Something slightly different for me, I'm going to try writing in first person for a change. I'm thinking of starting with Hermione and then perhaps a second chapter for Ron's thoughts. Let me know what you think about it…
Have you ever notice exactly how snowflakes fall? That silent and graceful swinging motion they have before finding their final resting place. I like this time of year more than any other, everything just seems to be so peaceful and serene if only my life ambled along in the same way. Everything seems so hectic all the time it never just stops. Which is why I love to sit here and just stare out into that snowy space, that eternal space where time certainly seems to stand still and everything is beautiful. My head seems so full of thoughts these days, it's always got a certain fact or figure going around and if not that then all it seems to dwell on is 'him.' I wouldn't mind so much if things weren't, well, so complicated! He makes things difficult for us, and when I say 'us' I mean us as friends although I wish it was more, so much more. We always argue, sometimes I could just wring his neck and others, well, I could do something which I don't think I should really be thinking about. I can feel myself blushing at that very thought. Then my eyes drift as they always do to that focal point, the room could be miles and miles long but still I would be able to find 'him'. It's like my eyes are subconsciously attached to his head, I find myself looking at him all the time, its like an invisible force which I can not control, and even if I could I'm not sure I would want too. I watch him struggle with his homework, I'll assume that its probably potions work that he's doing. He has always had a problem with that subject, I've lost count of the amount of times he has asked to borrow my work so he get 'ideas.' I usually and somewhat meanly tell him to do it himself and stop asking for my help all the time. I don't relish in annoying him, but most of the time it provokes a reaction and that's all i'm looking for, the attention. If I can't have it in the form I want it to be then I might as well have it negatively than nothing at all.
When I see him he makes me feel so happy and yet so hurt and angry at the same time. Such simple straight forward emotions but when they are combined together, trust me they are so confusing. The thought of him gets me fired up for many reasons, most of all because all he can seem to give me is a headache and that's usually from crying so much. Every time he shouts at me or lets anything harsh slip from his lips I just want to burst into tears which is what I always do when I'm alone. Alone that's most definitely how I feel right now. On the other hand the thought of him also makes me feel happier than I ever thought I could be, the way I feel about him just makes me want to explode with that happiness, sometimes when we're both about to push each other just that step too far I always want to shout out how I truly feel about him The truth is, yes, that I do indeed love him. It took me a long time to finally admit that to myself but now that I have I just have this urge all the time to tell him so.
There are many reasons why those words must never be uttered, I even speak them in my own head as if they were a whisper. He is a friend and a best friend at that. And I'm well, well I'm just 'me.' The person that always says and does the right thing. I can't afford to not be sensible, because when your not sensible bad things happen. You find yourself caught in all kinds of situations. Oh perhaps I just think too much?
I continue to watch him, he has stopped looking puzzled and is now talking to Harry, even the way his mouth moves makes me want him more. Oh come on I'm Hermione Granger why am I even talking about him like this? 'It's because of how you feel about him' my inner voice replies to me. Yes I know but it's so wrong, you can't have feelings for a best friend! Then it hits me again just how long I have felt this way. I remember the day when I first realised something new was beginning. I caught myself out, I had been sitting through a particularly boring History of Magic lesson (and yes even I find it boring sometimes!) and I found myself looking at Ron and dwelling on the sheer image of his face for far longer than I should have been. I even missed a few lines of notes I should have been taking down. I had then panicked in case it was something I might need for the end of year exams. It progressed as the months went on, I found myself wanting to look at him more, I would take in everything about him, the sound of his voice and even his scent. It sounds stupid, but even as I think about it now I can smell him. It makes me long for him.
I find myself in an uncontrollable situation, I have never been in one of those in my entire life which is why it has caught me off guard even more so. I have always planned things properly and to the utmost tiny detail, but this has me completely lost. It is so wrong to feel the way I do about him, or is it? I just don't know anymore.