Disclaimer: I don't…
A/N: Ilraen…
Disclaimer: HEY! It's my turn!
A/N: is not!
Disclaimer: is too!!
A/N: is not!
Disclaimer: is too!!
electrocuted-elf: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!
A/N: I have to explain who Ilraen and Faragile and the IEPE are!!
electrocuted-elf: oh…right…
A/N: the IEPE stands for the Insane Environmentalist Peacenik Elves. Remember the dudes (and dudettes) who shot out Aragorns tires in chapter three? The IEPEM? Yeah. They were the Mirkwood branch of the IEPE.
Ilraen is an elf who lives in Mirkwood. She is 3000 years old (that translates into 23 in elf years, but elves never mature past 35 anyway, so…) has dark blonde hair, and amber eyes, she graduated from UM (University of Mirkwood), was in the battle of Helmsdeep disguised as a male elf and is Arwen's third cousin three times removed on her mothers side…or…something like that anyway…there are also rumors of her having, shall we say, RELATIONS with a certain Legolas Greenleaf, which I will not disclose, lest she be eaten alive by Legolas's fans…in the 'Farewell to Rivendell' scene, she is the elf standing behind and slightly to the left of Arwen as you face her (Arwen, that is).
Faragile is a 2600 (18) year old elf who is from Rivendell, who has taken up residence in Gondor and is studying at U.G. Minas Tirith (University of Gondor at Minas Tirith.) He is Elrond's…third cousin's…son, he is best friends with E&E (Elladan and Elrohir) and Halbarad, and is their room mate, has brown eyes and EXTREMELY long brown hair. He dated Arwen in high school, and the breakup was very dramatic, but now they're friends again. He also hit on Eowyn at a party and this resulted in him getting slapped EXTREMELY hard (he was out cold for five minutes). In the council of Elrond, he id the elf in lavender-gray robes, sitting one chair to the right of Aragorn…if you were hiding in the bushes directly in back of Aragorn (like Galadriel-in-disguise was)…
Galadriel is…
Disclaimer: THEY ALREADY KNOW WHO GALADRIEL IS, YOU NINNY!!
A/N: I prefer the term 'imbecile.'
Disclaimer: TO DAMN BAD!!! Also, as always, this is NOT MY FAULT! NOTHING IS EVER MY FAULT, AND I GET PAYED TO SAY SO!!! SO WHEN IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME…THAT GUY OVER THERE!!!!!!
A/N: George W. Bush is…
Disclaimer: SHUT UP.
A/N: John Kerry is…
Disclaimer: SHUT UP.
A/N: John Edwards is…
electrocuted-elf: AAA!! MY AUTHOR'S NOTE IS MALFUNCTIONING!!!! I TOLD IT NOT TO BRING POLITICS INTO THIS!!!! But I might as well say it do NOT vote for W.
A/N: W being George W. Bush. Also, don't get Galadriel-in-disguise and Galadriel mixed up. They are two completely different people
Disclaimer: OK, Legolas.
A/N: why did you call me Legolas?
Disclaimer: because you're stating the obvious!!
electrocuted-elf: BOTH OF YOU GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Scene: Somewhere in western Penn. Everyone is now yawning and half asleep, because Boromir is filibustering about how [a] Ghosts have little to no rights in any country you would care to name in the world and [b] the justice system in the United States in completely prejudiced against ghosts…
"…Because at least half of the supreme court, if not ALL of it doesn't even believe we exist, which is a problem in and of itself because no WAY is the legislature going to pass any laws protecting the rights of a community that is so neglected that 97% of the population is in denial about their very EXISTANCE…"
Suddenly Legolas, who had been half asleep sat up and began digging through his backpack. "MUST…FIND…CELLPHONE…" he muttered "MUST!"
He finally managed to grasp the cell phone and pull it out from under his jacket.
"Four…three…eight…four…three…seven…three…" he muttered as he punched the number into the cell phone.
"YOU WOULDN'T," hissed Aragorn.
"I would," said Legolas, his face grim "desparate times call for desparate measures."
Same time, in the IEPE headquarters: Galadriel, who is accoutered in a tie-die do-rag, a shirt depicting Haldir shooting an orc that said 'in memory of Haldir, 50, the first age to 999, the third age,' jeans, and thigh high boots is sitting at the computer. Ilraen is doing yoga on the floor, and Faragile is drinking coffee and studying for his finals.
"Bad news, dudes," said Galadriel "Arwen cancelled her subscription to our newsletter for what she termed as 'a cynical and completely biased and politically imbalanced overview of the government system in Gondor' in our last issue."
"Too ba…" Faragile began, but was cut off by a loud RRRRRRRING from the phone. Faragile and Ilraen both dove for the phone, and collided, and Galadriel picked it up, and her end of the conversation went as follows (or something like it at least).
"Quel amrun, le ped ni Nikerym of en IEPE…tir…tir…a UDUN baw, seldo…Le aniro cost?!? Mana?!? Le aniro cost?...AIQUA, Legolas…a…tir..nai tir ennas…tir…Namaarie." Click.
(Translation: Good morning, you speak to the captain of the IEPE…right…right…oh HELL no, boy…You wanna fight?!? Huh?!? You wanna fight?!?...WHATEVER, Legolas…oh…right…be right there…right…bye.")
"Faragile, what are you doing?!?!?!?!" asked Galadriel as she hung up the phone.
"NOTHING!" said Faragile, quickly sending the response that he had been typing to Arwen's email, that looked suspiciously like it said 'oh yeah? Well the same to your mother!!!!'
"We're needed in Pennsylvania," said Galadriel, tossing a (water, but don't tell them I told you) gun to both Faragile and Ilraen. "Get ready."
Five minutes later, a portal was open between this world and middle earth.
"Portal all ready?"
"Yes, M'am," said Ilraen. "We are ready to go."
"Now, before we go," said Galadriel "I'd like us to take a moment of near-silence to remember our principles: Question authority…"
"…Question reality…" said Ilraen.
"…and question the author's sanity," said Faragile.
The three elves joined hands and said in unison "I swear on my reputation or lack thereof to uphold these principles in each and every new situation, and even in the face of great adversity."
"Let's go," Galadriel said, adopting her 'commander' voice.
"Where are they?" muttered Legolas frantically, as Boromir ranted on about ghost rights.
Aragorn flopped over and began to twitch violently. Just then, there were three very loud bangs as three objects hit the car roof.
"PULL OVER!" Legolas yelled at Gandalf, who was asleep over the wheel.
Gandalf woke with a start, and pulled over. As soon as he opened the door, Galadriel, Ilraen, and Faragile hit the ground.
"We heard you were having a problem with ghosts," said Galadriel, and Legolas later said that he could have sworn he heard Faragile mutter "hit it Pippin," out of the side of his mouth. Whether he did or not, the 'ghostbusters' theme began blasting, and Galadriel, Ilraen, and Faragile all began doing very different, but equally dorky and ridiculous dances.
"AAAAAHHHH!!!!" screamed Boromir, falling over, twitching and muttering to himself.
"WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE—IN THE NEIBORHOOD—WHO YA GONNA CALL? GHOST BUSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING WEIRD—AND IT DON'T LOOK GOOD—WHO YA GONNA CALL? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS—I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS!!!!!!!" screamed Ilraen and Faragile, attempting to dance backwards together, while Galadriel snickered into her sleeve.
Suddenly there was a loud BANG accompanied by a giant cloud of pink confetti, and five insubstantial, glowing figures appeared.
"What now, Boromir?" said the five figures, namely Haldir, Wormtongue, Saruman, Smeagol/Gollum, and Theoden.
"THEM!" said Boromir, pointing at Galadriel, Ilraen, and Faragile, and then in the general direction of place where the "Ghost Busters" theme seemed to be originating from.
"AHA!" yelled Theoden, pouncing on Pippin, who had been blasting the song out of his CD player, since his I-pod was in about a million pieces.
After a few minutes ("hey! OWOWOW! Leggo!") Theoden managed to wrestle the CD player from Pippin, and turn it off.
Meanwhile… "Hello, darling," said Gimli to Galadriel, his voice a remarkably good imitation of that of Jack Sparrow of PotC fame.
"On no," said Galadriel, spotting Gimli "Uh-uh. Not you. STAY AWAY, you stalker."
Galadriel whipped out a pen and a pad of paper and wrote something on it.
"What's that?" Merry enquired.
"NOTHING," said Galadriel, attempting to stuff it back into her pocket, but not before Merry managed to snatch it out of her hand.
"Galadriel's to do list," merry began to read "Number one: find Celeborn's dealer and bust his ass for turning my husband into a stoner. Number two: find PJ and bust HIS ass for leaving Glorfindel, along with Imrahil, Lobelia, Halbarad (the list goes on) out of the movie. Number three: convince Elrond to give up his capitalist ways. Number four: insure free and fair elections in all states of middle earth (that includes Gondor!)."
"HEY!" said Aragorn.
"Number five: instruct Arwen in the fine art of bringing down capitalism. Number six: clean out my closet. Number seven: get that headscarf that I loaned to Miss Cleo back. Number eight: call the NRA freedom hotline and give them a piece of my mind. Number nine: Ditto the CIA. Number ten: Ditto the FBI. Number eleven: file a restraining order on Gimli. Number twelve:…"
"GIVE ME THAAAT," said Galadriel, diving at Merry.
Things were looking very dark for Merry when Galadriel cell phone saved him by ringing.
"What…yeah…AUGH! BYE! Back in the portal!" Galadriel yelled at Ilraen and Faragile. "Emergency meeting of the IEPE! There are FANGIRLS running loose in middle earth!"
Galadriel, Ilraen and Faragile dove back through the portal, and, moments later, all of the ghosts but Haldir, Boromir, and Gollum disappeared in a large cloud of perfumed confetti.
"We're not going anywhere, precious," said Gollum "Stupid Smeagol got all sentimental and said 'we must stay and help poor Frodo escape from the clutches of EVIL fangirls.'"
"And I have to stay too," said Haldir, in a very beleaguered way. "Apparently, Aragorn, when I made that idle comment that I would follow you to death and beyond, someone in the spirit dimension recorded that on a piece of paper, considered it a contract, so now I have to assist you from 'beyond death,' as Sauron so eloquently put it."
"YOU talked to SAURON?!?!?!" asked Aragorn.
"Yup," said Haldir "once your dead, you're in no danger of getting killed 'cause, well, you're already dead, and you have all of eternity to squander, you might as well talk to some former enemies. It makes life, or death, as it were, more interesting."
"And we have nothing better to do, precious," said Gollum.
"I'll say," put in Boromir "That's why I decided to come and harass all of you, instead."
Gandalf sighed and turned his eyes back to the road as he began driving again.
"All I have to say," griped Legolas "is that SOMEONE is going to be getting a MASSIVE therapy bill after this, and it is most certainly not going to be ME."
That evening: "…really?…GREAT…thanks, yeah, yeah, got it…yeah, wrote it all down…ok…THANKS, you're really a lifesaver…bye…"
"Who was that?" asked Legolas "You're girlfriend? And why, might I ask, were you using my phone?"
"It was Miss Cleo," said Merry "she told me that our fangirls are going to attack us sometime within the next half hour. She also muttered something under her breath about Leo DiCaprio and Sean Penn being the joint owners of an illegal porcupine farm somewhere in Nebraska, but I didn't manage to catch that bit…"
Legolas just about hit the roof when he heard this "You spent HALF AN HOUR RUNNING UP MY PHONE BILL CALLING PSYCHIC A FROM B.E.T.?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
Legolas would have continued on this rant if he had not been interrupted by the distant shrieks of fangirls…
To my reviewers (100! *Brushes tear out of my eye* I'd like to thank the academy…*notices bad joke police lurking in the background* Ahem…ANYhoo…):
Mirielle: Ha HA! What were Merry and Pippin talking about? Actually…I guess I really don't want to know, do I? Okay, just forget that I ever asked that…
Ithil: Yah, it would be fun to wreak havoc and mayhem in a department store, but unfortunately, the darn security personnel have a nasty habit of arresting anyone who does that…
Galadriel-in-disguise: yes, I can say 'hyper.' Can you say 'completely and utterly psycho'? YOU ARE PSYCHO, YOU ARE PSYCHO, YOU LOVE VIGGO WAY TO MU-UCH!
Pooki Fiend: yeah…I was kinda wondering if I was the only one who noticed how abnormally clean Arry looked at the end of RotK…and now I must go cower in the corner from all of his fans because I just a] cracked a (lame) joke about his state of cleanliness, and b] called him Arry.
OnTheHuntForElijahWood: I promise you, there will be Frodo in the next chapter (his future is looking incredibly bleak at this moment in time. Don't worry, though. At least not TOO much.)
The Dark Wanderer: hah. I am glad that there are so many people who share my opinion about that [uh…really, really stupid] song.
Aeccu: thanks!
Aeccu: HAHAHA! EVERYONE WOULD BE DRIVEN INSANE!!!!
MischiefHobbit: SURE! You can kidnap Merry, or something. And also, if anyone else is reading this, I will gladly put you in, too.
Eowyn0734: or rather, Larien: WHOA!! No one's trying to take Legolas away from you (well actually, MANY, MANY people are, but NEVER let it be said that I was.) However, if all of the people that claim to be Legolas's girlfriend are to be believed, I'm afraid that he may have been cheating on you QUITE A BIT. (Naw, haha, just kiddin' and PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR THAT COMMENT!!)
Imithwennyere: poor Viggo. It's just all too easy to victimize him when you have a friend who's as obsessed with him as Galadriel-in-disguise is.
Galadriel-in-disguise: I'm EXTREMELY sorry about all of those problems, especially the fact that W is still in office.
Galadriel-in-disguise: naw, I wouldn't pull your hair. GIVE ME BACK MY HEADWRAP, DAMMIT!
ElegantArrow 64: NOT PIXIE STICKS!!! Sorry, it's just that…there's a black market in pixie sticks at my school…
REVIEW! THIS MEANS YOU!