Lemony lost no time in setting up a headquarters for his investigation. Using his most prized possessions (two locked wooden boxes, one with a key to unlock the other, and one with a parchment showing secret passages and other mysteries of the city) he quickly found an ideal place. It was an abandoned Volunteer Field Depot behind a telegraph office, with easy access to tap into the phone wires so that he could send and receive Volunteer Factual Dispatches. It was also near Pomegranate Park, where he could feed and exercise his pets.
His pets had been sleeping, curled up in his pockets while he talked with the Duchess. He drew them out now, two tiny marmoset monkeys he had acquired from a native vendor in Peru. They were extremely cute, though sometimes inconvenient and smelly, and they had become great comforts in his lonely life. They ate tree sap, fruit, and insects and they loved to climb trees.
"Hi Pyramus. Hi Thisbe," he said to the marmosets. "How are you doing?"
The two monkeys chattered back to him.
"We're going to find Beatrice. You'll like her, she's wonderful," said Lemony.
After Lemony took the monkeys to play and eat in the park, he tapped into the telegraph and soon Volunteer Factual Dispatches began arriving:
"CAFE SALMONELLA SITUATION IS GETTING SERIOUS STOP. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING OR ALL OUR TRAINED SALMON WILL BE LOST STOP."
"CONGRATULATIONS TO BAUDELAIRE FAMILY ON BIRTH OF NEW BABY DAUGHTER VIOLET STOP."
"SINCE JACQUES SNICKET HAS GONE TO CAPTAIN TRAINING FOR NEW OCTOPUS VESSEL THERE IS IMMEDIATE OPENING FOR CREW OF QUEEQUEG STOP. APPLY TO CAPTAIN WIDDERSHINS AT DAEDALUS DOCK STOP."
"Aha," thought Lemony, "Captain Widdershins has a crew position open. It's a perfect opportunity for me to pick up the trail of Beatrice. I'll have to be careful, though. I can't let him know I believe she is alive. I hope Jacques hasn't been filling his mind with lies about me."
He immediately packed his things and took a taxi to the Daedalus Dock. He found Widdershins sitting on a barrel by the side of the pier, looking out to sea with an unhappy scowl. Captain Widdershins was middle-aged, trim, and fit, not as heavy as he would become later in life when I met him. A small toddler played at his feet, cute but not as beautiful as she would become later in life when I met her.
"Captain Widdershins, do you remember me? I had a fish-training class with you years ago. I heard you are looking for a new crew member," said Lemony.
"Aye!" said the Captain, "The Crew of Two is one short! So that makes it the Crew of One! And that doesn't rhyme as well. Aye! Also, that one is my baby stepdaughter Fiona here. Not much use in the cooking department. I need a cook. Aye! Can you cook? Aye?"
"Certainly I can," said Lemony, though he was far from competent in the kitchen. He badly wanted the job to get a line on Beatrice.
"Well then, I'll hire you! Aye! I'll show you around the Queequeg! No, first I'll find you a diving suit! No, first I'll ask your name! What's your name? Aye?"
"Lemony Snicket. I'm Jacques' brother, just back from overseas. I hope you haven't heard bad things about me... They're not true."
"Aye. Even Jacques admits now that the things he said about you were... exaggerations. My wife thought better of you after a time, too. There, you've made me talk about my wife! Aye! And I don't want to talk about her! Aye!" He shook his head vigorously to shake the tears from his eyes. "Come along to the Queequeg with you. You too, Fiona. Aye!"
Fiona pointed at the tiny monkeys that had just peeked their heads out of Lemony's pocket. "Oooh, what are those?"
"These are my pet marmoset monkeys, Pyramus and Thisbe," said Lemony kindly. He could see Beatrice in her eyes and it sent a pang through his heart.
"Monkeys?" said Widdershins sharply. "You think my ship is a menagerie? Aye? The Submarine Q and its Crew of Two is a zoo? Aye? You can't bring monkeys aboard! Aye!"
"Pleeease, Daddy? They're sooo cute!" cried Fiona.
"Oh, all right, Fiona. Aye!" said Widdershins. "But mind you, you'll have to keep them out of mischief and clean up their messes, Lem... how do you say your name again?"
"Lemony," said Lemony.
"Strange name. Aye! Hard to remember! Aye! How about I just call you Cookie? Aye?" said the Captain.
"That will be fine," said Lemony. He was a little offended, but he didn't want any more trouble in getting the job.
They entered the Queequeg, which was in fine ship-shape condition, not as run-down as it was when we saw it. The Captain showed him all over the ship, only stopping when he came to a cabin at the end of a corridor.
"You can go anywhere freely on this ship, Cookie, but not that room. Aye! That room is none of your beeswax! Aye! That means, none of your business but I like the way it sounds better. Aye!"
"Aye," said Lemony. But late that night, after the submarine had gotten under way, he sneaked out and picked the lock of that room in hopes of finding clues to what happened to Beatrice.
To his astonishment, he found an elderly man sitting dejectedly on a bunk bed inside.
"Who are you?" Lemony asked.
"I'm Gregor Anwhistle, an ichnologist," said the man. "Captain Widdershins is keeping me here against my will!"