Um, not much to really say about, but to thank all my reviewers for last chapter's reviews. I hope that everyone will enjoy this next chapter also, and that hopefully soon, I can get back to work on my other stuff too. Now let's get this chapter started.
--------------------------------
The woman in the doorway looked at the three individuals that were standing in her door. Her light blue eyes shifted from one to the other as she leaned against the doorway. Looking down, she took a deep breath then looked at each one again. "'Did he...did Kenny really try...again?"
"Yes," Judy nodded, her eyes tearing up. "He...ingested over 13 grams of aspirin into his body. His team found him before he slipped away and they got him to the hospital."
"Thank god..." Mrs. Shinoda sighed wearily.
"But...they...Tyson and all of his friends, they are worried about him. They haven't been able to sleep well since Kenny...please, you have to tell us everything that you know about what happened to Kenny before you adopted him," Judy pleaded.
Mrs. Shinoda looked down, a sad smile appearing on her lips. "I wish I could tell you about his pain, about what he went through...but..."
"But? What do you mean but?" Bruce said.
"But...he never confided in his uncle or I about anything. We sent him to a psychiatrist hoping that maybe...that maybe he could express himself. He never showed signs of anger for what his father did to him or pain he just stared at us, as if he didn't let it bother him and wondered why we let it get to us. I don't know what his father use to do to him, but it made him...numb to feelings," Mrs. Shinoda said, tears streaking her cheeks.
"We're sorry," Mr. Dickenson said.
"No. It's okay. You know, I was so happy when he made friends with Tyson. He was the first person that I ever saw Kenny smile at so freely. He was always an independent kid, but for the first time ever, he relied on someone else. I thought that he was finally free from the pain, I had no idea that...it was still there."
"Kids tend to be that way. They always try to act tough, grin when they want to cry, and act in reckless ways, but sometimes...I suppose wearing a mask is the only way you can get through the day without worrying those that care for you the most," Bruce said. "We promise that if there's anyway to help him, we'll find it."
"Thank you, and please take care of him for us. I don't know what more I can do for him, so maybe his friends can open that shell around him."
"We promise to bring him back as soon as he's better," Mr. Dickenson said. So he guessed that this trip was only partially successful. They would have to rely on Kenny after all, to tell them what happened. He had a feeling that the young man in question would be reluctant to tell them, when he had yet to tell his own family. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe Tyson and the others would make him see he wasn't alone.
------------------
Tyson closed his mouth, trying to gather his words before he opened his mouth again. He knew what he wanted to say, but when he made another try for them, they once more fled to the back of his throat, refusing to come out. His eyes would not leave the scar that ran from the left side of Kenny's chest down to his navel. Kenny stared at Tyson, his head tilted to the side as he dropped the gown, covering the scar.
"I thought as much," Kenny said. "Your ever so optimistic view of the world can't counter what you've seen, can it, Tyson? You say that things in this world only make you stronger, but they don't. I should know, I've lived through hell for nine straight years."
"H-h-h-how..." Tyson stammered.
"How did I get that scar?" A bitter smile rose to Kenny's lips as he looked down at the faint lines on his wrists. "It was...a present."
"A...present..."
"Yes...farewell present. And also, an invitation to slip into the darkness and die," Kenny said. "It's the reason that I will never be the Kenny you use to see."
"Kenny..." Tyson walked over on the bed, climbing onto it and hugged his friend gingerly. Tears continued to fall as the sobs came. "Please...please just stop saying so many things that...I can't take how you are. You have to get better for Kai, Rei, Max, and me. For your foster parents, for everyone, we're all here for you."
"It's not your fault, so don't pity me. I don't want sympathy for my past, I just want to die and go to my mother. If you really want me to get better, you should have let me die on and buried me next to my mother," Kenny said softly.
"Stop it!" Tyson pulled back, looking Kenny in the eyes for what was like the first time. He couldn't take such empty, blank eyes. "Stop hurting, stop pushing everyone away. Stop carrying this burden by yourself."
"Tyson..."
"Just get better, smile for me, like when we first met. If you want...I'll stay by yourself every day until..." Tyson started.
"Tyson, stop dreaming idealistic dreams. Do you really think that nine years of suffocating in this prison is so easy to dig out of? It's not, so just...stop. I'm tired. I'm tired of it all, this world, this life, this pain, my past, and everyone telling me that things will be all right. Just let me die, you know, everything will be better then," Kenny said softly as Tyson continued to cry into his shoulder.
When morning finally came, Tyson awake to find that he was on the bed beside Kenny who was asleep. His face was turned towards Tyson, who saw how innocent his friend looked when he was asleep. Tyson's eyes misted, remembering what was said the night before. How could he look so peaceful after saying...
Tyson turned his eyes away, down to Kenny's covered chest where that horrendous marking was. What had Kenny meant by a present, when talking about the scar? Who could be so cruel to give him such a gift? That sort of pain should never be felt, yet Kenny knew it. Tyson wondered if he could ever endure that sort of thing, and could never imagine how to go about it.
'I don't know what to do to help him.' Tyson realized. He squeezed his eyes shut, another wave of grief rolling over him. 'There's nothing that I can say that's going to make him change his mind about this, so what do I do? What are we going to do?'
"Tyson, are you awake?" A hand touched Tyson's arm lightly. Turning over, he found Kai looking down at him with lost auburn eyes. "I...didn't want to disturb you." Kai pulled his hand back, looking over at Kenny who was still asleep. "Any change?"
"Kai!" Pulling himself up from the bed, Tyson practically tossed himself into Kai's arms crying. Kai stumbled for a second, but regained his balance, wrapping his arms around Tyson. Tyson laid his head into Kai's chest, sobbing once more. "I can't do it. I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do...and it hurts so much!"
"Tyson...?"
"He woke up...last night...he...he..." Tyson stammered between sobs. "T-t-there's...it...goes...all the way...to his navel."
"What? What are you talking about?" Kai pushed up Tyson's face, seeing the pain engulfed dark storm eyes.
"He's talking about my scar," another voice answered Kai's question. Auburn eyes widened finding Kenny sitting up in the bed, staring at them.
"You're really awake."
"Yes, I'm awake...and...alive." Kenny ran a hand through his hair, turning his eyes to look out the window at the new day. Another day that he had to live, knowing that the voice may come back. That the dreams would come back, that the pain in his chest would never ease. Why did God want to torment him in such a manner?
"Hey Kai, is everything all—"Max and Rei came in the room, but stopped, seeing the fifth member of their team finally awake.
"So, now everyone is here."
"Kenny!" Max's eyes tear up as he stares at his friend.
"Kenny...you're finally awake," Rei said.
"Rei, Max..." Kenny nodded his acknowledgement towards the other two Bladebreakers members.
"How do you feel? Are you okay?" Rei inquired, as always worried about others rather than his own health. Kenny could tell that the Chinese boy was still not better from his battle with Bryan.
"You shouldn't have worried so much about me, you're still injured," Kenny countered.
"What do you mean we shouldn't be worried about you?" Max said suddenly. The tears in his eyes fell as he lowered his head. "We were all so worried about you. Why did you try something so stupid? Why would you want to end things like that! I don't understand it Kenny. You got to tell us why!"
"Please..." Rei begged his golden eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Even Kai stared at the male with misty eyes. Tyson's tears left up, but he still had his head against Kai's chest. Max continued to stare at the floor, one or two drops of wetness hitting the ground in front of him occasionally.
"I will tell you the same thing I told Tyson last night when I woke up. The reason I did it, the reason that I act in that manner was because I want to die. That's been my one true wish for more than five years now," Kenny answered.
"But why?" Rei asked.
"Because...for the past nine years, my life has been pushing me off balance as I continued to try to move forward. I'm tried of it, so I wanted to try falling again," Kenny responded.
"Try falling again? What do you mean?" This time it was Kai that asked the question. Out of everyone else's, besides of course Tyson, his seemed the most hurt.
"This hasn't been the first time I've tried something like this." Kenny turned his eyes back to his teammates, seeing the shock visible in Max, Rei, and Kai's eyes. "When I was ten, I slit my wrists open, hoping that my end would be sealed. But...I was saved, and had to force myself to wait until I had another time, a time that no one would stop me, I guess now wasn't that time because here I am, still alive."
"How can you stay that without...without any emotion!" Max cried. "How can you just sit there as if you almost didn't die? How?"
"Because death doesn't scare me, because that's what I want more than anything else in the world. My mother died when I was four and since that time, I've been trying to reach her, but never can. I know that being killed is unpredictable, so I figured what the hell, if I'm going to be tormented, I might as well kill myself and go to Hell. It's not like God cares anymore," Kenny said quietly.
"Don't say that. God hasn't given up on you," Max stated. "You just have to search a little bit harder to find your angel."
"No Max, I don't have an angel. My faith in God has died, along with my faith in this world. There's nothing left in this world I look forward towards except my own death. I do thank you all for your friendship, even though that hasn't done anything to ease the pain of my continuously dying heart."
Silence fell on the entire room as Max turned from the male in the hospital bed and left the room. "Max!" Rei went after the blonde that exited the room. Which left Kenny with Kai and Tyson who was showing no signs on speaking another word.
"You should let Tyson get some air you know," Kenny remarked softly. "My words aren't doing him any good, nor anyone else...but it's the truth."
"I know," Kai said softly. "I didn't see the signs...I'm sorry, I should have."
"I don't blame you, Kai."
"I blame myself though. I better than anyone else should know what it's like to put on a mask. The pain of being hurt over and over again and no one stopping it from happening, asking God why each time you're forced to suck up everything, only to hurt more. I know that pain. You have nightmares too, don't you?" Kai inquired.
"If you know so much about my pain, you must know how much I don't want to talk about it because nothing changes," Kenny countered.
"I understand." Without another word, Kai pulled Tyson with him out the hospital door as Kenny felt the effects of sleep overcome him once again. He didn't know why, but his chest had begun to hurt a great deal more than usual. As he rested on the pillow and closed his eyes, he wondered if it was because of Tyson and the others.
--------------
{Flashback}
The little boy for a minute watched the other kids run around the playground laughing. As they jumped up on the monkey bars, or screamed while going down the slide, or push each other in the swings until they seemed like they were going into orbit. Eventually he went back to his book on Algebra. He was the only kid on the playground that wasn't up jumping around.
"Kenny?" A woman in her mid twenties walked up to the little boy. Her dark brown eyes stared down at him with a slight frown. The little boy looked up at her.
"Yes ma'am," he said.
"Aren't you going to go play with the other kids?" This woman was his fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Hanako Ayaoshi.
"No, I don't think that I want to play. I still have a few more problems to solve that you gave me to do," Kenny replied.
"You're such a smart kid," Mrs. Ayaoshi replied. "But I think it's also healthy that you have an energetic nature too, it's natural for children your age to get up and run around."
"It probably is, but I'm not that sort of kid," Kenny replied.
"You're not?" she grinned. "What makes you so different the other children your age?" Sitting down beside him, she tilted her head to the side.
"Well...I guess my want for knowledge. Most kids my age are caught up in games and things they will stop when they hit puberty. For me, I'm caught up in my pursuit of things out there. Things that most people don't question until later in their life, like if there's a God, or why God would put us here when most people suffer."
"My, you're into theology too," she laughed. "I don't actually know Kenny. I suppose you would have to ask someone else that question. I'm only human, I don't have all the answers."
"I know. But haven't you ever wondered about those things. Why some are fortunate while others..." Kenny looked down at his book, feeling the tears rise up. He wasn't going to cry.
"Kenny?" The woman noticed the change in the boy.
"Why are some people pushed into dark spaces that enclose their heart in darkness? Why God would allow souls to damper if he loves everyone equally? Why would God allow a child molester to live, while a girl that's been hit by a car dies? I don't get it at all, do you?"
"Well..."
"I should be getting home, I still have to finish these problems you gave me. Bye Mrs. Ayaoshi." Kenny got up from the bench, putting his books back in his bag.
"Kenny, if you ever want to...talk...I'm here, okay?"
"I know."
{Flashback ends}
------------
"So you're awake now," came a light voice from the side of the bed. Kenny turned his eyes to the chair occupied by the red haired captain of the Demolition Boys. "Good afternoon."
"What do you want?" Kenny mumbled, turning his eyes away.
"Well...guess I'm not welcomed. Still mad about the kiss?" Tala said.
"Idiot."
"I guess that counts as a yes then," Tala stated.
"What do you want? Why are you here?" Kenny questioned, turning his attention back to the male getting up from his chair and coming to sit on the side of the bed. Once more, their eyes met as Tala let his gaze roam over Kenny's face. "You want to know something, you told me that they would be there for me. But they couldn't handle the truth."
"You didn't tell them everything did you?"
"They learned enough of how I felt and what I wanted, they didn't seem like they could take the full force of things, so I didn't tell them," Kenny remarked.
"I figured that much," Tala smiled. "You know, I'm sure that if anyone knows best, it would be Kai. Did you know that his grandfather murdered his mother and father then forced him to train? Kai use to hate beyblading, and when he wouldn't obey his grandfather, Voltaire would beat him, until Kai had no choice but to go along with things. Eventually, he just gave in."
"Are you trying to make me guilty about how I feel?" Kenny questioned. "I don't."
"You want to know something else? I learned that Bryan's parents use to abuse him too. His father was an alcoholic who use to beat his wife, she in turn use to take out her anger on Bryan and his younger brother. Eventually, it got to the point where Bryan's father used Bryan's younger brother to score more booze when he didn't have any money. Bryan found out and nearly beat his father to death. His brother died you know, Bryan couldn't take it and ran away, joining the abbey," Tala said.
Kenny looked up at Tala, finding the male staring out the window while thinking. What was the use telling him all this? Did he expect Kenny to feel guilty, that his situation wasn't so significant as he empathized it to be? It wasn't going to work. His mind was already set, when he got the chance again, he was going to make sure that this time he died. He wasn't going to go through more years breaking down.
"I guess I can tell you my story," Tala grinned. "Where to start...well...I was born out of a loveless union. My real father died when I was still a baby. Well...my real father was the brother of the man that my mother married. It was a while before he found out I think I was about two. I heard him yelling at her, saying that he hated her and me. He grew distant from me, even while I tried to bond with him. I think there was one or two instances growing up where he would beat me just because I looked like his brother."
The young man closed his eyes, remembering the pain of the rod coming across his back as he screamed for his father to stop. The look in the man's eyes as he rose the object again to strike him, but his mother coming in throwing herself on top of him to block the blow. The rod striking her, Tala remembered how she whispered that his father didn't mean any of it, that he was just upset with her. His father getting angry with his mother and kicking her to the side so he could get at Tala again.
"My mother always came to my rescue. I loved her so much, and would do everything she asked of me. One night though, I heard her telling my stepfather she was leaving with me, and he screamed that he hoped she went to hell with me. We left that next day packing the little clothes we could and left. But...we didn't get far my stepfather ran her over with a car and then tried to kill me too. But for some reason, he stopped. He got out the car and made me get in."
"That's when he took you to the abbey?" Kenny found himself asking.
"Actually, he took me to this remote area, tied me up and beat me for a while, saying that my mother couldn't stop him anymore. I think I was there for a couple of days. When he finally let me go, I could barely walk. That was his favorite game...when he didn't force himself on me. He said I was going to atone for my mother's sins. Eventually, he grew tired of me and dumped me in the abbey and left," Tala murmured. "At times growing up, I had nightmares. Kai had them, Bryan, everyone at that abbey has a story of why they're there."
"And the moral of that story I suppose is that I shouldn't cry over what happened to me because it could have been worst, right?" Kenny stated, looking away.
"Wrong. You know, for someone so smart, you're a dumb kid," Tala remarked.
"What?" Kenny glared at Tala who grinned at him. "What did you just say to me?"
"I said for someone whose suppose to be so smart, you're dumb," Tala repeated. "The morale of me telling you that wasn't sympathy or to show you that things could have been worst."
"Then what was it for? Just decided to share sob stories?"
"Obviously you aren't seeing the picture. Everyone has some sort of heartache and grief, others more than most. I know your pain, Kai knows your pain, a lot of people know your pain, but...I know I won't let it get in the way of making my own way through life. You're an idiot for letting it eat at you. Sometimes you just got to throw it all away and say fuck it," Tala responded. "I don't think I could do like you, I'm not that much of a coward."
"Are you saying that...I'm afraid?" Kenny blinked. "I'm not afraid!"
"Yes you are. You're afraid to push it all away and say fuck the past, fuck what happened, I'm going to make a life for myself against all odds. You're afraid to climb out your hole and walk on your own. Afraid to smile, afraid to laugh, afraid to show someone your tears, if you're going to continue to let your father control you, then you might as well die."
"Shut up!" Kenny shouted, sitting up to hit Tala. A smirk came to Tala's face as he grabbed Kenny's hands before he could strike him. "Let me go!"
"If you're so angry, let it go. If you're so sad, let it go. If you hurt, tell someone. If you want to be loved, wanted, needed, let someone know," Tala remarked. "Stop being such a coward and running away. Stop letting the voices of the past directed you, mock you, and kick you down. Tell them to leave you the hell alone and move on with your life."
"I can't," Kenny said. He squeezed his eyes shut, the tears trickling down. "I can't."
"You can, you just don't want to. You need help, I'm here for you." Tala released Kenny's hands. "Your friends are here for you. Everyone you think you can't depend on, they will always be here for you. Just open your eyes and look." Tala got up from off the bed, staring back and Kenny who had his arms wrapped around himself. "I'm leaving, that's all I really wanted you to know. Tell me now if you want me to come back or not."
"I...I..."
"If you want to talk, let someone know your pain, just tell me. If not, then I'll go. I...I do want to see you again, Kenny. Just to let you know, I like you a lot. You shouldn't suffer, it was wrong of your father to make you suffer," Tala said quietly.
"I don't know," Kenny whispered.
"Kai knows how to get in touch with me, you want to talk, tell him to get in touch with me, and I'll come. If you have nightmares and want someone to be there, I'll come, but you'll have to let me know. I have to go now." Tala walked out the door, leaving Kenny with this incessant pain running rampant through him. Why was he aching so much now? It didn't make sense.
"That stupid idiot! I hate him! I hate him so much!" Kenny curled up into a ball, trying to stop the tears that a certain Russian young man caused. "Why...why do you love me so much? Why?"
-----------------------
Another chapter done! And on to work on Sympathy next, I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter, it may have gotten a bit choppy in the middle, but the end pulled things together, ne? Well, tell us what you think, later!