Ok, here we go chapter 30 (this is a land mark but anyway…) It's an exceptionally long chapter and I could have pretty much cut it in half but I didn't so there we go, anyway, I hope you enjoy it it's getting further into the whole Abby/ Nick thing so I hope you like it….K
Still own absolutely nothing!
"Daddy." A small voice penetrated the darkness pulling Abby from the brief relief of sleep as Nick's chest shifted from under her head.
"Hey." Nick replied in a whisper as he moved to get out of bed. Imogen made her way over towards him as he sat up, before he could actually get out of bed she began to climb in. Abby shifted as he relented and pulled Imogen onto his chest where she wiggled momentarily until she fell into the forced gap she'd made between her Dad and Abby. Nick pulled a pained apologetic look towards Abby, who shook her head, indicating that it didn't matter. She shuffled, kicking out slightly as she manoeuvred her back towards Nick's now sideways turned chest and faced Abby who was pulling herself up to rest on her elbows, Nick could tell that Abby was slightly uncomfortable with this latest development and as a result he was as well, Imogen however was clearly oblivious as she nestled between them, the adult relationship developments and realisations being entirely beyond her. As Abby pulled herself up further as Imogen decided that actually sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed was her best option. Abby watched her as she moved to her sitting position, facing her still, her stuffed toy cow firmly held between her arm and chest, her eyes wide.
"Am I aloud to go and see Lauren again?" Imogen asked wary of the answer she might get as she looked cautiously at Abby. Abby returned her wary look pulling herself up further still so she was now sitting, leaning against the headboard. Imogen was still looking at her dubiously, something of a begging expression crossing her features though now as she thought she might be denied her request. Abby felt a little like she was intruding on something, she had never been cornered by a guys kid while she'd been lying in bed with a guy before and the fact that Imogen was addressing her and not Nick made her feel even more uneasy. "Please?" Imogen asked, her voice betraying some of her desperation to see her best friend.
"You saw her three days ago Imm." Nick said as he tried to wrestle the last remnants of sleep from his demeanour, groaning as he saw 6:04 glaring back at him from the clock radio by his bed.
"I know but I want to go see her today." Imogen explained impatiently still looking at Abby.
"Go and see her." Nick corrected wearily as Abby shot him a distinctively derisory look that went unnoticed with his arm lying across his eyes.
"Umm." Abby started as Nick remained silent, it was running through her mind that this was some kind of a test on his part, her thoughts were dispelled though slightly as he pulled himself up into a sitting position next to her, hauling Imogen onto his lap as he did, Imogen's eyes never left her face and Nick shot her another apologetic look although he wasn't doing anything to help. "Umm." Abby hummed again frowning, frustrated by Nick's lack of response and input, this was definitely not what she'd signed up for. Imogen's eyes darted to Nick as he repositioned her and finally began to communicate, rubbing his hand over his eyes wearily before dropping it by his side and sighing.
"You have school today." Nick said wearily, blinking rapidly to dispel sleep as he flicked the lamp switch.
"After school." Imogen countered immediately.
"Immo, she's not going to come out and play." He told her quietly, shaking his head slowly as he noted Abby disappearing from the bedroom, heading for his bathroom.
"But I can go see her?" She asked almost excitedly. "Go and see her." She corrected herself as if it would make his mind up her hands on his chest, 'daisy the cow' forgotten in the excitement, lying in the middle of the bed.
"We'll see." He smiled a 'no promises' smile at her as his eyes darted between the distinctively closed bathroom door and his grinning daughter.
Twenty minutes later Imogen was safely deposited back in her own room picking out something to wear for school, Abby had emerged fully clothed from Nick's bathroom and Nick was still standing in his pyjama bottoms crumpled from sleep and looking decided ruffled with his short hair as messed as is usually was as he ran one hand through it, slightly bemused by the past twenty minutes events, coffee and 'daisy the cow' in the hand not in his hair as Abby enter the kitchen meeting him.
"Here." He said handing her the mug, adding, "Sorry." Embarrassed as he noticed the stuffed toy in his hand as well, hiding it behind his back, subsequently hurling it at the couch as he realised she was looking derisorily at it. "Abby, I…" He started.
"No, hey it's fine, I need to get to work." She said all in one, without taking a breath, shooting him a false smile, downing her coffee and turning to leave.
"Abby, come on I…" He started following her through the apartment to the door.
"Nick, it's fine really." She nodded as she left him standing perplexed and dishevelled in his doorway as she hit the stairs.
The day had not started well and had from then on gone from bad to worse, certainly from where Abby stood, She'd been humiliated once again as a med student in the ER by Carter non the less, it was as if Romano's ghost had come back to haunt her in the form of a much taller ex boyfriend, she'd subsequently battled her way through six gruelling hours of routine examinations and presentations, an M&M with Anspaugh, for which she'd had no responsibility but her presence was apparently enough to prove her guilt, and subsequently an end stage teenaged leukaemia patient who'd come in saying he was just trying to live out his last few months and gone home with a positive HIV test and a significant reduction of his last few months. It all happened, but all in one shift even she was finding a little tough to take.
Nick's day had started in the same strain as hers. Slightly less black and white and slightly more befuddling, but at the same time not well, he knew that much.
"Mr Johnson." Had met him when he arrived to drop Imogen off at school and clearly not a friendly 'Mr Johnson'. He'd been a half hour late for court having sat for the previous fourty five minutes listening to what the principle defined as 'exceptionally disturbing behavior in a four year old'. Where the hell were Jasper and Amelia when you needed them? After having pointed out that his daughters best friend had pretty much disappeared from her life for ten days and establishing that this behavior had gone unobserved for the last six days, and did they not think that maybe it had something to do with the fact she'd seen her friend every other day for the last six days, did they not think that Imogen may just have been reacting to Lauren's demise and subsequent happy reappearance he'd left the school with the inevitable 'those who can do, those who can't…" running through his mind, only to run into clear hostility as he arrived at work, it had carried on in the same strain as he realised that instead of preparing for the case he'd spent the previous night in bed with Abby.
"Abby." Nick said bouncing instinctively off the bench in the ambulance bay, happy as he saw Abby walk out through the sliding doors, yet dubious about whatever reaction she might adopt.
"Hi." She said, thrown by his sudden, unexpected appearance. "What're you doing here?" She asked her feelings making themselves evident in her voice as she backed away from his approaching form slightly.
" I did some detective work and found out that you got off at ten, thought that maybe you'd want a ride." He said sheepishly as he approached.
"Um, I thought I'd just get the El." She said, trying, kind of wanting to warn him off, yet kind of not wanting to at the same time.
"Well since I'm here do you want a ride…dinner maybe?" He asked cautiously, falling into step beside her, a slight smile playing on his lips. She looked up at him as she continued to walk, her arms pulled protectively around her, the same wary expression on her face, she couldn't hold it for long though as a smile began to break through her lips and she accepted his offer of a ride and dinner.
They'd hit Ike's for dinner, it being the closest place and had arrived back at their apartments, Nick had subtly dismissed his babysitter and joined Abby back in the hallway after he'd realised she hadn't entered behind him; he tilted his head slightly as he broached the subject they'd been avoiding all night.
"Listen, about this morning." He started, Abby backed instinctively away from him.
"Nick." She said quietly shaking her head, he was undeterred though and carried on.
"I know it was full on, and I wasn't expecting it either, she's never done it before, well she's done it before, just not when anyone else was there… and there's only been like two." He back peddled quickly but when Abby showed no sign of upset or surprise he continued. "I didn't think she would but she did and I'm sorry she did but…" He trailed off the same apologetic look he'd born this morning crossing his features.
"It's fine." Abby shook her head dismissively.
"Yeah but it's not is it." He replied biting his lip, his hand running backwards through his hair from the base of his skull and over to his forehead. She paused and sighed, closing her eyes, tipping her head back slightly before looking back up, avoiding his eyes and replying.
"This isn't what I signed up for Nick." She shook her head, slowly returning her eyes to his, slightly apologetically as her face contorted into a more resigned apology.
"I didn't think I'd ever asked you to 'sign up' for anything." He countered his calm exterior changing ever so slightly as he frowned and swallowed hard.
"Ok, fine, you didn't ask me to sign up for anything but I can't do this, do that." She shook her head, indicating the semi-closed door behind him.
"How is what's in there now any different from what you knew was in there before?" He asked frowning slightly, confused, unsure why Imogen had suddenly become 'what's in there' rather than Imogen.
"I just, I don't think that we should…" She trailed off looking at him dead on.
"You don't think that we should what?" He asked, knowing exactly where she was going with this but not quite wanting her to, as his hands both found their resting place on his hips, and he shrugged again.
"I think that if this stops now then we'll both walk away intact." She nodded, raising her eyebrows at him, more decisively, more relaxed as was her way, make sure that they think it affects them more than it does you, that was the attitude she'd always adopted and it was what she was going to stick to, some would call it stubbornness. Nick however was also clearly a master of it as well.
"Yeah I guess we will." He shrugged with his eyes as he said it, his mouth forming a disbelieving, contorted smile as he did. She stared intently back at him as he said it, her eyes now challenging meeting his. "Except we won't will we." He said the sceptical smile still on his face, his eyes changing slightly to meet her challenge. "We won't walk away from it intact because it's not actually something we can walk away from without loosing anything, either of us." He shook his head, his persona still calm, he knew the fight he was fighting and he wasn't about to give it up, it wasn't about pride or proving anything, certainly not in his eyes.
"Why not, what do you think I'm going to loose?" she shook her head at him. 'Be a bitch, be a bitch.' The thought was running through her mind, she needed him to back down before she did now, quite when this had turned into a fight she wasn't sure but it had and she was going to win.
"I have no idea what you think you're going to loose." He admitted, shrugging again.
"Then why the fuck are you so worried about it?" She frowned, tempers beginning to flare from both parties; his disdain was still in place though while hers cracked momentarily.
"Because I know what I loose and I don't want to loose it." He shook his head, his true feelings on show as they had been from the start, as he formed a crooked expression with his mouth.
"What do you think you're going to lose? A pretend mother for your kid? A good fuck, come on what?" She challenged, he shook his head, looking down at his feet running his hand through his hair again and back over his twinkling eyes as she continued. "I'm not her mother Nick, I never asked to be." She shook her head, still staring at him, getting down to the true base of her fear, not that she'd ever admit it. He let out a soft sigh as his hand rested over his mouth.
"I'm not asking you to be her mother and she's not asking for that either." Nick shook his head, moving his hand back up his face towards his now slightly disbelieving, laughing eyes.
"Then why the hell do I feel like you are?" She asked not all together unfairly, she paused taking a deep breath, composing herself, as he remained silent looking across the hall at her. "If this goes any further between us…" She indicated the space between their bodies, adopting her normal calm tone of voice once again. "Then that's where I'm headed, where we're headed by default, and you don't want that." She raised her eyebrows with an eloquent, knowing shrug.
"I don't or you don't?" He asked, guessing correctly where she was coming from, though he knew she wouldn't admit it.
"Nick I'm an alcoholic, I'm not looking for anything this serious, my life is inevitably going to fall apart at any second and you don't want to expose yourself or her to someone like me." Abby said trying now desperately to get him to understand that he needed to give up.
"What, your just throwing random things at me that you think will make me walk away now?" He said his eyebrows raised his hands resting defensively on his hips once again.
"It's not random Nick it's the truth." She countered.
"How does any of that change who you are?" He asked holding his hands out loosely. She looked away from him sighing slightly before shooting a wary look back at him.
"It doesn't change who I am. It is who I am and you need to understand that." She said her arms mirroring his now.
"I kind of like who you are." He said frowning in honesty, his heart on his sleeve, his hands returning to his hips.
"You don't know me Nick, you might have some idealistic impression of who I might be without any baggage, but I have that baggage and so do you and it's not going to work." She replied, her lips forming an, 'I told you so' look, and her forehead creasing as she gesticulated wildly.
"This isn't about an idealistic image of you, unless you've been acting for the last month and a half, which if you have, then really, you deserve a bloody Oscar because if you've kept a pretence like this up for six weeks then you've embarked on the wrong career." He paused, smiling at her, "Imogen?" He said quietly, nodding decisively once, her expression didn't change, and it held his answer. "I'm not about to apologise for her." Nick shook his head calmly, defiantly.
"I'm not asking you to." She told him honestly.
"Then what are you asking me to do? Walk away from this without an explanation." He asked hands on hips again now his eyes decisively meeting hers; he wasn't about to give this up. " You're going to walk away because you won't admit that you can't be with me because of her." He half smiled, it was something of an admission on his part, the fact that she couldn't handle it, it wasn't something he could change to fix anything that might mean that their relationship could continue, something he would never even consider fixing.
"I'm asking you to accept that it's not going to work." She replied holding her hands out again in an effort to make him back down.
"Why, because you're scared of what's waiting for you if you don't walk away." It was less of a question than a statement as he began to feel the first dregs of anger well up inside.
"Nick don't fool yourself." She paused shaking her head her tone derogatory even though she knew she was lying to him. "I'm not scared of this I just don't want to do it." She shrugged.
"Really?" He said his position unchanged as he nodded at her assessing her expression. "Because I'm terrified," He shook his head a resigned, ironic smile once again crossing his lips. "I'm terrified about when I tell my daughter that she doesn't get to wake up in the morning with you there anymore she's going to be disappointed, if you think you being involved with me was a big thing because I had a kid then you're going to have to understand that me getting involved with you and exposing my daughter to someone she might just like is a bigger thing, telling her she has to end up with someone she hates is one thing." He paused his eyes shining, his exclamation leaving her somewhat speechless as he continued, "She can end up in therapy for the next ten years because her Dad's girlfriend's a bitch I can handle that, dating someone she hates is a hell of a lot easier, the fact that she actually liked you, when we first met, before we even met, that's what scared me, what scares me because I knew from the start, and you have to have known from the start that this is how it could all end, so just do me this one favour," He paused again, knowing all to well the importance of dramatic effect when delivering words in court, disregarding, yet still using it now. "Don't think that you getting involved with me was a bigger plunge for you than it was me, because sweetheart, it wasn't." He shook his head disdainfully, still not even remotely emotional, he was stating facts in his mind, that was all he was doing, the occasional metaphorical knife plunge was only defence. She stared back at him as his arms stopped waving in jerky gesticulations and settled back on his hips insolently. The door creaked open and Imogen's face appeared, neither had noticed that she'd been stood behind it throughout their heated exchange, but both sets of eyes settled on her as she appeared, Nick looked down before looking away, rolling his eyes in a resigned way, knowing he'd gotten himself into trouble with her, while only trying to defend her. Abby's look remained pained and focused on Imogen as she emerged, 'daisy the cow' clutched firmly under one arm as ever.
"I don't want you to go." She said frowning in a moody, defiant voice. Abby bent down partially to her approaching form as she made her was across the hall towards her, pyjamas her father had bought her primarily because she'd wanted them and they'd only had them in two sizes and the only ones that had fit and hadn't been the ones that were the right size for a two year old but for that of an eight year old and were significantly too big; too big but very cute dangling off her arms and the bottoms trailing across the floor behind her feet as she headed towards Abby as she hitched them up.
"Imm you need to go back to your own bed." Nick told her pulling one of her shoulders gently, protectively away, knowing that they had reached the defining point and that he had to deal with her and Abby didn't. He caught her as she headed from the relative safety of their apartment to the unknown of the hallway between their apartment and Abby's.
"I want to come and sleep over at your house." Imogen said frowning looking up at Abby as Nick held her firm. "I want to stay with Abby." She told him sadly, quietly, looking into his eyes as she attempted to back towards Abby, and he held her shoulder firmly, he didn't mind his daughter seeing him as a bastard if it meant she didn't get any more attached to someone who wouldn't 'be there in the morning'.
"I'm still going to be here." Abby attempted, smiling sadly, her knees clicking as she kneeled down fully, trying to be reassuring as Imogen turned back to face her, her back to Nick now, her arms wrapped protectively around his legs awkwardly, as she realised that that was where her loyalties lay.
"No you're not." Imogen frowned, her smooth forehead crumpling as she looked sadly at Abby and then up to Nick. It was obvious now that she was trying not to cry as her eyes moved between the two. Nick ran his hand roughly through his hair again, scratching the back of his head for a second, his other hand running reassuringly through Imogen's perfectly smooth, unruffled bed hair before his voice came through as Abby began to stand back up.
"Imm…" He started.
"You don't have to be my mom, I know you're not my mom." Imogen started desperately trying to rectify the parts of the argument she'd understood as she hurled her body away from Nick across the hall, Abby caught her, reassuming her previous fully crouched position as Imogen flew across the hall, Nick rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to figure out how to explain this to her as she laid her head in the crock of Abby's neck refusing to let go of the grip she had around her neck as Abby stood up with Imogen in her arms. Nick sighed as he looked at them, more at Imogen than Abby, but 'them' none the less.
"Immo, Ok," He started sighing as he pulled Imogen from her limpet like state off Abby. "How about Abby comes and reads you a story and then you stay in your bed?" Nick said bending to get her to look into his eyes as she clung to him and looked longingly at Abby. "Please, it'll take ten minutes of your time." Nick almost begged as he looked from Imogen to Abby. After a seconds thought she agreed reluctantly, wordlessly.
"Then Abby stays at are house." Imogen said innocently. Both Abby and Nick rejected the question as he walked back through his apartment in silence followed by Abby and deposited her in bed, he left the room as Abby started talking to her.
"She's asleep." Abby said waking past him at the kitchen table, pausing for his response as he nodded clasping the beer in his hands looking from it to her.
"Thank you." He nodded one decisive nod at her. She looked back at him as he returned his gaze to the table stretching his legs out underneath him shifting in his seat, still not looking back at her. With that, without either of them uttering another word she left.
Ok, it's not all good on the relationship front but tell me what you thought anyhow, I might have gotten a little ahead of myself because I know what's coming next but I don't have it totally written, the next thing I have written is the end and that is, with a little luck going to follow relatively soon…(and is kinda cool in my humble opinion), but I have a lot of uni stuff to write still; we'll see how on top of things I get!?! Anywho tell me what you think… In my mind the Abby/Nick thing seems to have taken over the Abby/Amelia thing, which was the initial point of this, so how does anyone/everyone feel about that? Cheers anyway, there are no individual reviews because they were posted in the last chapter and I didn't have any new ones for this one but thanks for any that may have been posted in the interim, I'm still trying to figure out if any of my characters anyone cares about (I won't hold it against you if you don't!) …Kxx