aya with a little help (but not much, mind) from Ken. Just for a moment, the five looked as if they were trying to perform some kind of bizarre, phallic take on a Busby Berkeley water ballet with Youji as an insane male version of Esther Williams, though Berkeley would never have suggested his stars wore PVC swimming costumes. And the fishnet tights might not have been exactly his speed either. Certainly not on an all-male cast.

Soaked to the skin, hair plastered to his head and water cascading off him, Youji sprang to the front of the front of the stage. Things were working themselves up to some kind of a climax.

'I Look Normal Enough By Day'

Youji:
My, my, my, my

I look normal enough by day
But don't let that lead you astray.
Believe it, baby, when I say
I'm an assassin and it's quite okay.
So be careful what you say and do
Or I might just have to kill you too.
Rose tints my world
Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Once Ken and Nagi had dragged Omi from the pool, Aya pulling himself gracefully out unaided, every one of them wet through and caring not one whit, they hurried over to join the completely frenetic Youji, currently forming a kick line of one at the front of the stage. It was something to see. By a bit of luck the others managed work themselves into height order, so the willowy Youji was flanked by Aya on one side and Ken on the other, whilst Omi clung to Aya and Nagi to Ken. Ken was still a little unsteady on the heels, but being able to lean on Youji helped keep him – not to mention Nagi – upright.

All:
We look normal enough by day
But don't let that lead you astray.
Believe it, baby, when we say
We're assassins and it's quite okay.
So be careful what you say and do
Or we might just have to kill you too.
Rose tints my world
Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Persia rolled back and forward behind them, through billows of dry ice, his fishnet-clad leg still kicking frantically as he ricocheted from one side of the stage to another. He made another desperate attempt to force his leg back down beneath his now utterly disheveled blanket, a frantic expression on his face.

All:
We look normal enough by day
But don't let that lead you astray.
Believe it, baby, when we say
We're assassins and it's quite okay.
So be careful what you say and do
Or we might just have to kill you too, too, too
Rose tints my world
Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

And who knew where things could have gone from there, had they not been interrupted?

Author's note: I based the 'Floor Show' outfits on Illuminati Gackt. For those who haven't seen the photos, Illuminati Gackt is a skanky visual rock ho who wears very shiny black PVC, hot pants and fishnets. As to why: 1. I've been mean enough to these boys as it is and 2. I find this more, uh… appealing.