Ok, here we go, I thought that I'd post one more chapter, there definitely won't be any more before Wednesday now so… here you go, it's still a horrible subject I'm afraid but my full circle/ relationship development thing is still kind of on track, thanks for the couple of reviews I've got, I will do proper thank you's again soon but keep they reviews coming. Cheers Kay
"Hi." She said, the look on her face expressing the 'oh holy fuck' feeling that was bubbling inside her.
"Amelia..." Jasper started from behind her, trailing off, unsure about how she would react.
"We should go." Nick coughed as Amelia stared at him, pushing his chair back with a scrape as he stood up and Abby remained motionless.
"No, it's fine really." Amelia tried to rectify the uncomfortable situation, looking over at them; her eyes apologetic and emotional.
"Yeah, I think we might just go." Nick told her nodding, as he saw Jasper's jaw tightening, his face guilty.
"Don't." Amelia instructed in a tone that stopped him in his tracks. He could tell, anyone could tell that things were about to kick off in the Mackenzie – Carmichael kitchen and he had no particular desire to stick around and witness it, but stay he did as Amelia stared him down.
"You should finish eating it's going to get cold." She said indicating the three half full plates on the table, adding. "I'm going to get changed." And with that she exited. The three remained there in silence for a second as Jasper glanced down at his feet and swallowed hard, closing is eyes. Nick stepped back to lean up against the worktop, his arms hugging his chest, one of his legs crossed lethargically over the other as Abby sat at the table staring off into the nothingness on the other side of the room, her eyes diverted from the table. Slowly Nick looked over at Jasper as he began to move. Jasper looked back at him briefly as he headed towards the fridge, he pulled out three beers, sharing them around wordlessly.
"She never said anything." Nick said quietly as he twisted the top off his beer.
"It's not our usual dinner time topic." Jasper replied flatly mimicking his actions and taking a long deep gulp from his bottle.
"Does anyone else know?" Nick asked quietly.
"Birdie." Jasper replied, pulling out a seat and sitting opposite Abby as Nick nodded, "and now you two." He said quietly. "I didn't know until recently." He told them as an uneasy, emotion filled silence enveloped them.
"We shouldn't have heard that." Abby said quietly shaking her head, her eyes now focused back on the table.
"No, I think that maybe you should have." Amelia's voice came quietly from the doorway, where she now stood dressed in sweat pants and a baggy sweater, her feet bare, her face scrubbed of all traces of makeup, her features still striking though, she looked down for a second, her arms crossed over her chest, her toe circling patterns on the floor, she felt that Nick had stood by her through enough and helped her enough times over the last ten years to be allowed into this and Abby, well Abby was who she was and now she knew Amelia felt that she needed to explain, however difficult it might be. She looked back up and to Jasper followed by a glance in Nick's direction, and then her eyes settled on Abby. "I don't mind people knowing about it." She shook her head looking away momentarily. "It's just, I don't know, it's just not an easy subject to broach, it's not something that comes up in everyday conversation, it's just, it's not something people talk about." She shook her head again looking back at Abby who had her attention focussed on her now. "If you hadn't heard that, out there, just now, you would never have known about it, I would never have told you about it, either of you." She said shaking her head looking between Abby and Nick; she rolled her eyes slightly uncomfortably. "I went to Nate's funeral today, he was the kid I was fostered with when I was nine." She started.
"You don't have to tell us this." Abby shook her head, sensing Amelia's discomfort.
"No, I know, I know I don't but you heard what was said out there and that's not the whole picture, not by a long way." She said, a slight hope in her voice. "And this isn't intended to make you feel guilty or bad or sorry for me because I don't want any of that." She shook her head, trying to smile as Abby swallowed hard, retuning her eyes to the table. "We lived with them for, I don't know, eight, maybe nine months total, that was it, the rest of the time was good, a lot of the time is was actually pretty fun, surrounded by other kids all the time, it was fine." Amelia said in a reassuring tone, intended to convince herself more than anyone else but still.
"Amelia really." Abby shook her head looking up at her again, "You really don't…" Abby trailed off as Amelia made her way across the room, pulling a bottle of wine out of the fridge and pouring herself a generous measure before moving to join Abby at the table as Jasper and Nick stood in separate corners of the kitchen.
"It was eighteen years ago and we were both given a pretty hard time, for about a month we both thought we'd landed on our feet in a big way, and then it all changed, we both took a lot of fairly hefty beatings, but bruises and breaks heal." She shrugged slightly. Her eyes now resting on the base of her glass as Abby looked back over towards her, Amelia coughed and cleared her throat slightly before continuing, her eyes darting between Abby and Nick. "I…we." She coughed again, rubbing her forehead slowly as she continued "We were made to do stuff that, well, it wasn't what you should make kids do." She tipped her head slightly looking back down. "It screwed him up from day one, and it only really happened once." She swallowed, "One of the two of us always, fought." She laughed slightly again, "That's where the right hook thing comes from." She said looking up attempting to joke with them as they stared at her, hollow. "And then when there was no fight left they won." She shrugged, biting back tears now.
"Did they ever get charged with anything?" Nick asked, his tone quiet but bitter, as Amelia shook her head.
"No." Amelia said, looking up at Nick, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"You were nine years old." Nick said staring hard at her disbelievingly.
"I know how old I was Nick." Amelia said staring up at him as he nodded back quietly.
"You said you have photos, and a letter, get them charged now." Nick said assuredly.
"Jesus you really were listening." Amelia frowned slightly at him.
"You could wipe the floor with them now." Nick said shaking his head.
"And achieve what?" Amelia countered, shaking her head in retaliation.
"Justice." Nick told her with a nod.
"How Nick? How would I get justice, nothing about this is just." She said shrugging slightly, shaking her head.
"They should be punished, they should be held responsible." Nick said his forehead creased, he couldn't believe that it was actually Amelia they were talking about, he couldn't understand how she'd carried on and not let herself bare any of the adverse effects of this, never even hinted it.
"If I took them to court, if I dredged all of this up then what would it achieve?" She asked shaking her head slightly, frowning at him, "I'd have it hanging over me, we'd have it hanging over us, for what six months, a year, at least." She said indicating herself and Jasper as she looked at Nick.
"Amelia, if this was Lauren or Imogen you know that we'd both stop at nothing to get some kind of retribution." Nick said looking earnestly at her.
"This has nothing to do with my daughter or your daughter." She shook her head; her rebuttal vehement, the notion of either of their children enduring anything even remotely similar was too much for her to bear.
"Amelia if I ever found out that someone did anything like that to Imogen, to any kid, I would quite happily kill them, that's the way I feel about this, even the thought of it makes me feel fucking sick." Nick said shaking his head slightly incensed.
"Fine feel sick about it, I do, but you have no right to question my decision on this, Imogen's your responsibility, I'm not, and I never was, and I never will be, you don't get to judge me on this." She said swallowing hard, squaring off to him.
"No, you were mine." Abby interrupted the stand off, looking slowly up at Amelia, her eyes full of guilty desperation.
"No." Amelia shook her head slowly, "I wasn't, I wasn't your responsibility, I wasn't Eric's and I wasn't Maggie's; I was social services responsibility and I was the foster couples responsibility, no one else's." she said calmly, needing Abby not to feel guilty about this, for her own piece of mind if nothing else.
"It should never have happened Amelia." Abby shook her head.
"No, you're right, it shouldn't have but not because you or anyone else wasn't there to stop it." Amelia shook her head. "It should never have happened because they should never have made us do it." She half shrugged, frowning.
"Which is why you should prosecute them." Nick said frowning; Amelia turned her head towards him as he spoke.
"I'm not going to bring charges against them Nick, I'm not going to do it because it was eighteen years ago and if I get this fucked up about seeing them for less than five minutes then I'm fairly sure that trying to handle them through a court case is going to really screw me up, and I'm not willing to do that, I'm not willing to loose time in my life because I can't have Jasper touch me, or I cant look at my daughter without thinking about all of the things that might happen to her, or that people might do to her, I won't restrict her life like that and I won't destroy what Jasper and I have for so called justice." She shook her head, her jaw tense as she said it. "All that would mean is that my life became all about it again and I won't have that happen, that way they win, and I don't want them to." She told him her eyes set defiantly. Nick nodded at her, understanding her argument finally.
"You're one hell of a tough kid." Nick smiled slightly, Amelia nodded raising her eyebrows, glad that she'd seemingly gotten through to him.
"I prefer stupid and in denial but which ever way you want to go." She shrugged back trying to smile as well, falling short though as she began to chew on her thumbnail.
Jasper had remained silent throughout the exchange, the occasionally flexing muscles in his jaw the only indication that he was affected by the situation. He pushed himself up off the counter next to the sink though as the phone began to shrill, making his way through into the living room, leaving Abby, Nick and Amelia silent behind him.
"How long did it go on for?" Abby asked quietly, looking over at Amelia again as Jasper's murmured voice carried through to the kitchen.
"How long did what go on for?" Amelia asked, pulling her manicured nail from between her teeth and pushing the sleeves of her sweater up to her elbows as she looked to Abby. Abby gave her a derisory look indicating that she knew Amelia knew exactly what she was talking about. "It went on for probably about eight months, but that was only the beatings, the other stuff only really happened once." Amelia shook her head, in a fashion that was meant to be reassuring.
"God Amelia." Abby whispered a pained expression on her face. Amelia mirrored her expression as she replied.
"The last thing I want from all of this, from you finding out about this is pity," She shook her head swallowing hard, "It happens and it happened to me but it doesn't mean that the person I am is any different to the person I was before you knew about it." She frowned, breathing deeply before she continued Abby's eyes still focussed on her face as she looked down at the stem of her glass, quickly she picked it up and took a long sip, putting the question off momentarily before returning the glass to its original position and looking back at Abby. "It's not something that's affected my reactions to any situation for a long time, and it only did today, it only has today because it stared me in the face, it's not and I don't think it ever has really been something that defines me, I don't want it to and I don't want other people to define me through it." She shook her head again, her gaze deviating as she finished. Abby looked away drawing a deep breath as she closed her eyes.
"Jasper said Birdie knows about it, what did she say when you told her?" Nick asked, his voice quiet. Amelia smiled slightly, genuinely for the first time as she stretched out slightly in her chair.
"I think her exact words were 'the fucking cunts'." She told him laughing slightly as she thought about it, her eyes not leaving the stem of the glass. Nick smiled slightly as well, Birdie's assessment of things were frequently extremely blunt and unsavoury but invariably correct. Jasper returned as the slight smiles began to fade from both Amelia and Nick's faces
"That was the Mrs Feldman, apparently Lauren wants to be picked up, I'm going to go and get her." Jasper said laying the phone down on the table quietly, his face worried and tired.
"D'you want me to go, I'm guessing if Lauren wants to leave then Imogen will as well." Nick almost jumped on the offer as Jasper spoke. Jasper and Amelia exchanged glances, unspoken agreement passing between them.
"D'you mind if I crash on your couch tonight?" Jasper asked his face slightly sceptical.
"Sure." Nick offered unassumingly.
"Abby are you gonna come with us?" Nick asked, tentatively.
"Do you mind if I stick around here for a while?" She asked, her question directed at Amelia rather than Nick, Amelia shook her head mutely indicating that Abby staying was fine, as Jasper and Nick started to move, Nick bent and kissed Abby quickly, she surprised herself with her automatic reciprocation as he squeezed her shoulder gently and with that he and Jasper departed to rescue their daughters.
There we go….let me know!