DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Get Backers or any of the characters. (But my boyfriend reckons he should just buy them to stop my whining. Ha! As if he has any money anyways.)

Before I begin, forgive me if I rushed into things in this chapter. I'm really on a roll with my book today, so I didn't spend as much time on this.

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Ban knew he was putting himself through a vicious cycle. He worked to forget about Kazuki, and just when things got better, he'd tire out and stop. His thoughts would wander back to Kazuki when he rested, motivation enough to push him back into work.

This is unhealthy for you, Midou Ban. You're with Himiko now. She deserves better than you half-hearted attempts. Break it off before it gets too serious.

He'd been seeing Himiko for a month now. His guilt grew with every date. Of course, Ban being Ban, managed to keep his mask of normalcy on.

Ginji could feel something was wrong with him, but every time he asked Ban about it, he brushed it off with an excuse. Finally, Ginji grew tired of this. They were at the Honky Tonk sipping coffee when he brought it up.

"Ban-chan, when did you start thinking it was all right for you to lie to me?"

Ban sat up in surprise. How does he know? "What're you talking about, Ginji?"

Ginji frowned. "Ban-chan, we work together. We spend almost all day together. You're my closest friend, Ban-chan. You think I wouldn't know when you're lying to me?"

Ban lowered his eyes. "It's just something I need to-"

"Work out yourself." Ginji finished. "I know. It's been bothering you for more than a month now."

Ban remained silent. He was more than a little surprised at his partner's perceptiveness.

"Ban-chan, I know it's not Himiko. She looks really happy around you. But you seem so... discontent, Ban-chan."

Ban bit his lip. And I thought I was keeping up my charade so well. "Did you tell anyone about it, Ginji?"

Ginji shook his head. "You're doing a great job of keeping it hidden, Ban-chan. I don't think even Himiko noticed."

"Ginji, I don't love her."

Ginji looked into Ban's eyes. He looked very serious. "I know, Ban-chan. But if that were the only thing bothering you, you'd have never started it in the first place. Please tell me everything."

Ban looked down at his hands. "I'm in love with someone else, Ginji. But it's never going to go anywhere."

"So you're going out with Himiko to get over this other girl? That's not right, Ban-chan." Ginji sounded angry.

He doesn't need all the details yet. "I know. I hate myself for it."

"Ban." Ban looked up. Ginji hadn't called him that in ages. "I want you to stop this little act right now, and tell her." Ginji's voice softened. "And there's an "S" in the Get Backers, Ban-chan. Don't forget that the next time."

Ban looked at Ginji and managed a small smile. "I'm sorry, Ginji. I'll go tell her now."

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That went surprisingly well. She took it so maturely. Ban thought back to the conversation he'd just had.

"I understand, Ban," she'd said, "and I can never be happy unless you're not happy with me."

"That's not really it, you do make me happy. I care about you a lot, just not like that, Himiko."

Her eyes had been shining with unshed tears. "Is there someone else, Ban?"

He had nodded silently.

"I see now... why you were so reluctant to get too close to me. I thought maybe you just wanted to take things slowly."

He had pulled her close and held her for a few moments. "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done this. Especially after I promised Yamato I'd take care of you."

She'd smiled sadly and touched his cheek gently. "You do take care of me, Ban." She'd whispered, "And I love you for it."

I love you too, Himiko. Just not like that.

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Ban looked out the window of his car, watching the people pass by. They all have problems to deal with, some a lot worse than me. They seem to be doing fine.

Determination rose. I need closure. And the only way to get it is to be totally honest about my feelings.

He started the engine and drove towards Kazuki's apartment.

Ban stared at the door. He'd been standing there for fifteen minutes trying to work up the courage to knock on it. What do I tell him? "Hey there, Kazuki, guess what? I'm in love with you!"? Oh god, this is a really bad idea. I should just give up and go back.

He turned around to leave. No! The little voice in his head shouted. You came here with a purpose, and you can't just leave it undone. That's not what Midou Ban does.

He turned back around to face the door. He took a deep breath and knocked. I better do this before my nerve wears out.

Kazuki opened the door. "Midou-san." He looked slightly surprised. "Please come in."

Polite as always, Ban thought as he walked in."Thanks. I, umm, I need to talk to you."

Juubei was sitting on the couch, sipping a drink. "Alone," he added.

"Oh, all right. Do you want to take a walk outside then?"

More people means less chances of him making a scene... "Yeah, a walk would be good."

"Juubei, we're-"

"Yes, I heard. Go on ahead. I'll be right here when you get back. Good day, Ban." Juubei looked slightly annoyed.

"Good day to you too," Ban said as they walked out.

Ban remained silent as they left the building and walked out into the sunshine.

"So what is it that you want to tell me, Midou-san?"

"I... it's very hard to put in words."

"Is it about Ginji, Midou-san?"

Ban got extremely irked. "It's always about Ginji to you, isn't it, Fuuchouin? I could've died back then, and all you'd have cared about was how Ginji would feel."

Kazuki shook his head. "That's not true, Midou-san. I never like having to watch anyone being hurt, even you."

Even you. There's no point in even telling him after this.

They continued walking silently for a few more minutes. "Is it how Ginji is taking you going out with Himiko? I never really talked to him after you two got together." Kazuki asked him.

Ban looked at him in surprise. "No, he was very happy for me."

Kazuki looked equally surprised. "But I thought you were... lovers..."

"Lovers? Oh!" Ban remembered their conversation when he had stayed at his apartment, when he'd slightly bent the truth. "We were never lovers, you know. He's my best friend."

"Oh, I see now." Kazuki sounded relieved. He looked at Ban with a smile. "Your words gave me the wrong impression."

Ban couldn't help smiling back. Kazuki's smile seemed to light up the entire world. He doesn't hate me enough not to smile at me.

"It's not about Himiko or Ginji... Kazuki, why do you hate me so much?"

Kazuki looked at the ground. "Because of what you've done to me, Midou-san. What you continue doing every day."

Ban stopped walking, crushed. He didn't even bother denying it. His knees gave out and he sank to the ground. Kazuki stopped and turned around.

I refuse to cry! I won't give you that pleasure, Fuuchouin. Ban struggled to get himself together.

Kazuki kneeled down in front of him. "What is it, Midou-san?"

Ban gritted his teeth and stood up. He looked down at Kazuki with his hardest stare. Tell him you hate him, too. You do hate him, Midou Ban, for making your life hell. For... for tolerating you for Ginji's sake.

He couldn't bring himself to say it to Kazuki. Not when he was looking up at him with actual concern in his eyes. That alone almost made up for his words.

Kazuki stood up and looked into Ban's eyes. Hurt had replaced the concern, hurt and anger. His voice stayed calm as always. "Did you come just to talk about why we all hate you, Midou-san? Strange for someone who claims not to care about what people think of him."

I care what you think of me, Fuuchouin. You can't just hate me. I need to believe that. "No, I didn't come here to argue about that. I just needed to know."

"Needed to know we hate you?"

"No, just you. I needed to know if you hate me. I guess I didn't even have to ask, huh?" Ban realized just then that he didn't really want to hear his answer. He turned and started to walk away.

"Midou-san! Wait!" Kazuki called after him.

Ban continued walking. I don't need to hear him say it. It's a lot easier to believe he cares, even just a little.

Kazuki caught up with Ban. "Ban! Listen to me! I don't hate you."

Ban slowed down and looked at Kazuki. "You just admitted that you did."

Kazuki looked away. "I don't, well, just a little maybe. You're a good person, Midou-san. And for that, I care about you."

He thinks I'm a good person... wait! He just said he cares about me!

"You care about me because you think I'm good? Not just because you're worried about Ginji?"

Kazuki looked very conflicted. "Midou-san, would you mind if we sat down for a while?"

Ban agreed. They walked in silence till they came to the park where Ban had spent the night. The sat down under a tree in a quiet part of the park.

"So what is it, then?" Ban asked Kazuki, a tad impatiently.

"I just want to make things clear between us, Midou-san."

"Fine, go on."

"Well, Midou-san, when Ginji first left, it's true that we all blamed you for it. Yet, we knew that it was the right thing for Ginji. So, you see, I don't hate you for taking him away from there."

"Oh..." Great, this means he hates me for my personality.

"At first, I thought you were arrogant and loud, but that's not really you, Midou-san."

"Yeah, you told me about the arrogant and loud part before. Thanks for reminding me about that."

"Midou-san!" Kazuki looked reproachful. "It's hard enough to tell you without you interrupting every two seconds."

Ban smiled slightly at the pout playing on Kazuki's lips. "I'm sorry, go on."

"As I was saying, I realized you really care about Ginji. What really bothered me was the resentment you harbored against us. Against me. I don't think I've done anything to deserve that, Midou-san."

Ban opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again. I should hear him out first.

Kazuki exhaled sharply and continued. "What I'm trying to say, Midou-san, is that I really care about you, but you make it very hard for me."

He stopped at looked at Ban, waiting for a reaction.

He cares! I make it hard? I don't go around ignoring him!

Yes you do. Ban was starting to hate that little voice.

"Aren't you going to say anything, Midou-san?"

Ban grinned slightly. "I never meant to be like that around you, Kazuki." I love the way his name rolls off my lips. "You just... you always make me feel like you just stand me for Ginji. And the other day, you said you only cared about what I did because of him."

Kazuki looked down at the grass. "It's partly true. How did you expect me to tell you I cared when all you did was insult me and act so cold?"

Ban felt a pang of shame. He knew Kazuki was right. "You're so nice to everyone. Except me, that is. It really gets to me..."

"Midou-san, so we agree that we were like that to each other only because of a misunderstanding?"

Ban smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

"Good, Midou-san, I'd like for us to be friends."

Friends. But I want so much more from you... so much more for us.

"I'd like that too, Kazuki."

Kazuki stood up. "All right then, Mi- umm, Ban. I should go back to Juubei now."

"Okay, Kazuki. See ya." Ban stayed under the tree, watching him walk away.

Images. Himiko walking off angrily. Kazuki's pleased face.

You're a liar, Fuuchouin!

Ban jumped up and shouted after Kazuki, "Why were you so happy that day?"

Kazuki turned around, confused. Ban ran up to him and glared at him.

"You looked so happy that day, when I fought with Himiko. You lied to me back there. You liked seeing me down!"

Kazuki bit his lip. "That's not why I was happy that day, Ban, believe me."

"So which is it, Kazuki? Do you care about me, or is this some mind game?"

"I do care about you, Ban. I... I wasn't myself that day."

"And here I was thinking you had a real explanation." Ban sneered at Kazuki.

Kazuki looked stung. He said something very softly under his breath, the words lost as the wind blew his hair, making his bells sway.

Ban leaned in closer. He looks almost scared. Do I frighten you, Kazuki?

"You'll have to say it louder if I'm to hear you." Ban's voice held a gentler note this time.

Kazuki looked up into Ban's eyes. "I am jealous of her." His voice was only slightly louder, but there was no mistaking his words.

He's jealous? Of Himiko? That means- "you like me. You like me." Ugh! I just sounded like an idiot schoolgirl.

Kazuki smiled at Ban's words. His eyes were still sad. Just like the other night...

Ban brushed Kazuki's hair out of his face softly. "I broke up with her today, Kazuki. Because of you."

The sadness changed to joy as he leaned in to kiss him. No more words were needed.

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Yeah, it feels rushed to me. But I couldn't really think of another way to do this. 8 reviews! Ryuuen kurai, you are nice, at least about this fic.

Siberian orchid, I totally agree about his beauty! Some fics are very good at describing it, but too many are just bad. Kazuki reminds me of how Legolas's looks always get abused in so many LOTR fics. Say no to Elf rape! Sorry... carried away. My book's about Fate vs. Destiny, set in a Medieval period. Sometimes even I have trouble understanding where I'm going with that concept...

Rie, I want to smell him too, the closer the better... Ban was referring to Kazuki in his thoughts, that he loves Kazuki anyways. Sorry if I come off confusing sometimes.

My Gravitation fansub d/l is done! After days of struggling along on dial-up. I love the music in it, and I think I want to marry Yuki (if that's legal there).

I'm having so much trouble building Ban and Kazuki a relationship. Any suggestions?

Kerian