Chapter 26, we're kicking off two or three days after we left them, Maggie's back in the picture and tempers are beginning to fray….

As ever I still own nothing.

Ch 26

Abby and Maggie were approaching Lauren's room as Amelia emerged followed by Jasper, Maggie was about to call out to Amelia when Jasper spoke, loud enough for them to hear, loud enough for pretty much the entire hospital to hear.

"Why won't you talk to me about this?" He asked empathetically trying to articulate his desperation.

"Because I can't." Amelia replied staring dead into his eyes, her voice quieter than his but raised none the less.

"I want to know what's going on I have as much right to that as you do." He said imploringly, Amelia had shrunk into herself over the last four days, up until now she'd only given him monosyllabic answers to his questions, that was if she'd answered them at all, he needed her support, her reassurance and he wasn't getting it, in his eyes she was ripping them apart.

"This is a hospital, there are a hundred doctors here who can tell you what's going on, go and ask one of them." She told him her gaze never leaving his.

"You're a doctor I'm asking you, I need to hear what's going on from you." He said his tone cooling.

"I can't Jasper." She shook her head.

"You know what's going on, you know what every test means, every detail, why the hell cant you tell me all that as a doctor, as her doctor." He said, his voice rising again, his arm pointing aggressively towards the room their daughter was lying in. Amelia snapped as he finished, her patience running out, her frustration at his constant questioning coming crashing down around her, it had been building inside her for the last four days watching Lauren's body gradually getting weaker, getting further and further away, she felt as though she was trapped inside her own head, thinking constantly, jumbled thoughts all ultimately bearing the same request, she couldn't bear the idea of loosing her, she couldn't function without her, she couldn't cope, and so she snapped, at the one person she wanted to keep closest.

"In that room I can't be a doctor, can you understand that? I'm struggling to be a mother in that room, I can't sit in there and explain what every test is for, what every number on that chart means, I can't give you a running commentary on everything that's going on, the truth is I don't know." She paused, breathing shakily. "I can't tell you how or why this is happening, I can't tell you where she got it, I can't tell you that if I'd done something differently or you'd done something differently that we wouldn't be standing here, and I sure as hell can't take you constantly telling me that you don't understand this." She stared fixedly at him, her anger and frustration emerging for the first time.

"I just want to know Meals, I have to know what her chances are, you have to tell me that." He said a sad frown creasing his forehead. Maggie and Abby were still watching the exchange, joined now by Nick and a woman of around Maggie's age who Abby had never seen before.

"What's going on?" Nick asked Abby frowning slightly; she looked back at him, her brow furrowed.

"They're loosing it." Abby said quietly looking into his eyes sadly.

"How long've they been at this?" The woman next to Nick asked her eyes fixed on the pair.

"Sorry, this is Birdie." Nick introduced the woman.

"Hi." Birdie glanced over quickly.

"Hi" Abby replied quietly as she diverted her gaze back to Jasper and Amelia as their voices rose.

"You want me to tell you?" Amelia continued the bitterness evident I her voice as her eyes remained fixed on his.

"Yes I want you to tell me." Jasper replied stubbornly.

"Ok, as her mother I'm thinking she'll be fine, she's a fighter, she'll pull through this, and she'll be ok, but that contradicts everything I know, everything I've seen, realistically Jasper she's not going to be ok, but please go and ask someone else about this, get them to tell you because I won't sit in that room and tell you that statistically her chances of a full and meaningful recovery are virtually non-existent. Every bone in my body is fighting against that reality, don't make me tell you about it." She finished quietly, bitterly, wishing him away from this, wanting to be left alone, and yet he went on.

"So most kids with this don't come out of it ok?" He asked his eyes wide. Amelia sighed, closing her eyes. "Amelia." He begged, again she snapped.

"You want me to quote statistics at you?" She asked angrily her voice rising, without giving him time to answer she carried on. "Ok fine, no, most kids her age with this don't come out of it ok, she has a less than thirty percent chance of survival having been unconscious this long, if she wakes up there's an eighty-five percent chance that she'll be deaf, blindness is around a sixty-five percent, her kidneys are about to shut down her liver function tests are heading off the scale which means that there's a good chance she'll need a transplant, she's heading for multiple organ failure, she's not breathing for herself which implies that there's some brain damage, you won't know how bad that is until she wakes up, if she wakes up, but given that we don't know how long she was seizing for before we found her the likelihood is that that it's going to be fairly severe. That's the reality of it Jasper, I don't believe that reality, I can't, but I hope that now you know all of this you feel better, it would have been a hell of a lot easier if someone else had told you." She spat.

"You tell me that as her doctor or her mother?" He asked bitterly.

"I don't get a choice." She replied staring hard at him.

"It's a pity you didn't look a bit harder as a doctor four days ago isn't it?" He snapped back.

"Excuse me." She replied, shocked, her eyebrows raised, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

"Ok, right both of you stop it." Birdie cut in, trying to prevent any further escalation of this argument, they both ignored her, continuing to stare hatefully at each other.

"Maybe if you'd been thinking about your precious job then we wouldn't be here now." Jasper continued.

"No Jasper I was too busy fucking you to be thinking about it then wasn't I? " Amelia replied, spite in her eyes.

"So this is my fault? The fact I was shagging you while your daughter was sick has brought all this on, I don't remember you putting up much of a fight." He spat back.

"Christ you're a jerk, yeah it's your fault as much as it is mine." She replied shaking her head.

"I'm not the doctor." He attempted to shrug dismissively; he couldn't quite pull it off though.

"Right, and I was so busy being your girlfriend that I failed to be either a mother or a doctor is that it?" Contempt was shining through Amelia's eyes as she battled with him.

"Don't throw that at me, it's not like you spend a lot of time being a girlfriend." Jasper shook his head.

"Fine, you want to head off for a quick fuck right now, it's not like she's going anywhere, maybe when we get back she'll be gone and then I can ditch the mothering part of all of this and I'll have plenty of time to be you're girlfriend, isn't that what you want?" She raged at him, her sapphire eyes daring him to go on.

 "She's your daughter Amelia and you can't even show an ounce of bloody emotion for her, I knew you were fucked up but not this fucked up, Jesus, yeah you were fucked over, I just never thought you were still emotionally inept." He shook his head disdainfully. She stared back for a long second, she couldn't quite believe that he was doing this to her, she was crumbling inside before, and he knew it, he had to know, but his vicious stare told her he didn't, or told her that some how he'd forgotten everything she'd told him, everything she'd confided, about Lauren, her fears for her, her hopes her love, everything she'd tried to convey to him was somehow gone, everything she'd seen in his eyes since they'd first gotten together was gone and contempt was all that remained. She shook her head in response, quietly, slowly, her lips forming an ironic, if somewhat disbelieving smile, her brow furrowed. In reality he was feeling just as she was; the terror and the reality of the situation just brought home, the need to lash out was built in him as it was in her but it was hard to accept, it was hard to read each other, harder than it had ever been before, they'd learned a mutual trust, but now it was disintegrating as they watched Lauren's steady demise, taking it out on each other was easier than acceptance.

"You know what, if that's what you think you should go." She said quietly looking into his emotion filled eyes, her own hollow.

"What?" He frowned.

"If that's what you think I'd rather do this on my own." She continued to stare at him.

"Like you could handle this on your own, you rely on everyone around you to do every single fucking thing for you…" Jasper continued, cut off abruptly by Birdie.

"Stop it." Birdie said firmly catching his glance, staring angrily for the first time, astonished that he even knew about what he was saying.

"Fine you tell me that it's not the truth." Jasper stared back between the pair; Birdie glanced from Jasper to Amelia, Amelia didn't look towards her, instead she continued to stare at Jasper, studying his face, the contours that had always attracted her to him, the lengthy stubble that was now growing around his square jaw, she met his eyes as he looked slowly from Birdie back to her.

"What the hell do you think I did before you came along?" Amelia frowned shaking her head. "You think I can't do this on my own? You think I cant cope, Jesus Jasper I'm the archetypal product of the care system in you're eyes, presumably, inevitably I should be a single mother, should I not know how to do this? After all it's in the training right?" She frowned challengingly waiting for his reply, her arms still crossed firmly, defensively over her chest.

"You wouldn't have a clue where to start." He spat. She shrugged; sighing frowning still, holding her hands out in defeat.

"Ok, fine, you be the single parent for a while, you sit in that fucking room, you watch, you sit there and pretend she's your blood, lets see how well you do on your own since you clearly think I'm so shit at this." Amelia said shaking her head, looking through the glass at Lauren momentarily, she was going to do this, she was going to walk away, from him, from Lauren, from everything, from the feelings that were bubbling to the surface, they were easily locked inside given some time alone, and so she turned.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper said grabbing her arm tightly as she did, their eyes meeting again. Amelia frowned at him toying with his emotions willingly, desperately trying to be frustratingly disdainful, trying to piss him off, it was the only way she knew to avoid falling apart, she pulled her arm back from his burning grasp.    

"I've given you almost three years." She said quietly, shaking her head as she stared up at him, in amazement, ignoring Birdie still, "I've let you have three years my life and her life and now she's my daughter?" She frowned, Birdie backed down slightly as she saw the anger and disappointment bubble inside Amelia, she could handle this part at least on her own. "You're the one she calls Dad and yet now she's my daughter, she no longer has anything to do with you." Amelia shook her head frowning and letting a small disdainful laugh out at the same time her disappointment in him evident.

"She has to do with me, it's you that won't, it's you that won't even fucking talk to me about this." Jasper replied still angry.

"D'you think this is about me?" Amelia started her voice rising again. "Do you? Because if you do, if you think this is about you and me then you need to walk away now, if you think that this is a reaction to something that happened seventeen, eighteen years ago then you are sorely mistaken." She stared hard at him steadying herself to go on. "Fuck you." She spat. "You know about all of that because I chose to tell you and if now, right now you think that it's having an impact on how I choose to react to my daughter you need to turn around and walk away right now."  Amelia replied seriously, her eyes filling suddenly with a defiance that couldn't be broken, it was there to be challenged, she was daring him to do it, daring him to walk away, sleep depravation and emotional turmoil overtaking her. "Walk away Jasper, I'm giving you the chance, I'm giving you an out, fucking get out of jail free, this isn't yours to deal with, since she's apparently no longer your daughter, and I'm clearly 'emotionally inept'." She added frowning shaking her head, disgusted by his reaction. "After all this, after everything, since this has somehow become all about you and me, I'm a crap girlfriend, I'm a fucked up individual, whatever the hell you want to think about me, think it," She shook her head pouting assumingly, "Do, please, maybe it makes you feel good to think you're some kind of savoir, but I'm telling you now I'm not a crap mother, I'm happy not to be your girlfriend anymore and if you don't want to be her father any more then that's fine." Amelia told him honesty written in her face and etched on her words. 

"You're a fucking bitch." Jasper said slowly his dark eyes set like stone.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm a whore, I'm fucked up, I'm a shit mother, I'm a bitch, give a shit, after all I'm just trying to off set how big of a cunt you are." She replied spitefully.

"That's enough the pair of you." Birdie said loudly, decisively, stepping between Jasper and Amelia, trying to prize them out of their bitter stand off. "Who is this helping, hunh?" She asked looking from one of them to the other.

"I feel a lot better." Jasper spat never taking his eyes off Amelia.

"Fucking good for you." She shot back. Jasper opened his mouth to retaliate.

"What the hell do the two of you think you're doing?" Birdie asked, shaking her head, amazed at the pair's behavior, they both looked at her for the first time. "Yelling and name calling ain't gonna help either of you and it sure as hell ain't gonna help that little girl so stop it." They both stared at Birdie for a second, then glanced at each other before looking to the ground. "When was the last time either of you had any sleep? Because you both look like shit." She noted, neither of them replied. "Ok, you." She said looking to Jasper. "Go home, have a shower, get some rest and then you can come back tonight." She instructed.

"I'm not leaving Birdie." Jasper shook his head.

"Listen to me son, you're both exhausted, you've not left this place in four days, you're not going back in that room while you're behaving like this, neither of you can help Lauren in this state, so go and get some shut-eye, Nick's gonna take you home." Birdie said decisively.

"Come on." Nick said gently having appeared beside them. "We'll come back later." He told Japer, nodding at Birdie, leading a reluctant Jasper away, back past Abby and Maggie, he paused, squeezing Abby's shoulder gently. "You ok?" he asked Abby quietly. She looked up at him nodding sadly, placing her hand over his, and squeezing his back. "I'll see you later." He reassured her before continuing on his way with Jasper.

"You didn't have to come all this way Birdie." Amelia said rubbing her eyes, her tone changed as soon as jasper had disappeared.

"Yeah it looks like the two of you are handling this bloody brilliantly on your own." She noted sarcastically, getting a weak ironic laugh and an eye roll from Amelia. "When was the last time you slept darlin'?" She asked rubbing Amelia's back, Amelia shrugged, tipping her head back slightly sighing. "When did you last eat anything?" Birdie continued.

"I don't know." Amelia admitted wearily rubbing her face. "Who's looking after the bar?" She asked, frowning slightly, pretending to be concerned.  

"Eddie's getting the boys to do it, he's flying out now." Birdie said, knowing Amelia was just trying to be polite.

"He doesn't have to, we're, it's..." She trailed off, looking down at the floor again.

"At this rate you're gonna make yourself sick as well." Birdie said sternly, "You can hardly string a sentence together as it is." She noted her eyes full of concern.

"I'm fine." Amelia said quietly.

"No darlin' you ain't." Birdie shook her head, Amelia ignored the comment and started back towards Lauren's room, Birdie caught her arm gently. "You ain't going back in there either." She said sternly, "Luv give yourself a break." Birdie nodded at her, her voice kind.

"How do you suggest I do that?" Amelia sighed as she turned back towards her, noticing Abby and Maggie for the first time; they approached as they saw her acknowledge them.

"Go and get something to eat, have a fag, get some sleep if you can, but you're gonna drive yourself round the bend if you sit in that room for another second." Birdie said looking earnestly at her; she nodded slowly knowing that as usual she was right, but how was she supposed to give herself a break from this, it wasn't some thing that would get better after she had some sleep, it wasn't something that was going to go away, she watched Maggie approach, Jesus, if Maggie was going to get her on side, now was definitely the time to do it, while she was too exhausted and emotionally destroyed to do anything about it.

"Hi." Amelia said as Maggie arrived beside her, unfazed by the fact Abby had called her, too tired really to care.

"Hi." Maggie said quietly looking at Amelia.

"Abby, Maggie, Birdie." Amelia ran through the introductions wearily. They acknowledged each other with nods, quickly looking back to Amelia.

"She's right." Abby said quietly. Amelia nodded and rubbed her face again.

"Bird can you stay with her?" Amelia asked resigned to the fact that they weren't going to leave her alone with her daughter, before Birdie replied Amelia turned and walked away, not knowing or really caring where she was going, she just wanted to be on her own.

"Should someone go with her?" Maggie asked watching Amelia's retreating back.

"Give her a while on her own." Birdie replied, turning towards Lauren's room, followed closely by Maggie. Abby stood watching the now empty corridor; slowly she moved to follow Amelia's path.

There we go, let me know what you think.