A/N: Where's the shoujo? One reader asked. Well, it's coming. But:

1) You have to remember this is not Yuri, it's shoujo ai – so I don't think it will include a lot of graphic stuff. More like a lot of angst instead. ;) If anything graphic happens, I'll change the rating to R accordingly.

2) I'm trying for some character development. I never liked stories when Rei and Usagi/Minako just jump into each other's arms shouting „I love you" with no back story. The Jadeite romance was necessary to explain Rei's coldness, and anyway, I like him.

Thank you so much for reviewing, it makes me happy and inspired. :)

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The ball's that took place in Moon Palace were legendary all through the system. They were glamorous, and graceful, and full of well dressed beautiful people. Good wine flowed like a river through the guests, and Princess Jupiter's one private staff (supervised by her personally) took care of the food – a certain sign of quality.

So Usagi asked herself… Why, oh why were they so boring?

She fidgeted in her seat for the umpteenth time, trying to get herself as comfortable as her corset allowed. She hated the damned thing with a passion. You really couldn't eat wearing it (and Makoto's cooking too... It was such a shame), and it made sitting an almost impossible task. Sure, her waist looked fragile and frighteningly slim and her breasts much more then the actually were... But who cared, now that Rei was on Mars again?

Usagi sighed, frustrated. Rei was always on Mars. Always, always. And every time she actually had to attend to her; her Princess and sovereign, she acted like it was some cruel and unusual punishment she had to gracefully endure. So far away… Too far away to hold…

The last 2 years were even worse. Rei went from distant to cold, from composed to completely unemotional. Usagi didn't know what to make of the change, and all of her efforts to get close to Princess Mars were easily rebuffed. It... Hurt. It would hurt anyone, but it for someone as affectionate as her was almost impossible to bear... She sighed once more, and started looking around in hopes of distracting herself from her growing dark mood.

Lazily she surveyed the room, every now and then catching someone's eye and watched that person try to hold her attention. She knew she should probably be more social, and she usually was, but it was difficult to keep up this front 100 percent of the time. So she would quickly look away and pretend she hasn't noticed the bowing and smiling in her direction.

There she was. The Goddess of Love, or at least lust; Usagi thought. Minako was adored and fawned upon everywhere she went. She wasn't even the most beautiful of the Senshi – Rei's exotic beauty and Michiru's endless grace probably beat her in the looks department. But there was something about her... Something that made grown men turn into drooling babies without any pride left. And Minako was obviously having the time of her life... As always, Usagi thought sullenly. Sometimes she wanted to be the Venus Princess. Rei would probably notice her poor attempts at seduction them... If only she had all that raw sexual energy!

Her laughter tinkled like a thousand bells. Her entire body radiated with inviting promises of good times to be had, and fun, always such fun. Usagi tried to remember when was the last time she saw her with a frown, or depressed. She really was amazing, the Senshi of Love. After what happened... After her brother died in such a way... Usagi shivered. Minako was really strong. 'She's just... Perfect', Usagi thought with a touch of envy. She was just lucky that she didn't seem to like girls, especially Rei. Minako was not good competition.

She was interrupted in her reverie when she saw Mamoru coming her way. He was a true breath of fresh air in her life. Fun to be around, and good, and forgiving. Usagi still felt a bit guilty after ending their engagement in such a way, and him being so understanding didn't help. She waved enthusiastically – maybe the party won't be such a drag after all.

Only then he noticed he was dragging a very scary looking Hotaru by the hand, and looking pretty smug about it. Wait – Hotaru at a party? Stranger things might have happened, but this was pretty close. How did Mamoru ever manage it? And why?

They sat down next to her, Hotaru shooting daggers at the whole room. She was dressed in one of her gothic looking black satin dresses, and as the only person present wearing black stood out from the crowd. Just like a black sheep in a white herd, Usagi mused.

"Doesn't Hotaru look lovely tonight, Princess Serenity? I think black suits her very well; with her elegant pale skin and dark eyes", Mamoru suddenly said.

There was a long silence, where Mamoru looked happy with himself, Hotaru like she wanted to strangle him (or herself), and Usagi looked on confusedly. Then all of it suddenly made sense – him mentioning Hotaru so frequently in conversations, and visiting her, and how well he took the ending of their engagement. Could be that... he liked Hotaru? And did Hotaru like him?

All of her matchmaking instincts woke up at that moment. Maybe she couldn't do anything for Ami, but this could really work! She decided to keep a close eye on Hotaru for the rest of the evening to see exactly what she was dealing with here.

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Minako was hundreds of miles away, running through the bright gardens of her pasts, like a child, her yellow summer dress billowing behind her. Her small bare feet gently treaded the grass, leaving no footprints, no proof she was ever there. Was she ever there? Was there really ever a time when she was so happy? Or the past was just a refuge her mind has created so she could have somewhere to go... When she couldn't endure her punishment any longer?

It was the worse thing she could do to herself, so she did it. It was her carelessness and shallowness that had caused her brother's death, so she lived in that moment forever. She became that person, and relived her guilt and shame and pain over and over again. Nobody saw her like she really was, enveloped in her pain like a soft fur cloak, wallowing in it, relishing it, not letting it go or lessen even for a moment.

Each shiny smile she bestowed on her surroundings cut her like a knife, but she continued, and knew she must never stop, because he was gone. Her parents kept reminding her of that, as she could forget, ever. It was all her fault, they'd tell her, and he was the light of their lives, the smart one, and the good one. Now she was all that was left, and she better be the perfect princess, and it should have been her and not him. She... felt like screaming again... But instead she flashed another dazzling smile to the suitor closest to her, making everyone else jealous and striving to beat him and become her favorite.

It was so sad, she thought. All the Senshi should have been perfect, and should have led perfect lives. After all, they were blessed with everything. They were beautiful, each in her own special way, and so powerful, and rich, and intelligent. Hotaru was the Senshi of Death and Destruction, with countless deaths and rebirths behind her, and each had left its mark. Michiru and Haruka ostracized for their love, for it was forbidden for the Senshi to love each other... In fear they would put their love's life in front of their Princess. Setsuna was timeless, and that meant alone. Makoto didn't trust men or herself when it came to them, to often the fell just for her looks and power. So she locked away her heart and made herself and Ami miserable. And Rei…

Even the one who should have been the happiest among them, Princess Serenity, was miserable.

Did she really love Hotaru? Endymion seemed so sure, but all her instincts kept telling her it was wrong, that she loved Rei. But... They were not infallible. They might be wrong. Maybe this was just her subconscious trying to punish her some more, trying to take away the only chance for happiness she could ever have. Only this time, she wanted to fight. She couldn't continue like this, not for long, anyway. Every cut she inflicted on herself got deeper, and more dangerous. Somehow she felt Rei was her only chance to survive, only chance to salvation…

She tracked Usagi down and was thrilled with what she saw. Usagi was talking with Endymion and Hotaru, and looking at Hotaru with such attention and wonder that it was difficult not to believe that she was not in love with her any more. Her heart started beating even faster, and a bright beam of light pierced her dark heart at that moment. The girl in the yellow sun dress of her childhood turned around, and smiled at her.

She knew what she must do. She would go to Mars. She would go to Rei.