A/N: New chapter yay! I still haven't started working on my story, or revising Nobody Knows..., but I did start a new story on FictionPress... Eh heh. Anyway. School days will probably be gone through fairly quickly until fifth year. I'm not saying that fifth year will be covered completely, but probably more so than any other year.

WARNING: This story will be slash. Repeat. Slash. And maybe some angst. Yes, definitely angst.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. In fact, I haven't even read all the books... . I've read most, though, and quite a bit of fan fiction. ; Harry Potter, and any of the creations within, does not belong to me.

Thanks to all my reviewers! Some responses at the end of this chapter.

ATTENTION: I am currently looking for a beta reader for this fic. If anyone is interested or knows anyone who might be interested in beta'ing this or any of my other fics, say so in a review or email me. (Email provided in my profile.) I'll want maybe a short work that you've written to view style and skill.

Run run run,
Why don't you walk away?
Abusive husbands,
A childhood lost, betrayed.
- Ignite "Run"

Chapter 3
Nightmare Memories

Severus sat in the inky blackness of his room, the bed beneath him creaking slightly as he shifted. The complete silence around him was worrisome. His father had finally stopped yelling, but that wasn't what made him nervous. No, it was his mother's silence. She wasn't crying anymore. Silence.

He cradled his arm close to his body. He had left his wand on the dining room table during his mad dash up the stairs to his room. His father would have caught him if his mother hadn't gotten in the way, if she hadn't tried to protect him. He wished she hadn't. She got enough of it while he was gone, safely filed away at school.

Of course, he had to ruin that and cause more trouble for his mother. Luckily, they hadn't been able to prove that he had been the one to set the school grounds on fire, or, rather, Dumbledore hadn't pursued the subject. He got the feeling that the Headmaster knew exactly what had happened. But that couldn't be possible. Could it?

Either way, he was stuck back at home. He had only been suspended the rest of the school year, which was only two weeks, for "dawdling" in the fire and thus endangering a fellow student. He had had to take the end of the year tests, all in one day, but that hadn't been bad, exhausting as it was. What had been bad was his reaction to the news that his father would be notified.

Severus buried his head in his hands as he remembered the desperate tears that had run down his face. He had lost control completely, knowing the punishment he would get for his actions, the punishment his mother would get for bearing a worthless child. He had begged Dumbledore not to tell his father.

Severus jumped up and huddled on the floor against the far wall as his door suddenly slammed inwards. Not a good sign, considering the door opened out, into the hall. There, silhouetted in the doorway, was his father, wand pointed forward. The silence crackled with nervous energy. He shook as his father strode forward and took his hair in a tight grip, then wrenched him up from the ground. His roots stung, but he resisted the urge to cry out.

"What do you have to say for yourself, worthless child?" his father hissed, face twisted in rage.

"I'm sorry, Father," Severus managed to choke out. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble. I just wanted to get rid of-" He stiffened, realizing his father would not take well to the idea of his worthless son being bullied, of his son being so weak.

"Yes?" his father's eyes glittered cruelly.

"I just-" he swallowed nervously and bowed his head. "I was just angry, Father."

The hand in his hair clenched tighter. "I thought I taught you to use some restraint, whelp."

"I'm sorry, Father," Severus whispered, wishing he knew something to say, something to appease his father. "But... I finally summoned Cineus." He pleaded desperately.

"Yes, that you did," his father's voice was cold. "That small achievement is the only reason I'm letting you live."

Severus didn't doubt his father's words. Later, as he shivered miserably in a corner of his room, bleeding onto the hardwood floors, he wished he hadn't been able to summon Cineus, after all.

He saw the green, yellow, and red masks dancing around him. Eyes glimmered coldly in the rough sockets. Taunts and insults fell from their lips like hot oil. And there were the masks, the white masks and black cloaks, whispering promises inaudibly.

Severus cried out as a powerful hex thrust him hard against the wall, knocking the air from his lungs. He struggled to draw in a breath, ignoring the pain in his ribs, his back, his legs, his whole body. He could feel new bruises forming on his pale skin.

"Not fast enough," his father barked. "If you're ever going to be anything other than a pathetic weakling, you need to learn to defend yourself. More than that, you need to learn to fight back. Efficiently, Severus, not excessively."

"Yes, Father," Severus choked out, rising unsteadily to his feet.

These 'training sessions' had begun the day after he arrived home from his suspension at Hogwarts, his body still sore from his punishment. He hadn't ceased to hurt in at least a dozen places at once during his whole stay, and his Second Year was beginning the next day. His father was determined to make his only son worthy or kill him trying.

Severus tensed as he saw a spell shooting from his father's wand, his lips forming words before he could even think. The spell coming towards him turned with a flash and arced magnificently down, down, down to land on his father in a shower of red and black sparks. He watched, eyes wide, as his father was flung backward, hissing angrily. He was back up in a moment, eyes glittering cruelly.

"Perhaps I can make something of you yet, boy," his eyes narrowed, a smirk touching his lips as he leveled his wand. "Crucio!"

Severus clenched his teeth against the barrage of pain, his body falling to the cold floor. Already pained muscles twitched and writhed convulsively. He wasn't sure how long he was under the curse; it felt like hours, days, years, eternity, as if the scorching pain would never end. All he really knew was that his father had never drawn it out this long before.

Finally, the pain receded. A cruel, ironic laugh echoed in the room, and then all was silent. Severus stared unseeing at the dark ceiling, panting and willing himself not to cry. He choked softly and curled onto his side. A tear dripped onto the rough stone floor.

Severus sat alone in the same ragged compartment he had at the beginning of his First Year. The Hogwarts Express rocked to a start beneath his weary body. A year had gone by and yet things were very much the same as they had been. He was still tired, still hurt, still so alone. He still felt like a First Year, if not just a bit more jaded.

"Look who we have here."

Severus' head, previously drooping, snapped up as a cool deep voice spoke. He met grey eyes. Sirius Black. He lifted his lip in a silent snarl. The other boy ignored it, strolling in and stretching languidly across three seats. Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew followed.

"So, Snape," Black said casually. "Wherever did you go last year?"

"I believe," Potter smirked after a pause of silence. "That the greasy git was suspended, Sirius."

"Suspended?" Black sat up, eyebrows raised, in mock surprise. "Why, whatever for!"

"I wonder," Potter's eyes narrowed as he continued their put-on conversation.

"Oh, wait," Sirius settled sharp eyes on him. "Maybe it was because of his attempt to murder us. Could that be it?"

"Could be," Potter glared.

"I didn't!" Severus finally snarled.

"What do you think, Peter?" Potter turned to fat little Pettigrew. "Did he try to kill us?"

"Yes!" Pettigrew nodded so fast Severus was amazed the little suck-up didn't snap his neck. "I was there. He tried to have some fireball kill us."

"Some people consider roasted rat a delicacy, Peter," Black remarked offhandedly.

The fat boy flushed. Severus wondered what the comment was supposed to mean. His thoughts didn't get far, though. Black had stood up fast, wand in hand. Severus pulled his own out but it was promptly snatched away. Potter stood triumphantly, two wands in hand.

"I'll not have you sending beastly spiders on my friends, thank you," Potter said, nodding to Black.

A moment later and Severus was strung up by thick white ropes, one on each arm, each leg. He struggled futilely, cursing himself for not having had his wand ready. He promised himself never to be caught so vulnerable again. The thought of vulnerability was wiped from his mind as he caught Lupin's brown eyes. The other boy looked away. He blinked and looked away as well, wondering why something so simple could be so painful. Surely he hadn't hoped that the other boy would be on his side, just because of a short time at the end of the year when he wasn't tormenting him?

He cringed as he realized Black had been watching. The boy was now glancing suspiciously between him and Lupin.

"Remus," Black spoke. "Remember that hex we learned? The itching one?"

"Yes," Lupin said slowly.

"Well, why don't you show Snape how it works?" Black grinned.

"Sirius," Lupin protested, trying to draw away as Black pulled him to his feet. "Isn't this enough already? We don't want to get in trouble..."

"Come on, Remus," Potter goaded. "No one'll find out. If the little greaseball tells anyone, we'll hex him into oblivion."

"Just a little itching spell," Black soothed. "No harm done. Just a little joke. Come on, now."

Severus refused to meet Lupin's eyes, instead staring resolutely down at the dirty floor. His body hurt from struggling, so he let himself fall limp. Somehow, it felt a bit like giving up. He lifted his chin and stared Lupin straight in the eye, the only bit of defiance he had left. Lupin, wand raised and wetting his lips, seemed to falter.

"Come on, Remus," Potter shouldered him playfully. "It's just Snape."

"Or is Snape more important than us now?" Black asked, voice smooth and cold. "Us, your best friends. The ones who took you in when no one else would."

"No, of course not, Sirius," Lupin's voice was weak. "I just..."

"Just do it, Remus," Sirius rolled his eyes. "No excuses. It's just a little hex."

When he had Lupin's wand pointed at him, Severus couldn't help but tense up, eyes dropping to the ground. He reminded himself forcefully that this was Lupin, not his father. He pushed back the little voice that asked which was worse. All that mattered was that this was Lupin, and Lupin would be casting a prank hex. Lupin was not his father. Lupin wouldn't hurt him.

And then the itching spell hit him. Oh, what a terrible prank.

Severus heard a silencing spell being cast on the door and Black and Potter congratulating Lupin. He barely noticed in his agony. It felt like tiny bugs were running all over his body, their feet digging into the surface of his skin. He tugged roughly at his bonds, desperate to scratch at the imagined bugs, as three voices chimed in laughter.

When the spell was finally lifted and he was let fall to the floor, Severus slumped down. His wrists were raw and throbbing from rubbing against the harsh ropes. His muscles screamed at the slightest movement. His throat was raw from frustrated screaming. His cheeks were wet, even after he rubbed at them with the sleeves of his robes.

"Hurry up now, Snivellus," Black laughed cruelly, a laugh so similar to his father's that Severus flinched. "Don't want to be late to school now, do you?"

With that, Black, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew made their way out of the train compartment. Potter and Black's voices, laughing and joking, slowly faded. Severus lifted himself slowly, wincing at the pain in his body. His wand, lying discarded on one of the torn up seats, was thrust into a pocket before he strode out of the compartment, refusing to show the pain in his body. He refused to let himself be humiliated again.

So this was life, he told himself. The strong hang up and the weak and pick at them, steal away much needed strength to add it to their collection of pride. But what happens when there is nothing left to pick at, to steal away? Severus lifted his chin, vowing that he'd die before he let them win.

Run run run,
The old man's drunk again,
From the hand that feeds,
Has turned into a fist,
The nightmares are our memories,
The broken homes and nose that bleeds,
Afraid to stay, nowhere to turn,
Domestic violence tragedies.
-Ignite "Run"
A/N: Dahdum! So, how is it? I feel so bad for doing that to Sevvy. ;.; I'm a horrible, horrible person.

Also, anyone interested in being a beta reader for this story or any of my others? If so, look at my author's note at the top for more information.

Reviewer Responses

hipa: Thanks! I try to start and end chapters strongly, because I believe that I tend not to. This is actually a very good practice story for me. And I'd definitely care if Sevvy died, hehe. I actually killed him off in one of my other stories, but the story wasn't really centered around him at all. Actually, that story was terrible, and I need to rework it. Ah, well. Thanks for the review!

noone: I definitely agree, Snape/Lupin is good. :D Thanks for the review!

shewhodares: I'm glad you're liking it so far. :D Yes, Severus was hoping to have found a friend. I haven't covered his past much yet, but I probably will. Let's just say he never had many that were an ally, other than Lucius, and that's going to play a role in this story. Thanks for the review!