A/N: Haven't been able to update for a while, as have been on holiday in Spain for 3 weeks. But I spent practically all my free time writing, so as a result have FINALLY been able to update this fic. Just review to show that I haven't COMPLETELY wasted my holiday!

Chapter Two: Operation 'Wreck the Carnival,' plan A.

"Boooooring! Can we go home yet?"

Such was the cry of Bakura two minutes after they had arrived at the carnival.

"Yami, it was your idea to come here."

"Well I've changed my mind. Let's go home."

"Oh no you don't," Malik growled. "It's taken us nearly three hours to get here, so I'm not going to turn around and leave."

"It wasn't my fault it took so long to get here!" Bakura protested.

"Yeah, well maybe if you'd held the map the right way up-"

"Stop bickering, both of you." Ryou sighed and ran his fingers through his hair for the fifth time in ten minutes. "Let's just have a look inside. You never know, it may turn out to be really fun."

Thus was the epitaph of the three teenagers written.

……….

By carrying out Bakura's ingeniously formulated plan (running off when Ryou wasn't looking) the two Egyptians were now free to achieve their main aim of the afternoon- creating total and utter mayhem.

Their first action was to stop at the coconut shy, where Bakura proceeded to hit everything within a ten-mile radius, while still managing to leave the coconuts untouched. The poor man in charge of the stall eventually paid them both twenty dollars in return for him never seeing them again. He even threw in a free coconut.

The disastrous duo walked happily away, counting their money. Bakura was actually slightly put out, as he'd had his heart set on acquiring one of the three-foot high pink toy rabbit prizes, but had unfortunately made coconut-sized holes in all of them.

They were planning to pass by the refreshment stand, as Malik was hoping to spike a few drinks, but Bakura's attention had been caught by something else.

"Oooh! Fortune telling!"

He looked excitedly at the sign outside the red and white striped tent, which read: "Systic Peg's psychic readings. Discover yesterday's future today. Also, talk to spirits or get help with relationships. I guarantee you will walk away spiritually enlightened."

And, in small print at the bottom: "This is not a guarantee."

"You want to do this too?"

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Let me think about that for a second. Um, how about no?"

"Like you've ever had any spiritual potential anyway."

"Why do you need to talk to spirits? You are one."

"Not the point. Besides, I could get help with relationships instead. Ryou and I don't always get on."

"Considering you beat him up every night, I don't blame him."

Bakura looked horrified. "I don't beat him up!"

"Since when?"

"Since…uh…last week. We had an argument because he said I was playing my Britney album too loud - damn, Ryou said I shouldn't tell anyone about my Britney album. Don't know why, though."

"You like Britney Spears?" Malik exclaimed incredulously.

"Yeah. Why, don't you?"

The Rod-holder nearly choked in indignation. "What makes you think I would listen to her?"

Bakura shrugged, unconcerned. "I don't know. You just look like the sort of person who would be into her, that's all."

"Oh for- having a crush on her for three years doesn't mean I listen to Britney!" Malik yelled, a little too loudly.

Bakura obviously wasn't paying attention. "She's got a great voice though."

"What?"

"And her eyes are nice. But I think her hair is the best. Don't you think her hair is great?"

"Er…yeah. Actually, the day she dyed her hair was the best day of my life. Come to think of it, that was the reason I dyed my hair blond. I wanted to see if I looked as good with blond hair as Britney does."

"Trust me, you don't."

"What?"

"I mean…um…" The spirit stared at him in disbelief. "…You dye your hair?"

"Uh huh. I'm actually a brunette."

"My Ra." Bakura sighed heavily, obviously lost in thought. "I can't believe I spent all those years trying to convince Ryou that just because he had white hair didn't mean he was a freak, because your hair is pale as well. But now it turns out you dye your hair, so once he hears Ryou will probably cut all his off and dye it purple. Pity really."

"How can he cut it off and then dye-"

"Shut up. Anyway," Bakura's voice dropped to a confidential whisper, "Ryou only has white hair because his father dropped a pot of white paint over his head when he was two, and they could never get it out. But don't tell Ryou I told you that. He's sort of sensitive about it."

"My Gods." There was deep sympathy in Malik's voice. "That was hard luck."

"I know, his friend said miserably. "It wasn't even gloss paint."

They both looked at each other and sighed. Malik twirled a stray strand of hair around his finger and looked at it. Bakura gazed at his feet then started to hum tunelessly. After a moment silence formed around them, stubbornly quashing all other sounds. There was a ripping sound as Bakura broke the silence.

"For Ra's sake say something!"

"…I…I don't know what I should say," Malik murmured. "That…that's such a sad story…" He looked down at the ground. "Look," he whispered sadly.

"What?"

"You broke the silence…"

On the ground lay a torn blanket, the cheap tag proclaiming it to be 'best quality silence.' They both stared at it mournfully.

Bakura then turned his attention back to what he had been concentrating on before. "Anyway, I'm off to hear my future. See you."

…………

The clairvoyant shuffled the cards slowly; the overlarge glasses making her eyes seem even bigger than they actually were. Even more slowly she dealt the cards onto the table, laying them in a complicated pattern. "I see many things in store for you, Mr. Bakura."

The spirit leaned forward. "Such as?"

"Great things…"

A pause.

"Great, great things…"

Another pause.

"Many great things…"

"Yeeees, we've been through that. Anything else?"

"But the greatest of all these many great things will be…"

"For Ra's sake, will you get on with it already?" Bakura snapped. "At this rate, the greatest thing that will happen is that in another year or two you might get round to finishing your sentence. Hurry up!"

Systic Peg's eyes flashed. She stood, slamming a fist onto the table and sending cards flying everywhere. Her glasses fell off her nose and landed in the bin. "Do you mind?" she screamed. "This is all part of the act! I'm trying to go into a trance here! Some people pay good money to see me!"

"Some people are idiots. Besides, you upset the cards." Bakura indicated the tarot deck scattered on the floor, some of which were crying their eyes out at being treating in such a fashion.

The clairvoyant sighed and slumped back in her chair, taking out a packet of cigarettes. Gathering up the cards, she clumsily lit a cigarette. Bakura watched in fascination.

"Just let me have a fag. Gotta steady my nerves…"

The smoke billowed around the room in ominous circles as she began to re-deal the cards. "Okey-dokey. Now, this one's the two of cups. No, wait, I mean swords. And it means, um…"

She took another puff of her cigarette. "You'll have…a good weekend?"

The spirit stared back, unimpressed.

"Hey, I'm trying. Damn it, I'm not made for this job. I knew I should have taken up pole dancing…" She turned over another card. "…Ah. Now, does this mean luck…or death? Eeeny, meeny, min-"

Bakura let out a snort of exasperation. "Oh for Ra's sake. Here, give them to me."

Systic Peg obediently handed the cards over.

"Now, sit up and pay attention. This is how you really do it…"

………..

After waiting outside for nearly an hour, Malik decided to check on Bakura. He poked his head into the tent, to find the spirit and Systic Peg seated at a table, the latter absolutely captivated.

"You…you have the Inner Eye!" she was exclaiming.

"I do? Where?" Bakura touched his forehead gingerly.

"Oh for the love of Ra…" Malik seized him by the wrist and pulled him unceremoniously to his feet. "Come on, you've wasted way too much time already."

"I never waste time," Bakura corrected. "I simply change it to suit my purpose."
"In other words you pretend it doesn't exist. Now lets get going."

"Sure." The spirit didn't protest as he was dragged out of the tent. Why would he? He had already palmed Systic Peg's purse, chequebook and $500 necklace when she had made the mistake of leaning over.

…………..

"Dodgems!" Malik shrieked excitedly.

Bakura looked around. "Where?"

"Over there! Come on!" The Egyptian ran towards the queue, knocking to the ground anyone unfortunate enough to be in his way.

Bakura shrugged and followed.

……………

"Oh dear God, tell me you're not-"

"Yup. Looks like you couldn't escape us after all, huh Ryou?"

The lighter half put his hands together and silently prayed to any god who might be listening that his yami wouldn't insist on them being in the same car.

"Ry-"

"No."

"You didn't even know what I was going to ask!" his yami cried.

"The answer is still no."

"I was only going to ask if I could have some more money," Bakura said in an injured tone.

Ryou sighed. "If I give you some does that mean you won't steal any?"

"Why would I want to steal money?" Bakura asked innocently.

Ryou sensible chose not to answer this. "How much do you want?"

"Ten?" his yami replied hopefully.

Another sigh, as Ryou opened his wallet. "Just make sure you leave me alone after this."

"You sure drive a hard bargain, hikari." Bakura pocketed the note in barely concealed glee.

"We're up next!" Malik squealed.

Ryou looked at him strangely. "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," Bakura said in a vague tone.

Ryou really didn't like the sound of this, but there was nothing much he could do about it, as the attendant pulled the rope to one side and everyone rushed to the dodgems. The white-haired light sighed as he clambered into his cart, making sure to choose one as far away from his yami as possible. "God, if you're listening to me, I'm sorry for all those times I watched porn with Yugi. If you let me get through today without dying, I'll never watch porn again. Well, only on Saturdays."

"Saturday night porn is awful!" his yami called from across the track. "Try Friday's!"

"Thanks!" Ryou called back without thinking.

An old lady who had to be at least seventy lowered herself carefully into her dodgem, limbs creaking audibly, and shook her head in disgust. "What today's youth get up to…honestly…" She raised her voice. "Young man, do your parents know about this?"

Ryou thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Shocking." The old lady tutted several times, her false teeth nearly falling out.

Luckily, just then there was the sound of a horn, and the ride started.

Bakura immediately drove up to Malik, hissing, "Come on! Lets get Ryou!"

The Egyptian grinned and nodded.

Ryou, unfortunately, didn't hear this. He was driving unobtrusively around the outside of the track, a serene expression on his face. You had to feel sorry for him.

A guy with a Mohawk saw the way they were eyeing Ryou up, and muttered to his companion, "I give the albino kid five minutes to live. Max."

Ten seconds…

Twenty seconds…

"Ow!" Ryou yelped, as something charged into the back of his dodgem, and he was knocked halfway across the track.

"Ha! One point to me! You just going to watch me Malik?"

"You wish!"

Immediately Ryou was knocked backwards again, and someone punched their fist in the air.

"One-all!"

"Stop it!" Ryou screeched.

BAM.

"Two-one!"

BAM! BAM!

"Three-two! In your face, 'Kura!"

"This is child abuse!" Ryou screamed.

"More like cruelty to dumb animals." Malik shoved him back again. "Heh. This is fun."

"Not for me!"

"Yeah, whatever."

Bakura met Malik's eyes, and they both grinned. Then, at the same time, both charged at the unfortunate hikari. Fortunately Ryou, having seen this happen in movies hundreds of times before, shot out of the way just in time, meaning that Bakura and Malik smashed headlong into each other.

"Ow! Arsehole!"

"Who are you calling an arsehole?"

"Who does it looks like?"

"What the-no one calls me an arsehole and gets away with it!" Malik immediately started chasing Bakura around the track, bumping him whenever possible. Although perhaps 'bumping' was a rather mild way of putting it.

Ryou laughed out loud as his yami shot past, Malik right on his heels…or should that be bumper?

The bell signalling the end of the ride went, and Ryou hastily climbed out before his yami remembered who had got him into this mess. Just before he got to the exit, the old lady stepped in his path. Ryou groaned inwardly.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Try the Monday night porn specials. There's nothing like them." And with that, she walked off.

………………..

A/N: Hope that was OK. I've always found comedy so much harder to write than angst. It always feels so much more forced, somehow. Review please, so I know whether this is good or not. Hopefully the next chapter will be up within a week or two, but I'm not promising anything.