I can not feel because I am not here

by: only me

prt one: the wondering soul

As a little girl I always wonderd 'when I die can I be a ghost so I can haunt every one?' Then as I got older it turnd in to 'Can I be an angel so I can watch over those I love?' As a chiled I never knew how lonly the world would be if that was so. As a chiled I never know I would have to spend eternity all by my self wondering the earth. I've been dead for 5 years now and it never changes. I am still 17 years old. People still stay away from the Shindera mansion. People still havent cought my murderer and I am still alone.

I was a smart girl and very polite. Of cours I was the doghter of a monk, I had to be well behaved and respectful. I was the next prestess of our vilage. I was in training and very proud to be. I did my studys and payed close atention to spells and healing herbs. I wanted to be as good as The Lady of the Light. Never had ther been another prestess to be demon. I would be the second prestess of ledgend. People said it couldnt be done, that no one that was part dark could become a prestess but she did and I would too.

My mother was The Lady of the Light as they called her. I knew her as mother or Shiian. She was the first demon to become a prestess and tought me everything she knew. That is untill the day she died. My mom died when I was 15 in a extersisam.She gave her soul to save the soul of a chiled over taken by darkness.

I was raised by my dad then. He was never around. Always in another town doing an extercist or performing a blessing or a meirage sarimony. I cintinued my studys even after my mother died. I was determined to become the next demon prestess.

I was only 17 and out in the feilds when it happend. I was gathering herbs to perform a healing treatment on one of the elderly women of the village. He came out of no were and it all happend so fast. He tied my hands and ankles together and gagged me. I was scared but ther was nothing I could do. He did what he wanted then slit my throught.

I was floting in darkness. No light. No sound. It scared me. I thought 'I dont want to die. I cant live. I want to stay though' I remimber a flash and then there was a fire. The Shindera mansion was on fire. I draged my bleading body to the mansion to find my father inside geting out the children that wher sheltered there. He couldn't get to Alexas. She was still in bed and the fire was to strong. I got her out but I couldn't get back out my self. All the kids wher safe and I saw my father through the flames. I remimber him saying 'Your mother would be proud. I am proud of you and I love you.' He knew I was already gone and couldnt be helped.

That night the flams of the Shindera mansion lept into the dark night sky, the thik black smoke rouse up bloking out the full moon's glow, and a song so full of sarow and dispare rouse up to the heavens filling the night. Now every full moon the people of the vilage lock their doors and keep their children in and safe. For on the night of the full moon you can still hear her. Her voice so intreaging and hounting. She morns for her self and those that she lost. On the night of the full moon her soul is granted the one thing it wants. It takes its demon form and walks the earth as the living. For that one night she is flesh and blood. It is sead that if she finds some one out side the safty of their home, she takes their soul back with her. She has been cursed to walk the earth alone, with out hope. She is the wondering soul. The soul of redemption. The soul of hate. She awaits the day she is reborn. For the day she will have her revaing.