It was Minako's first time on Mars, and she found it as different from her fantasies as day was from night. It wasn't romantic in the conventional way as Venus was, it was... harsh. The red planet wasn't warm or gentle, and the cruel wind made her skin burn and tingle in minutes. For the first time she felt she could really connect Rei, mysterious and cold Rei, with her home planet. It was more then red; it was more then passion – it was survival of the fittest and no mercy for all the rest.

She'd told no one of her plans; so there was no one to greet her or take her bags. Now, seeing what the weather and sand was like, she regretted it, but still decided to take the long hike from the transport pillars to the Palace alone... As waiting in the cold wind seemed worse. Pretty soon she was lost and frozen to her toes, and couldn't see any of the strange beauty of Mars she'd seen earlier. She sat in the desert angrily: "If Rei's really anything like her planet, maybe I should just forget about her…" knowing she didn't mean it even as she thought it.

Soon she gave up and contacted the palace with her compact, and sat there on her bags, looking and feeling miserably. She also had a distinct feeling Rei will be irritated by her careless and stupid behavior. While Minako understood (and did) stupid things often, for all the wrong reasons, as did everyone else... Rei wasn't like that. She was above that kind of behavior... Although, certainly not above being angered and frustrated by it, Minako thought sourly.

She was getting more and more cold; and even worse – bored. Her eyes were glued to the horizon, but dust was all there was to see. Everything was red, and was tiring her more and more. Finally, everything went dark and she just couldn't force herself to hold her eyes open any more.

It seemed like days have gone by; but it must have been mere hours in reality. The mysterious deep violet eyes of her dreams were hovering over her; and it was all it took to bring her completely to her senses. It was obvious Rei was angry at her; so she jumped at her feet with the biggest smile she could muster.

"Rei! So nice to see you… I missed you, and you haven't been to the Moon Court in a while... " Minako said enthusiastically. She was met by a cold look that stopped her in her tracks.

"This is the second time I hear this today. Is the whole blonde population of the Silver Millennium like this, or am I just blessed?" Rei said sarcastically.

Minako's heart froze.

It was just as she suspected – Usagi was there, along with Mamoru and Hotaru. Minako had no idea why she was here, or how she managed to drag Hotaru along; but the presence of the other senshi gave her wounded heart hope. Perhaps they were all here on a whim, out of boredom, but it still almost made her cry out in despair of the unfairness of it all. No private time with Rei now, and it seemed that all this unannounced visiting put Rei in a really bad mood. Everyone knew how she valued her privacy, and it was obvious that only her loyalty to her monarch was keeping her from kicking them out.

Dinner was a tense affair. Usagi tried to fill the silence with random chatter, but Mamoru was the only one responding to her efforts. Minako stole glances at Rei as often as she could, and her love seemed more distant every time she looked; if that was possible. She fell deeper and deeper in the clutches of despair. A fantasy of taking the sharp knife in front of her and dragging it across her pale and clammy skin replayed itself over and over again in her mind, but she didn't dare, not in front of everyone.

So… She drank. A lot. Mars was famous for its wine – it was as red and fiery as everything here seemed to be. The whole dinner seemed to pass in a haze and soon she found herself chatting merrily with Usagi and Mamoru. They started sharing the wine, and nobody even noticed when Rei and Hotaru made her excuses and left.

The palace was quiet, and the only sound heard besides the two blondes' slurred chatter was the thump Mamoru's head made as he collapsed on the table. They took this as a sign to stop drinking for a while and go for a walk. The night air did little to clear their heads, but Minako was suddenly very much aware that she was alone with Usagi, and the thought made her very uncomfortable. She wanted to ask her about Rei so badly she had to pinch herself to stay quiet.

The silence was more and more unbearable, and unwelcome thoughts of her brother started to fill her head as always. Her drunken will was too weak to fend them of, and she felt her nails draw blood from her palm. She thought Usagi too drunk to notice, but her shocked gasp told her otherwise.

Slowly, she forced her hand open and wiped away the blood with her own sleeve. The gesture somehow made Minako feel disgusted at herself; for receiving help and sympathy from someone she was supposed to protect, and who was perhaps her greatest rival. Clear and wide blue eyes staring at her made her realize her twisted she was, and that her innocence was long gone. Who was she kidding trying to find love and happiness? And how could she even imagine she deserved it more than this pure creature standing in front of her?

She snatched her hand back, and broke into a run, stifling a scream. It was coming, all the grief and loathing, and she could have no outlet while she was here. Soon her legs gave out and she crumpled to the floor, a broken heap. A hand touched her cheek, and she heard Usagi say, quietly but authoritatively: "Tell me".

Her voice was quivering, and her eyes had a strange crazed light to them; yet the compulsion to obey was too strong, so she started talking.

"It was rainy then. The worst weather I've ever seen; I think, and it's been years… You wouldn't know, being the princess and everything; but it was very hard being 14 and a Senshi. Being a Senshi leader was even harder. While all the other girls had their first loves, and giggled, and wore pretty dresses and went to dances... I was all muddy and always practicing... We all were. It was not very glamorous then... We had to become strong enough, and do it soon. The outers were needed at the border, and we had to become what we already were in name: your guards, your best (and only needed) protection.

So, here I was, destined to be one of the most powerful people in Silver Millennium, and I envied every single serving girl in the palace. Because it was so hard... I wanted dresses, and to play, and to flirt with boys. I wanted it so much - it seemed so important then; like my life would just end if I couldn't have it!"

"Please, Minako, don't be so hard on yourself... You were only 14! I was exactly the same at that age! "

"But you had the right to be that way! Even at that age, I should have known better. Even at that age; I shouldn't have been that shallow and selfish. You see... It was this kind of behavior that killed my brother. I killed my brother..."

I won't cry, Minako thought to herself. I don't deserve even that relief...

Usagi had no such qualms. „Minako-chan..." Her tears fell like crystals, watermarks on her skin.

"My brother loved me very much. He was 5 years old when he died, and I was the world to him. Only... I never had the time, or will to spend any time with him. I had so little free time, and I spent it all on my equally superficial and selfish spoiled friends. When I remember... How many times he followed me around, showing me all kind of things he made and drew, trying to make me proud of him..." She stopped for a time, stared at the distance, her eyes still dry and dull.

"I always wanted to get rid of him, so I kept promising to go swimming with him at the near by lake, always the next day. One day he wouldn't stop following me and my friends, so I told him to go there without me and wait for me; that I would come soon. I guess he got tired of waiting for me at one moment, and went swimming by himself. He drowned…

I wanted to die, then. I learned my lesson, but the price was too high…"

The princess was openly sobbing now, and barely managed to say:

"I'm so glad you decided to live... I'm so glad you found the strength to carry on…"

"You misunderstand me. It is not my will to live that made carry on. It is because... There are worse things than death…"

There was something in Minako's voice, something sharp and dangerous that stopped Usagi from saying anything else. So it was with this thought they parted and went to sleep.