Secrets and Shadows: What You Don't Know
Part Four
Jack was so screwed and he knew it.
His body knew it, too, as he sat on his couch and studied the carpet between his toes.
...hot skin, salty-sweet, mouth open, lips parted, fingers clutching...
He looked up, and his eyes tangled with hers, crystal clear, fire bright. Even as they'd eased down to the floor of the living room, he'd given her chance and chance again to back out, to withdraw, to change her mind. She hadn't.
Did that say something about him, or something about her? Jack was afraid to know.
...soft touches, slow kisses, hushed moans, whisper-quiet, a long deep sigh...
They'd crossed the line, and if things had been complicated before, they were inextricably tangled now. The irony of having finally broken the damn rules after seven years of holding fast, now that she was carrying Shanahan's child, on the day they both received news of their respective promotions...
Fate, as Teal'c would intone solemnly, was not without a sense of humour.
Carter was looking at him with a challenge in her eyes. They'd been silent since they sat down, he unsure of what to say, uncertain of what she wanted now that they'd done what they'd done.
...he'd rolled them over, sweeping apples out of the way, and she was poised over him, every curve exposed, every secret revealed. One finger ran down his chest, from the hollow in his throat to the point where their bodies met...
"Do you regret it?" He asked, and although he knew he'd spoken softly, the words seemed to resonate through the room with all the force of thunder.
Her mouth curled, proud and fierce. "Do you?"
...lip clung to lip, passion and tenderness in their communion, an understanding they never dared to breathe out loud was given voice in another language...
"No."
Tension drained out of her, leaving her limp, and him startled. "Carter?"
Her mouth trembled as she looked away, then down at her hands. "I wish..." Almost inaudibly, she murmured, "I wish it was yours..."
...his hands rested over the swell of the baby, and he looked up at her face, seeing the brief flash of fear that crossed it, then bent down and brushed his lips over her belly. Madonna and child, alluring and frighteningly erotic...
Jack's fists clenched in his lap. "It's a bit late for that," he said, bitingly. Then he cursed beneath his breath as she flushed. "Carter...I don't regret it, but...but today has to be an aberration. We can't do this again..."
"I know," she murmured, and the sadness in her voice blew him out of the sky. "I'm sorry about..." She looked at him, then looked away, "I forgot about Melissa..."
So had Jack. He ran a hand through his hair. God, this is so fucked up... "I..." There were words he needed to say, things he had to clear up, lines he needed to redraw between them. For her sake, because he was desperately afraid that he would take anything she let him - and desperately afraid that she would let him take anything he wanted. "Carter, you're hormonal, right now. Everything's changed so fast for you - and Shanahan's being a bastard..." He regretted mentioning either her ex-boyfriend or the scenarios he'd produced. "I shouldn't have..." He took a deep breath, "I should have stopped you. Walked away."
He should have walked away years ago, from the moment that he realised how important she'd become to him. Instead, he'd stayed, and she'd stayed, and everything between them had only gotten more complicated with each twist of fate.
Her next words shocked him with their anger and their bitterness, "Does that mean it was a pity fuck, sir?" Spots of colour flashed high on her cheeks, before she closed her eyes in embarrassment. "I... I didn't mean..."
"You know me better than that, Carter," he told her softly. "I would never do that to you." Or me. "I said I didn't regret it. I didn't intend for it to happen, but it did."
The colour didn't fade from her cheeks. "And now?"
Now they had to work something out. "Do you regret it?"
She snorted and her mouth curved in a mocking smile, "What do you think?"
He was going to take that as a 'no.'
"If..." Carter hesitated, and her cheeks flamed red. "If you could have this afternoon again...knowing what was going to happen, without thinking of the consequences...would you?"
In a heartbeat. But he couldn't say that. "There are always consequences, Carter."
"Yes or no?" There was a bleak desperation in her expression, and Jack could only imagine what it cost her to sit there and essentially bare her soul to him, risking his rejection or condemnation. Something was demanded in return - some form of reparation.
"Yes," he said, knowing his own cheeks were flushing. "Without consequences, I'd..."
...take her slowly and gently, holding his body up as his hips sank deeply into her...use his tongue on every part of her body until she screamed for him...lie on his back and watch her ride him as his fingers clenched on her thighs...
"Yes," he repeated, softly, and was rewarded with the heartbreaking relief in her eyes.
It stunned him to think that she might believe he didn't or couldn't want...love her.
"Sir..." She winced, presumably at the use of his title - the title that still stood between them. "I'm still retiring from the Air Force when my child is born. Could we take a raincheck?" Carter plunged on, but the knuckles of her clasped hands were white. "Wait until the baby is born, and then...see where everything goes?"
There was an assumption in there that Jack badly wanted to hear stated outright. The assumption that she wasn't going to go back to Shanahan; that her relationship with him was over and done and the ashes scattered to the wind.
Given Teal'c's stay in the infirmary, the insurance reports Daniel was still filling out, and the rental Grand Cherokee out on Jack's driveway, it should have been obvious that she wasn't going back to the other man. And yet something in Jack wanted that confirmation so badly, he could almost taste it.
Instead, he noted. "But if you want to come back and work at the SGC..."
"The first time Daniel went through the mirror, he spoke of a world where you and I were engaged," she said, her eyes fixed fast on him. "He was the commander of the base, she was the Stargate expert. They made it work."
"What about your reputation?"
She shrugged, "With all due respect, sir, once I'm out of the Air Force and back working at the SGC, it doesn't matter what people think. We've been professional for the last seven years..."
"And people are going to say you slept your way..."
"...up the ladder," she finished for him. "They already say that." At his outraged look, she clarified, "Kinsey?"
He couldn't argue with that. Kinsey had made his accusations plain enough the last time they'd met.
"The only thing is..." She paused, and momentarily folded in on herself, as though she were shutting something bright up inside her. "You might not want to be known as the commander who screws his people."
Jack looked at her, at the hesitancy she displayed. Give her a problem to solve and she'd solve it, give her a mission to achieve and she'd accomplish it, but doubt her, and it was harder to break than a Tollan's resolve to withhold technology. "Carter, I've kept my hands off you for four years because of your career, not mine."
"But now you're the commander of the SGC..."
"I took the job because there was nobody else to do it!" This morning, he'd been all ready to decline the promotion, and then Hammond had handed him the files of the alternatives. Not one had seemed like a man who would look at the means as well as the end.
Jack couldn't allow a bad commander to take over the SGC. It went against the grain.
And if Carter wanted this... Well, he wouldn't be throwing out the position anytime soon, but he wouldn't much care what people thought of him and Carter, either.
"It doesn't matter," he dismissed, referring to the role of SGC commander. "That's not what's important to me. It never has been.
"I... Carter," he didn't know how to say this; he'd had little or no experience in charming women. "I still... Some things have changed between us." His helpless gesture took in her pregnancy, "And some things... At least on my side... I couldn't..."
He hadn't been able to stop loving her. Like Dixon had said; the situation had changed, but the essentials had not. He might not be able to act on it, but when had he ever?
Finally, he spoke again. "I'm willing to take a raincheck," he said, lightly. Then, because something in him demanded he acknowledge the possibility, "You might change your mind before then..."
The rest of his words were lost in her mouth, and his hands found their favourite curves without any prompting at all. When she let him up for air, he could do nothing but stare at her and pant as she traced her finger along his lower lip. "No."
He knew his mouth was curving in a smile, probably a fatuous one, and he leaned forward and kissed the fingertips against his lips.
The sensuous haze that clouded her eyes was like a drug. Jack wanted more, but he didn't dare take it.
Instead, he settled her back in his lap, and slid his hand under the hem of her t-shirt to the slight arc of her belly. A glance up showed her apprehension.
"I wish it were mine, too," he said, very gently. "But it's still his child." This would be the hardest part for her; navigating between him and Shanahan. And if his behaviour lately had been any indicator, Shanahan wasn't going to make it any easier - on her, or on Jack. "It won't be simple," he said, trying not to feel jealous at this part of her that the other man claimed - and always would, "But I will try not to make it harder on you."
It was the best promise he could make.
He almost regretted having her tell Shanahan about the kid. Almost. Jack might never be a father again, but he didn't want to be the one denying the experience - at least part of it - to another man. The detective would just have to deal with the fact that he might get access rights to his child, but the mother was off-limits.
"Thank you, sir."
Jack arched a brow, "Sir?"
She flushed, but held his gaze defensively. "It's a habit."
"One you'd better get out of," he murmured. "Eventually." Then he hissed. She was moving on his lap, very distractingly. "Carter..."
It's just the hormones making her do this. Just the hormones. Oh, God... He winced, If it's the hormones making her do this, then what kind of excuse do I have?
"Sam," she reproved him.
"Sam," he grated out, correcting himself through gritted teeth, as she shifted again, and parts of him began to respond. Aberration, remember? "I'm nearly an old man," he reminded her forcefully. "And I'm trying not to take advantage here..." But if you don't stop that, I'm going to lay you down on this lovely soft rug here and screw you senseless and my better nature can go to Netu.
Of course, she didn't stop. But she did lean down and brush her lips against his.
Jesus, whatever hormones she had in her should have been extracted, bottled and sold as an aphrodisiac.
God knew that Jack wasn't immune to it. He didn't see how any man would be.
Several breathless minutes later, his discomfort was increasing and he regarded her through narrowed eyes. "Did you hear what I said at all?"
She leaned in to him, a slightly wicked smile on her features. He'd seen her wearing that smile before, back when it had been safe to flirt. He hadn't yet seen her wearing nothing but the smile, but his imagination was already... Better nature. Better nature.. "Yes, Jack," she murmured, "You're getting old and trying not to take advantage." Her eyes twinkled at him. "Just out of curiosity, sir, would you ever take advantage?"
He moved the hand on her stomach a little higher, stroking the underside of her breast with one finger and watching her eyes kindle, before retreating back down to her stomach. "I'm tempted, right this moment..."
Her lashes fluttered down as she pursed her lips, "Today was an aberration, right?" Now her fingers were playing lightly over his fingers on her abdomen, and Jack wanted to sigh. He would like nothing better than to pick her up and lay her down and...
But he wouldn't. He would do the good and honourable thing and put a rein on his desire.
"Yes."
A moment later, she had the hem of her t-shirt in her hand. Two moments later, it was up, over her head and tossed away on the floor.
For some reason, unknown to Jack, it seemed that she'd decided to forgo the underwear stage of dressing when they were reclothing themselves.
Jack gaped. "Carter..."
She took his hands and slid them up her body, and his fingers curled around her of their own accord. You're a dirty old man, Jack... "It's still the same day," she said. Her eyes gleamed. "It doesn't count."
She was the clever one. And he wanted... God, he wanted...
"Well," he managed as her fingertips slid into the throat of his t-shirt and curled around his collarbones. Electric desire slid down his chest and coiled achingly in his groin. "If that's your logic..."
Jack kissed her until she had no breath left, then hauled them down to the floor, and made it count.
----
There were better uses for Sundays than spending them on base.
George Hammond fully expected to be spending tonight at his son's house with his granddaughters. However, this morning, he had come into the base to see off Colonel Carter and her team. The all-female team had departed just before 1000 hours for Targonia, amidst two FREDs and assorted technical equipment.
In spite of the unusual nature of this mission, only a handful of base personnel had come to see the departure. Technicians and off-duty SFs, and half the Research and Technology Department had been there. Even a couple of the Archaeology and Anthropology staff had peered in, possibly hoping to be co-opted last-minute to go on the mission. No such luck. The four officers had vanished into the wormhole, and only the Colonel turned back with a brief smile for her team-mates.
SG-1 had naturally turned up to see her off, even though Dr. Jackson looked as though he would much rather have still been in bed. There had been some tension for a few moments, when it appeared that the Colonel was taking umbrage at the Doctor's inquiries after her health, but Jack had sorted that out with his usual aplomb.
As George walked into the commissary, he noted that Dr. Jackson looked only a little more awake now than he had three hours earlier, in spite of what appeared to be the copious appliation of coffee.
"General," he greeted Jack. "Doctor, Teal'c."
"Oh George," Jack said, looking up from his newspaper and gesturing heartily, "Don't stand on ceremony, we're all Generals here..."
Teal'c's eyebrow lifted, but apart from a quiet, "General Hammond," the big man said nothing more, but ate his meal steadily, and turned the pages of his book. A book on pregnancy, George was both surprised and amused to notice.
"Afternoon, General," Dr. Jackson said, propping himself up on one elbow and a hand.
"You look like you could do with some sleep," George noted, and saw Jack's roll of the eyes.
"His fault for being up until 0400 hours watching 'Shogun,'" he said, without sympathy.
"'Shogun' was playing in the background," Dr. Jackson protested. "I was reading up on the thirteenth century Japanese culture."
"Sure you were," Jack retorted.
George didn't quite frown, but he eyed the newly-promoted General sitting beside him. There was an ebullience to Jack that was uncharacteristic of his recent behaviour. If he didn't know better, he'd think Jack had achieved some kind of epiphany over the last few days.
In another man, George might have attributed it to Jack achieving Generalship; but he'd nearly had to strongarm the man into taking up command of the facility. It wasn't the promotion.
It was a real puzzle.
Not one that George intended to think upon too hard. This sure beat the stiff, reserved mood of earlier this week, when Jack's truck had been stolen and burned out. Still...
"...no rest for the studious," Jack was telling his friend. "I thought we'd break Teal'c out of the mountain and go up to Garden of the Gods for the afternoon. Change of scenery, run wild and free, get out of the mountain..."
Fortunately for George he was saved from having to dampen Jack's enthusiasm when Dr. Jackson paused with his coffee mug halfway to his mouth. "Jack, that might not be such a good idea..."
"And why might that be?"
Dr. Jackson's eyebrows drew together as his tone of voice turned sardonic, "Oh, I don't know. Perhaps because of the reason we're staying in the mountain in the first place?"
Jack frowned, and not just at the sarcasm. "It's just out for the day, Daniel. Perfectly safe." He looked at George. "Right?"
George sighed. "That was what I came up here to tell you." Now they were all ears. "It seems that Detective Shanahan has been...keeping an eye on the facility. In the last few days, the guards stationed down at the entrance to this facility have noticed the same car driving past several times a day every day. It's been identified as Detective Shanahan's private vehicle."
"Looking for Carter."
"That was what I thought. However, his behaviour has raised flags at the NORAD base, and on Friday afternoon, I received a call from General Ettigan. He said that the Cheyenne complex will be putting in a formal notification to the Denver Police department, noting Detective Shanahan's presence outside the complex, and wishing to know if there is anything that we, professionally, should be informed about."
The matter of lurking around the Cheyenne complex was, if not something totally illegal, per se, still a matter to be brought to the attention of Detective Shanahan's seniors for notice.
"That seems a little...excessive," Dr. Jackson observed. George noticed that Jack was staring down at the paper with a carefully bland expression.
"It's not exactly standard operating procedure," Jack said, looking intently at his superior officer.
"No, Jack, it's not." George knew what question was really being asked; Was this being done to protect SG-1? Well, it was and it wasn't. It would set a precedent for Jack to follow when George was gone and the Detective continued to make a nuisance of himself; and it would keep SG-1 and Colonel Carter out of the issue - at least from the view of the Denver Police.
"However," he continued without a break, "considering that Detective Shanahan has knowledge of the SGC, any behaviour of concern to the complex is under the juridiction of the US Air Force and associated bodies."
Dr. Jackson winced. "So when did this 'notification' go through, then?"
"It's going in tomorrow morning," George informed them.
"And it's probably not a good idea for us to leave the complex until after then, right?"
At Jack's grimace and glare at Dr. Jackson, George realised that the two men were quite opposed on this matter. Not the first time and certainly not the last time.
"We can take care of ourselves, Daniel."
"I'm just saying that it might be a good idea to be...cautious. Staying in won't do us any harm - it might do more good than harm in fact..."
"You just want to stay in with those translations SG-5 picked up last mission." Jack had the irritated and irritatingly superior tones of a man who felt he'd just divined the secrets of the universe and had nothing left to do. "I saw you cajoling Hennesey for those notes..."
"Actually, Jack," George interrupted, "I would personally feel better if you - and Dr. Jackson and Teal'c - remained inside for the next couple of days."
"Inside?" Jack looked as though someone had just asked him to sing karaoke on the ramp in front of the Stargate. "In the mountain? Not even out on the slopes?"
George hesitated.
"What are the odds he'd manage to get past both the perimeter fence and the complex fence, and find the trails, sir? Really?"
It was almost more bother than it was worth to argue with Jack. On the other hand, it was Jack's life and the lives of his team at stake...
"I'd say it's better safe than sorry. However, you are an adult," he regarded the forty-something officer before him with a droll expression, "And a General."
Teal'c made a noise suspiciously like a snort. However, there was no change on his face.
"Heaven help the SGC," Dr. Jackson muttered.
Jack was non-plussed, but George grinned, "It's only in his hometown that a prophet is ignored." He levered himself up off the chair. "Whatever you decide to do, Jack, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, have a good afternoon."
He left them bickering about respect and the degrees of it that would be due Jack as commander of the SGC. Good men, for all that they played loose and easy with the rules.
George hoped that this whole business with Detective Shanahan would ease up. The man wasn't going to get Samantha Carter that way he'd probably first hoped, and he was going to have to deal with her team-mates hovering around her.
And in the meantime, it was a damn shame to have this hovering over SG-1.
George shook his head and went to his office to collect a few bits and pieces before heading up to the surface. He had a couple of girls to see.
----