YamiKatie: This chapter is dedicated to Youkomon, for some strange reason.

HikariKatie: shrugs don't ask me.

YamiKatie: Looks threateningly at Youkomon Do it, or Mute will suffer…

HikariKatie: No! Not Mute! Anyone but her!

YamiKatie: ?

HikariKatie: I mean, um…

Chapter Three: Wreck the Carnival Plan B

Yami Malik was a very happy spirit at the moment. If his other half had been around, he would have instantly pointed out that this almost certainly meant Tokyo's population had decreased dramatically in the past two minutes.

The spirit was humming very loudly to himself. That, coupled with the fact that his hair looked like something that had been put through the washing machine and never been quite the same again, was enough to earn him stares from nameless passers-by. Not that he cared. If they irritated him too much he would go stalk them later.

As well as some very off-key humming, he was busy writing a List of People He Hated and Therefore Must Die. He didn't go in for much serious writing, and so was very pleased with his efforts so far. At the moment his list consisted of his sister, the Tomb Robber, the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh's Pet, his own hikari, the postman, and the guy who had looked at him weirdly when asked if he liked killing people. Oooh, and the person who had refused to give him ketchup with his hotdog. Mustn't forget him. There were also about twenty other people whom he didn't know the names of, but hadn't liked the look of them.

Such were the highlights of the spirit's life.

His happiness was interrupted at precisely the wrong moment by Yugi Motou who, having had the bad luck to stumble upon him, asked very politely if he had seen his aibou. Yami Malik replied very calmly if Yugi had seen hell yet and, if not, would he like to see it now?

"Um, no thank you."

"Rude excuse for a weakling…"

The spirit then proceeded to ignore him and picked up his pen again. He dropped it as Yugi persisted, "please? I'm sure he passed by here."

Yami Malik, who wouldn't have known if Ra in human form had passed by, much less have cared, said snappily, "weakling, you are rapidly earning yourself a one-way ticket to the Shadow Realm. Now go away and leave me alone."

"But please-" Yugi watched in surprise as the spirit began tearing his hair out in exasperation.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Only-"

"…Wait a moment." Yami Malik stared at Yugi as if he had only just appeared. "…Aren't you the Pharaoh's Pet?" As he spoke he glanced down at his list, on which Yugi was number twelve. Hmmm…

Yugi blinked rapidly. He was trying in vain to establish his identity around Bakura and Yami Malik as a separate person, instead of constantly being referred to as 'The Pharaoh's Pet.' After all, it did get a bit annoying after a while.

"No. I'm not his pet."

The spirit stared at him, confused. "But you look like him." A perplexed pause. "…Are you a clone of him?"

The teenager thought for a moment. Well, it was one way of putting it. And it was certainly better than 'Pet.' 'The Pharaoh's Clone' had a nice ring to it, actually.

"Well yes, you could say that."

"I knew it!" Yami Malik hissed suddenly. "I knew it all along! The Pharaoh's creating millions of clones of himself, and they're all out to get me!"

"…We are? I mean, I am?"

"You admit it!" the paranoid spirit shrieked. "You…you clone thing, you!"

Unsure what to say, Yugi began to back away from him, very slowly. The spirit got up suddenly and peered at him, inspecting his face.

"Not a very good quality one, though. I expected more of the Pharaoh than this. He's far better looking."

"I admit he is extremely good looking, but-"

"This is all I need!" Yami Malik cried in anguish. "Ugly clones! And they're all after me! I must prepare my counter-attack!" And he ran off.

Yugi scratched his head, and wandered off to find his other half.

………….

He still hadn't found him an hour later, by which time darkness was beginning to fall and all of the carnival's lights had been switched on. He had, however, met up with Ryou, who was unofficially in hiding from his yami.

They were approaching a more deserted area of the carnival, where there was a lot of darkness that the electric lights hadn't quite managed to dispel.

"Sssh!" Ryou whispered suddenly. "Can you hear something?"

"Apart from your dulcet tones, no."

They both listened.

Gradually, giggling noises made themselves known, coming from a group of trees on the boundary of the carnival. Ryou and Yugi exchanged glances and were about to tiptoe quietly away, when all of a sudden there was a ripping noise and Yami toppled out from behind the tree, with none other than Seto Kaiba in his arms.

Yugi's horrified cry cut through the night air like the sound of air escaping from a leaking balloon. "Aibou?"

"I can't help it!" Yami cried wildly, eyes wide and rolling in their sockets like lottery balls in their cradle. "He's so fit! Farewell Yugi!" He fell upon Kaiba like a mad thing, arms flailing wildly.

"Whoever said money can't buy you love was drunk at the time," Kaiba gasped from underneath the sex-mad Pharaoh.

Yugi started to cry. Ryou awkwardly put an arm around him. "Um, its okay," he mumbled uncomfortably. "I mean, they, uh, are obviously meant for each other and everything, so-"

"You don't understand!" Yugi screamed in his face. "He told me he'd change! He promised me he'd never so much as look at Kaiba again!"

"I don't think he's looking at him," Ryou said uneasily.

Yugi stuck a finger up at him, and the Ring-holder sighed and began to walk away, shaking his head. "Now I really have seen anything. God, can things get any worse?"

Now, normally when one says this something disastrous always happens, just to serve you right. This time, however, nothing happened.

Knowing this, Ryou said a little more loudly, "I just said things can't get any worse!"

He waited.

Waited…

"GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

The clouds above parted and God appeared, playing on a Game Boy. "Sorry. Must be getting slow in my old age." He pointed a finger at Ryou, and Anzu appeared. "That better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

God shrugged and vanished. Anzu turned slowly to face Ryou. "Man-whore!"

"Oh damn, she's real!" Ryou exclaimed to no one.

"Too right I am! And you certainly won't be once I've finished with you!" The girl jabbed an accusing finger at his face. "You stole Malik from me!"

"But I'm straight! I only said that because-" The light suddenly broke off, remembering why he had said it.

"Straight my arse. That's what Malik's yami said when I caught up with him. But I made him pay." Anzu smiled nastily. "I, Anzu, revealed to him the wonders of waterproof mascara. He'll never be the same again."

Ryou grimaced at the revolting images leaping into his mind. "You didn't."

"Oh, I did. And I'll do the same to you! Hahaha!"

The last of his courage evaporating, Ryou screamed and ran. Anzu immediately pursued him.

…………

Meanwhile, two unstable and extremely pissed Egyptians made their way unsteadily around the carnival, stopping only to sip from cans of beer Bakura had 'acquired' them, and pointing at random people and laughing hysterically.

They eventually came upon Ryou and Anzu, the former being attacked with the girl's handbag.

"…It looks like my light is getting beaten up by the village whore," Bakura slurred.

"…Yeah," Malik agreed.

They both looked at each other and shrugged. Bakura held out a can. "Want some more beer?"

"Sure."

Ryou looked up and instantly saw them. "Are you two going to help me or just stand there and watch?" he shrieked.

"We'll watch." Bakura found a chair and sat down. Malik did the same.

After watching Ryou get smacked around the face with a very ample handbag for about half an hour, Malik suggested, "…shouldn't we do something? I mean, if he dies from handbag-related injuries there could be a lot of messy paperwork."

"Guess so," Bakura said vaguely. However, he made no move to do anything. With a sigh, Malik got up and wobbled over to Ryou, clutching his eighth beer in one hand.

"Hey…uh…you. No, you. The female one. Shouldn't you stop beating him up?"

"Malik!" Anzu squealed. Oooh! He's drunk! This is my lucky day!

"Yeah…that's my name. Nice name." The Egyptian swayed for a moment, then took another sip of beer. "So…uh…could you stop?"

"Of course!" Anzu hurriedly pushed Ryou away. "Don't think I'm interested in him or anything," she said hastily. "It's just that I know his reputation, and you really don't want to go out with him. You need someone more…decisive. More popular."

"I see," Malik said slowly. "Like…Kaiba."

"No!" Anzu yelled. "Like me, you idiot! Me! Go out with me!"

"Go out with you," Malik repeated slowly.

"Yes. We can hang out together for the rest of the evening. …And maybe stop off at my house on the way?"

"Stop off…at your house. Okay. Sounds great." More swaying.

"Uh, are you sure?" Ryou interjected nervously, feeling slightly guilty. "I mean, you don't need to put yourself out like this for me-"

"I know what I'm doing," Malik slurred. "Sheesh, the things I do for you, Ryou. I don't even like you."

"Normally I would find that offensive. But seeing as I more than suspect you are drunk, I'll let it pass this time."

"You're a great guy, Ryou. A really, really, great guy. A really-" He fell over.

Bakura leapt up and caught him. "You killed him!" he shrieked accusingly at Ryou.

"Actually, I didn't."

………….

Half an hour later, in which Malik had been more-or-less revived and sobered up (very much against his wishes) he and Bakura were busy harassing the hotdog man. Or rather, Malik was keeping him talking while the Ring-spirit sneaked round the back and stole as much food as he could hold.

"Really nice weather we're having, don't you think?" the Egyptian said in a conversational tone.

The man looked strangely at him. "It's eleven o'clock at night."

"My point exactly! The sky always looks so much better when you can't see it. And even-"

"Listen, you," the hotdog man grunted suspiciously, "I'm sure you think you're very funny and everything, but I have a business to run."

"And I respect that!" Malik cried a little too enthusiastically, seeing Bakura's bum still poking out of the hotdog van. "And I- Oooh! Look! Behind you!"

"Where?" The man's head snapped around. And at that exact moment Bakura emerged from the van, staggering under the weight of more than fifty hotdogs and packets of fries.

"Never mind. It was a glow-in-the-dark snail, but I guess it was moving too fast for you to see it."

"Yes, I suppose so-Hey!"

"And I really must be going!" the Egyptian trilled. "Lovely talking to you. Here's my phone number. Bye!" And he raced off. The hotdog man ran after him.

"…Why is he still chasing us? He's supposed to give up when he realises we're too young and in shape for him to catch us." Laden with food, Bakura was running noticeably slower than usual.

"How should I know?" Malik glanced over his shoulder as he spoke and saw the man was quickly gaining on them. "Aaah! Can't you run any faster?"

"If I could, don't you think I would already be doing so?"

"Well, yes…"

Salvation (doom) appeared, in the form of Yami Malik. "Hi! I'm high!" He waved his candyfloss excitedly in greeting.

"Do something!" his lighter half shrieked.

"I don't need to be rescued by a psycho!" Bakura protested.

Ignoring him, Yami Malik cocked his head to one side and stared at Malik. "Is he going to kill you?"

"Er, probably, when he catches us."

"I see."

Unable to run any further under the weight of his stolen food, Bakura stopped and stood still. "What should I do with this stuff?"

"Eat it?" the other yami suggested. "It seems like a logical thing to do. And correct me if I say the main purpose of food is to eat it? Although, being a spirit, I wouldn't really know."

"I…guess," Bakura said uncertainly.

The hotdog man caught up with them. "Thieves!"

"Yes, I am a thief. Or the Thief, if you want to say it like the Psycho does. And I still fail to see what your problem is."

"My problem is that those were my hotdogs to sell, and you just stole them."

"I don't actually find anything wrong with st-"

He was interrupted by Yami Malik. "Are you going to kill Malik?"

"The blond one? You bet I am!"

(Yami, you do know that when he says he's going to kill me he means it in a metaphorical way, right?)

((What does that mean?))

Malik opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak the blast from the Millennium Rod sent the man sprawling to the ground. The next moment he was up on his feet again, and fleeing as fast as he could in the opposite direction. "I would have got away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids!" he screamed.

Malik blinked, before wrapping his arms around his yami and giving him the tightest hug imaginable. "Yami, you saved me! And for once in your life you did something which didn't result in the death of anyone I like! Thank you so much!"

His yami stared, then immediately started trying to push him off. "Hikari, what the hell are you doing?"

"Showing my gratitude!"

Yami Malik's eyes went wide as he realised he couldn't pull his light off him. "Stop touching me!"

He made a massive effort and managed to dislodge him. "Never, ever do that to me again." He brushed himself down meticulously. They stared at each other for a moment, with the spirit looking uneasy. "COOKIES!" he screamed suddenly, and ran off.

Malik sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. Bakura put an arm around him.

"So, uh, anyway, you want anything to eat?"

………….

A/N: And yet another chapter managed. Hope you all liked it. I'll probably do one more chapter to finish this off. In the mean time, REVIEW!