Ok, chapter 19 is here, thanks for the reviews everyone, this chapter is a bit longer than the last few but what can you do?
As ever I own nothing.
Abby placed their dinner order and hung the phone up as Amelia returned.
"You ok?" She smiled as Amelia sighed and sat down at the table.
"Yeah." Amelia grinned back, as Abby joined her; they sat in silence for a second.
"How do you paste somebody to monkey bars?" Abby said, questioning laughter in her voice.
"It was a climbing frame Abby." Amelia mocked, her voice dripping with sarcasm as they both dissolved into laughter, "Agghh." Amelia sighed leaning back into her chair, still smiling. "I don't know what I'm going to do with her." She smiled.
"Well they seemed pretty sorry." Abby said sincerely.
"They are at the moment, it'll all be forgotten by next week and they'll do something else." Amelia smiled. "It's not really that big of a deal, I'd much rather they did stupid relatively harmless stuff than bully other kids about the fact their parents are fuck ups." Amelia shook her head, shrugging slightly. "They're good kids y'know."
"Cute too." Abby smiled.
"Yeah, they're living proof that looks can be deceptive." Amelia said her forehead creased, her eyes still twinkling.
"She obviously makes friends quickly, you've only been here four months right?" Abby said referring to Lauren and Imogen's allegiance.
"She and Imogen have known each other their whole lives." Amelia said, continuing as she saw Abby's quizzical expression. "Nick and I worked together in New York." Amelia said by way of explanation, noting that Abby still looked non-plussed she continued. "Imogen was born six weeks before Lauren, the woman I worked for, and Nick had worked for looked after the two of them," She paused wistfully, recalling days gone by, "Imogen and Nick moved out here about eighteen months ago, so the girls' were constantly together before then, that's not to say that either of them don't make friends easily though." Amelia smiled finishing, not really wanting to go routing back into the past.
"Where's Jasper gone?" Abby asked, knowingly guiding the subject away from Amelia's naughty four year old.
"They've gone to New York for the weekend, they've got a bachelor party to go to, some old law school buddy of theirs." Amelia explained.
"Until Tuesday?" Abby raised her eyebrows skeptically, remembering Nick tell Imogen when he'd be back.
"Ok, so it's actually more like a four day blow out." Amelia smiled, getting up and pulling the fridge open, adding. "If they come back with everything intact I'll be amazed, actually I'm slightly dubious about whether they'll come back at all." As she pulled out a bottle of wine, she poured herself a glass. "D'you?" She asked indicating the wine in front of her. Abby shook her head, clinging to her open but untouched beer. Amelia replaced the bottle, sitting back down. "Did you talk to Maggie?" Amelia asked, deliberately avoiding Abby's eyes sipping from her glass.
"Yeah." Abby replied, looking down, playing absently with the label on the bottle.
"She told me about Eric." Amelia muttered, feeling as though she had no right to know, feeling almost impassive about Abby's most passionate subject. "I'm sorry." She added, genuinely feeling bad, but bad about a stranger with a name rather than a brother. Abby paused before looking back up at her.
"Me too." She shrugged pensively, trying for blasé hitting something more like devastated. Amelia nodded, not knowing what to say next, feeling an enormous amount of sympathy for Abby as her friend, yet clueless as to how to feel for Abby as her family.
"Have you ever heard of a poem called 'The Elephant in the Room'?" Amelia asked, looking directly at Abby who brought her eyes up to Amelia's, confused as to where she was going with this, having never heard of what she was referring to, Amelia continued none-the-less, playing with the stem of her glass. "I can't remember who it's by, or quite how it goes, but it talks about this enormous tension, some black cloud hanging over everything you do, everything you talk about." Amelia paused, reaching to remember the words; she began to speak quietly though as she did. "There's an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with, 'How are you?' and 'I'm fine,' and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else, except the elephant in the room. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together." Amelia stopped, looking back to where her gaze had diverted from, as she met Abby eyes. "I don't know where to go from here." Amelia admitted, shaking her head slightly. Lost. She was trying to tackle her family, her elephant and she didn't, she couldn't will herself to work out where she had to turn. There were entire family of elephants in her room and she couldn't quite work out if the smallest was the easiest to tackle first. Did she need to tackle the smallest one, get her on side before she tackled the others? Abby chewed on her lip as she listened to and looked at Amelia. Amelia, herself was at a loss as to how to go on, she'd run out of paths to venture down as she sighed heavily, looking at Abby. Abby sensed that Amelia was desperately trying to make a mends and picked up the metaphorical ball Amelia had left lying on the ground and ran with it.
"Where's that poem from?" Abby frowned, the English lit major failing her.
"It's some thing they use in crisis intervention, it's supposed to get you to talk, I don't think anyone knows who it's by." Amelia explained quietly not looking at Abby.
"He agreed to go in voluntarily about a year ago." Abby started, swallowing hard. "He was in for a while, then went back to Minnesota with Maggie, it got really bad a while ago and he had to go back into hospital about a month ago, he's doing ok at the moment though I think." She added, nodding to reassure herself more than Amelia.
"Maggie said." Amelia responded quietly.
"He seems like he's doing ok." Abby mustered something close to a smile.
"I am really sorry." Amelia offered leaning her hands on the table, doing her best to convey genuine feeling, it was the best she could do as she looked at Abby frowning slightly.
"He'll be ok." Abby smiled, genuinely this time, reassuring her sister as much as herself, Amelia nodded once and smiled back, figuring they'd dealt with the subject, if only superficially, they locked eyes for a second, reassured by one another, before both looking away guiltily as if they'd just shared too much. Abby thought for a minute before continuing, deciding they were safe she went on. "Thank you for letting Maggie see Lauren." She said tentatively, slowly looking back up at Amelia. Amelia paused, chewing her lip, she didn't look up as she responded.
"You all have as much right to her as I do." Amelia replied staring at her fingers fidgeting around the base of her glass.
"It meant a lot to her." Abby said, she wanted to thank Amelia genuinely, what she'd said to Susan and Elizabeth before had been honest, had she been put in Amelia's position she wasn't sure she's have been that willing, that forgiving, but she was eternally grateful that Amelia had done what she'd chosen to do.
"She's welcome to see Lauren whenever she wants to." Amelia replied, swallowing her pride, along with all her doubts and fears as she looked back at Abby. "Seriously," Amelia started, "Lauren was full of praise for her," she said quietly adding, "So was Jas." Amelia rubbed her face, leaving her palms over her eyes for a second as she breathed deeply. "I've got no right to keep them apart." She said looking imploringly at Abby, waiting for some kind of reassurance from her sister as she brought her hands down from her face, one returning to the stem of her glass, the other resting resignedly along her jaw line.
"She'll be a good grandmother," Abby told Amelia honestly, "She's been waiting to be one for years, planning and everything, I swear to god." Abby almost laughed as she saw Amelia's skeptical expression. "You're going to be getting knitted sweaters in the post soon." Abby said still smiling, knowing exactly how Maggie had reacted when she'd returned from her visit with Lauren.
"Yeah." Amelia said raising her eyebrows, smiling again. "Well Lauren loves the idea of having a grandmother so I guess she's going to have to be involved." Amelia smiled resignedly. Abby met her eyes again, smiling too, she couldn't quite believe that this relatively reasonable individual was the quiet four year old that had been taken away from Maggie, she couldn't quite believe that she was sitting in her kitchen, surrounded by various works of art created by her niece, this was the white picket fence lifestyle she'd heard about and scoffed at her whole life, somehow it didn't seem so fake after all. Life's what you make of it I guess. "Awesome I'm starving." Amelia interrupted Abby's musings pushing her chair back as the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the food. Abby followed, grabbing her wallet out of her bag. "I've got this it's fine." Amelia wafted her away.
"No come on." Abby argued back.
"Honestly, I've got it, besides I'm in gainful employment and you're a student." Amelia mocked smiling at her. Abby raised her eyebrows a 'you have a point' expression on her face and relented. Amelia paid for the food and they made their way back into the kitchen, dumping the dinner on the table Amelia grabbed two plates and some cutlery from their various places as Abby unloaded the food and they sat down. "Am I aloud to ask about you and Carter?" Amelia said, something of a conspiratorial expression on her face. Abby studied her for a second, a smile creeping onto her lips as she realized this wasn't intended to be a deep and meaningful, Amelia just wanted some dirt dished.
"What do you want to know?" She smiled leaning in, it had been a long time since she and Carter had called it a day, rather since Carter had called it a day, it wasn't a fresh wound any more, it was a wound still, but it was healing well.
"How long were you seeing him?" Amelia asked.
"Almost eighteen months." Abby replied.
"Christ, that long?" Amelia said, mildly surprised. "I can't picture the two of you together." She admitted shaking her head slightly.
"He's a nice guy." Abby replied, defending Carter and herself good-humouredly.
"Rich." Amelia added.
"Very." Abby nodded.
"Get anything good out of it?" Amelia grinned wickedly.
"He bought me a couple of really nice pairs of earrings, a watch, I was trying for a new transmission for my car but that never materialized." Abby smiled.
"Shame." Amelia turned her nose up comically.
"Yeah." Abby nodded along.
"Is it true that you got together during the smallpox scare you guys had a couple of years ago?" Amelia almost laughed.
"Yeah." Abby nodded, wondering where Amelia got her information, it was surprisingly accurate for the ER.
"Nice low pressure situation to start a relationship in." Amelia commented sarcastically.
"Well we were trapped in the hospital together for two weeks, that just sort of kick started it." Abby smiled.
"Apparently he wasn't the only guy there though." Amelia grinned.
"If you had the choice between Carter and Pratt, who would you choose?" She smiled, her eyebrows raised.
"You have a point." Amelia agreed. "That place is like a hotbed of relationships though, everyone seems to be either sleeping with or has slept with someone else." She continued, changing the subject from Abby and Carter, she didn't want to push her luck; it actually wasn't really her business anyway she decided.
"Kovac you mean." Abby said smiling.
"Well, yeah." Amelia smiled, knowing Abby had been down that road as well. "But not just him, there's something about doctors and nurses, doctors and doctors especially in this hospital." Amelia laughed.
"You've avoided that pitfall though." Abby noted.
"But I've fallen into the old doctor, lawyer trap." Amelia smiled.
"How long have you and Jasper been together?" Abby asked, steering the conversation away from the ER gossip.
"Two, two and a half years, something like that, I'm sure I've told you this before." Amelia frowned; sure they'd had a conversation about this before.
"How'd you meet him?" She continued, she'd spilled about Carter, now it was Amelia's turn to tell some tales.
"He used to come into the bar all the time, he and Nick worked at the same firm, Nick's known his family forever." Amelia replied.
"When did he move over here?" Abby continued.
"Who Jasper?" Amelia asked as Abby nodded.
"About five years ago." Amelia told her, pushing her empty plate to the side, reaching behind her, pulling open a draw and retrieving a packet of cigarettes. "Sorry d'you mind?" She asked indicating the back porch. Abby shook her head and retrieved her own pack from her bag, following Amelia outside. They both took seats on the porch as they lit up.
"What about Lauren's father?" Abby asked, she'd given up enough about her past misdemeanors, now it was Amelia's turn. "Was he at med school with you?" Abby asked. She noticed Amelia smile for a second, and heard her let out a small, knowing laugh exhaling a plume of smoke as she stared off into the dark recesses of the back yard. "Sorry." Abby added, feeling that she might have overstepped the mark slightly.
"No, no, don't worry about it." Amelia said, still relaxed, obviously not minding Abby broaching the subject. "No, he was a businessman, still is I think, I met him trough a girl I used to work with." She said looking over at Abby.
"What happened?" Abby asked curious to know how someone seemingly as smart Amelia had ended up knocked up and alone. Shaking her head slightly, laughing at how stupid she'd been back then Amelia continued.
"He was the stereotypical funny, smart, rich, good-looking older man, waiting to sweep a naive twenty year old off her feet, he just happened to pick me, and I fell for it." She half smiled resigned to the fact she'd let it happen, yet ashamed at the same time.
"How much older?" Abby frowned.
"Old enough to know better." Amelia laughed awkwardly. "He was eighteen, nineteen years older than me, early forties anyway." She shrugged shaking her head.
"Wow." Abby frowned, "And you were what twenty two?" She looked at Amelia pulling her knees up to her chest.
"Twenty one, just." Amelia nodded again. "I was broke, living above the bar, at med school every day, working in the bar every night, there wasn't anything wrong with my life then, it was just, I don't know, he told me he could make it all better, pay my tuition, buy me a condo, a car." She shook her head again. "I knew it was all bullshit then but I thought it might just work, it's not like I even wanted to be looked after, or needed to be, but I guess when it's offered it's appealing. I got burned." She added smiling at Abby again.
"Does he ever see Lauren?" Abby asked. She was surprised by all this news, it wasn't as if she hadn't heard stories like this before, it was just that she'd never thought that Lauren would be the product of something like this, she'd figured that Lauren's father would be some med school kid who'd just run a mile when he'd been faced with some kind of responsibility. Amelia laughed at the question, taking a drag of her cigarette.
"No, when I told him I was pregnant he told me that he had a wife and three teenaged kids, offered to pay for the abortion and said that if I ever told his wife his marriage would be over and he couldn't live without her." She bit her lip, thinking for a second.
"You tell his wife?" Abby asked frowning.
"Nope, figured it wasn't worth the hassle." Amelia shrugged.
"God that was very restrained of you." Abby noted impressed.
"The really fucked up thing is that three days after she was born he did actually leave his wife and kids and ran off with Imogen's mother." Amelia said, a trace of bitterness in her voice, as she looked over at Abby, a wan smile on her face.
"Did he know about her?" Abby asked, realizing that he could well still be in the dark about his daughter.
"Yeah." She nodded, she had no intention of telling Abby about the fact Birdie had given him a piece of her mind and set her son's on him in defense of Amelia after Lauren was born. "Realistically I could have chosen not to have her there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that, there wouldn't have been any shame in it, he didn't want her and he made that clear, so it was my decision to have her and I told him about her out of curtsey more than anything else." Amelia smiled obviously affected by the situation, but strong enough to see that Lauren was worth it.
"D'you regret it?" Abby asked cautiously.
"I can't answer that." Amelia smiled, shaking her head.
"Mealia." A little voice called out from inside the house, Amelia sprung into action, throwing her cigarette out into the dark of the garden as the voice tried again a little louder.
"Imogen, we're out here." Amelia called back, making no attempt to get up. Imogen's figure appeared in the doorway. "Why aren't you asleep?" She asked the figure who was making her way towards her, fury cow in hand.
"I can't sleep." Imogen replied forlornly, trying to climb up onto Amelia's lap. Amelia relented and pulled her up, instantly Imogen snuggled into her.
"What's up?" Amelia asked as she looked at Imogen's face.
"I just can't sleep." She mumbled through a mouthful of thumb as she settled her head against Amelia's chest. Amelia looked over at Abby, and smiled apologetically.
"Oh, here we go." She added rolling her eyes noticing the back door opening and the second little girl emerge from the house, clutching a stuffed toy, sort of resembling an elephant, Abby looked over as well as Amelia spoke. "Lo, can you not sleep either?" She asked, kind skepticism in her voice.
"No I just woke up and Immo was gone so I came to find her." She replied ambling over to them, noticing Amelia's lap was already occupied and in the absence of Jasper she decided Abby was her next best bet and headed towards her.
"Sorry." Amelia said for her as she started climbing onto Abby's lap automatically.
"It's ok." Abby assured her, pulling Lauren up, somewhat unfamiliar with dealing with four year olds who weren't scared and in hospital. They sat quietly for a couple of minutes.
"I think I get why you can't answer the regret question." Abby said quietly looking down at her sleepy niece. Amelia smiled at her warmly.
"It's not very exciting but there are worse things." Amelia replied.
Ok, there we go Chapter 18, I feel like it got a bit cheesy there towards the end, sorry about that! Let me know what you think.
(The Elephant poem is stolen and very definitely not my own work just so you know!)
Someone reviewed and asked me why Abby was drinking in this story, and I can't say that I really know why I made her drink, it's not as if she's wasted all the time but I just sort of think that she does a bit I suppose, I don't know maybe It's because pretty much every time I write anything on this I have a glass of wine in my hand, I'm just not sure, sorry!
Anyway drinking Abby or not let me know what you think!