The Cries of St Valentine Chapter 3: More Than Words, a teen titans fanfic

Alone… I feel so sad…

Every single St. Valentine's Day I feel bad. Is not that I'm a love hater… you know, is something deeper. Something over my mind, over my soul… is something inside my heart. How strange is this organ. They say it's a piece of flesh, a muscle that pumps blood up our veins, a little boring muscle that makes us live… No, my friends… Heart is something… more. Is impossible to describe… heart is the house of our feelings, home of our sensations, is the heart that lead the mind, in a sort of magic spell… A little piece of flesh that lead our actions? Why not?

But it's my fault… the fact is that is impossible to explain the truth with words, with sounds that come out of our mouths… and our hearts. A heart is… more than words.

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you,
It's not that I want you…
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel,
More than words is all you have to do to make it real,
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me,
Cause I'd already know…

---

Another St. Valentine's Day. Another day, first sun, then moon… a day as anyone else.

So, why I feel so… wrong?

I feel a strange sensation of… how they call it? Loneliness. I live in this world since years, and I still can't talk very well… I come from another planet; it will have a special place in my heart forever. But this planet… entered in my soul, it just stuck in my head, in my thoughts… and it doesn't want to go away. But that's okay, I love this planet. I met so many friends…

I met a half-human, half-robot; he's a great friend, he has a great heart and… he's Cyborg. What more can I say?

I met a strange, green, guy; sometimes his jokes are really irritating, but he's a friendly guy…

I met a dark girl; sometimes, she's really creepy, just like her name. But she's probably the best friend you can have. She's with you whenever you need her support. She's like a sister for me…

I met… him…

My heart starts to pulse faster… but heart is supposed to be just a muscle without emotions… or not?

Every time I think to him, my mind just goes offline, my thoughts just stop to run… my head crashes down. It's not his fault, he considers me a friend… and I appreciate that. He would never hurt me. It's just…

His beauty hurts me. His eyes, hided every day beyond that mask, hurt me. His presence hurts me.

No, I do not hate him. Do I look like somebody who can feel hate?! Well… maybe sometimes… no, the fact is that…

He's becoming a part of my heart. At the beginning, he was just a friend. Then, he became a fixed thought in my mind. Now, he overcomes even my mind… he's inside my heart. Can a thought intoxicate you? Oh, what a verb! Intoxicate… looks like something bad… I don't know how to express what I feel. Words are not enough. That's something more.

What would you do if my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real…
What would you say if I took those words away?
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you…

---

And what is moving inside my heart, whatever it is? An image. What is literally killing me is an image. You can't see it, but if you can, you'll probably be stunned. She's the most beautiful girl I ever met. Oh, you know the strange thing? She's not human. She comes from another planet.

More than words…

---

I always loved him. Since the first moment my eyes saw him. That image, which is hided in some dark corners of my mind, never left me. I fell in love in a couple of minutes.

And now I'm here, sad and lonely, not knowing how to heal this pain inside me. I need to stop this sorrow, this acid that is corroding my soul

(hey, when I want, I talk like a poet!)

… I need to confess my feelings. That's the only way to make this day become something special. Isn't St. Valentine's Day the day of the lovers? Is a coincidence that I feel so sad right this day?

Why don't admit it? Why don't say that this love is driving me crazy? Because that's what it is, my little Starfire, that's love… I love him. And it's easy to confess it to yourself! What is really hard is explain it with… words. Can you express something so infinite with something so limited?

"You can try…"

A little voice comes from inside my mind… or from my heart? Who cares, it's still a voice… and it's probably right. What if I try? What if I break my timidity and talk… with my heart? Why don't I leave my mouth to my heart just for a few seconds? Just to make my feelings go out? Maybe the mind can't explain it, but a heart… maybe can…

Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand,
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me…
Hold me close don't ever let me go…
More than words is all I ever needed you to show,
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me,
Cause I'd already know…

---

And she's really wonderful. That's not the invention of a mind fogged by love…

Her long, red hairs… her shining happy face… her perfect body…

A goddess. Descended from heaven just to hurt me.

I love her. I need her beside me. Now I know why I feel so bad… this day was… a day of loneliness. I need… no, my heart needs another heart full of life beside him. And, for that law that say: "It's the heart that leads the mind", the rest of my body must accept this decision. And I accept it with joy. There's nothing more beautiful. How cannot I accept a celestial gift?

I must do something. This is the right day. I must show my feelings. She must know. I can't go on with all this circus…

Yeah, this is a circus, in which I hide all my emotions to all my friends. This is a day in which I lie from the beginning to the end. They ask me if I'm all right and I say "yes", but that's a big lie. I feel sad, I feel alone… Can I stop this circus?

Yes, sure I can. What I need is to go out of this room, enter in her room and…

…what? What can I say? This love prevails those sounds… words will be never enough.

But if I stay here crying, isn't it worse? Isn't it more fuel to my pain?

Go face it. There's nothing more to do.

I open the door… and she's there, right in front of the door.

What can I do?! Even those insignificant words don't want to come out! Why now? Why is she there? She… wanted to talk with me…? Maybe… maybe she feels the same pain. She… I…

I know what to do. This love is impossible to explain with words.

"Lead me, heart, this day is yours…"

---

What can I say?! I was thinking to what to say… God, I was deciding if to knock or not to knock!

Now he's in front of me… he's so beautiful… and he looks surprised. Well, I am too.

And then… what I was waiting since the day I knew him. He kisses me.

First I'm too shocked even to blink an eye. Then, I realize he loves me.

Before joy devastates me, I realize that this is his way to say "I love you". And, as this is not enough, I realize that a kiss is really…

More than words…