Rimnerel: I don't have much to say. I just want to say that I'm...
Tyson (interrupting): You went to the beach without telling Max and I!
Max: We wanted to go to the beach and check out the babes!
Rimnerel: Well, sorry, but I had to get away from you guys. Anyway, we're taking a trip next month. You guys are going then.
Tyson and Max: Yay!
Rimnerel: Okay, besides that being all off the topic at hand, I want to thank B. Tiamat Atardecer, Hell, russle, FREAK014, and The-Dark-Fire-Elf for all the reviews and support of this story. It's still a bit gritty, but the kinks are working out of this one. Hope you enjoy the third chapter, which is definitely going to pick up. Enjoy.
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Kenny watched the match with growing anticipation. This wasn't good, not one bit. The brunette's eyes once more went to the monitor. Displayed on it was the match between Tyson and the team captain of the Demolition Boys team, Tala. Everything went well in the first round between the two bladers. Tyson was as arrogant as always, running his mouth, but he had been able to get the job done.
Second match looked to be in Tyson's favor, when something strange happened. Somehow, the two bladers were encased in a huge barricade of ice. Kenny didn't know how, or if it was even possible, but the two managed to transcend time and space, battling in some other dimensional area. The whole thing caught everyone involved by surprise...well except for Tala. Which won him the second battle.
Max was standing by the huge berg of ice, pounding on it, trying to get Tyson to answer him. He was scared, Kenny couldn't blame him Tyson was alone in this battle. Kai told Max that it was no use. That Tyson could not hear them. Kenny studied the male as he stared at the block of ice. The brunette didn't think anyone noticed, but he did. That flicker of worry within the Bladebreakers' team captain's eyes. Max wasn't the only one worried about Tyson.
After that incident on the lake when Kai had switched sides and called out the members on the Bladebreakers squad, Kenny saw that look within Kai's eyes. When he was drifting away from them, realizing his mistakes, Kenny could see that look. The shocked look of realization when Tyson held out his hand, and for a few seconds, Kai shed tears. Kenny overheard part of their conversation that night Kai came back. When the two males thought everyone was asleep. The confessions that finally came out, right now...Kai must feel completely helpless to help the one he loved, when it was always Tyson that seemed to be there for him.
"Kenny, there has to be something we can do for him?" Max said, turning back to the brunette, breaking into Kenny's thoughts.
The brunette looked up, glancing at the monitor, then back at block of ice. "I don't know what to tell you Max. There's nothing I can think of that will help. Tyson has to do this on his own."
"But..." Max slumped down on the bench for a minute, the concern in his eyes growing. "What if he can't do this on his own? He might need our help."
"There's nothing we can do. Everything rests on Tyson's shoulders." Kenny turned his eyes back to Kai who had a clenched hand against the ice. As if he could will himself to slip through and go to Tyson. "We just have to believe in him."
"I hope that's enough." The battle raged on, Tala looking to gain the upper hand over Tyson inch by inch. Until finally everyone thought that the red haired captain had finally overpowered Tyson. But just when things were looking grim, Tyson and Dragoon rebounded back, taking everything that the Russian boy had, and turning it against him. With a very surprising upset, Tyson won the match, finally breaking the ice around them, returning things back to normal.
Everyone from the Demolition Boys team was surprised. They had the battle in their hands, but then Tyson pulled...well, a miracle out of his hat, winning the match and ruining Biovolt's plans. The crowd cheered and was amazed by the victory of the Japanese team. Hell, even a few of the other teams had expected the worst, but Tyson once more came through when everything was on the line. Kenny smiled, going over with Kai and Max to congratulate the blue haired male on a job well done.
For now, Kenny would remain happy. This was no time for him to think about his other plans. The first thing he had to do was be happy for the team. They made it, not just to the Championships and competed in the finals, but won. Their team was now the new world champion beyblade team. That was a great feat for a team that just starting out only months before. Everyone was proud of them, there was a right to be.
What I can want can wait until later, when things settle a bit. Kenny thought as he listened to Tyson and Max joking around. Standing back, he watched the two joke and mess around, the other teams coming up and joining in. For a brief moment, Kenny caught Tyson lift his eyes to Kai, finding the male staring back at him with a warm smile. Tyson's cheeks turned a slight rose colored before fading. They would all be okay, Tyson had Kai now, and Max had Rei, they would be able to move on.
'That's right, run away.' That evil voice came back into Kenny's head, mocking him. That's all you've ever been good at. But you can't go far. I will hunt you down. They will know the truth then, and they will hate you also.
'Shut up!' Kenny shouted mentally, squeezing his eyes shut, forcing the voice to fade into the back of his mind. It wouldn't stay there long, he knew. Now that everything was over, the team would go back to normal lives. He couldn't do that. Who knew how much longer he could escape the past before it came back to shove him into another tight, dark, cold closet where there was nothing to grasp onto.
"Kenny?" The young man looked up to find Mr. Dickenson, walking up with Tyson's grandfather and father. The elderly male's face looked slightly concerned. Kenny forced a smile on his lips. He didn't want to worry the man, especially not on a day like this.
"It's nothing. I guess, just shocked that Tyson did it," Kenny forced a note of cheerfulness in his voice to cover his slightly dark thoughts.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." The man's kindness touched him. He wondered how would Mr. Dickenson take the news once Kenny went through with his plan? Would he blame himself for not seeing it now and pushing the issue? Would he wonder why and go looking in Kenny's past? Or would he just feel so much grief that he wouldn't know where to start? "Let's go fill Tyson's ego even more."
The smile on Kenny's face did not fool the male, as the boy had wanted it to. Mr. Dickenson watched the brunette head over to Tyson, a smile on his lips. But there was something to it. Something the elderly male could not place. It was as if there were other things on his mind besides his team winning the world championship. Maybe there was, but Kenny seemed to be resistant to talk about it.
"You okay, Mr. Dickenson?" Tyson's father asked, noticing the male's spirits seemed to damper faintly.
"Oh, yes. I'm fine. Something just hit me," he answered.
"Anything important?"
"Right now, I don't know. I will let you know if it is." Mr. Dickenson was compelled to find out why Kenny looked as if he was about to walk away from the team forever. Maybe it was just his paranoia kicking in, or maybe it really was something serious. Only time, would tell.
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Kenny stood apart from the rest of the teams in the large reception hall. His eyes wandered from one person to another, staring at their happy, smiling faces. Each one of them probably had a reason for smiling, maybe. Or maybe they were like him, smiling, buying just a bit more time for himself. Gathering just a few more memories to think about on his last few minutes.
'They all seem so happy. It's almost too bad that I have to do this. Maybe they may think I'm being selfish for this, or maybe, who knows, they will pity me. For going through this alone, never speaking up. But I've tried. I tried showing them no one paid much attention.' Kenny watched Tyson joking with Michael of the All Starz. He didn't know what was being said, but Tyson was all grins. More than likely Tyson was ego basking.
"Kenny, may I talk to you for a minute?" The brunette turned his head to find Mr. Dickenson walking up to where Kenny was leaning against a wall.
"Sure, I don't see why not? Don't tell me that you've already found us our next competition so soon after becoming world champions?" Kenny stated with a short grin half hopeful. If they went into another battle, the others would need him. He wouldn't have to leave them just yet. Which meant that maybe this time around they would see what they were so blind to for so long.
"No, I think you boys need a rest for a while." Mr. Dickenson watched disappointment flicker across the boy's face. "But I'm sure that it won't be long before you boys have plenty of challenges."
"You're probably right," Kenny said. "So, if you didn't want to talk about some new battle, what did you want to speak to me about, Mr. Dickenson?"
"Kenny...earlier...something was on your mind. I don't know if you want to talk about it or not, but..." Mr. Dickenson started.
"Hey, Mr. D!" Tyson ran over to where Kenny and the older male were. "Hey, Mr. D! I want you to hear what Michael just said. Even he has to admit my superior skills!"
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Kenny said as Tyson was dragging the male to where a bemused Michael was speaking with Max's mother about something. Staring at the scene for a minute, Kenny pushed himself away from the wall. Quietly slipping away unnoticed the young man walked out of the hall. Not bothering to grab a coat, he went down the stairs, exiting the hotel.
A sharp, but light wind sliced through his shirt, despite it was fairly insulated. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or not that he decided to put on pants for the reception. Maybe it would have been better to freeze to death out in the snow, going numb from the world was the perfect way to end things. Standing there for another minute, the brunette began walking. If they did come looking for him, he didn't want them to find him so easily as this.
Snow crunched under his feet as he walked away from the hotel. Down the halfway empty streets of Moscow. The silence surrounded him, quieting his thoughts so he could think about how he wanted to go about this. Should it be quick, allowing the world to fade from sight without being able to reminisce on the past few months? Or maybe slow, tormenting him with the fact that he was never able to show them his true side for fear that they would turn him away. Look at him with pity and sympathy, eventually giving him understanding. If he let his end be slow, the voice would return, laughing, taunting him until his eyes closed forever.
Kenny's feet led him to a park some ways from the hotel. This was a good place to do it. Spotting the bench covered in a light sprinkling of snow, Kenny went over to it, sitting down. Leaning his head back, his hair fell from his tired, bloodshot eyes, as he looked up at the stars. The night before was another series of nightmares that kept him from restless sleep. Leading him to find the aid of caffeine and pills.
Reaching into his pocket, the brunette pulled out an object, flicking it open to reveal a switchblade. He always kept it on him, just in case he needed to escape sooner than expected. In the light on the moon, the cold metal shone with an almost comforting glint. Beckoning him to run it over the familiar course of skin that connected his veins to his blood flood. The last time he didn't know that, it was just an attempt to escape.
---------{Flashback}
The ten-year-old boy stared at the floor as his things were being brought in the house he would be staying in now. He was now going to live with Dawn and Hojo Shinoda. His aunt and uncle on his mother's side of the family, they were supposed to be his new mother and father now. But the boy didn't want new parents he just wanted to be left alone now. Why didn't everyone understand that?
"Kenny?" A hand lightly touched his shoulder, making him look up at his aunt Dawn. Her eyes held sympathy for what happened to him. He hated it, he didn't want to be pitied he wanted to be told that it was okay for him to rest. To never open his eyes again and face the day. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," he mumbled, looking back down at his feet.
"Come on, let's go up to your new room. You must be tired," she said, indicating to the fact this was his first day out of the hospital. His most of the damage done to his body had helped, but he still had a lot more healing to do. The doctors told that to his aunt and uncle. Saying that the wounds on the outside were not as significant as the wounds laying open inside his mind...well, he could have told them that.
The woman led the boy up the stairs, down the hall to a room that was recently furnished with new paint. Kenny looked around, seeing a bed, a bookshelf full of books, table with a computer on it, a dresser, and closet. His eyes stayed on the closet for a while, being reminded of all the times when he was four he was made to sit a locked closet for days on end. Punishment for something he did.
"Do you like the room? Your uncle and I heard you do well in school, so we brought you a computer and found out you also liked to read," the woman said.
"I read to keep everyone away so they couldn't see the marks," the little boy said. "My teacher didn't know either, she thought I was naturally quiet and shy."
"Kenny..." Tears welled up in the woman's eyes as she knelt down, taking him into her arms and hugging him gingerly. "I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. If I had known...I would have done everything in my power to adopt you. After your mother died, I...I don't know. Please forgive me."
"It's not your fault, Dawn. It's no one's fault what happened. I don't blame you," Kenny said, trying to comfort the crying woman, but having no idea what to do. He was so use to being smacked around rather than hugged that he was at a lost for going about this.
"I'm sorry, you need your rest, don't you?" The woman let him go, wiping her eyes. "I'll let you get some sleep. Sleep well Kenny." Kissing him on the forehead, his Aunt Dawn walked out the room, closing it behind herself. Kenny stood for a long minute, staring at the door before walking to it, engaging the lock. Going back to his bags, he rifled around in one of the bags before finding what he was looking for.
In packing his things, he managed to hide it. Holding up the blue handle object, he carefully pulled open the metal part of it. This was one of his father's knives, ironic how the one person he hated the most, would help him in the end. Studying the blade, he touched his finger to it, sliding the tender flesh across the sharp end. He didn't hiss when blood trickled down the blade. It was still sharp, that was a good thing.
Holding the knife in one hand, the little boy rolled up his sleeve, looking for a good spot to cut. His eyes studied the whole arm before deciding upon the wrist. He would cut there, and for good measure he ended up slicing both. Making his way to the closet, blood trailing in a steady flow behind him. He wanted to end it in the dark, where he at times felt the safest. It would find end he thought as he closed the door to the closet, allowing himself to be engulfed in his own silent lucidity.
------------{Flashback end}
'Only it wasn't the end. My aunt came back because she forgot something. She knocked and knocked, I could hear her slightly, her desperate pleas for me to open the door. I could hear the terror in her voice, only I shut it out. I slipped further, but when I came to, I was back in the hospital.' Kenny played with the tip of the knife idly.
Four months of seeing a psychiatrist about his problems didn't help. They thought he was cured, but they couldn't see the scars much deeper. Continuing to bleed, killing Kenny slowly. Trying to kill his self again around them was out of the question. So he waited, buying time until an opportunity came along. That opportunity came in the form of the Bladebreakers. Yet...
"They will probably feel the most pain," Kenny murmured.
"You know, there are other ways than using a knife, if you want to kill yourself," came a voice from in front of him. Lifting his head from the bench, he saw a pair of azure eyes looking at him. Realization hit him to who it was standing in front of him, watching Kenny play with the knife. "You're the last person I would have expected to commit suicide, small world after all I guess."
"What do you want?" Kenny found himself saying. The male didn't immediately answer, he seated himself on the bench next to Kenny, bluntly taking the knife from the male and examining it.
"Nice piece, it's been kept up," the older teen murmured. "Well, I suppose since you were planning to kill yourself with it before I interrupted you."
"I asked you a question, what do you want?" Kenny said his tone tinged with anger.
"Nothing, I just wanted some fresh air. It's really tense around that abbey with today's lost, so I decided to get out for a while," the male shrugged. "Aren't you from the Bladebreakers?"
"Yes, so," Kenny said, reaching for the knife, but Tala held it out of his reach.
"I was just wondering why you would want to kill yourself with such desperate eyes to escape this world," Tala said. "What's your name?"
"What does it matter to you?" Kenny snapped.
"Just making conversation," Tala shrugged. "Nothing wrong with getting in a little conversation before you off yourself is there?"
Kenny stared at the male, being that he was so nonchalantly conversing with Kenny who was about to kill himself a minute ago. He stared at the older teen, blinking a few times. He didn't know why, but...he...wanted to be given a reason to be stopped. He didn't know why, it wasn't going to stop the nightmares that plagued him, nor end the taunting voice in his head. So why did he want this little lapse?
"It's Kenny...Kenny Shinoda..."
"Well, okay, that's a start I suppose. And mine is Tala Ivanov...I suppose there's no reason to tell you that. I told you once when you came looking for Kai at the abbey and I did just battle your teammate this afternoon. Stupid reply, scratch that," the male said to himself in amusement.
"You're different..."
"Different?" Tala stared at the male beside him.
"In the tournament today you're different than now. That other time you were different also. I thought you guys from Biovolt were supposed to be evil and..."
"Heartless?" Tala simpered. "I suppose that's the image Boris and Voltaire wants to paint. And I can understand with Bryan. Well..." The red head thought about it for a moment before smirking. "I suppose it's just an act to survive. I suppose that when I'm not around the others, I'm naturally like this. It's probably like your mask."
"You...see it?"
"I've grown up putting on masks my whole life, I understand how they fit and work. I can see the masks of others, even if they don't know I do," Tala said. "It's a habit of mine. So, what's your story?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Kenny said.
"You've allowed the wounds to run so deep that you don't care anymore if you have someone to listen to your side of things?" Tala said. "I suppose you need this then." The red head handed Kenny back the knife, getting up from his seat beside Kenny. "Go ahead, I'm not going to stop you, it's obvious you don't want help."
"Are your mocking me?" Kenny demanded, standing up, leaving the knife on the bench.
"Why would I mock you? You want to kill yourself, go ahead. It's your life, not mine," Tala shrugged. "Should I stop you from doing something you're going to do when you get another opportunity anyway? What sense would that make?"
"You idiot! Just leave me alone!" Kenny became aware of the burning wetness slipping down his face. "You don't know what I've been through! Or what I had to survive through."
"You're right, I don't know, you would rather leave the world asking that question of why," Tala stated. "So what if you've suffered, hundreds of people do everyday. In worst ways than you endured. The world is full of scarred people, so just shut up with the angst teen bit, and deal with it."
The male walked back up to Kenny, staring down at him with a scold. His azure eyes froze Kenny in place as he moved the hair from Kenny's eyes. Studying the teary, red eyes. Kenny thought the male was staring down to his soul, seeing the scars still bleeding. After a moment, he let the hair fall back into place.
"Maybe if you stop shutting yourself up in that closet, hiding from whatever it is that you're afraid of, then maybe you wouldn't need that knife. But who am I to tell you otherwise. I'm just a stranger in passing. What do I know?" he said.
"Tala..."
"You know, your friends probably don't know that you're in pain, only because you've fit that mask on so well, they think it's normal. If you gave them a sign, even as small as a frown, they would notice. No one can distinguish anything if you never do anything but smile when they look your way," he said, moving away from Kenny.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you," Tala smirked. "I need to find something to do until tense calms down at the abbey."
"Wait!" Kenny shouted. The male stopped for a minute, looking back at Kenny.
"What?" The male raised a brow.
Kenny clenched his fists at his side, glaring at the red head. "I still hate you!" He watched the smile on the male's lips rise.
"All right then. But, at least you aren't going to kill yourself now, are you?" Tala stated. Which was true in fact. As Kenny watched the male walk away, he looked at the knife once, yet had no urge to kill himself. He wondered, was this his mother's sign telling him that his time had not yet come?
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Rimnerel: And another chapter is done! Oh, I have good and bad news for everyone!
Max: Good and bad news? This is going to be something.
Rimnerel: Anyway, I have good and bad news. Bad news is that I just discovered that my mother threw out the original copy of this story cause she thought it was trash. So, the chapters are gone forever!
Tyson (shouting): And what's the good news!
Rimnerel: Sissy and I plan to do a new version, which may in fact have more details than the first one! So, though the plan changes some, we're still going to write this together. So, I guess we will update next week. Bye now!
Tyson (interrupting): You went to the beach without telling Max and I!
Max: We wanted to go to the beach and check out the babes!
Rimnerel: Well, sorry, but I had to get away from you guys. Anyway, we're taking a trip next month. You guys are going then.
Tyson and Max: Yay!
Rimnerel: Okay, besides that being all off the topic at hand, I want to thank B. Tiamat Atardecer, Hell, russle, FREAK014, and The-Dark-Fire-Elf for all the reviews and support of this story. It's still a bit gritty, but the kinks are working out of this one. Hope you enjoy the third chapter, which is definitely going to pick up. Enjoy.
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Kenny watched the match with growing anticipation. This wasn't good, not one bit. The brunette's eyes once more went to the monitor. Displayed on it was the match between Tyson and the team captain of the Demolition Boys team, Tala. Everything went well in the first round between the two bladers. Tyson was as arrogant as always, running his mouth, but he had been able to get the job done.
Second match looked to be in Tyson's favor, when something strange happened. Somehow, the two bladers were encased in a huge barricade of ice. Kenny didn't know how, or if it was even possible, but the two managed to transcend time and space, battling in some other dimensional area. The whole thing caught everyone involved by surprise...well except for Tala. Which won him the second battle.
Max was standing by the huge berg of ice, pounding on it, trying to get Tyson to answer him. He was scared, Kenny couldn't blame him Tyson was alone in this battle. Kai told Max that it was no use. That Tyson could not hear them. Kenny studied the male as he stared at the block of ice. The brunette didn't think anyone noticed, but he did. That flicker of worry within the Bladebreakers' team captain's eyes. Max wasn't the only one worried about Tyson.
After that incident on the lake when Kai had switched sides and called out the members on the Bladebreakers squad, Kenny saw that look within Kai's eyes. When he was drifting away from them, realizing his mistakes, Kenny could see that look. The shocked look of realization when Tyson held out his hand, and for a few seconds, Kai shed tears. Kenny overheard part of their conversation that night Kai came back. When the two males thought everyone was asleep. The confessions that finally came out, right now...Kai must feel completely helpless to help the one he loved, when it was always Tyson that seemed to be there for him.
"Kenny, there has to be something we can do for him?" Max said, turning back to the brunette, breaking into Kenny's thoughts.
The brunette looked up, glancing at the monitor, then back at block of ice. "I don't know what to tell you Max. There's nothing I can think of that will help. Tyson has to do this on his own."
"But..." Max slumped down on the bench for a minute, the concern in his eyes growing. "What if he can't do this on his own? He might need our help."
"There's nothing we can do. Everything rests on Tyson's shoulders." Kenny turned his eyes back to Kai who had a clenched hand against the ice. As if he could will himself to slip through and go to Tyson. "We just have to believe in him."
"I hope that's enough." The battle raged on, Tala looking to gain the upper hand over Tyson inch by inch. Until finally everyone thought that the red haired captain had finally overpowered Tyson. But just when things were looking grim, Tyson and Dragoon rebounded back, taking everything that the Russian boy had, and turning it against him. With a very surprising upset, Tyson won the match, finally breaking the ice around them, returning things back to normal.
Everyone from the Demolition Boys team was surprised. They had the battle in their hands, but then Tyson pulled...well, a miracle out of his hat, winning the match and ruining Biovolt's plans. The crowd cheered and was amazed by the victory of the Japanese team. Hell, even a few of the other teams had expected the worst, but Tyson once more came through when everything was on the line. Kenny smiled, going over with Kai and Max to congratulate the blue haired male on a job well done.
For now, Kenny would remain happy. This was no time for him to think about his other plans. The first thing he had to do was be happy for the team. They made it, not just to the Championships and competed in the finals, but won. Their team was now the new world champion beyblade team. That was a great feat for a team that just starting out only months before. Everyone was proud of them, there was a right to be.
What I can want can wait until later, when things settle a bit. Kenny thought as he listened to Tyson and Max joking around. Standing back, he watched the two joke and mess around, the other teams coming up and joining in. For a brief moment, Kenny caught Tyson lift his eyes to Kai, finding the male staring back at him with a warm smile. Tyson's cheeks turned a slight rose colored before fading. They would all be okay, Tyson had Kai now, and Max had Rei, they would be able to move on.
'That's right, run away.' That evil voice came back into Kenny's head, mocking him. That's all you've ever been good at. But you can't go far. I will hunt you down. They will know the truth then, and they will hate you also.
'Shut up!' Kenny shouted mentally, squeezing his eyes shut, forcing the voice to fade into the back of his mind. It wouldn't stay there long, he knew. Now that everything was over, the team would go back to normal lives. He couldn't do that. Who knew how much longer he could escape the past before it came back to shove him into another tight, dark, cold closet where there was nothing to grasp onto.
"Kenny?" The young man looked up to find Mr. Dickenson, walking up with Tyson's grandfather and father. The elderly male's face looked slightly concerned. Kenny forced a smile on his lips. He didn't want to worry the man, especially not on a day like this.
"It's nothing. I guess, just shocked that Tyson did it," Kenny forced a note of cheerfulness in his voice to cover his slightly dark thoughts.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." The man's kindness touched him. He wondered how would Mr. Dickenson take the news once Kenny went through with his plan? Would he blame himself for not seeing it now and pushing the issue? Would he wonder why and go looking in Kenny's past? Or would he just feel so much grief that he wouldn't know where to start? "Let's go fill Tyson's ego even more."
The smile on Kenny's face did not fool the male, as the boy had wanted it to. Mr. Dickenson watched the brunette head over to Tyson, a smile on his lips. But there was something to it. Something the elderly male could not place. It was as if there were other things on his mind besides his team winning the world championship. Maybe there was, but Kenny seemed to be resistant to talk about it.
"You okay, Mr. Dickenson?" Tyson's father asked, noticing the male's spirits seemed to damper faintly.
"Oh, yes. I'm fine. Something just hit me," he answered.
"Anything important?"
"Right now, I don't know. I will let you know if it is." Mr. Dickenson was compelled to find out why Kenny looked as if he was about to walk away from the team forever. Maybe it was just his paranoia kicking in, or maybe it really was something serious. Only time, would tell.
----------------------
Kenny stood apart from the rest of the teams in the large reception hall. His eyes wandered from one person to another, staring at their happy, smiling faces. Each one of them probably had a reason for smiling, maybe. Or maybe they were like him, smiling, buying just a bit more time for himself. Gathering just a few more memories to think about on his last few minutes.
'They all seem so happy. It's almost too bad that I have to do this. Maybe they may think I'm being selfish for this, or maybe, who knows, they will pity me. For going through this alone, never speaking up. But I've tried. I tried showing them no one paid much attention.' Kenny watched Tyson joking with Michael of the All Starz. He didn't know what was being said, but Tyson was all grins. More than likely Tyson was ego basking.
"Kenny, may I talk to you for a minute?" The brunette turned his head to find Mr. Dickenson walking up to where Kenny was leaning against a wall.
"Sure, I don't see why not? Don't tell me that you've already found us our next competition so soon after becoming world champions?" Kenny stated with a short grin half hopeful. If they went into another battle, the others would need him. He wouldn't have to leave them just yet. Which meant that maybe this time around they would see what they were so blind to for so long.
"No, I think you boys need a rest for a while." Mr. Dickenson watched disappointment flicker across the boy's face. "But I'm sure that it won't be long before you boys have plenty of challenges."
"You're probably right," Kenny said. "So, if you didn't want to talk about some new battle, what did you want to speak to me about, Mr. Dickenson?"
"Kenny...earlier...something was on your mind. I don't know if you want to talk about it or not, but..." Mr. Dickenson started.
"Hey, Mr. D!" Tyson ran over to where Kenny and the older male were. "Hey, Mr. D! I want you to hear what Michael just said. Even he has to admit my superior skills!"
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Kenny said as Tyson was dragging the male to where a bemused Michael was speaking with Max's mother about something. Staring at the scene for a minute, Kenny pushed himself away from the wall. Quietly slipping away unnoticed the young man walked out of the hall. Not bothering to grab a coat, he went down the stairs, exiting the hotel.
A sharp, but light wind sliced through his shirt, despite it was fairly insulated. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or not that he decided to put on pants for the reception. Maybe it would have been better to freeze to death out in the snow, going numb from the world was the perfect way to end things. Standing there for another minute, the brunette began walking. If they did come looking for him, he didn't want them to find him so easily as this.
Snow crunched under his feet as he walked away from the hotel. Down the halfway empty streets of Moscow. The silence surrounded him, quieting his thoughts so he could think about how he wanted to go about this. Should it be quick, allowing the world to fade from sight without being able to reminisce on the past few months? Or maybe slow, tormenting him with the fact that he was never able to show them his true side for fear that they would turn him away. Look at him with pity and sympathy, eventually giving him understanding. If he let his end be slow, the voice would return, laughing, taunting him until his eyes closed forever.
Kenny's feet led him to a park some ways from the hotel. This was a good place to do it. Spotting the bench covered in a light sprinkling of snow, Kenny went over to it, sitting down. Leaning his head back, his hair fell from his tired, bloodshot eyes, as he looked up at the stars. The night before was another series of nightmares that kept him from restless sleep. Leading him to find the aid of caffeine and pills.
Reaching into his pocket, the brunette pulled out an object, flicking it open to reveal a switchblade. He always kept it on him, just in case he needed to escape sooner than expected. In the light on the moon, the cold metal shone with an almost comforting glint. Beckoning him to run it over the familiar course of skin that connected his veins to his blood flood. The last time he didn't know that, it was just an attempt to escape.
---------{Flashback}
The ten-year-old boy stared at the floor as his things were being brought in the house he would be staying in now. He was now going to live with Dawn and Hojo Shinoda. His aunt and uncle on his mother's side of the family, they were supposed to be his new mother and father now. But the boy didn't want new parents he just wanted to be left alone now. Why didn't everyone understand that?
"Kenny?" A hand lightly touched his shoulder, making him look up at his aunt Dawn. Her eyes held sympathy for what happened to him. He hated it, he didn't want to be pitied he wanted to be told that it was okay for him to rest. To never open his eyes again and face the day. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," he mumbled, looking back down at his feet.
"Come on, let's go up to your new room. You must be tired," she said, indicating to the fact this was his first day out of the hospital. His most of the damage done to his body had helped, but he still had a lot more healing to do. The doctors told that to his aunt and uncle. Saying that the wounds on the outside were not as significant as the wounds laying open inside his mind...well, he could have told them that.
The woman led the boy up the stairs, down the hall to a room that was recently furnished with new paint. Kenny looked around, seeing a bed, a bookshelf full of books, table with a computer on it, a dresser, and closet. His eyes stayed on the closet for a while, being reminded of all the times when he was four he was made to sit a locked closet for days on end. Punishment for something he did.
"Do you like the room? Your uncle and I heard you do well in school, so we brought you a computer and found out you also liked to read," the woman said.
"I read to keep everyone away so they couldn't see the marks," the little boy said. "My teacher didn't know either, she thought I was naturally quiet and shy."
"Kenny..." Tears welled up in the woman's eyes as she knelt down, taking him into her arms and hugging him gingerly. "I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. If I had known...I would have done everything in my power to adopt you. After your mother died, I...I don't know. Please forgive me."
"It's not your fault, Dawn. It's no one's fault what happened. I don't blame you," Kenny said, trying to comfort the crying woman, but having no idea what to do. He was so use to being smacked around rather than hugged that he was at a lost for going about this.
"I'm sorry, you need your rest, don't you?" The woman let him go, wiping her eyes. "I'll let you get some sleep. Sleep well Kenny." Kissing him on the forehead, his Aunt Dawn walked out the room, closing it behind herself. Kenny stood for a long minute, staring at the door before walking to it, engaging the lock. Going back to his bags, he rifled around in one of the bags before finding what he was looking for.
In packing his things, he managed to hide it. Holding up the blue handle object, he carefully pulled open the metal part of it. This was one of his father's knives, ironic how the one person he hated the most, would help him in the end. Studying the blade, he touched his finger to it, sliding the tender flesh across the sharp end. He didn't hiss when blood trickled down the blade. It was still sharp, that was a good thing.
Holding the knife in one hand, the little boy rolled up his sleeve, looking for a good spot to cut. His eyes studied the whole arm before deciding upon the wrist. He would cut there, and for good measure he ended up slicing both. Making his way to the closet, blood trailing in a steady flow behind him. He wanted to end it in the dark, where he at times felt the safest. It would find end he thought as he closed the door to the closet, allowing himself to be engulfed in his own silent lucidity.
------------{Flashback end}
'Only it wasn't the end. My aunt came back because she forgot something. She knocked and knocked, I could hear her slightly, her desperate pleas for me to open the door. I could hear the terror in her voice, only I shut it out. I slipped further, but when I came to, I was back in the hospital.' Kenny played with the tip of the knife idly.
Four months of seeing a psychiatrist about his problems didn't help. They thought he was cured, but they couldn't see the scars much deeper. Continuing to bleed, killing Kenny slowly. Trying to kill his self again around them was out of the question. So he waited, buying time until an opportunity came along. That opportunity came in the form of the Bladebreakers. Yet...
"They will probably feel the most pain," Kenny murmured.
"You know, there are other ways than using a knife, if you want to kill yourself," came a voice from in front of him. Lifting his head from the bench, he saw a pair of azure eyes looking at him. Realization hit him to who it was standing in front of him, watching Kenny play with the knife. "You're the last person I would have expected to commit suicide, small world after all I guess."
"What do you want?" Kenny found himself saying. The male didn't immediately answer, he seated himself on the bench next to Kenny, bluntly taking the knife from the male and examining it.
"Nice piece, it's been kept up," the older teen murmured. "Well, I suppose since you were planning to kill yourself with it before I interrupted you."
"I asked you a question, what do you want?" Kenny said his tone tinged with anger.
"Nothing, I just wanted some fresh air. It's really tense around that abbey with today's lost, so I decided to get out for a while," the male shrugged. "Aren't you from the Bladebreakers?"
"Yes, so," Kenny said, reaching for the knife, but Tala held it out of his reach.
"I was just wondering why you would want to kill yourself with such desperate eyes to escape this world," Tala said. "What's your name?"
"What does it matter to you?" Kenny snapped.
"Just making conversation," Tala shrugged. "Nothing wrong with getting in a little conversation before you off yourself is there?"
Kenny stared at the male, being that he was so nonchalantly conversing with Kenny who was about to kill himself a minute ago. He stared at the older teen, blinking a few times. He didn't know why, but...he...wanted to be given a reason to be stopped. He didn't know why, it wasn't going to stop the nightmares that plagued him, nor end the taunting voice in his head. So why did he want this little lapse?
"It's Kenny...Kenny Shinoda..."
"Well, okay, that's a start I suppose. And mine is Tala Ivanov...I suppose there's no reason to tell you that. I told you once when you came looking for Kai at the abbey and I did just battle your teammate this afternoon. Stupid reply, scratch that," the male said to himself in amusement.
"You're different..."
"Different?" Tala stared at the male beside him.
"In the tournament today you're different than now. That other time you were different also. I thought you guys from Biovolt were supposed to be evil and..."
"Heartless?" Tala simpered. "I suppose that's the image Boris and Voltaire wants to paint. And I can understand with Bryan. Well..." The red head thought about it for a moment before smirking. "I suppose it's just an act to survive. I suppose that when I'm not around the others, I'm naturally like this. It's probably like your mask."
"You...see it?"
"I've grown up putting on masks my whole life, I understand how they fit and work. I can see the masks of others, even if they don't know I do," Tala said. "It's a habit of mine. So, what's your story?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Kenny said.
"You've allowed the wounds to run so deep that you don't care anymore if you have someone to listen to your side of things?" Tala said. "I suppose you need this then." The red head handed Kenny back the knife, getting up from his seat beside Kenny. "Go ahead, I'm not going to stop you, it's obvious you don't want help."
"Are your mocking me?" Kenny demanded, standing up, leaving the knife on the bench.
"Why would I mock you? You want to kill yourself, go ahead. It's your life, not mine," Tala shrugged. "Should I stop you from doing something you're going to do when you get another opportunity anyway? What sense would that make?"
"You idiot! Just leave me alone!" Kenny became aware of the burning wetness slipping down his face. "You don't know what I've been through! Or what I had to survive through."
"You're right, I don't know, you would rather leave the world asking that question of why," Tala stated. "So what if you've suffered, hundreds of people do everyday. In worst ways than you endured. The world is full of scarred people, so just shut up with the angst teen bit, and deal with it."
The male walked back up to Kenny, staring down at him with a scold. His azure eyes froze Kenny in place as he moved the hair from Kenny's eyes. Studying the teary, red eyes. Kenny thought the male was staring down to his soul, seeing the scars still bleeding. After a moment, he let the hair fall back into place.
"Maybe if you stop shutting yourself up in that closet, hiding from whatever it is that you're afraid of, then maybe you wouldn't need that knife. But who am I to tell you otherwise. I'm just a stranger in passing. What do I know?" he said.
"Tala..."
"You know, your friends probably don't know that you're in pain, only because you've fit that mask on so well, they think it's normal. If you gave them a sign, even as small as a frown, they would notice. No one can distinguish anything if you never do anything but smile when they look your way," he said, moving away from Kenny.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you," Tala smirked. "I need to find something to do until tense calms down at the abbey."
"Wait!" Kenny shouted. The male stopped for a minute, looking back at Kenny.
"What?" The male raised a brow.
Kenny clenched his fists at his side, glaring at the red head. "I still hate you!" He watched the smile on the male's lips rise.
"All right then. But, at least you aren't going to kill yourself now, are you?" Tala stated. Which was true in fact. As Kenny watched the male walk away, he looked at the knife once, yet had no urge to kill himself. He wondered, was this his mother's sign telling him that his time had not yet come?
------------------------------
Rimnerel: And another chapter is done! Oh, I have good and bad news for everyone!
Max: Good and bad news? This is going to be something.
Rimnerel: Anyway, I have good and bad news. Bad news is that I just discovered that my mother threw out the original copy of this story cause she thought it was trash. So, the chapters are gone forever!
Tyson (shouting): And what's the good news!
Rimnerel: Sissy and I plan to do a new version, which may in fact have more details than the first one! So, though the plan changes some, we're still going to write this together. So, I guess we will update next week. Bye now!