Delusion 12

A/N: I apologize for the crazy long wait, ok, it wasn't that long right? Just a month and a week, approximately! Anyway, here is the next chapter without further ado.

Ron was mulling around in the common room, feeling mulish and very blah. He had played maybe ten games of Exploding Snap with his sister as Hermione and Harry were nowhere to be found. Speaking of them… gosh, the two of them had been awfully odd towards one another.

Suddenly Harry raced into the common room. Ron scrutinized him… was that an evil glint that he detected in Harry's green eyes? Well, fuck! How in sweet Merlin did Harry suddenly become revengeful? Interested, he called out to his buddy. "Hey, Harry," he began.

Harry whipped around and gave Ron a look. "What is it, Ron? I'm kind of busy right now."

"No shit. What are you up to? You look a bit… off," Ron pushed. Seriously, if Harry was doing what he thought he was doing…

"Oh, nothing, nothing, just some, uh, Quidditch practice. Yeah, that's it. Quidditch practice. Going to fly my lovely broomstick outside in the lovely weather."

"Harry, my man, it's pouring. I'd think of a better excuse if I were you," Ron answered lightly.

Harry's head swiveled to the window and he started to blubber like a fish. "How can it be raining? I was just outside and it was perfectly fine!"

"The weather is not always cooperative, my child," Ron said in perfect impersonation of Albus Dumbledore himself. "Sometimes it changes so that your excuse can be blown to smithereens."

"That was a violent description," Harry replied. "Hey, I like it."

Ron put his hands up in exasperation. "That's what I mean! The normal Harry is a very placid, almost…oh, I don't know, un-confrontational kind of guy. You're over here saying, Rah, Rah, kill, kill!"

"I never said 'rah, rah, kill, kill,'" Harry remarked in confusion.

"For the love of sex, Harry, stop being so… stupid!" Ron yelled.

"For the love of sex? Are you not getting any? Is that why you're being bitchy?" Harry continued casually.

Ron clenched and unclenched his fists. One deep breath, two deep breaths, three deep breaths… "Look, Harry," he spoke calmly, keeping his emotions at bay. "You've been awfully different lately, and I'm just being a concerned friend."

"There's nothing to be concerned about," Harry said sharply.

"But there is! You're acting all mad and… oh, oh my god, Harry! Are you on drugs?!"

"What?! No, of course not! Like I'd know where to get them!" Harry replied, flabbergasted.

But Ron was determined. He knew something had been up with Harry, damn it if XTC thought it could control Harry's mind. "You can't do drugs," he said firmly. "They're bad."

"I'm not on drugs!"

"You are on drugs!"

"I am NOT!"

Ron huffed. "Well fine then, be a pothead!"

Harry huffed back. "I think that you are looking for attention, Ron. What's the matter? Tired of lusting after Hermione! You are never going to get her!"

Ron was hurt by Harry's remark. "Oh, go do some pot," he snapped, and left a bewildered Harry staring after him.

Hmm, Harry thought…maybe Ron was on drugs…

****************

Pansy was ready to put her plans into action. She was feeling absolutely vengeful towards Draco right now; horrid little cheater. He was going to get it, big time. She stalked around her common room, glaring at the first years that dare get in her path of destruction. Behind her, she heard someone (presumably, a second or third year) mutter, "Bad case of PMS."

Pansy hexed a triple combination of Jelly Legs, Warty Face, and Tingling Body. Her parents would be proud.

In a bit of a pickle, she went up to her dorms and tried to come up with a decent way to set Draco and Hermione up. Perhaps she should enlist the help of a few close friends (and Harry could use his little Weasel friend, if he wanted to).

"Millicent, Sally Anne," she barked, hoping her two friends would suddenly emerge from the walls or something.

Oddly, they did. Pansy cast them a curious/inquisitive/what-the-hell-were-you-doing look, but didn't say anything. There were more important things on her mind than the activities of Millicent, Sally Anne, and the wall. Maybe they were painting it or something.

"Girls, we have a problem," she began.

Millicent rolled her eyes. "Oh, gosh, Pansy, every fucking day's a problem for you. Oh, Millie, my hair isn't curling right today, oh Millie, I just gained .238 pounds! Oh, Millie, my boyfri—"

"Shut up," Pansy said icily. Millicent got the point.

"So what's up?" Sally Anne asked. Sally Anne was the kind of girl Pansy secretly envied, a lot. This would also be a fantastic opportunity to get rid of that girl's stupid (gorgeous) burgundy (totally fake but natural looking, damn the girl) locks or her ugly (beautiful) dark eyes or her unflattering (close to perfect) figure or all of the negative (positive) attention she received from the boys.

"Hold on, Sally Anne. You're so impatient," Pansy glowered, and then turned her attention back to the situation. "Okay, so Draco…"

"Fuck, here we go again," Sally Anne said, rolling her eyes.

Pansy's temper escalated, and as usual, when she was very, very upset, she was calm and cool on the surface. "Draco," she said softly, but the trace of malice/murderous thoughts/painful torture was easily detectable in her voice, "has cheated miserably on a bet I had going with him."

Millicent and Sally Anne both widened their eyes. "He cheated?" Millicent asked. "Isn't this normal?"

"NO! What's normal is that I CHEAT! Not HIM!" Pansy screamed, all pretense of coolness gone.

"All right, all right! Are you gonna pay him back?" Sally Anne snapped.

"Not just me. We're gonna pay him back," Pansy said dangerously.

"What's it to Millie and me?" Sally Anne scowled.

"It's everything to you and Millie if you intend to stay popular," Pansy bitched.

Millicent, who had evened out somewhat over the years, immediately agreed. Sally Anne was skeptical but Pansy knew the girl would do it.

Quickly she explained her plans to them. When she was done both of them shook their heads in disbelief. "Well, Pansy, that's awfully heavy," Millicent finally began. "I mean, setting Draco up with his ex-whore?"

"So? You turning nice or something?" Pansy challenged. "If you are, get the hell out of my group."

Millicent turned white. "Just kidding," she mumbled. "Anyway, what're we gonna do?"

Sally Anne had gotten a malicious glint in her eye. "Oh, I know just the thing. First we got to get Granger to like him. Have her stalk him. He's gonna get so pissed off, right? Then we tell her that he's fucking Pansy. She's gonna go cry her eyes out. Then we tell Draco that she's pregnant with his child and that's why she's crying, ok? And he's gonna say, fuck, I never slept with her, and then you'll remind him about the evening he got stone pissed, and say, how do you think you ended up on the Slytherin common room floor, your pants to your knees? She obviously had her way with you. Then he's gonna get so pissed off, he's gonna go and bitchslap her. Won't that be fun?"

Millicent and Pansy backed away from Sally Anne. Just a little bit. Hmm, Pansy thought frantically, maybe it wasn't a very good idea to mess with the overly zealous Sally Anne. "I think that's a bit overboard," Millicent said meekly. "We're trying to set them up, not create a soap opera."

"Soap operas!" Pansy snapped her fingers together. "That's it! They always have those crazy schemes to set people up! Where's my wizard wireless? The one with Scotty Toohott is coming on in like, five minutes!"

Evening saw three girls completely enraptured by the hard abs of Scotty Toohott as he wooed Melinda Idyut and slept with Whorisha Applebee and married Goodi TooShus.

**********

Hermione felt undeniably guilty, even though she'd already made peace with what she'd done. Perhaps she should get Harry a present or something like that. What would he like? There was that new Enlargement Gum that had been released last week, but Hermione wasn't quite sure "enlargement" referred to brain growth, so she decided that wasn't a good idea.

Well, what about a book? Books were good and very like her normal self. None of this vengeful business she'd been meddling with lately. Hmm, perhaps a book on friendship. No, too cheesy. Maybe a book about revenge. Well, that sounded nice enough. Of course she expected him to take it as a bit of light, pleasurable reading. He wouldn't act on it or anything.

That weekend Hermione decided to pay a little trip to Hogsmeade, and picked up a classic, 101 Ways to Extract Beautiful Revenge. The next day she awkwardly started up some conversation with Harry.

"So," she began, twirling a piece of frizz (hair, she supposed) around her finger (because she'd forgotten to apply serum that morning, in her nervousness and anxiety). "What's up, Harry?"

"What's up?" he repeated, looking awfully out of it.

"Yeah, as in, how are you, I haven't spoken to you in a bit, how's life been treating you…" Hermione explained, looking over at him. Was there a possibility…?

"I'm okay I guess," Harry replied, throwing her a funny look. "And you… have you been…messing around lately?"

Uh-oh, he really knew! Well then, sweet Merlin, giving him 101 Ways to Extract Beautiful Revenge might not be the best of ideas. "HeyHarrywantthisbookIgotyou?" she found herself squeaking, even though she wasn't planning on giving it to him.

He took it anyway. "Hey cool!" he said, shooting her a half-smile, although he still looked really dazed and out of it. "This'll come in handy."

Gulping, Hermione looked over at him, and then found the courage to say it. "Hey Harry…" she began.

Harry turned and looked at her; a glint of some sort had appeared in his eyes.

She took a deep breath, and continued. "Are you on drugs?"

Imagine her surprise when she had to deftly sidestep that book flying through the air. That settled it! Harry Potter was definitely on some not so healthy substances! It was confirmed when he stomped off, muttering something like, "everyone thinks I'm crazy druggie no will kill them awful RonHermione hate!"

**************

Draco was going about, doing his usual business (nothing, really). He'd hung around with Zabini, Crabbe, and Goyle, terrorized a couple of first years, hexed a Hufflepuff or two, raided the kitchens, and cursed at a house-elf. The work for today seemed pretty much done.

Suddenly an unfamiliar owl, probably one of the school ones, swooped down and dropped an informal looking note on his lap.

He began to read, simply because he was so bored.

My dear draggon Draco (I hope you don't mind if I call you that! Tee hee!),

I have been yerning to see you since we parted this afternoone. I find that I am miserubl without your company. I think I mite be in love with you, akchually. Isn't that sooper! Please meet me at the Astronumy Towur at eleven tonight!

Lots and lots and lots of love

Mu Hermyowni Grangier

The note nearly made him giggle. It was beyond doubt that this was most certainly not from Granger; hell, she hadn't even spelt her own name right, let alone the rest of the blatant spelling errors. And he was pretty sure that even if Hermione did have a fancy on him (he wouldn't really mind; he'd let her down really easy; after all it was hard to resist the temptation of having a fancy on Draco!) she wouldn't quite confess it in such a… well, she'd be much, much more subtle about it. Nevertheless, he wanted to see who would be waiting for him up in the Astronomy Tower at eleven.

Unless Crabbe and/or Goyle had written the note. Only those two had such a shaky hand, such horrible spelling, and utter crass.

But he'd see. Hmm, this had just made his day so much more interesting.

That night, he prowled around the common room for a bit before heading on upstairs. He'd taken extra care to make sure his hair had just the right amount of gel, and just the right amount of that "hanging loose" style he'd learned to like. He made sure his cloak smelled like the faintest of the most expensive cologne and headed up the stairs, ready to crush his poor admirer. What fun this would be!

When he got up there, he saw the usual: Hufflepuffs holding hands and giggling, the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors quietly doing their business, and the Slytherins messing it up for everyone. He looked around for an empty room and found one, and then waited for someone to show up.

He nearly dropped down dead when Hermione Granger walked in.

She looked just as surprised to see him. Wait. Maybe there was more to it.

"So, Hermione Granger," he began, "tell me why you can't spell your own name right."

"Tell me why you wish to… uh, let me check…profess your love for me and drench me with roses and perfume and make sweet, sweet love to me until the wee hours of the morning?"

Despite himself, he laughed. "Ridiculous. Let me see your note."

"If I can see yours," she countered, pleased that both of them had been smart enough to overcome the idiocy of whoever had sent the notes.

They exchanged notes and Draco read with earnest the note "he" had sent her.

Dear Hermyowni of the hevens,

I find you to be the most exkwisite of the creetures in the school. I wish to profess my love for you and drenche you with roses and perfoome and make sweet, sweet love to you untill the wee hours of the morneng. Please meet me at the Astronumy Towur at eleven tonight!

I want you so bad,

Draco Hotness Malfoy

"Oh, please," Draco sputtered. "Tell me that for one millisecond you didn't believe it was me."

"Of course not," she snapped. "Do you take me for an idiot? I figured you wouldn't call yourself "hotness" is all. Thought maybe you preferred something along the lines of "sexy" or "sex-god" or "boy in the buff."

He scowled. "Very funny, but in fact I was referring to the language and the spelling."

"Well, actually, I wasn't quite sure if your ability to spell was any higher than this," she teased, and he swallowed to keep himself from reacting too meanly.

"Why I ought to punch you for that," he drawled. "But I don't hit girls, even though it's a bit difficult to stick you in that category."

"Oh, seriously," she waved him off. "We've got to find out the idiot behind these silly notes. Who would be trying to set us up? Or is it just an asinine joke?"

He shrugged. "Well, I suppose I'll work with you one more time, to find out the bloke who jacks himself off to these ridiculous wastes of time."

Faces hardened, the two of them got to work, trying to figure out just who it might be.

**************

Millicent cowered under Pansy's glare. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I forgot to have you proof-read! I was just so excited to get them out!"

"Millie," Pansy scowled, "I have a very bad feeling that you probably sent out two very easily detectable notes!"

"Pans, I'm really sorry, okay! I was in a hurry! And Sally Anne said to send them!"

"Oh did she?" Pansy shouted, her blood beginning to boil for the second time that day. "I'm gonna kill her. Socially, I mean. Can't really kill her until we're out of Hogwarts. Anyway, what did the notes say? How bad was the damage?"

"I can't really remember; Sally Anne will help me. Where's the little bitch anyway?" Millicent asked, stressing "bitch" just to get back in Pansy's good graces.

"Ugh, I'll call her," Pansy said, rolling her eyes as she performed a simple location spell with her wand. Within seconds Sally Anne appeared in the room, looking mighty upset.

"Excuse me? I was with Blaise!" she yowled. "You know we hardly get any time together."

"I hope you get pregnant," Pansy said sincerely and with much anger. "Anyway, can you recall what was in those notes that you helped Millicent send out? Obviously you knew that it was an absolutely ridiculous idea, not to mention thoroughly predictable."

Sally Anne gave a serene smile. "Indeed I can. To Hermione, something about Draco wanting to make sweet, sweet love until the wee hours of the morning, roses, perfume, the whole nine yards. To Draco, something about being head-over-heels in love, silly shit like that. Yeah?"

Pansy ground her teeth in frustration. "Millicent! Oh, there's no use yelling at you now," she sighed to herself. "What's done is done. Now how will we overcome this damage? And Sally Anne, you have to cooperate with me. If I see another dirty trick like this, done at poor Millie's expense… forget Blaise."

Sally Anne made a face but accepted defeat.

"Okay, so we have to think… all right, we know they're both smart, so they're gonna try and figure out who did this shit to them," Pansy said matter-of-factly. "So all we gotta do is put clues in the wrong direction. Anything to keep ourselves clean."

Millicent and Sally Anne both smile. "How deliberately Slytherin-like of you," Sally Anne said happily. "I'll participate."

"As will I," Millicent said in a heartbeat. "So, who's our victim?"

"Some guy that likes sick shit like this… girls, throw me some names," Pansy said devilishly.

"House? I know we shan't do Gryffindor or Slytherin, how about Hufflepuff? Ravenclaws are too smart for this crap," Sally Anne explained.

"Yeah sounds good," Pansy agreed. "I'm thinking that Finch-Fletchley kid, is that his name?"

"Eh, something like that," Millicent shrugged. "So what's his motive?"

"Something tragic," Pansy laughed diabolically and Sally Anne joined her. "We've found our next victim… ooh, this'll be so much fun!"

Pansy, Millicent, and Sally Anne all got to work ruining Justin's life. What a productive day it had turned out to be.

A/N: Lol, hate to sound conceited but I love my Pansy. Anyway, just so you know, she isn't by any means really smart, but she's awfully cunning. Okay, just so you know, Harry never did drugs ;). Anyway, let's see… other points of address… all right, I've gotten the question "Will Harry and Pansy end up together?" a lot. A lot of you don't want that to happen, some people do want it to happen. I'm not quite sure myself if it will, but we'll see. I guess that really doesn't help you guys much, but I want to sort of quell the urgency.

Thanks so much for the fantastic reviews and please please review this as well!