Thanks for continuing to read and review my story, here are some answers to some of them:
Snapes witch – Oops! But even the best writers make boo-boo's sometimes! I will have to write down when she has her classes, so I don't get muddled up! But like most students of this age she has two sessions a week of this subject- I've said it's Monday and Friday afternoons
GeekGoddess – Hermione is normally quite a powerful witch, and can be quite bossy, but I don't think she is that confident inside. Someone like Professor Snape making moves on her could intimidate her and make her feel insecure. Especially with the fear of being found out!
Jayne Elizabeth – Thankyou for your wonderful review! I don't need a beta, I personally like to do my story myself, as I like to have complete creative control, but thanks anyway!
Nubia - oops, again! I will really have to watch my continuity, but I imagine that Harry would have found a way to get the map back anyway, probably by breaking in to Snapes office to get it!
By the way P.a.m.s. means Please add more soon! It's something a lot of people use on forum based fanfics.
Hermione was sitting on the window seat in her room, looking out onto the grounds. It was a warm, sunny Saturday morning and typical of Hermione, instead of being out there enjoying the weather, she had been doing her homework inside. She had taken Arithmancy, Ancient runes, Transfiguration, DADA, Astronomy and of course Potions in her sixth year and was now in the process of studying for the final exams. It was hard work even for a bright student like Hermione, as there was so much work to get through.
She had finished all but her arithmancy homework, for which she needed another book from the library. Right now though, she felt that she needed a break, to ease the headache that was now threatening to break out around her strained eyes.
All the previous week she had avoided Severus, even in Potions on friday, telling herself this was for the best and the way it had to be. Every time he had come near her, she had not looked up from her work and he had passed her without comment. Even when she had taken her finished potion up to his desk, she had avoided eye contact and hurried off quickly. She couldn't help feeling a little disappointed though, when he had not even tried to get her alone to ask her why.
Hermione had a sense of longing and loss that she had never felt before, like a strong pull on her heart. She had made up her mind not to see him anymore, but didn't have the courage to tell him, in case he dismissed her or even worse convinced her otherwise.
The boys had questioned her about the night she had been missing of course, but she had smartly avoided telling them anything too revealing. With help from Ginny, she had told them that the boy that she'd really been seeing was now out of the picture and they had finished. They had seemed suspicious, but boys being boys their minds soon became occupied by other things more important to them, like quidditch or who was the latest centrefold in 'Witchbunny monthly'.
She had managed to convince Ginny that the night she had spent together with Severus had been a one off. She told her that he'd invited her to dine with him when she had missed dinner in The Great hall and they had both drank too much wine and one thing had led to another, also that previous to that, their relationship had been platonic. Of course she hadn't told her about the time Severus and her,had had sex in the library, when she was still supposed to be going out with Ron! She'd made out that they had only started their relationship after her and Ron had finished.
She pondered on the word 'relationship', was it? It certainly hadn't really felt like it. It felt more like an affair, a few snatched moments together and nothing more. He had revealed nothing of himself to her and she hadn't really revealed that much of her self to him. All that she was certain of was the sexual chemistry they had between them, which was very strong. That wasn't enough for her anymore, though, she wanted more and wanted to know more about him and not just for curiosity's sake. She wanted to know just how much in common they had, as she felt sure they were like minded in some ways. Even with the age gap the thought of being with him in a more conventional relationship excited her, even though she had tried not to think about it before. She wanted to forget him, but she couldn't, no matter how hard she tried and even though it had been only four days since spending the night with him, it had felt like forever.
She was alone today, having told Harry and Ron that she had far too much homework to do to go to Hogsmead, as usually they went together nearly every week since they had become 7th years. Ginny had met up with some friends from her own year and was probably there too.
She sighed deeply and stood up, it was no good, she couldn't hold out any longer, she had to see him. She had to know for sure how he felt about her, so she knew what her next move should be. Hell! She didn't need all this extra worry at the moment, what with the exams looming and all the extra homework and revision they'd got to do. She needed to get her mind settled so she could concentrate, she'd been having nightmares lately about failing all her exams and she didn't need any more stress. Picking up her wand she walked over to the door.
She couldn't risk anyone seeing her going to Severus's office now though, at this time on a saturday, people would notice and think it unusual. No, she knew there was only one way that she could go and that was under Harry's invisibility cloak. She crept down the stairs that led to the girls dorms, turned then climbed the stairs to the boys. Once at the top and checking first to see if anyone was around, she darted down the corridor, to the room Harry and Ron shared.
The magical lock they had put on the door was no trouble for Hermione to get past, her being rather an expert on disarming locking charms. Once in there she went straight to Harry's trunk and again used her wand to perform an unlocking charm to open it. She rummaged for a while, grimacing at the mess of clean and unclean clothes, stuffed in there haphazardly, then she found it. It was right at the bottom, tucked under his Hogwarts a History book, which looked strangely new and unused to Hermiones eyes, like it had never been opened.
Wrapping the cloak around herself, she made her way down to the Slytherin dungeons, being careful not to brush up against anyone and to keep her feet covered.
She reached Severus's office and stood in front of it, feeling like her belly was in a vice, her nerves were so bad. Not knowing if she had the courage to go through with this. She raised her hand three times before having the courage to knock and even then it was very quietly, she was so worried that someone might hear. Looking around and seeing no one she went to knock again, louder this time, but before she could the door suddenly opened. Hermione jumped back, putting a hand over her mouth to stifle a cry of surprise.
Severus stood there looking around for a moment, then with a very unnerving stare, concentrated on the spot where she was standing. He narrowed his eyes for a moment as if thinking then his face broke into a smile
"Are you going to come in or just stand in the corridor all day?" he asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
Hermione didn't need asking twice, she ran into his office quickly. She heard the door click behind her as she took off the cloak, putting it on top of his desk. It was then that she had the sudden realisation, that coming here in Harry's cloak was not such a good idea, what if Severus confiscated it! That would put Harry at a severe disadvantage.
"So, he does have a cloak then? I always knew he had, even though Dumbledore would never, confirm or deny it to me. I would love to study its properties, maybe even recreate it as a potion perhaps.." Severus went on, his mind obviously racing with the possibilities.
Hermione stood closer to him, holding her hand up, before he could reach out for the cloak
"Look, I didn't come here to show you the cloak. I came here to talk about..well..us" Hermione said, she had begun to lose her confidence now, as he gave her one of his derisive looks. A look, that could reduce most first years to tears, but now made her feel very small and rather silly.
"I see..." Severus said, starting to move closer to her. Hermione moved back purposely, not wanting to let him get the better of her just yet, not until she had said her piece. He stopped moving and looked at her, amusedly, his head slightly on one side.
Hermione looked back at him and her tummy started to tingle with appreciation as she took in his appearance. He had taken off his cloak and jacket and was only wearing his white shirt and his usual black trousers. Something about him when he was just in his white shirt did something for Hermione, especially when he wore it open at the neck revealing a tempting triangle of dark chest hair.
She managed to tear her eyes away and took a deep breath, before asking,
"How do feel about me Severus? I really need to know; In fact I really can't take not knowing any more. I've never felt so out of control, I feel like everything I thought I knew about myself, has well ...I don't know, been completely wrong, I didn't know that I could act like that! Not with a teacher anyway!" she ranted, looking alternately from him to her feet, which she was shifting around nervously. Then staying looking at he feet, she said"I certainly didn't know that you could act like that either, you certainly are a dark horse, in more ways than one!" she couldn't help but snigger a little at her last remark
There was the faintest hint of smile from Severus and a brief raise of eyebrows, before his face fell into a more serious expression, as he got ready to speak
"Well, as we get older we discover the world does not work the way we thought when we were young. We learn that there is no black and white right or wrong, that there are many, many shades of grey in-between" he said, walking over to stand in front of her. He picked up a strand of her hair and stared at it for a moment, before letting it drop. Hermione thought he was probably trying to distract her, but she wasn't going to let it drop, not yet.
"But..but, you still haven't answered my question - how do you feel about me?" Hermione asked, more demandingly this time, frustrated, looking into his dark eyes searchingly.
"Ahh, the killer question! I suppose you want me to tell you that I am madly in love with you, that I cannot live without you, that you invade my thoughts and bewitch my soul. I could tell you what you wanted to hear, but would that make you feel better? Do you expect me to make a definite commitment to a mere 18 year old? When girls of your age are notoriously fickle! After all, you came here to tell me you that you want to stop seeing me, didn't you? I knew you had gone cold on me, or at least tried to show me you had, when you ignored me in Potions yesterday" Severus answered, walking back over to his desk and sitting against it, gripping the edge for support.
Hermione felt bereft at this statement, but hoped that he didn't really mean it..
"I just want to know the truth about how you feel, good or bad!" Hermione said desperately, "Yes I did want to tell I didn't want to see you anymore! I mean I can't carry on like this much longer...it's so..wrong, us being together isn't it? We could hurt a lot of people or even worse get you thrown out of your job! So I've been trying to forget about you, to not see you as anything but a teacher anymore." Hermione said hanging her head, trying not to cry.
"If you really feel like that then why don't you go?" he snapped, "why did you even come here in the first place?"
This hit Hermione like a slap in the face, why did he always have to make her feel so intimidated? She thought to herself, Ron had never made her feel like this, if anything she had been the one in control in that relationship. She had not been afraid of him before, but since being with Severus as a lover, she never really knew, what to do or say for the best.
"I..I.." she began, as tears sprang from her eyes, which she quickly wiped away. Why is he being so frustratingly non-committal? Why wouldn't he answer her question? She decided to try a different tack she took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves, she was determined not to let him get the better of her.
"What was Lucius doing here the other night, by the way? And what did you say to him after he attacked me?" she said, sounding much calmer and holding her head up in what she thought was a more defiant pose.
Severus made a derisive 'hrrmph' noise in his throat and smiled
"If you can't get in through one door you try another! Very clever! What goes on between Lucius and I is not for your ears. Suffice to say that He and I are both skilled legimens and you are not. If ever you were captured and any details of my double life were in your head, my life and that of many others would undoubtedly be in danger, as you would not be able to resist any one probing your mind. Though I don't doubt you have tried to learn occlumency, you would not be able to stop a skilled deatheater interrogator. My cover must remain intact, no one must suspect that I am anything other than a true pure bred Slytherin, with only a grudging alliance to Dumbledore. It is safer for you if you don't know." Severus said seriously, "He will certainly not get the chance to come near you like that again though. I have warned him off coming into the school, I told him that it is too risky and that he may be caught next time and in future we should meet in Hogsmead. I need to convince him that I am still a faithful deatheater and to keep that belief going, I could do or say no more, without raising his suspicions. I am only very glad that I came in when I did. Just a stupid mistake led to that situation; we had both waited at the right time only in different places, so he came looking for me, but found you instead. He will never change; he has always had a penchant for younger women and often doesn't have to try that hard to get them. Most women find him very attractive, don't you?" He was smiling slightly now at this last remark, as he knew her probable reaction.
"Ugh! No! He's horrible! He may be good looking but a shiny veneer does not hide the uglyness within. That man is pure evil; I don't think he has any conscience at all! I would never in a million years give myself willingly to him!" Hermione shuddered
"Then why do you give yourself to me? I was a deatheater once, for all you know I could be just as evil as him" severus asked, with a hint of sarcasm, raising his eyebrows questioningly
"You.. you're different from them. I know you have goodness deep inside of you. All that hatred and contempt you show to others, that's just bitterness, if you truly hated you would never have agreed to protect Harry the way you do. Yes, I know you'll deny it, but I know you have been protecting him ever since he started at this school. You know how important he is, how his survival is vitally important to us all" She was starting to weaken again, no matter how much she denied it, she still felt very strongly that she wanted to be with him.
"I am not different, underneath I am still the same. I know I have sworn to protect Harry, but that does not change who I am and what I have done" he explained, sounding a little self-depreciating, knitting his brow and looking away from her to the floor.
Hermione walked over to him, reached her hand up to his cheek and rested it there softly, pulling his head up so she was looking straight into his eyes.
"But you are different, at least my heart tells me so. You are a revelation; you burst into my life just when I thought my future had been set, that I knew exactly where I was going and who I was. You blew all that out of the water and made me look at life differently. I never know where I am with you, one minute you were being deliberately cruel to me, the next, you were making love to me in a way that showed a side of you I didn't think existed!" She looked down then, before saying "You're quite the lover Severus snape, I know I've had only a little experience, but I know good sex when I have it and wow, is it good!" Hermione said, looking up again, smiling and blushing a little
Severus grabbed her hand from his cheek and kissed it lightly, looking deep into her eyes. Then using his other hand, pushed the hair that had fallen over her face, back over her shoulder. He then slid this hand around the back of her neck, immediately making her wince as it triggered the memory of when Lucius had done it. Seeing her reaction, he immediately removed his hand and instead cupped her face, looking at her intently, with his beetle black eyes. She felt lost in those dark pools, marveling at their almost complete blackness, his iris's only one shade lighter than his pupil's."Shall we go and finish this conversation... in there?" He motioned with his head, indicating his hidden bedroom
"Yes!" Hermione said gladly, nodding, at last giving in to the intense feelings that had been building within her and still holding her hand, he led her over to the potion shelves that hid the doorway.