Disclaimer: Is it really necessary to say that I don't own LotR?
A/N: please note; my friends and I are not REALLY this evil! I promise!
Where we left off with the fellowship (except, of course, Frodo) and Eowyn and Faramir:
Gandalf gunned, or at least valiantly tried to gun the accelerator. The Prius refused to budge, sputtered, and stalled.
"It never fails, does it?" said Gandalf in a bemused sort of way "every time the fangirls get near us, the engine stalls.
Legolas began to scream "HOW CAN YOU THINK OF THAT AT A TIME LIKE…" but was interrupted by an extremely loud THUD on top of the car.
Everyone simultaneously dove out of the door to see what had just landed on the car. It was a large crate of SOMETHING with 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' spray painted on the side in red. A moment later, a note floated out of the sky, reading;
Dear Aragorn, Gandalf, Boromir, Legolas, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, Eowyn, and Faramir,
Here we come.
electrocuted-elf,
Usagi,
Galadriel_in_disguise,
Kiki-chan,
And Mayiko
P.S. PIPPIN IS SEXY!!! I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, IT'S TRUE!!!—electrocuted-elf
P.P.S. ARAGORN IS SEXIER!!!! SOCIALISM!!!—Galadriel_in_disguise
P.P.P.S. KILL ORLANDO BLOOM/LEGOLAS!!!!!!—Usagi
P.P.P.P.S. LEGOLAS IS THE SEXIEST OF ALL!!!!! SO THERE!!!!! SHUT UP, USAGI!!!!!!—Kiki-chan
P.P.P.P.P.S. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY FRIENDS SANITY??? OUT WITH IT!!!!—Mayiko
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" queried Aragorn.
"That's strange…"said Legolas, looking up at the sky.
"What's strange?" said Faramir nervously, as the fangirls shrieks grew louder and shriller.
"Look at that," said Legolas, pointing up at the sky.
Everyone looked up, but all that arose from them were murmurs of 'huh?' and 'I don't see anything.'
"That's because you are ALL NEARSIGHTED!!" said Legolas "I promise you that something IS falling from the sky, and I would advise all of you to get back."
Everyone moved back except for Aragorn, who said "It's April fools day. This is obviously some lame joke."
Suddenly everyone began to say 'hey, I DO see something…'
"Guys, this is an incredibly lame joke," said Aragorn.
"If you don't believe us just wait and see," said Legolas "five--four--three--two—one."
Right as Legolas said 'one,' Aragorn was flattened by Galadriel-in-disguise.
"GET BACK!" screamed Legolas, as Mayiko, Usagi, Kiki-chan, and electrocuted-elf landed on the ground.
"OH !@#$%^&*" yelled Aragorn, who had just managed to escape Galadriel-in-disguise.
"They're not fangirls are they?" asked Faramir incredulously.
"NO!!" said Aragorn "They're WORSE. FRIGGEN RUN!!!"
"Too late," said Mayiko. "If you run away from us, you'll be running towards the fangirls."
"Oh sh**." Said Aragorn.
"KILL ORLANDO BLOOM!!" screamed Usagi, launching herself at Legolas and attempting to whack him with her aluminum baseball bat.
"DEATH TO GIMLI!!!" yelled Kiki-chan, swinging her algebra textbook at him.
"ARAGORN IS HOT!!" shrieked Galadriel-in-disguise, tackling Aragorn.
"HAH! That's what YOU think," said electrocuted-elf, leaping at Pippin and screaming "PIPPIN ALL THE WAY!!!!!"
"Insane," muttered Mayiko, sitting cross-legged and beginning to meditate.
Legolas could do nothing but dodge the baseball bat being swung at him by Usagi, who was chanting "KILL ORLANDO BLOOM!! KILL ORLANDO BLOOM!!" having accidentally left his knives, bow, and arrows in the car. Gimli pulled his ax on Kiki-chan and her textbook, but the ax shattered when it came into contact with the math book (EVERYTHING is rendered powerless by that math book. Everything.) Just as things were looking very dark for both Legolas and Gimli, Kiki-chan was momentarily distracted by the fact that Usagi was about to flatten Legolas with her aluminum baseball bat.
"Usagi, friggen put that bat down and don't hurt Legolas!!" yelled Kiki-chan, attempting to confiscate Usagi's bat.
"LEGOLAS IS EVIL!!!" yelled Usagi.
"NO HE'S NOT!! HE IS SEXY," yelled Kiki-chan.
Mayiko surveyed the scene, Gimli rubbing a large lump on his head where Kiki-chan had hit him with her mathbook, Legolas looking on as Kiki-chan and Usagi battled for the bat, Galadriel-in-disguise and electrocuted-elf chasing Aragorn and Pippin in circles, and everyone else watching and not knowing what to make of it.
"Um…GUYS…?" Mayiko said "don't get me wrong…I couldn't care less about Lord of the Rings or any of its characters…but aren't we supposed to be HELPING them? Not ATTACKING them?"
"Oh yeah…" said electrocuted-elf "well, what can I say? The crate is full of silly string, which repels fangirls. USAGI, FRIGGEN PUT THAT BAT AWAY!! Just spray them with it, and it should give you enough time to get away. Oh, we also fixed your car."
"Alright, well, I guess we should get going," said Galadriel-in-disguise.
"Great idea," said Kiki-chan.
"Okay. Bye," said electrocuted-elf.
"Why are they suddenly in such a hurry to leave?" asked Usagi.
"Who cares?" asked Mayiko "Let's just get out of here."
"Good point," said Usagi.
All five of them hoisted their backpacks onto their backs and began heading for their helicopter.
"Galadriel-in-disguise…electrocuted-elf…Kiki-chan," said Gandalf accusingly.
"What?" asked the three who had been accused, turning to face Gandalf with identical, overly innocent looks on their faces.
"Put 'em back," said Gandalf firmly.
"Nuts," said Kiki-chan, Galadriel-in-disguise, and electrocuted-elf, taking Legolas, Aragorn, and Pippin out of their backpacks.
The whole company watched in a bemused sort of way as electrocuted-elf, Usagi, Galadriel-in-disguise, Mayiko, and Kiki-chan boarded their helicopter and left.
"That was strange," said Legolas, as the first of the fangirls broke the cover of the orange pylons on the roadside.
"AUGH!!" screamed everyone but Gimli, Gandalf, and Eowyn. Eveyone grabbed a can of silly string and began to spray the fangirls down with it. It worked like magic. As soon as the silly string was sprayed on them, they became rigid and fell over every time they got within ten feet of anyone from middle-earth. However the effects seemed to ware off fairly quickly, so Gandalf yelled "EVERYONE GET IN THE F!@#ING CAR!!!! NOW!!!!"
Everyone dove into the car, and as soon as the last person/hobbit/dwarf/elf was in the car, and the last door was shut, Gandalf, who was already in the drivers seat, floored it, and went zooming off at 80 miles over the speed limit.
To my (completely kickass) Reviewers:
Galadriel-in-disguise: Thank you, you got to divebomb Aragorn, boondocks does rule, I will be at play practice, NOT THE HIDALGO PREVIEW AGAIN, yes you most certainly ARE crazy, lucky you, you have a family who likes LOTR whereas my family can't tell the difference between Boromir, Faramir, and Aragorn, my parents are also being kinda whack about my computer usage (why else would I be typing this a 6:00 in the morning?) I hope you do have another chapter up by next week, and the I-search definitely WILL take up a lot of our time, BOING BOING to you too, I don't know why reviewers are always hyper, and CHEESE yourself (all that in one run-on sentence).
mirielle: now who told you that I wanted to kidnap Frodo? MERRY looks accusingly at Merry. Well whoever it was, they were wrong. I just want to steal Pippin, that's all maniacal grin.
DiamondTook3: Thank you! Wheeee!
Imithwennyere: YES THEY ARE!!!!
Starling: Thanks!
Arwen*Hermione: AAAHHH!!! NOT THE EVIL MUSHROOMS!!!!
Nagisa Kazumi: INSANITY IS GOOD!!!! Not that I know what the Gondorian national anthem IS, but I can totally see Faramir singing it!!
Lilya: Thanks
MischeifHobbit: You think my fic is like the VSDs? Thank you! (In my mind that is incredibly high praise.)
MischiefHobbit: Hehe. Yeah…sometimes I just can't help but make fun of Orli's various haircuts. SORRY!!
MischeifHobbit: Well, yah. He has to have long hair! Legolas just wouldn't be Legolas without long, pretty hair.
MischiefHobbit: As a rule, it is just a bad idea to read humor fics in public. Or to be ingesting any sort of liquid while reading a humor fic (water sprayed all over the computer screen—not a pretty sight).
MischiefHobbit: THANK YOU!!!
WaterSeeress: Thank you!
EatEvilLeprechauns: I'm sorry, but you do not have a copyright on the title, so I am not changing it. Yes, I thought of it on my own. Does it really matter?
Monkeypants: YEAH, I'm insane. I can't spell either.
Ithil: Faramir rocks (in both the books AND the movies. I do not care WHAT people say about the character changes, he still rocks.) Poor elf is right. Poor everyone actually. I victimize them all. GO YOU!!
The Dark Wanderer: Poor Frodo indeed. Hah. One of these days, about half a million fangirls are going to fall into Gondor and steal Aragorn.