A/N: sorry about the long wait for updates. My crimbo holidays have started now, so I should be able to do a lot more writing in the next few weeks to make up for it.
Chapter Four: The End of the World (Take Two)
It was now nearly midnight, and the beautiful tone of Anzu's voice could be heard reverberating around the carnival by the few people still there.
"Where oh where has my Malik-chan gone? Oh where oh where can he beeeeeeee?"
The Malik-chan in question was cowering behind a white-haired tomb robber, whimpering. "She's going to get me, isn't she?"
"Think so, yeah."
"Damn…"
Anzu danced over, twirling her arms and pirouetting in a way which was actually quite scary. It certainly caused a few veins to start pulsing in Bakura's forehead. Also, Malik's trembling was starting to become contagious.
"Stop shaking! It isn't like she can actually do anything to you!"
Simply: "This is Anzu you're talking about. And believe me, she'll find plenty of things to do to me."
"She doesn't even know where-"
"There you are! I thought I'd lost you!"
"If only," Bakura muttered. Aloud: "Well, I've got plenty of things to do, so I'll see you two at the wedding."
Malik let out a cry resembling that of an untuned violin. Anzu took this as a cry of devotion and, flinging her arms around him, starting nuzzling him while uttering sounds that were obviously meant to be soothing. "It's all right, darling, I'm here."
Whimper.
Bakura was in the act of strolling away, when Malik suddenly broke free and hurled himself upon the startled spirit. He then began kissing him.
"Wha-"
"Play along," Malik hissed in his ear. "I can't spend my life with this whore!"
Bakura, however, had other ideas. "Will you get off me!" Shove. "How many times do I have to tell you Malik, it's over! We just weren't made for each other!"
Anzu, seeing her fantasies of Malik in a suit dissolving before her eyes, began to wail. Was he really gay after all?
Malik started chasing after his 'ex', who was being careful to keep his distance from Anzu in case she got jealous or something. When he reached a suitable looking bush he stopped, letting Malik bowl him over, and they both lay there panting for a moment. Then, after glancing nervously over their shoulders, both crawled away.
"Never make me do something like that again."
"Believe me, I would rather die than kiss you again."
"Wha-Hey! I'm a perfectly good kisser!"
"Sure you are. The slobber completely turned me on."
"Well, I can't say you impressed me much. Better go back to your girlfriend and ask her to give you some tips."
"Anzu is not my girlfriend!"
"She would probably say otherwise."
"You're just jealous because you don't have an admirer."
"An admirer? Stalker, more like."
"Stalker?! I'll give you stalker!"
"Oooh, so we're defending her now, are we?"
"No!"
"Why don't you admit that you like her?"
"I don't like her!"
"Maybe you don't like her, but do you like her?"
In a bored tone: "Yes. Anzu is my childhood crush. I've loved her from the day I saw her. Now can we go on a ride or something? Because I've spent practically my entire time here trying to evade a certain keen someone, and the time simply rushes past."
"Sure. Rollercoaster sound good?"
"Yup."
They joined a queue. After a few minutes, Bakura said innocently, "You know that deal we had ages ago about me getting the Millennium Rod?"
Malik frowned. "I think there were certain conditions-"
"Conditions schmitions. I nearly beat the Pharaoh; can I have the Rod now?"
"What? Of course you can't! It's mine!"
"It should have been mine. It practically is mine."
Uncertain as to where this was leading, Malik said cautiously, "If you say so."
"So you're agreeing with me?"
"Well, no-"
"That wasn't what you said a moment ago."
Feeling very confused now: "I-"
"Look, let's stop arguing and be reasonable about this."
In relief: "That sounds good."
…………
Ten minutes later, and a crowd had gathered around the pair.
"It's my Rod! Give it back!"
"It was never meant to be yours! I need it!"
Several people were suppressing sniggers with difficulty: the subject of the two teenagers' argument was not immediately clear, and perhaps could be…open to interpretation. Certainly the things they were saying were not helping -
"You're just jealous because I have a Rod and you don't! In fact, you never will!"
"Oh yeah? I'm just as deserving of a Rod as you are!"
"Yeah, like you're man enough to handle it anyway."
"Take that back!"
"You know, for someone who's old enough to be experienced in these kind of matters, you really are immature!"
They were both involved in a tug-of-war with the Item, both stubbornly refusing to let go.
"Give – it – back!"
"Get one of your own! This is my Rod! Mine!"
"You don't even know how to use it!"
"I think I can work out how to handle one little Rod!"
"Little?" someone asked.
At this, both Egyptians looked up. Their eyes went wide when they saw the amount of people crowded around them.
"What the hell do you think you're staring at?" Bakura snapped at no one in particular.
Malik shifted uneasily as he registered the amount of sly winks he was being given. "Um, Bakura…"
"Not now, you idiot; can't you see I'm busy?"
"But-"
"Only one between the two of you, eh?"
A man leered at Malik, who said uncertainly, "Yeah."
"Oh dear. Maybe you'll have to share." More snickers from their audience.
The Egyptian caught on, and his eyes widened. "What? You think we're…?"
Smiles.
"No! Not that kind of rod!"
Bakura realised that he was being left out. "What's he going on about?"
"They, um…" Malik made a choice few gestures.
"WHAT?! As if I'd ever be with you!"
Another wink, at Bakura this time. "You may be with him, but are you with him?"
"The hell? Shut up already! That's my line!"
"Possessive, are we?"
Malik was seriously starting to wonder if it wouldn't be worth giving the Ring-spirit the Millennium Rod just so he could have an excuse to get out of this mess. "Look here, uh…you, you've completely misinterpreted what is going on between us. We are not together."
"How sweet!" someone else cooed. "They're in denial."
"I'm not in denial because I don't have anything to be in denial about!"
"I…yeah. What he said." Bakura scratched his head.
Malik was starting to sweat. "Look, there really isn't anything to see so I don't know why you are all staring at us like…like this. …Besides, I have low self-esteem. It makes me nervous when people stare at me."
From someone: "Aww."
"You don't have low self-esteem," Bakura said blankly.
"Right now, I do. Now shut up. It was you not knowing when to shut your mouth that got us into this mess."
"Sorry," the spirit replied meekly.
"There you are!" a new voice exclaimed. "I've been looking for you!"
Malik looked up. "…Oh."
His yami bounced over. "Have you seen my Mil-" His gaze took in Bakura, who was the one currently clutching the Item, and his eyes narrowed. "…You."
"Huh?" Guessing that this was addressed to him, the Ring-spirit looked up.
"You stole my Rod! Meanie!"
A slow grin spread over the man's face. "One between three now, huh? And- Jesus, someone's had a bad hair day."
Yami Malik stiffened. "Was that addressed to me?" One of his blond spikes was rapidly beginning to twitch.
"Y-No! I mean, yes, yes it was. It's…a slang term I tend to use. Means I love your hair."
"Oh." The twitching subsided.
"He with you?" the man muttered out of the corner of his mouth to Malik.
"No. Long-lost twin. We fell out."
"Really? That happened to me. Hell of a pain when we bumped into each other again."
"Uh, yeah, tell me about it," Malik babbled.
Meanwhile, his yami and Bakura were eyeing each other with the look of circling cats.
"What the hell are you doing holding my Rod?"
"I've no idea. Here, take the damn thing. It's brought me nothing but bad luck anyway."
In interest: "Oh? How?"
Moodily, Bakura replied, "Everyone thought Malik and I were talking about a different type of Rod. Now everyone in the carnival thinks we're gay."
Yami Malik was silent while his brain processed this information, then he grinned and pointed a finger at the Ring-spirit. "Ha ha!"
"Why you-"
…………
"And don't you dare think about coming back!"
Malik dusted himself off, grumbling. "This is all your fault, you two. If you hadn't started fighting-"
"He provoked me!"
"He tried to steal my Rod!"
"I think I'm going to have to have that thing gold-plated and given to the Pharaoh. At least then Bakura can't try and steal it."
"Damn you." The spirit kicked sulkily at the ground. "Now, thanks to you two, we've all been thrown out of this stupid carnival. What the hell am I going to do for the rest of the evening?"
Yami Malik grinned. "I know what I'm going to do." He held up his Item. "I'm going straight back in. No way is a puny weakling like that going to stop me having fun." He left.
The duo stared after him. Finally, Bakura said, "I hate him."
"Oh shut up."
…………
Ryou was humming to himself as he walked home. He had had a marvellous time at the carnival, going on every single ride at least twice, and was utterly ignorant of what his yami had been up to. Nor did he wish to find out.
He had just turned the corner, when his attention was caught by about two dozen vans blocking the road. As he walked along, he noticed that the front one was parked outside his house. A man in overalls was standing outside it; as Ryou approached he straightened and held out a clipboard.
"At last! I've been here for the last two hours. Sign here, please."
Ryou's gaze swept down the road, encompassing the vans warily. "What is it for?"
"Jeez, you kids nowadays have to question everything, don't you? Now hurry up and sign the goddam thing. Some bastard tipped off the men in white coats, so I don't have much time."
Ryou blinked. "…Okay."
He wrote his signature neatly, while the man hopped from one foot to the other in impatience. "Finally. All right, we'll charge it to your credit card. We've still got the details from earlier; we just needed the signature to confirm everything."
"But-"
His yami opened the front door. "Finally. You took a while."
Ryou was about to answer, when the man in overalls replied first. "I knocked on the door about fifty times. You deaf or something?"
"Hey, I'm a busy person. I can't be expected to answer the door to every lunatic who comes knocking, can I?"
"Watch it." The man consulted his clipboard. "Was it you who ordered the life-time supply of Viagra?"
"Yeah. Bring it on- I mean in. Be careful when you step into the hallway; I think I left my pet cobra lying around somewhere."
Ryou stared.
"What?"
"Firstly: you have a pet cobra? And secondly: you ordered a life-time supply of Viagra? On my credit card?"
"Yeeees. Sheesh, you're slow today. And your point is…?"
"Why? Do you have any idea how much it costs? Or what it is actually for?"
"Well, cost-wise, I figured your bank account would cover it. And as for use…well, I was sort of planning to work it out as I went along."
"I love you, yami. Did I ever mention that?"
…………
A/N: it always feels good to finish a story. Oooh, I'm feeling all tingly.
Okay, and now I'm off to start on 'Anger Management.' Oh, and as always, reviews are welcome. Starting from now, I'm doing individual thanks and replies to all reviews received, with the exception of one-shots. This is just to show my appreciation to all the people who review.
Ril: well, here you go. Glad you like it.
Yami Silverdramon: Why not?
BothBaku's Fan-Girl: wow, I've been quoted, my life now feels that much better.
Youkomon: Me? (blushes) Thanks.
Cassie Lupus: well, an update is finally here. Not as soon as you seem to have wanted, though…
WalkingIntoWallsPerson: (with serious expression) yup Chell, I make a point of uploading new stories when I know you aren't looking.
PerfectCell17: um…what does LMAO stand for? Please excuse my ignorance.
Kichi-Buruma: well, I'll try…
Angel of Revenge: okay then. Here you go.
HANDHELD Uber Rei Model 06: yup. Dodgems equal go-karts.
Freak09: ta.
Elle-Fate2x1-2: why does Ra curse Ryou so? Because I say so, of course! I AM Ra! Feel my power! Mwahahaha!
Hey: that's right, make sure that yami of yours knows his place.
KuramasGurl13: why thank you.
Malik's Egyptian Princess: thanks. I'm not sure why I put the bit about the headless Barbie in…it just sort of seemed like a good idea.
Cassie: (looks shocked) and what, may I ask, is wrong with Friday night porn? Yeah, I bet you think you're so great, just because you like THURSDAY's. Bah.
XoX.d.a.r.k.a.n.g.e.l.XoX: okey-dokey.
Elleh: Me, rudeness? I wouldn't dream of it. Happy crimbo, by the way, and see ya at school.
Marikandcloe: okay.
Ryu: (is grinning) so do I…