AFTERMATH — PART SIX

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CHAPTER NINE: FINAL ACTS

"….He kept telling me over and over to leave him," McKay said, visibly shaking now. His voice cracked on every other word, his eyes staring fixedly at a point somewhere between himself and the table holding Weir, Bates and Travis. He'd been speaking for about fifteen minutes, describing everything with terrible detail—the way he massaged Gall's hands and feet and let Gall see his aged face in the mirror (that had gotten a lot of people muttering in the crowd); the way he listened and waited for Sheppard to call for him and how he kept alert, constantly, in case there were more Wraith in the ship still alive; everything he said to Gall…everything he tried to say….

Everyone was listening, hanging on every word. If someone coughed, they got dirty looks, and lord help anyone who shifted and made a chair creak.

"Finally," McKay said the word with a sort of ugliness, "I thought I heard a noise. I couldn't tell if it was another explosion—though from what the major described, I guess it was the second grenade going off—or something inside the ship, and I turned away. I don't remember what I was saying, what I was trying to convince myself into doing or not doing….And Gall was talking to me. I wasn't really listening anymore. I knew what he was saying. He told me…he told me to go. Again. Save the day, he said. Ha!" McKay spat the word out, lifting his eyes to look at Weir, "as if I could!" The eyes drifted down again, "But he knew I wouldn't leave him. Knew I wouldn't…even if Sheppard was in trouble, I couldn't….I don't know. I was babbling. I was scared, understand?" He looked up at Weir again, then at Bates uncompromising gaze, and quickly looked down again. Bates never looked scared. Probably didn't know the meaning of the word. "And then…then…without any…kind of…warning….He…he…."

His jaw froze, and the rest of him followed. It was a like a hiccup. He stood frozen, and the room froze with him, as if someone had stopped the clocks and interrupted the passage of time.

But McKay wasn't in that room anymore. He was back on that ship, standing there again, just as Gall raised the gun to his head. The horrendously loud gunshot echoed in his ears, bouncing off the dark, dead walls of the Wraith ship, ringing to the point of deafening. The smell of blood and brimstone assaulted his nostrils as the warm gun smoke tingled across his bare arms, the overheated air amplifying the sensations. He turned, and saw Gall lying there, his head turned with the impact, black powder burns down the side of his face. He saw what he had done. He saw it all as if it were happening all over again.

"Oh God," he whispered, leaning forward a little, almost as if he would fall. Sheppard sat up straighter, ignoring his own aches as he saw his friend sway.

"Doctor McKay?" Teyla asked softly, reaching a hand over to touch the blue sleeve.

"Doctor McKay?" Elizabeth said more loudly.

McKay looked up, his eyes focusing on Weir's face. Her expression was somewhere between concern and understanding, and he let it wash over him.

"And then Brendan shot himself," McKay finished, not taking his eyes off of Elizabeth's soft gaze. "I wasn't even looking at him when he did it. I was…looking around the corner. I just…I had no idea, hadn't even considered that he could…that he would…and now I…I keep seeing his face, turned away from me, black blood, skin and bits of bone on the side of…." his hand shook, lifting to his right temple. "I keep hearing that horrific gunshot in my head, keep smelling the powder on the air…and the…the blood. It smells so rotten. And his face…the whole side of his face…."

"It's all right," Teyla was on her feet, her hand pressing down more on his arm. McKay looked down, saw the touch he hadn't even felt. He looked at her, his eyes filled with tears.

"I didn't know," he finished weakly. Teyla nodded back once, conveying as much understanding in her gaze as she could.

Weir looked down at the table in front of her, then to her left where Heightmeyer was standing over by the wall near Beckett. The psychiatrist gave her a small nod as if to say, "see, I told you so." Weir frowned and looked back at Rodney.

"Well," Elizabeth said, shifting the papers she'd been taking notes on, and placing the paperweight she'd brought with her (just in case she needed an impromptu "gavel") on top of them, "Thank you, Doctor McKay. I think we've heard all we need to. We have a good idea what happened after that, so—"

"Wait a minute!" a voice yelled sharply from the crowd. "If he was so…distraught…how did he get out to help Sheppard?"

"I'm sorry?" Weir looked out at the crowd. "Who said that?"

"I did." A woman stood, young, fairly pretty. She was an engineer like Gall, and was one of his friends, Elizabeth recalled. She had her chin lifted high, but there was pain in her eyes. This whole thing had obviously affected her deeply.

"I," McKay swallowed, turning to face her, "I…."

"Rodney," Elizabeth stood, "You do not have to answer if you do not want to." She glared at the young woman, "I told everyone specifically that I would not accept interruptions. If you have concerns you should—"

"He's here now, and I want to know the answer," the woman said. "I want to know how you could just leave Brendan. Like that. After what he'd done."

"I repeat," Elizabeth rested her hand on the paperweight, "I will not—"

"I didn't just leave him," McKay croaked, facing the girl. "I tried…I tried to…Obviously he was dead. There was nothing I could…so I…so I…," McKay's eyes narrowed. "I hadn't heard from Sheppard in so long, and I…I was worried…that he…and so I just ran."

"Ran away, you mean," the girl said, not nicely. "You ran away. Didn't you? Because you failed to help Brendan. Isn't that it?"

McKay swallowed, and nodded. "Yes," he admitted weakly, feeling strangely lightheaded. He blinked to try and clear the whitish haze at the edges of his vision, wondering a little at what was causing it.

"But he also ran to something," Sheppard turned in his seat. "He ran to help me."

Brendan's friend looked at the major, then turned away, her eyes crinkling up with tears. Someone next to her coaxed her back into her seat.

"I'm sorry," McKay said, still watching the young woman behind him, shivering a little as he thought he smelled the gunpowder on the air again. "I'm so sorry."

"Yes," Elizabeth was still standing, "Rodney, I think we understand--"

"No, Elizabeth," McKay looked back, "she's right. I should have done more. I should have seen it coming. I should have never given him that gun. I—"

"Doctor McKay," Weir shook her head at him, "it sounds to me like you did everything you could."

"No, no, you're wrong," McKay was staring at her, his eyes locked on hers, though he didn't appear to actually see her anymore. "I didn't. He shouldn't be dead. It shouldn't have happened at all. Had I just been paying more attention…."

"Stop it, McKay," Sheppard reached a hand over, but McKay shook him off. Teyla was still standing, but she made no move to touch the agitated man, watching the sweat roll down the side of his face.

"I was wrong, in so many ways," McKay sounded like he was pleading for something, but Elizabeth didn't know for what...or to whom. "It's all my fault. I should have thought of something else, some other way to save him." He was shaking so hard now, even the people in the back could see it. He staggered forward a step as his balance betrayed him for a moment, and caught his hand on the edge of the table. He didn't seem aware of himself anymore as he kept on talking, the hand not bracing him lifting towards Elizabeth, almost in supplication. "If I hadn't been so desperate to go help Sheppard. If I hadn't let him see his face in the mirror. If I'd just listened to him better….Heard what he was saying to me…."

"Doctor McKay," Elizabeth lowered her head, staring at him plainly, "You can't foresee every eventuality. Believe me, I know."

But McKay wasn't listening anymore, the gun smoke was too thick, the smell of blood too strong, the gunshot too loud...

"No…you weren't there…you didn't…he…he…." He trailed off, and, suddenly, he listed forward, barely catching himself on the table as he collapsed—the lack of food over the last two days, the confinement and the stress finally breaking him. All three, Ford, Teyla and Sheppard, were on their feet trying to catch him. Sheppard groaned in his throat as his ribs caught, and backed off when he saw Ford and Teyla had Rodney well in hand, the major sitting down gingerly even as he kept an eye on his team. With incredible gentleness, Ford and Teyla sat the pale scientist back down, Ford rubbing his back as he crouched down next to him, listening as Rodney still muttered about what he "should have done." Teyla stood back up, her hand on Rodney's shoulder, and she looked around at the crowd. Her expression was grim.

"I think that's enough," Weir said, finding herself on her feet without even realizing it. She'd jumped up herself when Rodney fell forward, and, when she looked around the room, she saw Beckett had moved forward several feet, and so had several others, including Zelenka and Grodin. Rodney sat very still now, staring at nothing but floor, his eyes wet but not actually tearing. Ford finally stood up from his crouched position next to Rodney's chair, to look up at Weir, and Sheppard moved his chair closer to McKay. Around them, the room shifted and bubbled and ruminated, as whispers and mutterings grew to fill the suddenly still air. Elizabeth grimaced at the change in atmosphere, not liking the tone.

"Well," she took in a deep breath, "obviously, we have heard a great deal today, and I think enough to make a determination as to—"

"Doctor Weir?" Teyla's steady, calm voice rang through the hall, overriding the ripples of tension that seemed to be reaching a boiling point. Several people gave her a menacing look, as they would an outsider intruding on their dark entertainment, but she ignored them. She looked only to Elizabeth, eyes clear and straightforward, no fear in her at all.

"Yes?" Elizabeth sighed. "What is it Teyla?"

"May I say something else?"

"About the mission?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

Weir stared at her for a moment, gauging the crowd, then nodded, sitting down again. "All right, if you think it's relevant."

"It is," Teyla affirmed, walking forward around the table and placing her hands behind her back. "I believe a rather important fact has been omitted from this hearing, a point of view we have not yet heard from." She looked at Weir, then over her shoulder at McKay and Sheppard, then around at the rest of the room. "I believe we have not heard from Doctor Gall."

Immediately, the room erupted in anger, as the same people who had glared at her earlier erupted from their chairs, ignoring Weir as she slammed the paperweight down on her desk, and ignoring the completely unruffled look Teyla gave them in response. Suddenly, a single shot fired into the air quieted the room.

Lieutenant Ford put his gun down, holstering it. "I believe Teyla has the floor," he stated gruffly.

"But she's crazy!" someone shouted. "She thinks a dead man can talk!"

"No," Teyla focused on the man, another young scientist who looked to be about the same age as Doctor Gall, "I do not mean that he is here to speak for himself. I mean, we have not considered why he did what he did."

"Did what he did?" the man yelled back. "He was dying a slow death, and McKay's right, he should have…."

"Enough!" Weir slammed the paperweight down again. "Dr. Ridderov, if you will not respect the rules I laid down for this hearing, you will be removed. Do you understand?"

The scientist in question huffed, literally huffed, and crossed his arms over a fairly broad chest. He met Elizabeth's stare for a moment, then closed his eyes and sat back down. He bent forward a little when he did, and the person sitting next to him placed a light hand on his shoulder.

Sighing deeply, Elizabeth turned back to Teyla. "As you were saying?"

The Athosian nodded back, then turned to look around at the room. She took a deep breath, clasped her hands together in front of her and lowered her head a little.

"I realize," she began, "that I am not one of your people. We have different cultures, different beliefs, different," she looked up a little, at the grand ceiling, "backgrounds…." Her eyes returned to the people watching her, "but for all that, I do not believe that, fundamentally, we think differently." She paused again, unclasping her hands, "To my people, suicide is also an ugly act. But the main reason we feel so strongly against it is because, ultimately, it is a selfish act for selfish reasons. A person who commits suicide does so because they are in pain, because they can no longer bear living any longer. Whether you believe it is cowardice or some other weakness that drives a person to take their own life, it is nonetheless a very personal, introverted decision to make. Many times they are not thinking about what their death will do to their loved ones, or how it might affect those who are with them, or even those who find them." She lowered her eyes again, then raised them, to look directly at Doctor McKay, "But I do not believe that Doctor Gall was acting selfishly."

Many lowered heads lifted, including McKay's, their attention now completely on the Athosian woman. Teyla gave the shattered man a light smile.

"I have listened to your story, Doctor McKay, and to that of Major Sheppard, and I also know what I saw when I arrived on that planet." She looked away, up to Doctor Weir behind her table, meeting the older woman's curious gaze. "Doctor Gall was aware that Doctor McKay would not leave him. He knew that Major Sheppard was in trouble, knew that, if the Major failed to defeat the Wraith, that, as Doctor McKay so succinctly put it, they would be in real trouble." She shook her head, "Doctor Gall took his life, not because he wanted to die, not because he had given up on his own life," she paused, taken a deep breath, "but because he was trying to save the lives of Doctor McKay and Major Sheppard." Her chin lifted, her hands now clasping behind her back. "He gave his life so Doctor McKay would be free to aid the Major, and perhaps, in fact," she smiled softly again, "save the day."

She turned, her unwavering gaze fixing on Rodney and the Major, but mostly Rodney, "And he did, did he not? If Doctor McKay had not gone to the rescue, both of you would be lost. Meaning that, in the end, then, it was really Doctor Gall who saved the day—he made if possible for the two of you to defeat the Wraith…together."

Rodney was sitting up fully now, his eyes completely open, staring at Teyla in a sort of dumbfounded way. Sheppard had a crooked smile on his face, probably not even noticing that he had a hand resting on Rodney's back. There was gratitude in his eyes as he smiled more fully at the young woman.

Teyla looked back at Elizabeth, "I suppose that what I am trying to say, Doctor Weir, is that Doctor Gall was not a coward. He was not acting selfishly, or acting out his own despair. He knew exactly what he was doing—he was saving his friends. And, to be most honest," her eyebrows lifted, "I think this hearing is a disservice to his memory. It dishonors Doctor Gall, dishonors his record, his contribution and his… primarily…selfless act. He died a hero, and should be remembered as one. As all of the people who have lost their lives for this expedition should be remembered." Her head lowered, and she turned to the rest of the room, "And I think many people here would probably agree." Her eyes met those of Doctor Ridderov and the female doctor from before, and smiled when they both gave her tight nods in agreement. Teyla looked back at Elizabeth, then at Bates and Travis, "And I think the three of you should as well."

A different sort of silence befell the room as she finished, one more of amazement than anything. People looked at each other, seeking something in the faces of their friends as Teyla's words settled into their consciousness... and tiny smiles started to appear.

"Um," Doctor Zelenka stood suddenly, "I, uh, know that I'm not supposed to speak, but, um," he pointed vaguely at Teyla, "I agree with Teyla."

"So do I," another voice called, a young dark haired woman in the back, standing near the still bandaged Doctor Kavanagh. He peered out of his one eye, but surprisingly gave a nod in agreement with his colleague.

"Me too," Doctor Grodin added.

"And me," Sergeant Stackhouse called, raising his crutch in the air from where he was sitting with his casted leg propped up, and a number of soldiers around the marine were nodding as well.

The room got louder then, as muted discussions and called assents grew in the wake of Teyla's speech. Elizabeth frowned, not noticing how Rodney had turned to look at the group of people behind him, still appearing dumbfounded but no longer looking as pale or as lost. Sheppard was smiling even more broadly now, gripping his friend's shoulder, while Teyla had turned to look at Ford. The young lieutenant smiled back at her and gave her a nod.

"Okay," Elizabeth called, trying to quiet the room. "Okay!" she tried, louder this time, "Quiet please! Quiet!" She stood up and grabbed the paperweight, banging it on the table, "I said, QUIET!"

Like a shot, the room was quiet, everyone staring up at the three people still sitting at the head of the room. McKay's face fell a little, the tiny hope that Teyla had given him fading somewhat in the face of Elizabeth's stern expression.

"Thank you," she said, a hint of sarcasm in her tone. She took a deep breath, and looked at Teyla, not noticing that, to either side, Bates and Travis were looking at each other...and nodding. She smiled gently out at the room, and at Rodney, who was watching her clearly now, "I want to thank Teyla for her opinion, and to tell her that, of course, we will take it—"

"Ahem," Travis cleared his throat, interrupting her. Elizabeth frowned.

"Doctor Weir," Bates said softly. "A moment."

"Um," she looked down at the two of them, then back at the room. Everyone was watching.

Doctor Travis stood up then and whispered in her ear. Her brow furrowed, and she looked at Bates. He stood as well, and added to whatever Travis had said.

"Um, just a moment, please," she said to the room. She turned, and the three people closed ranks, Weir mostly listening as the two men spoke.

Sheppard still had his hand on Rodney's back, while Teyla returned to her seat next to the scientist. Ford stayed at McKay's back.

The room started whispering again, their impatience clear. Still, it was a different sort of impatience. The anger had somehow left the room, replaced by a sadness and a muted sense of hope.

Finally, Travis and Bates stepped away from Elizabeth, and she turned around.

When the room quieted again, she looked up.

"It appears we do not need any further discussion," she informed them quietly. "It is our decision that any further investigation into Doctor Gall's death is unnecessary. Res Ipsa Loquitor. The events speak for themselves. In addition, it is the decision of this panel that Doctor Gall receive a posthumous commendation for his actions, as will Doctor Abrams. Both men will be honored for their service to this expedition and remembered for the heroes they were. Doctor McKay," Elizabeth looked to him, sitting surrounded by his team, "you are, of course, released from house arrest and I would ask that you resume your duties as chief science officer. Your own estimable actions on the field, helping save Major Sheppard's life, will also become part of your file." She looked up at the room, ignoring the parting of McKay's lips at the news, and focusing on the rest of her expedition team. "That is our decision and it is final. I thank you for your attendance. This hearing is over."

The room erupted in conversations, as people became instantly animated at the results. McKay looked down again, even as Ford clapped him on his shoulders and Teyla smiled warmly in his direction. Sheppard groaned out loud, rubbing at his temple, and suddenly Beckett was there, talking to both him and Rodney. It was if a flood had been released from a dam, and the waters swirled around them all, alive and free; all of Atlantis was once more released to move forward again.

Utter chaos seemed to take over as Weir quietly left her place behind the table and headed towards the doors, while Bates and Travis both having wandered into the crowd. She stood alone as she reached the transporter, and looked back at her people. Dr. Ridderov was hugging the young woman who'd attacked McKay earlier, the woman's shaking shoulders showing she was clearly crying, but he also nodded at others who were standing with them, all obviously pleased with the outcome. Her gaze swept to the soldiers, who looked solemn but several gripped Bates' arm as he moved through them, in recognition and appreciation. Travis also received some claps on the back from the scientists. Zelenka even shook the quiet man's hand with vigor, grinning. Finally, her gaze rested on Rodney and the others. She stared for a few moments as Beckett shoved what looked like a glass of water into Rodney's hands and touched his brow, ignoring the obvious protests the scientist was giving him. Ford, Teyla and Sheppard all stayed very close, crowding their friend, keeping others at bay, and, in general, acted like a team again.

Thank God for that.

Heightmeyer was the only one watching her, the only other person in the vast room standing alone. The psychiatrist smiled, and Weir nodded back.

Then she left. She had commendations to write.

TBC