Disclaimer: blah…blah…blah…
A/N: if anyone who is reading this happens to be named Ashley, PLEASE do not be offended by the fact that one of the fangirls is named Ashley. Also, I know this chapter is kinda lame, but…
Scene: Frodo is in the helicopter floating somewhere over middle America, it's propeller thrumming steadily and ominously as they slowly wing their way toward the Fangirl's Inc. headquarters in San Francisco…
Frodo sat in half lotus position with the can of silly string balanced on one knee, attempting to meditate. Suddenly, there was a loud scraping, clicking sound and, with a loud BANG, the door flew open, and there standing on the threshold were three…FANGIRLS!!!
"AAAAUUUGGHH!!" Frodo jumping to his feet, or at least attempting to, but since he had been meditating, all he managed to do was fall flat on his face and look like a hobbit pretzel.
"Awww, he's so adorable when he does that," said one fangirl who wasn't shrieking, sobbing, or out for the count because she had fainted.
"MMPH HMPH MZLE HUMPH!!" Frodo yelled into the floor, raising a fist into the air, and attempting to untangle his legs from one another.
"What did he say?" one Fangirl asked another in a bright pink T-shirt with 'I Love Legolas' emblazoned on it, flipping her long, perfectly combed hair over her shoulder.
"I think he said 'your nefarious schemes will never prevail!'" her friend answered.
"Aww, we wouldn't hurt him, would we, Ashley?" one Fangirl said in response to this.
Ashley, however, was shrieking her perfectly coiffed head off, and attempting to elbow her way through the crowd around Frodo, which was not very reassuring to him. Frodo reached for the can of silly string, only to find that it wasn't there (an Elrond Fangirl who are typically more calm-and-collected than others had confiscated it).
Frodo's eyes grew to twice their normal size in fear, and he was actually considering throwing himself out of the emergency exit, figuring that this would be a much quicker and less painful way of death then the alternative, ('the alternative' being…know what? I am not even going to go there.) When there was another whirring thrum of another helicopter, also bright pink, and it had apparently once had 'Fangirls Inc.' painted on the side, but that logo had been X-ed out with black spray paint, and, in its place, 'ICU' had been spray painted in large black letters.
"AHEM," a voice crackled over the P.A. system of the other plane, as it drew level with the Fangirls Inc. "Everyone stay calm and seated; this is Ignored Characters United (hence I.C.U.) and we are boarding your plane."
Moments later, there was a loud CRACK, accompanied by copious amounts of orange confetti, and a tall, lean, blond elf, two equally tall, lean, brown haired and eyed elves, a rather non-descript lady with a lot of herbs, a freakishly tall dude with sun glasses and a black cloak, a prince-ish looking dude, and a ranger-ish looking dude, a small, painfully thin, sour looking, gray haired female hobbit, a woman with blond hair and delicate features, a rather dumpy man in a garish outfit, a very large, lean, tree-ish looking dude, a dude with bronzish skin, black dreads, and a ratty leather hat, and a dude with dark brown, curly-ish hair, and an extremely ridiculous hat, to match his ridiculous cloak, and various other ridiculous articles of clothing. All of them were armed with water guns.
The various characters I have described to you above were (in order of appearance) Glorfindel, Elladan and Elrohir, Ioreth, the mouth of Sauron, Imrahil, Halbarad, Lobelia, Goldberry, Tom Bombadil, Quickbeam, Jack Sparrow, and Will Turner (DO NOT ask. There is no answer.)
The fangirls gave a collective shriek as if they were a cheerleading squad on the rampage, and depending on their taste (if they were not already pre-occupied with chasing Frodo, who was running in circles) dove for Glorfindel, E&E, Imrahil, Halbarad, Jack, or Will.
"AAAUUUGGGHH!!!" screamed E&E, Imrahil, Halbarad and Will simultaneously, leaping onto Quickbeams higher branches.
"So much for 'calm and seated,' eh?" said Imrahil with a wry smile.
"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME A HAND, WILL YOU?" yelled Glorfindel.
"OH, no," said Elrohir, from his comfy vantage point on Quickbeam "no sane and even remotely nice-looking male between the ages of 14 and 4000 would come down there if his life depended on it, and if you can't jump high enough, well, TOUGH TOENAILS FOR YOU, BUDDY."
"THANKS A LOT," yelled Glorfindel as he was flattened by about twelve Fangirls, and Lobelia and Ioreth attempted to help him by beating the Fangirls over the head with Lobelia's umbrella and a whole bunch of herbs.
With a put-upon sigh, Elladan lowered a rope, which Glorfindel and Frodo managed to grab, but Jack being, as ever, drunk, didn't manage to grab it before it was hauled back up again. Lobelia, the Mouth of Sauron and Ioreth attempted to help him, but all they managed to do was have one of Ioreth's spells collide with Lobelia's umbrella and turn it into a base ball bat with 'playa hata' written on it in large, bold letters.
"What of Jack?" said the ever-idealistic Will.
"What of him?" asked Glorfindel.
"We must…" began Will.
"…Save him," finished Glorfindel "spare me the idealism. He's a PIRATE."
"…and a good man," said Will, right on cue.
"…and a drunk idiot," countered Glorfindel, rolling his eyes "let him fend for himself."
"Legolas?" said Frodo, spinning around.
"Who?" said Will.
"Oh…never mind…you kinda remind me of this dude I know…" Frodo trailed off.
Just as Will was preparing to jump off of Quickbeam and attempt to rescue Jack, there was a small, delicate 'POOF' sound, and in a cloud of pink, perfumed confetti, Elizabeth Turner appeared.
"WILL!" she exclaimed "I…uh-oh…" for the first time she noticed that she was surrounded by MANY, MANY fangirls, all with identical, murderous looks on their faces.
She too, almost leapt five feet in the air, and was about to climb Quickbeam, when she noticed poor Jack, surrounded by Fangirls.
"YOU," she yelled "blond elf dude! Get down here and help me out will you?"
"Dratted humans," muttered Glorfindel as he climbed off of "I TOLD Imrahil that we should have left those three clowns marooned on that god-forsaken island in the middle of the Caribbean where we FOUND them, but NOOOO, HE said…"
CLIFFHANGER!!!!!
To my reviewers: For the next chapter, I'd like all of you to vote on who the chapter should be about; The fellowship minus Frodo, Gollum, Haldir, Eowyn and Faramir, or Frodo, all the ignored characters, and the dudes from PotC.
mirielle: no, they haven't given up on Frodo, they've just gotten a little…how do I say…sidetracked?
Galadriel-in-disguise: I DO NOT HAVE A SHRINE TO BILLY BOYD. THAT WOULD BE CREEPY. IF YOU DROOL DURING HIDALGO, I WILL SCREAM.
Aeccu: Hey, as far as I'm concerned, you can only die once, so Boromir really doesn't have anything to fear now, does he?
Pooki Fiend: Gollum is GREAT!!
OnTheHuntForElijahWood: FroFro? Never heard that one before.
Rochdur Baggins: I know that not all Fangirls are bad! You should totally start writing a fanfic. It's great fun.
Imithwennyere: NOT GONNA ASK (about just what you were thinking of in your last sentence)…
MischiefHobbit: you're quite welcome