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To Touch the Moon
Kitsama
"Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but never defeated..." -Ernest Hemingway
Inuyasha sighed and looked up at the moonless night sky. He was human tonight. He always knew that this night would be the death of him one day. The one night when he was the weakest…
Naraku had happened to find him wandering the forest alone so of course the hanyou-turned-ningen hadn't stood a chance. Sunrise wasn't in anyway close and no one was going to find him. Inuyasha gave another staggered sigh and closed his eyes. At least Kagome was safe in her own time and the others were at the village.
He was dying and the thought scared him but he wasn't sure why. Hadn't he always known that one day this would happen?
Of course he had kept the thought to himself. When their journey had started it had been rather simple. He would use Kagome to find the jewel shards and when he had them all he would use the jewel to become a full demon.
He had been tormented for his whole life for being what he was. To become full demon was to become indifferent. He would have the power to make people fear him. People didn't tease a demon. They didn't spit at a demon. They didn't pull a demon's hair or ears. They didn't beat a demon.
So what had changed in him? What did he want now? He couldn't say that he still wanted to become a full demon.
He had felt the thrill of killing innocent people while they begged for their lives and it disgusted him. The thought of being the one to end lives for no reason, even if he wasn't in his right mind while doing so, scared him more then anything. He couldn't see himself wishing on the jewel to become that monster on his own freewill.
Inuyasha couldn't help but wince as a stabbing pain tore through the wounds covering his torso.
He hurt all over, but hopefully that would go away soon, with the coming of the sun or not.
He would die here, without finishing the jewel or defeating Naraku. It had been a dream, a simple hope that no one would die on their journey. It had been so easy to think that they would be successful. When Naraku had appeared things had become complicated. Inuyasha had known that the chance of everyone living through their journey was slim at best.
It was too dangerous; Naraku was too dangerous.
It had been Inuyasha's job to take care of his makeshift pack; even if he had thought secretly that they would fail.
He had to make sure Miroku overcame his curse. That he didn't do anything heroic and die so that Sango was made a widow before she was married.
He had to make sure Sango saved her little brother and got her revenge on Naraku. He had to be there when Sango knocked out Miroku so he could laugh.
He had to make sure that Shippo was taught how to fight and that he grew up strong so he could protect the one's he loved.
Kagome…
He had to be by Kagome's side. To make sure she was happy and safe, that she was loved.
She was a child and shouldn't have had to see all the horrible things she had seen. Inuyasha had promised to protect her but he realized that he couldn't shield her from everything. He had realized that a while ago and it had hit him hard. One day, one of the people that Kagome cared for would be lost to her.
In a way he was happy it was him. The others had dreams and futures they someday wished to accomplish. Sango and Miroku had each other, Kagome had her family in her own time, and Shippo had all of them to look out for him and to watch him grow.
He hoped they would continue to look for the jewel and they would kill Naraku. The bastard had caused them so much pain…He hoped he saw him in hell.
Inuyasha groaned and opened his eyes. He was in pain, he wished that it would stop. His eyes traveled to the sky.
…Empty of the one thing that had given him so much comfort in his years of being alone.
With a great deal of effort he reached out his hand, groping for something that wasn't there.
"I…want to touch…the moon…"
He gave a soft sigh as his hand fell back down to rest at his side. He was staring up at the sky but he couldn't see anything, not even the stars.
He gave a small smile as his eyes slipped closed. The one thing that he regretted…was never telling Kagome that she had become his moon.
Kagome peered into the darkness, feeling she should see something that she didn't.
Someone she cared about needed her. But who was it, where did she need to go?
Kagome peered around again, feeling her heart brake every second she couldn't figure out what was wanted of her.
Gradually the inky blackness that Kagome found herself walking through gave way to a forest. The trees were thick, pressing in around her as if they wanted to reach out to grab her.
Kagome hugged herself as she traversed through the dense network of trees. She looked up at the sky and paled.
'The moon, where's the moon?'
It hit her like a ton of bricks as she woke up with a choked gasp.
Kagome sat up and looked around wildly, the remnants of her dream still flashing before her eyes. She scrambled out of bed and ran to the window.
'No moon, tonight's the new moon!! Inuyasha is human on this night.'
She had left a few days ago. She had known that the new moon had been coming up and, in all honesty, didn't want to leave him behind. But she had another test to study for and she had managed to get Inuyasha to allow her to return home.
"Why do I feel so restless?" Kagome murmured to herself as she opened the window to let some air in. "…something's happened, I know it."
Kagome pondered what she should do. She wanted to jump down the well right this minute and find Inuyasha but she was sure her mother would not be happy when she found out.
She could wait till mourning and skip school for a day but from the painful tightening in her heart, she felt that it shouldn't be put off.
Kagome gazed up at the sky again and sighed. The feeling of urgency increased. She had to get to her hanyou-turned-ningen.
Kagome gave it no further thought as she pulled on a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt…
Kagome didn't know how she knew where to go.
As soon as she had emerged from the well she had set of in a sprint into the forest. It was dark and without the moon the illuminate the dense forest Kagome found herself practically blind. She ignored the cuts and scrapes she received from the numerous times she fell and continued to run.
After what seemed like hours she saw a clearing ahead. She had a feeling that Inuyasha was there. She couldn't explain it…
'Please Inuyasha…you baka…be okay…'
She stumbled through the thick underbrush that surrounded the perimeter of the clearing.
The smell of his blood was so strong that even her sense of smell could pick it up. She had seen him wounded too many times, she knew the scent well.
It didn't take much to find out what had happened. She could sense him here, that bastard. His evil aura over powered her senses and mixed with the smell of Inuyasha's blood, it was enough to make her feel like retching.
Kagome's panicked eyes swept the clearing and settled on the dark form of her hanyou…sprawled out…eyes closed…not moving…
'Please be unconscious…just unconscious…'
Kagome ran over to him and tears sprang to her eyes. He was still breathing but she wasn't sure how long that would last. He had fought against Naraku hard even through he had known that he couldn't win against the evil hanyou. He had tried and he had failed.
"Inuyasha…Inuyasha open your eyes…please…"
She didn't want to move him. She didn't want to hurt him but he was scaring her. His wounds were steadily seeping blood and it now covered Kagome's hands where she had touched him. So much blood…too much…
Kagome put a hand on Inuyasha's forehead smoothing away his long black bangs.
He twitched and his eyelids slid open to reveal dark chocolate orbs. They were dazed and it took him a few minutes to force them to focus on her.
"K'gome…"
His voice sounded weak but he still managed to sound happy to see her. Kagome was aware that she was crying freely. The tears left watery streams down her dirty cheeks but she ignored them.
"Inuyasha you'll be okay. We'll get you to Kaede's village and she can help you." Kagome said softly. Her voice shook slightly, she couldn't stop it. He could probably tell that she was scared anyway.
Inuyasha looked at her sadly for a moment before he closed his eye again.
"I'm tired…can I stay here?"
Kagome shook her head and put a hand on his uninjured shoulder. She had to get help from the village but she couldn't leave him here. She couldn't carry him…
"So tired…it's so dark." Inuyasha mumbled looking up at Kagome again. "But I can see the moon now."
Kagome tried to hold in a fresh wave of tears but failed miserably. She was scared beyond reason now.
The thought of loosing Inuyasha had only invaded her mind a few times before this but he had always proven her wrong. In a few days he had jumped up and was back to being the rude blunt boy she had come to care about so much.
But now she could see it in his eyes and his eyes never lied.
He was dying and she couldn't save him. If she had stayed here then this wouldn't have happened. She could have been here with him. What was he doing in the middle of the forest on this night, of all nights, anyway?
"Don't cry….please…" he murmured weakly
Kagome looked back up at him and vigorously shook her head. Someone would come and help her. She couldn't loose him now.
"K'gome?"
Kagome looked up at Inuyasha her face streaked with tears. She should be telling him. She should tell him now before he left her.
"Could you…lend…lap?"
Kagome tried not to sob as she nodded.
It took a few minutes, she was so hesitant to hurt him, but he didn't wince or finch. It seemed like he was already detached from his body, unable to feel pain.
Kagome put a hand to his cheek and sobbed again. His body was still warm, even after loosing so much blood. Inuyasha took in a staggering breath and opened his eyes again. Already they were beginning to loose their luster, their shine.
His eyes…
Soft when he was ningen, frightening when he was youkai and an odd combination of the two when he was hanyou. Did Inuyasha know how piercing his eyes were when he was angry or the tenderness they periodically held when he looked at her?
He was leaving her and this was the last time she would be able to hold him…to be close to him…
Why didn't she tell him, tell him how much she loved him, and how he made her feel? This was her last chance and it was the perfect opportunity…
She couldn't…she wouldn't hurt him anymore. She refused to be a burden. She didn't want Inuyasha to feel bad now.
She had imagined them happy. Naraku was dead and the two of them would be free to live the way they want….But it was just a dream…Too many things stood between them. Time itself hindered from being together. Was this their fate? It had to be…fate wasn't achieved until you die…
"Will…you forget me?" Inuyasha asked softly
"No…never…I couldn't…" Kagome whispered with a forced smile.
Inuyasha smiled back.
If he intended to pacify her then he failed because a fresh wave of tears rose up in Kagome's eyes. She pulled him further into her arms, letting his head rest on her shoulder. Kagome could hear his heart beating against her own now, but it was slowing down.
'Tell him now!! This is your last chance!!'
She wanted to scream the words over and over until she went deaf, but he didn't love her. He couldn't love her. She had hoped that she could change his mind about Kikyou. She wanted to show him that he could still be happy without the undead miko but it wasn't meant to be. He would leave her without ever knowing and be better for it.
Kagome made her eyes focus on the rise and fall of his chest. His breathing was labored and soft, so soft it barely was. She was surprised when he suddenly spoke.
"K'gome…gomen…"
Kagome looked up and locked eyes with him for the last time. What was he sorry about?
"Be…happy…tell the others…to be happy…"
Kagome nodded and Inuyasha's eyes slid closed again. Kagome redirected her gaze to his chest. The breaths were even slower now and his ragged breathing and the weak beat of his heart were the only things Kagome heard. They were the only thing that mattered and the only thing that existed.
She wasn't here. The forest wasn't here. There was no Naraku and there was no Kikyou. There was no well. There was nothing but him, his heart and his breathing.
His last heartbeat sounded so much like the ones before it, that Kagome found herself expecting them to keep going. When they didn't Kagome closed her eyes against the sharp pain that assaulted her soul with his passing.
A part of her had gone with him and would never return. With him had gone her light, her protector.
Inuyasha had called her his moon…
Her world would remain ever dark without him.