Secrets and Shadows: Under Siege
Part Four
The room was decorated in neutral colours, beiges and creams with the occasional deep earthy tint to provide an accent.
In the last year, Daniel had spent hours in this room. Possibly days. He'd become very familiar with its layout, with the coverings, the lighting, the pictures, the artwork.
"Linda, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill. Jack, this is Lieutenant Linda Daley."
Linda laughed. "Please, Colonel, it's just 'Linda' - as Daniel well knows." The look she gave Daniel was chiding.
"Then I'm just 'Jack,'" Jack told her, smiling as he held out his hand. "Retired?"
"Relieved, actually. I started with a commission, but when knee injuries conspired to keep me out of the active force, they had to stand me down," she shrugged. "I think I would have been doing pretty much what I'm doing now, anyway, so the old commission is just useful for getting me enough clearance to counsel the classified project workers."
"Like the Stargate project," Daniel said. "I've been seeing Linda for nearly two years now..."
"You make it sound so sordid, Daniel," she murmured, smiling.
He grinned at her, "...since I descended. She has a lot of clearance on the project."
Linda indicated a buff-coloured manila folder that sat on the fine wooden coffee table. "The details of my clearance are in the folder, if you feel the need to see them, Colonel."
"Jack," he corrected her, reaching for the folder.
She smiled. "Anything discussed in here is, naturally, classified, however the conversations are also recorded by the Air Force and the security clearance appropriate to the discussion is put on it by myself and one other. Can I get you something to drink?"
"Daniel can," he said, looking pointedly at his team-mate. "He knows how I like my coffee and he can get one for you and himself while he's there. If he's been seeing you for a year, then I imagine he knows how you take your coffee."
Linda smiled, and Daniel rolled his eyes, but got up and went over to the small kitchenette. Behind him, Linda and Jack were talking of military things, clearances and authorisations, her military history and his, and he was pretty sure that neither had much of an idea why he'd brought them together.
"You know," Jack was saying as he brought back the coffee, "Daniel said nothing about coming here in the last year. I hope you're not offended."
"It's not exactly something you advertise," Linda admitted, "So, no, I'm not offended. Although I am a little surprised to see you here. Daniel doesn't usually bring his workmates in to these appointments, and our monthly meeting was last Thursday. I gather that you aren't sure why you're here either."
"I thought he was bringing me along to see this dazzling woman he'd met and was going to marry in two weeks," Jack arched a brow at Daniel, but smiled at Linda.
"And now you see why I don't bring them along," Daniel told Linda, who had just laughed.
"Why don't you tell us why you brought Jack along today, then?" Linda said, settling back in her chair with the coffee.
And that put the spotlight firmly on Daniel. Which was where he did enjoy being, sometimes. Just not now. "Actually, I had a favour to ask of you," he said to Linda. "A personal favour."
"That sounds serious," she replied, her eyes still twinkling a little, "Ask, and I'll do what I can."
Daniel took a deep breath and hoped that he'd still be welcome in the office after he made the request. "I want you to tell Jack what you told me about Kieran."
He knew it was a lot to ask. Sometimes it amazed him that she'd told him about Kieran at all, it definitely broke the doctor-patient rules, which wasn't something that he would have expected of someone like Linda at all. It was about as likely as Sam throwing off all discretion and starting a public affair with Jack. But she'd told him in confidence, and he wasn't willing to betray that trust and tell Jack on his own. Besides, he'd wanted to know what Linda made of Jack - and what Jack made of Linda.
She'd gone perfectly still, frozen, like a deer in headlights, and he wished he didn't have to ask it of her. But Jack needed to know what could happen, because it was plain to see that, in spite of everything, Jack still had Sam up on a pedestal. And Sam was only human. She'd made mistakes and she would continue to make mistakes; and in Daniel's eyes, the worst possible mistake she could ever make was the choice of Pete Shanahan as a permanent personal fixture in her life.
"Daniel," Jack said conversationally, "Remind me to take you out to the parking lot and beat the crap out of you when she's finished throwing us out."
"Jack..."
"No," Linda said, quietly, her cheeks flushed pink. "It's alright, Colonel. I understand what he's asking better than you." She met Daniel's gaze quietly. "And I understand why he's asking it, too."
Jack looked from her to Daniel, and came to a conclusion he didn't much like. "This is about Carter and Shanahan isn't it? You're interfering again."
"You haven't heard Linda's story," Daniel retorted.
"Ms. Daley, if you don't want to..."
She held up a hand, "Please, Colonel," she said. "It's alright. I know why Daniel asked and I understand." But her smile was a little forced, "We do what we must in the execution of duty, correct?"
"You're not commissioned anymore, Lieutenant," Jack said quietly. "And this isn't your duty."
"No. But there are some things you do out of duty, and some things you do because it's the right thing to do." Linda looked Jack in the eye, "And I have a feeling that you, more than most, know that only too well."
Jack snorted softly, before he sat back in the couch. "This is why I never much liked therapists," he admitted. "Too many secrets out on display." He fixed her with a stern gaze, "Are you sure about this?"
"No," she said simply, "I'm not. But Daniel's more than just a patient, he's become...a friend over the last couple of years. And while I don't know his precise reasons for wanting me to tell my story, I'm guessing that he feels there are parallels between my story and what your friend is going through now."
The glare Jack directed towards Daniel was sour, and Daniel knew he wouldn't be getting off lightly afterwards. He didn't care. Just let Jack understand that even smart women like Sam and Linda could make stupid choices that would chain them hand and foot. And even if Jack didn't see things Daniel's way, let him at least understand that Daniel was not going to stand by while Sam made a mess of her life any more than he'd been able to stand by and watch Anubis pick off the Abydonians for the Eye of Ra.
"It's not a long story, Colonel, but it's a difficult one to tell."
"You don't have to."
"I appreciate that," she said, "But I will." Slowly, Linda leaned back, crossing her legs and leaning her arm on the armrest of her sofa chair. "I met Kieran in my last year of the Academy. He was a Captain, stationed out of Andrew's airbase at DC, Engineering background, smart, handsome, charming, all the things a young woman likes in a young man."
Linda smiled thinly. "He was also borderline obsessive, although I didn't find that out until later. We dated for two years, and the second year, I lost my commission because of a knee injury. A lot of my friends had just been posted out, and we were all over the place - in the US, overseas, everywhere. A lot of my friends became long-distance and I wasn't always able to talk to them.
"Kieran was a godsend. He was supportive, helpful, encouraging, loving..." She shrugged. "I took him at face value and fell in love. And then, once he was pretty certain he had me by the hook, he began making demands." Her eyes rose from her hands to meet Jack's. "Small things at first; asking me to dress this way for him, or come out with him, even when I didn't want to. If I refused, he'd get annoyed and would cast it up to me weeks later, sometimes even months.
"It got worse. I got a haircut without consulting him and he didn't like it and sulked until I changed it. He threw a fit when one of my friends came around one night after breaking up with his girlfriend, and I didn't kick Andy out like he thought I should..." She sighed. "I had reasons for his behaviour, of course. Excuses. He loved me, he wouldn't hurt me, he just wanted his girlfriend to look good when we were out together, he wasn't sure that I loved him as much as he claimed to love me..." Her shrug was a little sad, regretful with the things she'd seen, but hadn't paid attention to until it was too late.
"Why'd you stay with him?"
"Because when things were good, they were very good," Linda said, gently. "It was just that when they were bad, they were horrid. And a woman will make a lot of excuses for a man she thinks she loves."
"You were trained in psychology," Jack began. Linda nodded.
"But there comes a point where you don't want to find yourself applying your job to your home life," she pointed out. "So I overlooked his behaviour, or explained it away where I could. And it worked out okay, most of the time. He was usually off in DC, and I'd come up to see him every now and then."
Her gaze flickered out to the walls and the degrees hung up on them. "By then, I was getting a Doctorate in Psychology and Behavioural Studies, hoping to find some work with the Air Force. Kieran didn't like the idea of my counselling all the loonies who'd come back from the wars with their brains dribbling out their ears - his words. I objected to being controlled, and started seeing less of him - not going over to his base in DC so often, not calling him quite so much.
"He became jealous of the time I was putting into my studies, although he was over in DC. He'd try to call me when he knew I was busy, just to talk. I got to turning my phone off, and ended up getting calls demanding where I'd been all night and who I'd been with. Whether it was night classes or library studies or papers due... It didn't matter. I wasn't there when he thought I should be, and that was unacceptable to him." Linda shrugged. "I broke it off. Told him we weren't going to see each other again, and that it was over. Two weeks later, I realised I was pregnant."
"And you called him back and told him."
"And he persuaded me to go back. I didn't have any other options," she said. "I hadn't finished my doctorate, and I wasn't able to do the work I wanted without it. My family were unsympathetic - they hadn't wanted me to go into the Air Force in the first place - and my mother is strongly Catholic. I didn't have friends close enough to lean on; Kieran was the only solid support in my world, so I went back to him."
"How long were you with him?"
Linda held up one hand, showing Jack the engagement ring and wedding band on her finger. "Technically, I still am. The divorce hasn't come through - and probably won't for a while. Kieran's good at ignoring things he doesn't want to see; and the little wife slipping out from his grasp is definitely in that category. And there are the kids."
"How many?"
"Two. Seven, and five." Linda glanced at Daniel before she returned her gaze to Jack and spoke distantly. "You try to keep it all together for the kids, even though you know better. You think that you can do it for them, because any father is better than none, right?"
"Ability to father a child doesn't make a man a good Dad, Jack," Daniel said, deciding that he could say something now. "You learn that when you foster out."
Jack didn't acknowledge his contribution. That was okay. Daniel wasn't expecting him to. "You stayed with him for seven years?"
"Five. I left two years ago. But it's still ridiculous, isn't it?" Linda said, and her voice was reflective. "A smart, intelligent woman, knows about the kind of psychoses possible in people, she should have known better."
Jack said nothing and she continued.
"I did know better. But when it came to the pregnancy with Elise, I was uncertain of everything; my life, hers, what my family would say, what people would think of me - a nice girl. Kieran promised to be there for us and at that moment, that was all I wanted. The fact that I would have to change everything I was, that I would spend the next five years trying to live down to his expectations of a good little Air Force wife - those weren't things I considered at the time. So I walked into the parlour of the spider."
During the recital, Jack had kept his eyes on Linda, watching her expression as she related the story. Now, he glanced at Daniel, "I'm guessing that Daniel has told you about our team-mate and what she's going through."
Daniel was a little hurt by Jack's lack of trust in his discretion, but Linda shot him a reassuring smile. "He told me very little, actually. Mostly where it related to Sarah Gardiner and her capture. However, I was at the park when Major Carter informed her ex-boyfriend of the pregnancy. He made quite a scene."
"And your estimation of him from that one outburst?"
"I'm not exactly an impartial observer," Linda stated, a faint smile curving her mouth. "Daniel has already biased me. Then, too, a single outburst isn't always an accurate indicator - not without further behavioural observation."
"But if you had to?"
Her gaze was steady on Jack's face, "I'd say he's been trying to persuade her around. Possibly her refusal to respond to him is frustrating him enough that he's confronted one of you over her refusal, or maybe tried to make nice." Her eyes were distant, "I suspect that by now he'd know that you guys are the key to her life, but he also views you as the greatest threat to his influence over her. It creates a conflict that doesn't present an easy solution, so he swings between nice and nasty." Focus returned to her gaze and she regarded the two men on her couch with a smile. "How am I doing so far?"
Jack's expression was sour. "Right on the money."
She didn't take any obvious pleasure in her estimate, she simply nodded. "It'll probably be the pattern of his behaviour as long as he's thwarted. He might escalate, he might not. The difference in outcome will depend on whether your friend has anyone there for her or not. If she doesn't think she has any alternatives, she might very well take him back. Sometimes, a woman will make what she subconsciously knows is a bad choice, rather than face being alone."
"Carter's not like that."
"Maybe not normally. But she's pregnant. It plays havoc with the hormones. And her pregnancy means she's going to have to give up a lot of things she'd come to accept as usual. Everything she's been accustomed to is going to change, and there will be few constants in her life. If this man presents himself as a constant - even a bad one - her reason may say not to take him, but her instincts will grab for him like a floatation device on a sinking ship."
Jack looked at Daniel, who returned his gaze with perfect steadiness before Jack turned back to Linda. "The decision is up to Carter."
"Yes," Linda said. "But I know that if I'd had people around who cared about me and were willing to support me, I might not have chosen to stick with Kieran." She met Jack's gaze clearly and evenly. "And I'd have saved myself seven years of a relationship that never worked in the first place."
And that was what Daniel had brought Jack to hear.
They walked out of the room over an hour after they'd first walked in. Jack had continued to inquire after Linda's details, including a lot of stuff that Daniel didn't think was relevant at all. Linda answered all the questions, though, and seemed very good-natured about everything.
"Thank you for your time, Linda," Jack said, shaking her hand at the end of it. "I'll probably be seeing you again sometime soon." He didn't elaborate, but nodded and began to walk out.
Daniel waited until Jack was nearly at the office door before he quietly asked, "Saturday night?"
Linda looked a little startled, but nodded and smiled. "Bring ice-cream."
"The pistachio," he promised and followed Jack out.
As they walked out into the slanting afternoon sun filtering down through the trees in the parking lot, Jack asked the question Daniel had rather hoped not to hear. "So how long have you been dating?"
"We're not." Technically, it was true.
"Then how long have you been going over to her house on Saturday night and taking ice-cream?"
"Only a couple of times..."
"Daniel..."
"You know, Jack, contrary to what you might think, I didn't bring you here to see Linda to get the O'Neill stamp of approval."
"I know. And I still think you're an interfering SOB, Daniel."
"Is her life what you want for Sam in another five years?"
"Dating you?"
Daniel reminded himself that Jack had many more years of experience in hand-to-hand combat. Smacking him on the back of the head was not a good idea - not if Daniel wished to keep all his teeth. "With seven years of a failed relationship behind her?"
"One man does not represent all of them," Jack said shortly. Daniel could understand his terseness; there was a lot of conflict inside his friend. It went further than just Sam and Shanahan, or his memories of Sara's reticence to tell him about Charlie; Jack's own complex relationship with Sam was conflicting with his sense of what was right - and probably confusing what Jack thought Sam should do.
Daniel figured it was time to do some careful reminding. As they walked towards the truck, he asked, "Do you remember how much she changed after the incident with Sarah? It was all 'we're going to do this because Pete wants to' and 'Pete doesn't like me doing that.' All of a sudden, he was God; his word was her command. She wouldn't take our chocolates because he didn't like the idea of other men giving her presents! Never mind that we'd been doing it for years and if any of us were going to jump her we'd have done it years ago. And that was just the tip of the iceberg, Jack."
He paused at the car. "Shanahan wanted to control her; her choices, her decisions, her life. He still does. How many flowers do you think is appropriate to send a woman when she doesn't return your calls and doesn't apparently want to talk to you, Jack?"
Jack's mouth twisted. "He wants to bring up his own kid..."
"Jack, I know you're reliving the thing with Sara and Charlie again, but will you get your head out of your ass and see that the situation is entirely different?" Daniel was beyond being polite about this. Jack's situation was in the past. Sam's was going to affect her future. "You and Sara were married, you had a commitment, and you were having issues at the time. That's very different to Sam having broken up with Shanahan because he didn't respect her boundaries!"
Neither man headed to their door of the truck. Instead, Jack faced Daniel over the hood of the car, and his voice was sharp as a razor held at the throat. "Believe it or not, I want Carter to be happy, Daniel. But she has to do the right thing."
"The right thing by a man who is eligible for a domestic restraining order? Or the right thing by Sam Carter? They're not the same thing."
"Daniel..."
"Jack..." Daniel refused to give ground on this. "I wish there was some way she didn't have to tell Shanahan, but I concede that telling him was the right thing to do. But I'm not going to sit around and watch her cave in to his demands to get back with him because she doesn't have anyone else to turn to!"
This time the silence lasted long, and when Jack's eyes rose from the gleam of sunlight on the hood, Daniel could see that Jack had conceded that much at least. He added one last thing. "Last night, you told Shanahan that we came as a package deal with Sam. Did you mean it?"
"Yes."
"Then start acting like it," Daniel said, bluntly. "I won't say I'm not happy that our support of Sam decreases the chances of her taking Shanahan back, but I'm not going to withhold support of Sam's right to choose her own life just because I feel the father of her child should get first say in what happens to both mother and child."
"You make it sound parochial."
"And isn't it? The child is half hers, and I meant it when I said that the ability to get a woman pregnant is no factor in suitability to be a father - let alone a husband."
"Now who's letting their history interfere with the present?" Jack mocked. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors of the truck.
"That was a generic observation," Daniel retorted as he climbed into the truck. "It works in the specific as well, but the observation was general."
"And who gave you the right to make the judgement call?"
The accusation of arrogance bothered Daniel less than it once might have. "Someone has to. Otherwise we're floating in a sea of relativism and no way is up."
Jack settled himself in the driver seat and glared at Daniel. "Support all you want," he said, simply. "Just don't interfere." Then he started up the truck and they drove out of the parking lot and into rush hour traffic.
Daniel kept his cynical amusement to himself. Jack had no idea how late it was for that advice.
----