Scene: They are now driving west in Pennsylvania, and are currently in the middle of Philadelphia.  Eowyn is driving.

"I'm hungry," whined Merry.

"We are NOT stopping to eat," said Eowyn reasonably.  "We had breakfast half an hour ago

"STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!" chanted Pippin.

"NO!" said Boromir.

"STOP AND EAT!  STOP AND EAT!"

"SHUT UP PIPPIN!" yelled Gimli.

"STOPANDEATSTOPANDEATSTOPANDEATSTOPANDEATSTOPAND

EATSTOPANDEAT—"

"Pippin, shut the @#$% up," said Aragorn, who was just about at the end of his rope, fingering Anduril dangerously.

"Go ahead.  Pull the sword on me," said Pippin.

"He's not even afraid of Anduril…" said Aragorn.  "Hobbit weed must impair their judgement even more than I thought."

Pippin shrugged.  "You can pull the sword on me, but you can't make me afraid of it."  He pulled out the algebra textbook that he had filched out of electrocuted-elf's backpack.

Everyone winced as he began paging through it, looking for the most painful graphing equation that he could find.

"ALRIGHT, FINE!" yelled everyone in the car simultaneously "WE'LL GO EAT!  JUST PUT THAT TEXTBOOK AWAY!!!!!!!!"

Five minutes later: Everyone is crammed into a booth at McDonalds.  Legolas is now EXTREMELY put out.

"Why," growled Legolas "Do you people/hobbits/dwarves/wizards INSIST on endorsing the corrupt meat industry????"

"Legolas, please," chided Sam.  "Now is NOT the time."

"Since when are YOU all knowing, Mister Can't-pronounce-potato-correctly?"  griped Legolas.

Sam slammed his hands down on the table and stood up.  It was looking as if a battle would ensue, but right at that moment their food came.

Everyone was enjoying a pleasant conversation when Legolas said "Guys?  Incase you hadn't noticed, Pippin ate everyone's food almost as soon as it came, and now he's disappeared.  With five cans of silly string."

"!@#$%^ &*" said Aragorn.

"AND," said Legolas "There's a department store just a few blocks down from here."

"Pippin…high on the crap they serve you at McDonalds…with silly string…in a department store…" Gimli trailed off.

"CRAP!" everyone screamed, sprinting for the door.

Thirty seconds later: Everyone has just entered the department store, and it has taken them no time at all to spot Pippin who is…

Pippin cackled evilly as the group of department store employees he was menacing with silly string and mushrooms screamed as he crouched on a railing and covered them with two different colors of silly string.

"Fool of a Took!" muttered Gandalf, and he and everyone else began charging up the escalator.

"Sorry…sorry…scuse me…sorry…" Gandalf muttered as he elbowed his way through the crowd of terrified employees.

"You are in big trouble young man," scolded Gandalf.

"I'm not in trouble yet," said Pippin.

"Oh?" said Gandalf.  "And why is that?"

"'Cause you're gonna hafta CATCH ME FIRST!!" shrieked Pippin, springing into the air, and clearing Gandalf, the employees, and a rack of jeans all in one leap, and ran, Lorien cloak flapping out behind him, into the an elevator that was just closing.

Legolas sprinted over to the elevator doors.  "It's going down," he shouted to Gandalf, and the others, all of whom began charging down the escalator with Legolas right behind.

They waited for what seemed like ages, until finally the elevator doors slid open on their floor, and there was…no one.

"Huh?" said Legolas, just as a mushroom hit him in the back of his perfectly coiffed head.

"HAHA, YOU SUCKAS!" yelled Pippin from five floors above them.

"How did…" Gimli began.

"DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS!!!" Yelled Gandalf, looking as if he was about to blow every vein in his body.

Everyone began to charge up the escalator, as Pippin continued to bombard them with all five colors of silly string.  When they were (literally) two steps behind Pippin, he began to sprint away from them, spraying silly strings in both directions as he went.  He ran fast, but it was quite obvious that everyone was gaining on him.  As Pippin ran, he pulled an i-pod out of his pocket, turned the volume to max, and, as the musical abomination 'Stacy's Mom' began blasting out of it, he hurled it at Gandalf, without ever breaking stride.

Everyone screamed (besides Pippin, who had ear plugs and was sprinting away), fell down and started seizuring, except for Eowyn, who, with a wild battle scream, jumped on the i-pod and smashed it into a million itzy-bitzy pieces (GO EOWYN, GO) and continued to charge after Pippin, with the others not far behind.

Everyone watched as Pippin threw a box of powdered laundry detergent into a large fountain, which immediately began overflowing with froth and soap bubbles.  Everyone skidded to a halt right before they hit the rim of the fountain, except for Gimli, who hit the rim of the fountain, tripped, and fell into it, and Gandalf who hurdled the fountain, with his robes flapping up around his knees, and kept right on going.

At the edge of the fountain, Legolas and Boromir looked at the fountain, Aragorn, and each other, and their faces cracked into identical evil grins.  Both of them approached Aragorn with Cheshire cat smiles on their faces.

"Guys?" said Aragorn.  "Why are you looking at me that way?  Guys?"

Boromir and Legolas each grabbed one of his arms, plunged his head into the water, and began washing his hair.

"ARGULPTHACK!!!!!!" yelled Aragorn, spitting out soap suds, right as the fountain dumped a bunch of clean water on him.

Legolas then accidentally-on-purpose gave Aragorn a push into the water.  Aragorn emerged from the fountain dripping wet, and madder than a wet ranger (wait a second…).

"SURPRISE!!!!" yelled everyone present, drenching him with squirt guns and bombarding him with water balloons.

Meanwhile: "Pippin, get your narrow behind back here this instant!!!" roared Gandalf, as he continued to sprint after Pippin.

"GOTCHA, YOU LITTLE RAT!!!!!" Gandalf triumphantly, grabbing Pippin by the hem of his Lorien cloak.

"Alright sir, put your hands on your head and turn around slowly," said a voice behind him.

"Oh f*&^," muttered Gandalf.  "Pippin," he hissed quickly "Here is your chance to dodge punishment.  Disable those security guards long enough for us to get out of here.  Nothing permanent or disfiguring, you understand, just buy us a few seconds."

Pippin nodded solemnly, a, with a scream of 'THE SHIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' sprayed all four of the security guards in their faces with silly string.

Then he and Gandalf began sprinting towards the fountains.

"FRIGGEN RUN!!!!" Gandalf yelled at everyone, all of whom began sprinting for the exit.

As soon as they reached the Prius, they all dove in, and zoomed of, leaving the security guards in the exhaust.

"The first person who says the word 'garter' is dead," said Gandalf.

There was a long silence, and then Legolas said "Gandalf?  We weren't going to say the 'garter.'  Is there something you need to tell us?"

"NO!" said Gandalf, rounding on him.  "It just seems like the kind of joke that you clowns WOULD crack because my robes were flapping up around my thighs when I ran."

"Jeez, Gandalf, we all know that you're a cross-dresser, no need to get all shirty about it," muttered Legolas.

Gandalf rounded on Legolas again and grabbed him by his lapels (shirt collar).

"POT…CALLING…KETTLE…BLACK, BUDDY," he ground out between gritted teeth.

A/N: Aragorn fans are not allowed to kill me.  I promise that I will victimize everyone equally, you shall see.  DOWN WITH FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE!!!!  THEY REALLY SUCK, THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT.

To my reviewers (you guys totally rock!!):

mirielle: Merry rocks, too.  Almost as much as Pippin…YAY FOR M&P!!!

DiamondTook3: YAY!!  Go you, help poor Frodo and everyone else!!!!!

Galadriel-in-disguise: Riley: pops up out of nowhere.  FRANK HOPKINS AND HIS HORSE HIDALGO ARE TOTAL SUCKA'S!!!  THEY ARE ABOUT TO GET THEIR ASSES WHUPPED, KNUMSAYIN'?!?!?!?!?!

fanfic-fanatic2: Maybe your cat was a fangirl in a previous life…thanks for the complement about the song!!!

ElegantArrow 64: haha!  YAH, I agree that controlled fangirls should save all the poor middle-earth-males from the rabid ones (fangirls, that is.)

Aeccu: no, he really wasn't lucky.

Rathien Nikoli: thanks!

OnTheHuntForElijahWood: Poor Usagi!  Poor Boromir, too!  Why do people insist on victimizing Boromir?!  Anyway, thanks!  I take it that you're a Frodo obsesser?

Ithil: I'm COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY insane.  I may have forgotten to mention that, but it's true.  Thanks again for reviewing.

Galadriel-in-disguise: COME HERE UNCLE JOHN'S BAND, BY THE RIVER SIDE.

Galadriel-in-disguise: I will do my best not to make any rude comments about VM...

Galadriel-in-disguise:I know I am probably going to die for saying this, but: it is just another movie with ol' Viggo covered in dirt, grit, sweat, and horse hair!!!!!!!  What is so great about that?  Runs from all the blood thirsty Viggo fans.  James Cameron was the screen writer/director for 'Titanic.'

Galadriel-in-disguise: You be nice to the druids!!  Boadicea was extremely cool, though.  Ha, she really did take the Romans down a peg or two, didn't she?

Dragoneyes238: thanks!

Pooki Z Great: So you're an Orli hater, too?  You and Usagi would get along quite well.  Math really does kill all.  I wonder why Gimli didn't try to smash the ring with a geometry textbook?

MischiefHobbit: Tomato soup?  Meep!  Yes, and you are quite right, just about NOTHING could be worse than deranged fangirls.  Aragorn has a different opinion, though.  Gandalf really rocks.  Ever wonder if all of the elves were hippies?

Imithwennyere: Thank you!

Imithwennyere: All I can say for myself on the subject of grammar is that…well…nothing really…go Eowyn, though.

Imithwennyere: I just couldn't help it…I had to ridicule one of  Orli's various haircuts.  Surprisingly, though, no one has flamed me for it (yet).

Imithwennyere: How else did Elrond's hair switch from having one braid in it to two in the middle of the counsel of Elrond?  (That wasn't grammatically correct, was it…wait…don't answer that…)

Imithwennyere: It wasn't slash!!  It was a bet/dare that Aragorn and Merry were insane enough to engage in.

Imithwennyere: Ah yes, the idiotic souvenirs…they're everywhere!!  They've even invaded Mirkwood!!  About the laptops; let's just say that you were distracted by Aragorn EVERY time something completely random and unexplained comes up…because I can promise you that if there is no visible explanation, then there isn't one at all.

Imithwennyere: Ha.  The silly string is a good excuse for pandemonium, chaos, disorder, and complete and total mayhem.

Imithwennyere: You know, I think Legolas gets about 17 lines per movie, and 90% of the time, he is either labeling things, stating the obvious, or both (and then there was the absolutely SHAMELESS product placement with the lembas, but don't even get me started on that.  Hahaha.)  I think you just might want to kill me about the thing where I said 'it's just another movie with ol' Viggo covered in dirt, grit, sweat and horse hair!!!!!!!  What is so great about that?' so I think I will go cower in the corner now.

Galadriel-in-disguise: THAT REVIEW WAS EVEN LONGER THAN MY MEGA-LONG REVIEW/SPAM OF YOUR STORY!!!  I THINK THAT EVERYONE IS TRYING TO ROB MY OF WHATEVER SEMBLENCE OF SANITY I MAY HAVE MANAGED TO RETAIN AFTER ALL OF THE VIGGO OBSESSING I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE BY SINGING THAT SONG (stacy's mom).  AAAAAAAH!!!!

Monkeypants: let there be no doubt about the fact that I am insane!!