"I ran Anwhistle Aquatics for many years," said Gregor Anwhistle. "It was a center for marine research and rhetorical advice."
"Rhetorical advice?" asked Lemony.
"Instructing people on improved speech-making, with a focus on improving their grammar. My sister-in-law, Josephine Anwhistle, has taken over that part. We also had an underwater grotto for the cultivation of exotic mushrooms for the V.F.D. -- that was a bit controversial, I admit. Still, I didn't expect Widdershins to burn the place down!" said Gregor.
"The Daily Punctilio said it was Fernald who burned the center," said Lemony.
"No, Fernald had nothing to do with it. They planned to blame it on him, but the real culprits were Ishmael Widdershins and Jacques Snicket," said Gregor.
"Why did they kidnap you?" asked Lemony.
"Because, bad as they might be, they aren't killers. But now they don't know what to do with me. They may be working themselves up to disposing of me for good," said Gregor. "Please help me get out of here."
Lemony thought for a moment. It seemed there was something this man wasn't telling him. Still, it wasn't right for him to be held prisoner this way.
"I'll help you," said Lemony, "But I have something to investigate here, something very important to me. I can't just let you out and blow my cover. But I'll find a way."
"What are you trying to find out?" said Gregor.
"It's a private matter," said Lemony. "But I'll deal with it as quickly as I can."
"All right," said Gregor. "At least you've given me some hope."
The next day, Lemony got a large dust-rag and went around the ship pretending to clean it. Actually he was looking for the sorts of hiding-places Beatrice preferred, hoping to find a clue she had left behind.
Finally, he found a large plaque with the words: "THE CAPTAIN'S PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY, He who hesitates is lost!" The screws looked as if they had been refastened recently. He loosened them and found a piece of legal-sized paper that had been wedged behind the plaque. It read:
"SECRET ANNULMENT DOCUMENT: If this document remains in the home or place of business of the spouse of the person who obtained and signed this paper, hereinafter called the ANNULMENT GRANTEE for thirty (30) days from the date of signing, this document shall be deemed legal notice of annulment of the marriage, regardless of whether or not this document is ever found and read. A copy of this document, along with an attachment registering the new name and address of the ANNULMENT GRANTEE, will be held in the briefcase of the Secretary of Annulment Dispensation for thirty (30) days and then filed in the Secret Annulment Dispensation Document Enclosure Room of the Royal Palace, in case the spouse finds this document and wishes to contest the annulment.
ANNULMENT GRANTEE Signature: Beatrice Dante Snicket Widdershins."
Lemony quickly replaced the document behind the plaque and was busily polishing it when Captain Widdershins walked by. This was wonderful news! If Captain Widdershins didn't find the document in the next three days and contest it, Beatrice would be free of her marriage, free to marry Lemony! It also meant Lemony had only three days to come up with a plan to free Gregor Anwhistle, get to the office of the Secretary of Annulment Dispensation, steal the document attachment, and discover the new identity of Beatrice.
Just then, he heard a bellow from Captain Widdershins, "Cookie! Come here! Aye! We've received a Volunteer Factual Dispatch! We're going to meet with your sister Kit on the Cafe Salmonella situation! Aye!"
They sailed to the Damocles Dock and picked up Kit. Then met together in the main room of the submarine.
Kit was very businesslike, nodding to Lemony. "I heard you were back."
"Now that no one else's life is at stake but my own, I thought I might as well," said Lemony casually.
"Good, we can use you," said Kit. "Captain, give us a report on the Voluntary Fish Domestication situation."
"It's very bad! Aye! The salmon we've been trained to swim upstream and check for forest fires are being decimated by the fishing nets of the ships of the Cafe Salmonella! Aye! We've got to do something! He who hesitates is lost!" said Widdershins.
"Any suggestions, Lemony?" asked Kit.
"Perhaps. Is that new Octopus vessel of yours I read about completed yet?" asked Lemony.
"Yes, with the help of generous donations from the Baudelaires we got it up and running in short order," said Kit.
"Could it be fitted with large, sharp blade? We could cut the fishing nets loose," Lemony suggested.
"Excellent idea!" said Kit. "There is a large fly-swatter attachment for knocking down enemy aircraft. We can attach a blade to that easily."
"Aye!" said Widdershins, "We'll save those poor fishies! Aye! It seems like only yesterday that Fernald was helping me feed them, sneaking extra worms to his favorites..."
"Speaking of Fernald," Kit cut in, "Have you heard from him?"
"No, I haven't. The poor, confused lad..." said Widdershins.
"The poor confused lad who burned down a marine station, you mean," said Kit. "Of course, it was very convenient for us that he did. Gregor was insisting on raising those deadly Medusoid Mycelium mushrooms as weapons against our enemies. He was playing with fire. But still, Fernald went outside the council. He must be caught and punished."
"Are you sure he did it?" Lemony asked. It was a risky question, but knowing what he did about the imprisoned Gregor Anwhistle he had to hear what Widdershins would say.
"Of course I am," said Widdershins. "Fernald set the fire, and Gregor Anwhistle died in it. It's all here in black and white." He produced a newspaper clipping and unfolded it on the table.
"VERIFYING FERNALD'S DEFECTION" the headline read, and the article was bylined by Jacques Snicket. "It has now been confirmed that the fire that destroyed Anwhistle Aquatics, and took the life of famed ichnologist Gregor Anwhistle, was set by Fernald Widdershins..."
"It's completely true!" Widdershins said. "Fernald confessed to me before he ran away. I've been showing this article to everyone -- you, the Baudelaires, the Quagmires, even my dear wife a few days before she died! Aye! I caused her pain, accusing her own son. I wouldn't have done that unless it were true! Aye!" He shook tears from his eyes.
Lemony would almost have been convinced, except that he had seen Gregor Anwhistle alive last night. He knew Widdershins was lying.
"What are mushrooms?" asked a childish voice.
They turned and saw little Fiona standing in the doorway, with the two marmosets sitting on her shoulders.
"Don't bother your head about them, Fiona!" said Widdershins. "That's nothing for a child to be thinking about. Aye! Go off and play with your new friends."
"I'm going to learn all about mushrooms when I grow up," said Fiona stubbornly. She turned and ran down the corridor.
"Now see what we've done!" said Widdershins. "Let's get back to the subject at hand. Aye! When can we act against the Cafe Salmonella? Why do we hesitate? He who hesitates is lost!"
"We have agents in place at the Cafe, acting as waiters," said Kit. "They'll tell us when the next fishing expedition is going out. It should be soon. I'll telegram you."
Lemony hoped it was soon. He was determined to use the attack as an opportunity to rescue the kidnapped ichnologist!