Title: The babysitter
Disclaimer: I don't wish to be served. I own zilch.
Distribution: Ask and hope I'm in the right mood.
Note: This is all meant in good humour. If you are offended by the usage of lord or god, please scram, as the cookie monster would say. Oh and FYI, This fic makes use of diary entries and prayers (sorta) to convey the story. I do realise that the language and spelling is far from perfect, but it's meant to be that way - casual. Don't want Chris to sound too much like Regal now would we?
It is in Jericho's POV, if anyone is not sure.
Anyways, read on. It sounds better than the summary, I guarantee that. It gets better towards the end.
Oh, just give it a chance already.
Dear diary,
Oh crap! Just when I think I have the house all to myself, my mother goes and hires a babysitter! Can you imagine that? A babysitter mind you. I mean, I'm 13 frigging years old – is that anywhere near a baby's age? Must be my mindset, or lack of it.
Oh wells. Life isn't fair and my name isn't Chris Jericho.
Wait….scratch that, my name is Chris Jericho. I guess we DO learn new things everyday.
Anyways, got to go now. I did hear a rumour that Stephy might be in the running for the job. Yay for me!
xoxoxox
Dear diary,
Great news, Stephy is going to be my babysitter! Oh yeah, baby yeah! I've just come up with a new nickname for her – dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding trash bag ho. Do you think it's too long? Maybe I'll just call her the great wide open, or gwo for short. What do ya think?
Hmm, speaking of names, I ought to give you one…diary DOES seem a bit too clinical. How about the name…Christopher Jericho? That's the best name Eeeeeever, don't you think? I'll just call you Chris for short.
xoxoxox
Dear Chris,
You are one hellva assclown, you know? My mother has been calling you for ages, and you haven't replied! That is sooo rude. You might get me into trouble!
Did I say might? I spoke too soon. She's pounding on the door and it's all your fault! I don't think it will hold much longer. I'll talk to you later…if ever.
xoxoxox
Dear Chris,
I owe you an apology. Turns out she was looking for me! Can you believe it? We have the same name!
Anyways, I have extremely bad, horrible, terrible news…..Stephy is not going to baby-sit me!!! Apparently, she is busy with school…yeah right, as if…she is probably cozying up to Hunter as we speak! That nerve of her!
Or, on the other hand, she might just be making her nightly rounds…
Oh wells, maybe Trish will replace her, or Lita…shrugs Doesn't matter, they both are hot!
P.S I hope it isn't Molly. I have enough of the bible lectures already!
xoxoxox
Dear Chris,
Parents just left. Mystery babysitter will come soon. Am crossing fingers and praying – yes, you heard me right, praying. I hope Molly doesn't catch hold of this…she might drag me to church!
Oh, someone is knocking at the door, must be the babysitter. Got to go!
xoxoxox
Dear Chris,
Shit happens.
You wouldn't believe who the babysitter is! I took one look at her and slammed the door. Yes, yes, I know that is rude but it was necessary – I couldn't afford to let that thing contaminate our house now could I?
You wanna know who it is? I'll give you a clue. She is as ugly as hell (yes, even worse than trips), as old as sin and as wrinkled as an over soaked prune. She's………
MAE YOUNG!
Damn! I should have listened to Molly and do my nightly prayers! You know what Chris, you are absolutely right – I'm going to do them NOW. So, that means bye bye till then, cos I have a lot of prayer sessions to catch up on. You understand right? Of course you do, I mean, you are a Chris after all – we're all smart, brilliant, not to mention sexy and…
What in the world?! I think I heard Mae Young, in our house! Crap, mom must have given her a spare key! Gotta stop procrastinating and start praying. Sorry.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
I know I haven't been talking to you much lately, and I'm really really really sorry for that. Did I stress the really part? I didn't realise it was that much of an offence so much so that I am being punished by having Mae Young as a babysitter. I promise to start the daily ritual of praying before I eat, sleep and get up. Really. Just make her go away, please?
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
Mae is still downstairs. Need urgent help and miracle. Thank you.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
I think she is starting to notice me…she's been giving me those disgusting looks (I think she is trying to be seductive). She is approaching me right now with a come hither stare. Help!
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
Will you tell her I'm too young for her tastes? While I'm very thankful of the good looks you have bestowed upon me, for once, I really hope you can make me ugly in her eyes. Or anyone's..doesn't matter as long as it stops her. As you can tell, I'm very desperate. Very.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
She told me that I'm looking like a fine piece of ass ever since puberty hit…can you please undo it? In fact, I shall spend the rest of the day reading the Bible for ways to become ritually impure in the hopes that this will stop her from touching me. Please, please, please, as I've tried my very best to be a good boy all my life, keep her from noticing that something has changed until I find a way out of this. Thank you.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
I know this is a sin. I know it's a sin and I'm doing it anyway. In fact, I would even encourage other boys – if I knew any way to do so tactfully - to do it, thus leading them into sin. Strike me down, God! Smite me! Smite me, smite me, smite me, smite me, ohhh SMITE ME!!!! Make me ugly! Anything! Just keep it away from me.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
I believe I went about this the wrong way. As you appear to be acting like the God of the New Testament instead of the Old, please strike me blind so that I can't see the hungry looks She is casting in my direction. Better yet, strike Her blind, as you have proclaimed it a cure for having a lustful eye.
I now begin my ritual sinning in the hopes that you will exact your just vengeance upon me.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
Please help me. I know I've been sinning, but now is not the time to smite me. Because if you smite me now by making me unable to escape, she will make me sin an even worse sin. One of the really big ones. And she will be sinning too. There will be nothing but sin, sin, sin in this house. Please do something to prevent this now, as she is kneeling on my bed and advancing upon me. She has locked my door and has the only key. As I can't break down the door, I need some divine intervention that Molly has mention to me. Actually, make that a lot.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
God? Please God! Something! Anything! I'm begging you!
Amen.
xoxoxox
End?
Author's note:
Lol, I had fun doing this one! I was thinking of leaving it hanging – Chris at Mae's mercy and let you draw your own conclusions, but….
I am not that cruel, so read on.
Dear Lord,
As you have repeatedly ignored my pleas, I have no choice but to escape via window. It is 2 stories down. Yes, I'm well aware that my insurance only covers accidents that occur within school compound, but at this point, I could care less. Just know that this is all your fault. All yours and mum's for getting her or it (which ever you prefer) to replace Stephy. Oh yes, It is all Stephy's fault too, for being too attached to her night job/Hunter.
I sincerely hope you punish them for this. And Mae too, for being well, Mae.
Shit, she's getting near. I've got to go.
Hope I don't break anything or it really will be all your fault. Well, yours and gravity, that is.
Amen.
xoxoxox
Dear Lord,
I think I sprained my ankle. This is all your fault.
I hate you.
Amen.
END
Author's note:
Just a quick question - how many expected Mae Young?
Anyways, this was inspired after seeing that infamous Mae Young shower scene when Chris approached Trish's dressing room. Chris's reaction was so funny - I just had to do a fic like it. So, like it? Hate it? You know how to tell me ;)
Sorry I made Jericho sound like an idiot..but then again, he is a natural blond right? J/K
You know, maybe I might just add a bonus chapter. Persuade me. Please.
Till next update,
Tiears aka Debra