Ok, ch 34, this is becoming something of an epic now, thank you for the continued reviews, I will get back to you all as soon as I can but for now you're going to have to settle for another chapter I'm afraid!! Here we go….

Ch 34

"You want to hear more?" Amelia asked quietly looking from the stem of her glass back up to Abby, grabbing a box of matches from the draw behind her, pulling one out, striking it as she spoke.

"I'm so sorry." Abby said shaking her head, looking over at Amelia who was letting the match burn down to the tips of her fingers.

"No, really, don't, don't apologise for that, it's not yours to apologise for, it's really not." Amelia said honesty etched on her words, as she threw the match down onto one of the half empty plates and looked back up at Abby.

"But still." Abby said quietly, her eyes focussed on Amelia, who looked slightly lost again.

"I didn't realise until today that they'd taken pictures of it." Amelia sighed, picking another match from the box. "I always thought that they'd just been there, that they just watched us y'know." She said, looking as if the bitter taste had returned to her mouth, shaking her head slightly looking back to Abby. Abby's face had adopted an expression of pitiful distaste as Amelia spoke. "Sorry, you don't need to hear this." Amelia said shaking her head flicking the match out as she did, picking up another, her demeanour appeared to have changed with Jasper and Nick's departure, she seemed to be showing some emotion other than inevitable resignation again, it was all Abby had seen since she entered the kitchen for the second time and it seemed to be slowly draining away now.

"If you need to talk about this then talk to me." Abby said leaning across the table towards Amelia; her eyes wide with honesty as she spoke. Amelia studied her for a second, assessing why she suddenly wanted, needed to go routing back through the past, why suddenly she wanted to get it all out and why Abby was the one she wanted to tell. She narrowed her eyes as she came to the conclusion that she had no idea why her or why now but she could feel it coming.

Abby watched Amelia uncurl slightly as she pushed herself back across the table and focussed her attention back on her little sisters face. She saw real vulnerability in Amelia for the first time, she couldn't recall ever having seen it since she met her again and it scared her. This was clearly one of Amelia's barriers that she'd never managed to build properly and it had been destroyed in one fell swoop today, she was lying shattered amongst the remnants, from which she was trying to build new foundations, every path she turned down held a whole new set of horrors that she needed to deal with.

"I guess you just, you don't look at it like it's you, or I didn't." Amelia started, shaking her head, her eyes focussed on yet another burning match. "I never pictured it from what I actually saw." She swallowed hard. "I remember just staring out the whole time but I don't remember seeing anything, and every time I've thought about it, which isn't a lot." She paused shaking her head, a crease frowning her forehead; "I just never pictured it like it was." She shook her head at herself, frowning at the difference between the reality and the imaginary. She looked back at Abby who was still staring at her a concentrated concerned frown on her face and questioning horror in her eyes. Amelia sighed and swallowed again. "When it happened, I don't remember having taken a beating, and the pictures show all the bruises, realistically I had to have done because I remember thinking that my shoulder really hurt at the time and afterwards I remember them popping it back in, so it must have been dislocated when it happened but I really, I don't remember why or what I'd done or anything." She said shaking her head, biting at one of her nails again, her eyes frowning, as she looked down. She attempted to shrug it off, to regain some of her composure as she reached for another match. Abby sighed and rubbed her eyes, she had known that Amelia's time in care had probably resulted in the occasional beating, the occasional unfair disciplinary action, her own time with Maggie had resulted in the same thing from time to time, she remembered having been scared about the guys that Maggie had brought back to their house sometimes on a regular basis, but she didn't remember ever having thought that any one of them would try anything with her, she never had to fight to stop anything like that happening, and she'd never thought she would have to, maybe it was naive, maybe it was realistic but whatever it was, hearing random guys having sex with your mother next door was not nearly as unpleasant as having to fight to keep your innocence from the people who were supposed to be protecting you. She swallowed hard before asking her question.

"How many times did it happen?" She asked quietly.

"Only once." Amelia replied without looking up.

"How many times did they try to make it happen?" Abby continued quietly. Amelia looked up and met her eyes, as Abby's gaze never faltered neither did Amelia's as she replied.

"I don't know." She admitted in a whisper, her eyes flooding; she wouldn't let the tears fall as she moved to wipe the underside of her eyes, sniffing.

"Did they do other stuff?" Abby asked, her voice still quiet, she couldn't quite figure out why she was asking questions that she had no desire to hear the answers to but Amelia was answering them and so she continued.

"Not to me really, she did stuff to Nate I know but they never really did anything else to me." She shook her head, wiping the last remnants of her unshed tears from her lower eyelid as she spoke.

"How old was he?" Abby asked her voice hushed.

"Twelve then." Amelia swallowed hard. "I don't think that either of us even really knew what sex was in all honesty, but…" She trailed off shaking her head.

"But what?" Abby pushed her gently as Amelia began to play with another match rolling it up and down between her index finger and thumb.

"But I guess you know if someone is trying to strip you then nothing good is going to come of it." She shook her head. "Certainly after the first couple of times." She sighed lighting the match.

"What did you do?" Abby continued her quietly pressured questioning.

"To stop them?" Amelia looked up to Abby's nod. "It's hard to undress a squirming kid, you must have tried to get Imogen into a bath or something when she doesn't want to go, it's practically impossible unless they cooperate with you, so as long as you're uncooperative then it takes much longer, it might just be putting off the inevitable but as long as it does you do it, and failing that you kick and scream and bite your way to a beating and hope like hell that they give in before you do." She said quietly still looking down.

"And if they don't?" Abby asked quietly.

"And if they don't." Amelia said taking a deep breath and looking up at Abby, her eyes filling back up with tears that she tried to keep at bay once again.

"God Amelia." Abby said quietly shaking her head.

"You must think I cry all the fucking time." Amelia sniffed, laughing slightly as she did, wiping at her eyes again.

"I know you don't." Abby told her reassuringly, smiling sadly at her. Amelia nodded grabbing the penultimate match from the box in front of her.

"The stupid thing is that this doesn't even upset me, it really doesn't, it makes me angry, for him and for me." She shook her head, wiping at her eyes again, continuing. "He wrote me a letter, left me a letter," She corrected herself, "He never had sex after that one night." She shook her head, her chin dimpling as she did, "He never got past the point of it being something horrific that he was made to do, and he lost all intrigue about what life held after that." She shook her head again, looking away frowning, blinking in misunderstanding frustration, finally grabbing the match box from in front of her and lighting the match wavering idly in her fingers, they remained silent as Amelia allowed the match to burn right down to her fingers again as they both watched the flickering orange flame before she whipped her hand, putting it out.

"You didn't let that happen though." Abby said quietly looking from the dead match up to Amelia.

"Nope, it took almost nine years and a hell of a lot of 'god Amelia you don't know what you're missing out on's' before I plucked up the courage though." She shrugged swallowing hard, taking another long sip from her glass.

"If you haven't let this destroy you then you can't give in to it now." Abby told her leaning across the table again, her hands curled over one another as they lay on the table.

"Is that some big sisterly advice?" Amelia asked as slight mocking smile on her face.

"It's advice, that's the best I've got." Abby half smiled back, "I'm not so hot on this big sisterly stuff." She smiled at Amelia.

"You're not doing badly." Amelia said a smile curling over one side of her mouth.

"I am really sorry about all this." Abby said her face conveying her honesty as her brow furrowed and she looked at Amelia, in return Amelia shook her head, pushing herself up on her chair, her fingers moving back to play around the stem of her glass automatically as she replied.

"No, it's not, it's not going to take over my life, it never has really, it's something that happened, that's all it is, if Jas can deal with it, and I guess now you and Nick, if you can all deal with it then it's not going to change anything because I know that I can deal with it, I know I can." She tipped her head looking into Abby's eyes. "It might take a while, before it goes away again, but I know it will, I know that I've made it disappear once before, and I can make it again, I guess Jasper's just going to have to be celibate for a while." She shrugged looking up at Abby, her eyes twinkling. "I'm just sorry that you found out about it, I didn't mean for you to, I mean I guess a part of me is relived in a way that you did but still, probably if I chose to tell you about it then I'd go about it in a different way, but still." She finished, breathing out heavily, shrugging slightly, a slight trace of apology on her face.

"I'm glad I know." Abby said quietly nodding once decisively at her, pouting slightly as Amelia reached for the box of matches again, looking into it.

"There's one left, d'you want to help me burn stuff?" She asked quietly, holding up the match like a trophy. Abby frowned querying what Amelia was talking about.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm going to go and burn stuff you want to help?" She replied still holding the match out.

"What stuff?" Abby asked still frowning as Amelia pushed her chair back and stood up.

"All of it, every thing I have left from then and everything I got today." She said grabbing some firelighters from the cupboard under the sink.

"What?" Abby frowned again, still slightly confused.

"Do you want to help or not?" Amelia asked turning back around to look at Abby, her eyebrows raised.

"Ok." Abby shook her head, slightly perplexed as to just what exactly they were doing.

"Good, follow me." Amelia nodded as Abby stood up and they left the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later they were standing in the yard, two boxes procured from the loft by their feet and the envelope Amelia had been given earlier along with the letter from Nate in her hand.

"Ok." Amelia sighed, surveying the stuff around them, they'd built a little bonfire type mound in a dustbin in one corner of the yard. "You want to hope that this goes off because I've only got one match." She said looking at Abby, hopeful irony in her voice.

"You're sure you want to burn all of this stuff?" Abby asked frowning at her.

"Yeah, kind of like an exorcism." Amelia nodded decisively not looking at her as she struck the match and dropped it into the pile of wood and paper and firelighters sitting in the bin. It began to smoulder satisfactorily almost instantly. "Oh, we need something else before we do this." Amelia said, just remembering heading back into the house, leaving Abby frowning slightly looking into the flames now leaping out at her. Amelia returned in a matter of seconds, laying a packet of cigarettes and a bottle of Champagne on the ground beside her. "Ok, we're set." She nodded decisively.

"You know if all this stuff goes then you have no proof of any of this." Abby said quietly. "In case, you know." She said turning her eyes towards Amelia.

"In case I change my mind." Amelia said turning towards her as she nodded. "I don't need proof of it, I don't need any of it." Amelia said shaking her head, looking straight at Abby seriously.

"Ok." Abby nodded once at her decisively, Amelia returned the gesture and bent towards one of the boxes.

"Dig in." Amelia told her indicating the other box, standing up again with a small pile of clothes in her hand, which she threw instantly into the bin, turning straight back to the box and procuring a series of books that followed the clothes as the flames grew.

"Are these your medical records?" Abby asked standing up a file in her hand.

"Copies yeah." Amelia nodded, checking the documents in Abby's hand.

"Why do you have copies of your medical records?" Abby frowned.

"I don't know just burn them." Amelia said as she bent again and Abby frowned at her, throwing them into the flames.

"My god you were a straight A student." Abby said frowning down at one of Amelia's report cards.

"I was a smartass." Amelia said rolling her eyes grabbing the report card from Abby. "See look, 'Amelia needs to learn that she should listen to her elders and not contradict them'." Amelia said reading one comment off the card.

"Ok, well these things are a piece of crap any way" Abby smiled reading her sisters report, throwing it into the fire.

"Ha." A small laugh came from Amelia as she searched the box and came out with a handful of photographs.

"What?" Abby frowned looking over at her.

"Check, see, that's Nate right there." Amelia smiled as she held one of the photos out to Abby who looked down at the person Amelia was pointing to, she pulled the first photo off the pile to reveal the second which pictured her standing with her back to the camera, her torso exposed and a series of angry purple bruises along the lines of her ribs as her arms hung limply by her sides. "Ugh." She said, rolling her eyes and throwing the entire stack into the fire. Abby looked at her for a second, she'd only glimpsed the photo before Amelia had resolutely discarded it and bent back down with a bitter expression on her face but she'd seen enough.

"Are you ok?" Abby frowned at her as she crouched down to the other box and Amelia's eye line.

"No, but I will be." Amelia half smiled at her. "I just, I want all this stuff gone." Amelia said her face resigned.

"Well, in that case we're going about this in the wrong way." Abby said raising her eyebrows slightly.

"How so?" Amelia frowned at her.

"You want all of this stuff gone?" Abby asked as the flames crackled gently in the background.

"Yeah." Amelia nodded at her.

"You don't want to see it ever again." Abby said shaking her head.

"No." Amelia shook her head determinedly.

"Ok well then." Abby said standing back up with the box in her arms, she took one step and emptied the entire contents into the flaming bin, turning back to Amelia she raised her eyebrows and pouted slightly. "All gone." She said tipping her head, looking over at Amelia shrugging. Amelia looked from her to the bin and back as traces of a smile began to cross her face and she nodded slightly.

"I like it." She smiled, standing up with the second box in her arms, she didn't even tip its contents out, she just dumped the box on the top of the bin, letting the flames engulf it, grabbing a golf club that was leaning up against the railings of the deck and poking at the box until the entire thing and its contents were burning safely inside.

"You realise those things are expensive." Abby said nodding at the club in Amelia's hand, as the plastic handle began to melt in the flames.

"I'll buy him another one." She shrugged, dumping the thing in the bin as Abby smiled at her slightly. "Now it's celebration time." Amelia said as she bent and picked the champagne up off the ground, unwrapping the metal paper and wire cage from the top, popping the cork expertly. She held it out to the flames for a second, toasting the burning mass before bringing it to her lips, closing her eyes taking a long sip and passing it to Abby without looking over, Abby figured that now probably wasn't the time to refuse and took the bottle from Amelia, bringing it to her lips for a quick second.

"So what now?" Abby asked as Amelia sat down on the grass, cross-legged, her eyes fixed on the flames.

"I have no idea, this has been bizarrely therapeutic." She shrugged as Abby sat beside her; she paused before looking over at her and bringing the cigarettes along with the envelope from beside her. She picked a cigarette out of the packet and handed them over to Abby who also took one and drew a lighter from her pocket. "There's still these." Amelia said tapping the envelope against her palm as Abby lit her cigarette and Amelia looked at her. She laid the envelopes on her leg as Abby passed her the lighter and breathed out a plume of white smoke.

"What's that?" Abby questioned indicating the envelopes. Amelia took a long drag on her cigarette before she answered.

"It's the letter and photos they gave me today, and the letter Nate wrote before he hung himself." She said narrowing her eyes slightly as she looked over at Abby, biting the inside of her cheek.

"You going to burn them?" Abby asked.

"What's in here is the end of it." She started frowning slightly looking back at the flames sighing.

"So make it the end." Abby said quietly. Amelia looked back over at her, her eyes still narrow, she fingered the corner of the envelope containing the pictures and laid the other one on the ground. Tentatively she pulled the flap of the envelope up and peered cautiously into its dark insides. Suddenly she flung it to one side and bounced up, running to the side of the house and throwing up aggressively, coughing as she did, Abby made her way over quickly and laid her hand on Amelia's back as she held herself on the wall of the house her head hung, Amelia pushed her away, gently but determinedly as she heaved again. Abby looked on concern etched on her forehead as Amelia pushed her away and continued to vomit, eventually she stopped, her head still hanging as she breathed in hard, coughing again, she stood up slowly and wiped under her eyes, she made her way back into the house silently, leaving Abby behind watching her retreating form, Abby breathed in hard an upset frown crossing her features as she stood watching the back door bounce shut, it took two seconds before Amelia returned, a bottle of water in her hand, she made her way down the steps and stood silently looking down at the two envelopes lying on the ground.

Abby approached her slowly and bent to pick them up, she held them out to Amelia quietly.

"Burn them." She said, her tone soft but firm, as she looked straight at Amelia. She looked from Abby down to the objects in her hand, her face set like stone as she raised her eyes back to Abby, not moving.

"Amelia I think that you need to destroy them, all of them, you said you needed to go today because you had to lay old ghosts to rest, and instead you've ended up staring them in the face now, none of these people are a part of your life, and they never have to be again and if you destroy what ever is in here then you can get rid of it, all of it, and not for me or Jasper or Nick, and not for them, but for you because it's your thing, the only other person who knows what the two of you went through killed himself because his ghosts took over his life." Abby finished quietly, her face etched with concern, with genuine anguish for the parts of her life she knew about but would never truly be able to reach, the parts she would never really allow anyone access to. She slowly began to nod her agreement. After a slight pause she the envelopes from Abby and held one edge to the flames letting them take hold of the thick paper as it began to curl, bright orange flames licking at its sides, she held it until the flames got dangerously close to engulfing her hand and then, only then did she drop it into the bin, watching it scorch and disintegrate. She brought her eyes slowly away and towards Abby, locking her eyes with Abby's, sighing and nodding once.

As ever let me know, thank you so much for the reviews I've gotten for the last couple of chapters, I was slightly tentative about tackling this subject so thanks for all the responses!