"So you're telling me you would have said something different?" Josh watched her face carefully, looking for the tell-tale signs... like the way the tips of her ears get red when she was really annoyed.
She took another couple of steps and paused just outside the bullpen, leaning a bit on her cane. "That's right, Josh. I would have...so would you if you had really thought it through."
"Really, Donna, you're blowing this out of proportion-"
"I am? You think I'm making it look worse than it is?" She didn't wait for his answer, hobbling forward straight into bullpen. "Let me tell you something, Mr. Lyman... you made this mess all by yourself and you're going to get out of it the same way."
He stalked after her. "Donna! I-"
"Colin!"
Josh froze when he heard her tone of voice. Sweet, light and happy. Damn that wanker.
"Hullo, luv."
Damn his accent.
"I'm so glad you're here."
That makes one of us. Josh stepped in closer and glared at Colin from a safe distance. Donna pulled an envelope from Colin's hand and tossed it on her desk.
"Donna, I-"
"I accept," she smiled up at the expression on Colin's face, "your invitation to lunch."
Damn him if he didn't take advantage of her delicate condition.
"Then lunch it is, dear girl, lunch it is."
He watched them go, teeth clamped together to keep himself from making a scene.
Damn Heathcliff's timing.
Josh floundered around his office, constantly checking Donna's desk to see if she was back. There were a thousand and one things that he needed right that minute and they were all at Donna's desk. His whiteout didn't work as well as hers did.
She horded all the best pens.. and damn if she didn't hide all the neat colors of post-its in the back of her drawer.
He didn't care what everyone else thought, even Margaret that gave him that sage arched brow when she caught him looking through Donna's drawer. It was Donna's fault after all. IF she hadn't gone out with... him.. he wouldn't have to look through her desk.
"Josh!"
"Go away, CJ, I'm busy..."
"Josh?" Toby's voice seemed to scream through his mind.
"Wha-OW!" Sitting up a little too quickly, he'd smacked his temple against the edge. Rubbing at the tender spot he looked up and waited for his vision to clear. "Yes?"
CJ shook her head and gave him a derisive look. "Tell me that I'm wrong Josh."
"You're wrong, CJ."
"Shut up, Josh."
He was honestly baffled, "CJ, you told me-"
"I want you too tell me that this is going to end up like that season on Dallas. I want to wake up tomorrow and find out that this is just a dream."
"You're talking about Donnelly?"
Toby huffed out a breath. "You think? Josh.. what the hell where you thinking? You told a three term Senator to shove it? Tell me-"
"Tell us-" CJ corrected.
"Yeah, tell US that we're hearing things... 'cause, Damn it, Josh, this isn't going to go away."
"Alright," Josh held up his hands in mock surrender, "I get it.. I get it.. I'll give him a call in the morning."
"Morning?" The inelegant snort that resonated in CJ's nose told him volumes.
"You'll call now."
Josh waved his free hand at the desk, "Donna's out, she'll have the number."
Toby shook his head, disbelieving. "Fine.. fine. And make sure she's holding your hand while you're on the phone.. I don't believe this." He whirled and stalked out of the room, CJ almost on his heels.
"By the way," she started, "You dropped an envelope on the floor, don't run over it with the chair."
"Yeah.. yeah..." he waved at her, more to make her go away then any genuine emotion at the moment.
He started to get up from the chair, but something CJ said filtered into his mind.
"You dropped an envelope-"
Donna. His mind flitted through a number of images. Donna smiling at Colin. Donna taking an envelope out of Colin's hand, Donna.... out to lunch with the pretty boy.
He picked up the envelope and got to his feet. Turning it over a few times he gave it a good once-over. No distinguishing marks, no name written on it... to or from.
Hefting it in his hands he nodded. 'Flat'... not a present or something like that.
He let himself give a little smile. 'At least it wasn't more flowers.'
Go ahead... he thought, and wondered why his inner-devil was dancing for joy... take a peek...
He turned the envelope over again. 'It's probably one of those do it yourself calendars you make at those all night copy places.'
Just the thought of seeing Colin's mug staring at him everyday was enough to -
RIP
"Oops," Josh whispered under his breath. "It's open."
With a quick look to the office, he retreated to his desk before checking on the contents.
The pictures quivered in his hands, the edges blurred with the shivering speed of his pain.
Donna.
Just the sound of her name echoed in his thoughts.
Donna.
He'd seen her crouched down with children, gently touching a young girl's outstretched hand. He'd seen her talking to a young soldier, her eyes haunted with concern. He'd seen so many things in her smile, but he'd felt her pain as if it had been visited on him.
Scratches, dark with fresh blood, marking her beautiful face. Her eyes closed as if she was... she could have been...
The air was suddenly missing from Josh's lungs. One moment he had been alive and suffering through the green eyed monster of jealousy and now.. now... he couldn't feel anything.
There was a hole that had opened up inside his chest, opened up with the cold precision of a pin prick, and had quickly swallowed up everything he had.
Everything except anger. That, he had plenty of.
"Hey, Donna!"
"Hi, Margaret."
"You're back... how was lunch?"
"Donna showed me one of her favorite places. It was... interesting."
He was obviously charming to the women, they had a good laugh as Josh struggled to breathe.
"Well, Darlin'... I'd best go, I've kept you long enough."
Josh barely heard the metallic shiver as his chair slid back behind him. He was
already on his feet and moving toward the door, his legs barely following his orders.
"Are you here on assignment, Colin?"
"No," Josh didn't even feel the effort it took to make it to the door, the blood in his veins must have been pumping enough adrenaline to get a whole frat full of jocks through finals. "I had a few days of leave left, thought I'd come by to see how Donna was healin'."
"Oh..." cooed Margaret, "that's sweet."
"Sweet," Josh choked on the word as it scratched through his throat. "That's a laugh."
Margaret took a step back, and Donna gave him a quizzical look.
"Yeah, Colin," he ground out between his clenched teeth, "you're so sweet. You and your little camera."
"Hullo, Josh."
"Shut up, Colin, I don't want to hear a word out of that mouth."
"Josh!" Donna's outrage wasn't lost on anyone in the room. Especially him. Josh looked at her, an explanation on his lips, but that was his undoing.
He saw her... her picture superimposed on her face. The pallor ruining the fresh blush of anger staining her cheeks, the red slashes dashed across pale perfect skin. "Donna."
"I'd better go," Colin had a hand on Donna's shoulder.
"Don't touch her." Even in Josh's ears, it sound like a growl.
Donna stepped closer to him, but it wasn't close enough, Colin still had his hand on her... was still touching her.
Colin squeezed her gently on the shoulder, "Donna-"
"Colin?" Josh felt his lips curl into a sneer, "Don't forget your pictures."
"My pic-.... ah, yes."
"Josh? What's going on?"
He couldn't even look at her. He couldn't let her see the hate in his eyes directed at her. He lifted his hand and felt the muscles in his hand begin to crush the glossy paper. "These pictures."
"You weren't supposed to see those-"
"Oh yeah, Boy-o? Who were they meant for? Donna?" Josh swallowed past the sudden lump in this throat. "Were you going to show these to her?" He didn't need a verbal confirmation, Colin's down-turned gaze was his answer. "I can't believe it... after what you saw her go through-"
"Josh-"
Cutting him off with a look, Josh paced forward and dropped the pictures on a desk. "You were there that day... right?"
Colin nodded.
A raspy laugh held back his words for a moment. "You were there, when... when she... you were standing close enough to take pictures?"
Donna turned her head to stare at Colin, pain flickering through her eyes as Josh continued, "You were there and you didn't help?"
There was silence in the room, it was impossible to miss what was going on.
"She could have died while you stood there.. .snapping pictures!"
"Pictures?" Donna's voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "you took pictures?"
Josh saw red. It flashed before his eyes, turning his vision bloody... bloody like the scratches on Donna's face. He cleared the room in a moment, launching himself at Colin. They fell together, buckling under Josh's assault.
Fingers wrapped around Colin's neck, pinching off his airway. Hands grabbed at Josh, trying to pull him away. He couldn't let go, not when he could still see Donna's bloody face in his mind. "You took pictures!"
Colin was struggling for breath. "I'm not a medic, Josh, I couldn't-" He let out a gasp as a couple of stunned staffers managed to pull Josh back.
Still, Josh wasn't done. "Don't try to feed me that load of crap! You had a choice, you could have tried to help... instead you took pictures while she..."
"I did what I could, Josh." Colin's voice was barely a whisper in the quiet tomb of the bullpen. "So did you."
Josh's eyes narrowed and he shook off the restraining hands on his shoulder. "What are you talking about?"
Colin shook his head, "Never mind, Josh."
"No, no..." Josh wasn't going to be put off, not now... not by Colin, "don't stop... tell me what you were going to say."
"Fine." Colin stretched his neck, rubbing gently at the reddened impressions in his skin, "Whatever you want, Josh. I said you did what you could, too. After all, you sent her there. YOU... You put her in harm's way. Did that make you look good to the President, Josh? Sending your Girl Friday into Gaza? Where does all this self-righteousness come from, anyway?"
The accusation hit him right in the gut, nearly taking the wind out of his sails. He wasn't really surprised at the accusation, after all, it wasn't anything that he hadn't already accused himself of.
"That isn't-"
"Stop, both of you." Donna drew their attention, her expression pinched with concern. "I... I can't take your arguing like this." She turned slightly, taking a step away from Colin and facing him. "I did it."
"What?" Colin shook his head, like he was trying to clear out the cobwebs. "What are you talking about, Donna?"
"I asked him to send me, Colin. I outright nagged him to let me go. I..." her voice was breaking up, cracking like ice in a thaw,"I got exactly what I... wanted-"
"Donna..." Josh's voice broke through her spiraling emotions in a strong baritone timbre. "...you don't have to-"
"But I do," she insisted, "I'm sure Colin isn't the first one to wonder. He won't be the last."
Josh nodded.
"Colin," Donna waited for a moment before Colin's gaze met hers, she settled her hand on his arm, "we need to talk." He followed her out of the room, picking up the pictures as he went.
Sagging against the glass partition, Josh couldn't seem to get any air in his lungs. She'd left with Colin. She'd just left with him. After all she'd heard... even after she defended him... she'd gone with Colin. Colin... Josh struggled to find some biting comment, but he couldn't think of anything... except Donna... going with Colin.