Chapter 2: You're in my head too

The patient of mine has realized that I have stopped telling my story, she looks at me, urging me to go on with just her eyes nothing more she says no words to me. As I start to tell her more of that day.

He led me, he had to I was still stunned or in shock on of the two, up the front stairs and into the house. Today he didn't even stop to knock on the front door. He had always been welcomed here and didn't see the point in having someone come to the door when he was just there to visit his grandmother. He knew where to look for her inside the house.

I had never been inside a home so lovely and so big in all my life. My senses were overwhelmed with the grandness of the house. I could feel her chest tighten and each breath was just a little harder than the one before. My heart began to beat faster as my stomach started to knot. My nerves were shot over this entire thing. If John thought that he needed to prove something, I was going to let him. However, I had no idea what it was that he might be trying to prove. I didn't belong in this world. It was out of my league that was for sure.

A painting caught my attention. As my gaze fell upon the picture, I immediately recognized the young man sitting on the horse as John. The facial features and the expression that was there upon on his face made it so clear that it was John. Even if I hadn't known John, who in all reality I didn't, anyone would have instantly known upon first glance that the young man upon the horse was he. The house was amazing and I didn't quite know what to make of all the grandeur that surrounded me. I couldn't speak, taken aback by the awe of it all; my chest still tight as the anxiety continued to build.

I followed John down the long hallway into what had to have been the threshold to a large open parlour area. On the other hand, perhaps a sitting area, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that each step took a great amount of effort. It was almost as if my shoes were full of cement. I wondered if he could feel my apprehension about the whole situation.

The great hall was filled with rich furnishing like what I had seen in the rest of the house, not that I had seen much of it. The room that they were now standing at the entrance of, however, didn't seem to be as cold as the hall that I had followed John through. Maybe because it was cosier than the others were and it didn't seem as splendid as the main hall had, but I was still in awe none the less. It was lighter in the room and it appeared more open than the dark, long hall. I was silent as she stood behind him.

Carter could feel my uneasiness. It was radiating from as we walked. He hadn't had this kind of a connection with anyone before and it was a little overwhelming. A little overwhelming was an understatement. He didn't know what to make of all of this. He wasn't sure if he should make anything of it just yet. After all, how I could appear out of thin air at County and look just like him? That was something that he couldn't understand. Nevertheless, the logical side told him that there was an explanation for all of this. Things didn't just happen or did they? After all, what had happened to him and Lucy had just happened; there was no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes events just unfolded to unfold. Humanity had no control over its destiny.

He knew that as he thought back to that fateful day in February that if he could have only saved Lucy then he wouldn't have been addicted to drugs. Then Lucy would have still been at County and Carter would have been an attending by now.

There was one thing in the entire equation that he couldn't change that had to do with me showing up at County. That was the passing of his mentor and his friend. Mark had been there and actually had really cared about those who he worked with. He might not have gotten along with Kerry all the time, and Dr. Weaver might have stabbed Mark in the back going after what she wanted, but in the end, Dr. Weaver was actually very good in running the ER. She had great management skills, but could also work in the trenches, keeping up and often surpassing those who she worked with.

The woman had ambition; he had to give her that and he wouldn't admit to anyone that he admired her. Carter and Dr. Weaver hadn't always gotten along the best at work and he did harbour some resentment against her for what had happened after his return from Atlanta. There was really no one to blame but himself for the ensuing addiction that followed his attack in the ER.

Right now he had other things that he needed to worry about and at the top of his list was his desire and now deep-seeded need to find out what was going on with the young woman that was following him. He rested his hand on the frame of the door to the parlour. He needed to gather himself and his thoughts. He didn't have a plan as to how he was going to approach his grandmother with this, other than what he was doing now, and that was showing up unexpectedly with me. Carter fought to slow his breathing as he put his hand into mine offering me what reassurance he could. He wanted to take that step taking him further into the room, but the pause that was there felt like an eternity once again.

I could feel his hand around mine and I could feel that he was as nervous about this as I was. However, I still couldn't tell if this is what I really should be doing. Nevertheless, they were here now and there didn't seem to be any turning back, not that I could have turned back if I had the strength. Something was drawing me into the room. Giving Carter's hand a tight squeeze, I felt a wave of calmness flow over me and I walked into the parlour with my hand in his.

I watched hanging back as Carter crossed the room. With his long legs it didn't take him long to be standing next to the chair that his grandmother was sitting in. He stopped next to her as I watched him lean down and kiss his grandmother on the cheek. I didn't need to be told that was his grandmother, the family resemblance was there. It might not have been as strong as one would have thought, but it was there.

I got the instant sense that John and his grandmother were close. I hadn't had a grandmother, or at least not one that I had the chance to meet. Living so far out away from everyone, I didn't get to see any of her mother's family before they passed. For some reason my mother had never talked about her father's family, no names were ever mentioned. I had never thought that odd before until now as I stood there watching Carter interacting with his Grandmother.

Something was very fishy about my family. I had never thought anything about the fact that I didn't know any thing about my family until now. I had accepted what mother had told me, I had no reason not to until now. I pulled my attention away from my thoughts and back to watching Carter and Mrs. Carter.

"Good afternoon Gamma." Carter said, looking at his grandmother with admiration in his eyes.

"Good afternoon John," She replied. "What brings you by today, I thought that you would surely be working at the hospital. Who is your friend hiding there behind you?"

"I'm off Gamma." John said, drawing in a deep breath. "My friend is a doctor at County now, and she is the reason that I am here."

I stepped ever so timidly out from behind John, so that Millicent could see me better. "Good afternoon ma'am," I said meekly as I extended my hand.

Millicent Carter couldn't take her eyes off the young woman. The resemblance to her grandson floored her. She was silent as if lost in thought. No one in the room dared to speak, afraid of what might come next if words were spoken. She shook my hand. Hers were shaking, visions of that day so long ago flashing through her mind. The colour left her cheeks. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She never thought that the day would come when her granddaughter would be standing before her.

In a small voice, one that could barely be heard, Millicent whispered, "Victoria."

"No Gamma, that's Ketura," Carter said, pointing out what he thought was painfully obvious.

"John, my dear boy, this is your sister," Millicent said, overjoyed that their bundle of joy that had missing for so long was finally back where she belonged.

John's mouth hung open. Shock and surprise attacked his senses. It took a few minutes for him to recover and regain the ability to form words.

I am not an outsider staring in at them interacting between each other as family does, not wanting to say anything but yet to be a part of it. His reactions are what I thought they would be somewhat crossed between being completely shocked and in awe of his newfound treasure. The empathy that we feel between each other has seemed to magnified now that we are standing in the same room together, little emotions that one would not have thought anything of before are suddenly intensely in your face.

"Gamma, I don't understand. I can see that she does look a lot like me, but my sister?"

"John, yes, you had a twin sister that was born, but unfortunately she was taken from us, and we never found her. Your mother was so devastated that she asked, well begged us, not to speak of the child. We decided that it would be best for everyone if we did just that."

I could tell Carter was still shocked. He looked at Gamma, and then his eyes caught mine. I watched as his eyes filled with tears. His family kept many secretes, but this was one affecting him, and it affected him deeply. He hadn't felt like this since Bobby died. He was happy that he had found me, or rather that I had found him. Still something about this didn't feel right to him. Maybe it was the fact that the family had kept this a secret not bothering to mention it to anyone. Something inside him told him that he had the right to know that he had a sister, but then he could also understand the pain that his mother had to have gone through when her baby went missing and was never found. Yet the main thought that was going through his head right now was, why didn't they tell him? Eleanor just happened to be in town staying with Millicent at the time. Her and Jack's divorce wasn't yet finalized and she was in town wrapping up some business and hopefully spending some time with John. She walked into the room.

"Here's your tea." She stopped dead in her tracks, as the only sound in the room was that of the teacup shattering on the floor.

I watched Eleanor tried to recompose herself. She rubbed her hands across her eyes, thinking that they were deceiving her. This couldn't be. "Victoria," she exclaimed. Joy filled her heart as she realized that she wasn't dreaming nor was she seeing things. Her long lost daughter was indeed standing there in the room with her.

I just looked at everyone in the room. This was a shock to me. "Why is everyone calling me Victoria?" I asked, pausing just long enough to let silence fill the room again. "My name is Ketura."

"I thought that I would never see you again," Eleanor said. She took a step forward towards her daughter.

"You have to be mistaken," I said, watching the woman walking closer to me. I instinctively took a step back.

Eleanor knew her daughter. She couldn't mistake that face. Her daughter had grown into a lovely young woman and she had missed so much of her life. "No," she said, speaking softly. "I know my own child even after all this time. You were taken from us shortly after you were born. We searched for you but we couldn't find you. We all feared the worst and thought that you would never be seen again. I never thought that you would show up here after all these years."

I looked at the woman standing there as I took another step back from everyone. "So what you are telling me is that my whole life has been a lie." I took a deep breath in. I find that I am desperately trying to take all this in and comprehend it, but there's just so much that isn't adding up to me. "And that the woman, who raised me, took care of me, nurtured me, really isn't who I thought she was."

Carter must have been able to tell that I was getting upset. I watched as he started to rub his temples feeling my confusion and my pain. "That's what she's trying to tell you. I know that it is hurting you to hear all of this," he said softly. Sensing me was getting to be a bit overwhelming for him. "I know you need time to take all of this in."

"Time, I need time?" I sputtered. "Time isn't what I need, John."

Carter rubbed his now pounding head. "You need something, and I need aspirin now."

"Sorry," I said to him. "This is just all so, well..." my voice faded as I searched for the words to finish my thought.

"Overwhelming, frightening, confusing," Carter said, finishing my sentence.

"Yes." I was not reassured by the calmness that I was reading off him.

"Take a deep breath before you make my head explode, Ketura."

"I need some kind of proof, John. And you're lucky that it's just your head that's going to explode." I gave him a look of frustration.

"What, just looking like me isn't enough? It's bad enough that you are in my head," Carter said, looking at me.

Millicent spoke up at that moment. "We can always do a DNA test. John, can't you do that at the hospital where you work?"

"I suppose that we could Gamma," John said. "But Ketura would need to agree to it before we did something like that."

I nodded at John. All I did was look at him. I knew that she didn't have to stay anything for him to know what I was feeling right now.

"Okay we'll do it," he said. "It might give you some of the proof that you think you need."

I looked up at him. He could feel the pain that was still there consuming me and haunting my eyes. I could feel it radiating from me no matter what I did and I knew that he was also getting the brunt of my swinging emotions.

"Well be back later Gamma, mother," Carter said as he ushered me out of the house.

I stop telling my story again to check and make sure that my patient is still okay. Her eyes are still closed as she is listening to me rather intently. She seemed so happy right now that I was taking the time out of my day to just sit there and tell her a story, one that she had never heard before.