Amnet is also the name of the Eater of Souls in Egyptian mythology, in case anybody's interested... which does not have any bearing on this story.

"Reach down your hand in your pocket, pull out some hope for me." -- Matchbox Twenty, "Long Day"
"Whatever dark the world may send, still lovers meet at journey's end." -- Planet of Twilight

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Moondance was silent for awhile, looking into the fire, organizing his thoughts. "Some of what I am going to say you already know. However, I believe I will start at the beginning and go through it all, to avoid confusion. If you don't mind?"

I shook my dead in a firm denial. Mind?? He was, from the sound of it, going to explain everything that had been driving me crazy. Why should I mind?

"As I said, the first dreams you had were sent to you by a malicious spirit. You remember Leareth?" My dark look must have been enough of an answer for him, since he didn't wait for a verbal response. "Apparently, killing Vanyel was not enough for him. He's the one who sent you the dreams."

"But... he's dead," I responded, slightly confused.

"Yes, he is." Moondance sighed, his brow furrowed with his own confusion. "But it is his taint I feel when you speak of the memory of those dreams, and the strength of the malice that surrounds them is unmistakable. I cannot explain how he found some way to strike at you after his death, but I can tell you for certain that he is the source of your pain. The days that followed, when you do not remember what you dreamed..." He trailed off. "You may not have realized it, but you have had a protector these past years. This protector has been attempting to look out for you, but has sometimes found herself... distracted. When she realized what was happening to you, she blocked the channel Leareth was using. She could not block him fully, but she kept you from experiencing what it was he was sending."

Well. That was nice of her. "Who exactly is this 'protector'?" I asked, intrigued. Moondance smirked at me.

"After this," he continued, as if not hearing my question, "You dreamed that ridiculous fairy tale. Out of all your dreams, this is the only one that was truly a dream. It was nothing more than your fears working with your somewhat overcreative imagination."

I blushed. Sheesh. Overcreative? "Thanks, I think."

His smile was softer now. "After this, when you had what appeared to be the same dream but it felt different? This protector of yours..." He stopped and looked at me. "You do realize what all this means?"

"Please," I shivered. "Say it for me?" Gods, I needed to hear someone say it.

He nodded. "Among the Tayledras it is a commonly held belief that souls can be reborn." I closed my eyes and breathed. "Sometimes they may even cross the boundary of species, being reborn into something of similar intelligence, a hertasi, for example, being reborn as a human, or," he continued, seeing my incomprehension at the strange word, "a human, perhaps, reborn as a Companion."

Whoa. Hold on a minute... That thought took over my brain for a long moment.

The next thing I heard was Moondance chuckling softly. I stopped thinking faraway thoughts and refocused my eyes; I looked at him questioningly. "I was not supposed to tell you that," he said. "But I am slightly piqued, as Starwind hinted, and that is my small revenge. At any rate, let us return to what this has to do with you." I pulled myself away from the fascinating world of ideas and possibilities he had just thrown in my lap and listened. "Well, Tylendel told you himself, though I do not believe he was correct about everything. His soul was reborn in you, but do not think that that somehow diminishes anything that you are." His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, and I wondered if he had been talking to Amnet. "And he was incorrect to say that everything in your life has transpired because of the mistakes he made. The universe is not that ordered, so that specific events can be arranged to punish or praise a person. Free-will makes prediction and organization of specific future events impossible."

"But he was right about..." I looked at the fire, then back at him. "What was he right about?" I asked softly.

"His own feelings of failure, for certain. His need to apologize to Vanyel." I nodded. I would take care of that. "Beyond that," Moondance shrugged. "It is hard to say. Perhaps he was correct about your upbringing, or where you were born at least. And your gift, with its specific applications. It was to bring you to the attention of your king, but not solely so that you could meet Vanyel. The king needed you there for yourself, too."

I digested this. I was important. For myself, and without Van. Without... Van. The words seemed to eat away at the inside of me, and putting them together like that just felt so wrong. But... I shuddered. Without Van. I had to live my life without him now. For... how long? Until I did what he wanted of me. What I wanted to do for him. And then, after I was done... I shivered, with a strange anticipation this time.

"Amnet," I said suddenly, meeting Moondance's eyes. He raised an eyebrow at me. "She's the protector." The expression on his face gave me no indication of whether I was right or not, but he slowly began to smile and I figured that I had guessed it in one. "She... feels familiar." My eyes narrowed as I stared into his. "I know her somehow... from before. When she was someone else."

The smile had spread across his face to his eyes. "Yes," He said simply. I pouted. He wasn't going to tell me who she was, and, from the way his smile had gone secretive, I had a feeling that he did know. "Don't worry ke'chara," he said, still smiling. "I'm sure you'll figure it out." Well, that was just great. I had come here in the first place because I wasn't altogether certain of my ability to figure things out for myself.

But he was right. As usual. There was a strength in me now, a confidence in myself that I almost could not remember losing it had left me so gradually. It had started when Van died, but it had come back to me a little when I saw him again. The confidence and a much more needed thing- hope. But as the enormity of what I was supposed to do wore away at me, it had slowly leeched away all of that confidence.

"You should take better care of yourself," a voice said, and since that was what I was thinking, I nodded without really thinking about it. It took me a moment to realize that Moondance was the one who had spoken. "You should go see Medren. And Jisa. You are somewhat more mobile than them, tied down as they are by affairs." I nodded again. Jisa was a busy woman; so much so, that she barely had the time to come over and see me even though she lived practically next door to me. "If you were closer to them," Moondance continued in the same vein of thought as me, "things might not have eroded to the point that they did. You might have been able to overcome this without my intervention. Not that I was loathe to see you." I almost didn't see his smile, a real, pleasant one, caught up as I was in my thoughts.

"I have been... isolating myself." I hadn't even realized it, but it was true. It had started before the dreams, but after Sorrows, I thought. I had taken to sitting in my room and staring at the wall rather than seeking human companionship. Staring at the wall and contemplating the nearly impossible task set before me. Just sitting there instead of doing something about it.

"You need people." Moondance's head leaned down, supported by his hand, and his eyes were like bright stars in the shadow that suddenly fell over his face. "In order to complete your task, you need to know what people are thinking. If you cut yourself off from these people, this will make your goal as impossible as it seems."

I nodded again; I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. And quite a lot even more recently... It was very dark outside the circle of light provided by the fire, and now that my fears had been assuaged I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open.

"Thank you," I said to Moondance, wanting to say it before I truly fell asleep, and he surprised me by coming over to me and pulling me into his strong embrace.

He took my face gently in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "Healing is what I do. It was my pleasure to be able to help you, and in some way repay everything that Vanyel and Savil have done for Starwind and myself."

I looked right back into his eyes and for a moment I saw beyond their ice blue depths to a deep brown and a young boy in pain. I'm not sure exactly why I felt such a compulsion, but I followed it, and I reached up myself and took his face in my hands and kissed him. I could feel him relaxing under my hands, and as his lips parted slightly I deepened the kiss. Breaking the contact, I opened my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. He made a sound deep in the back of his throat, a sound of pain, but also a sound of healing. "Once," he whispered, "there was a boy named Tallo. Seeing your strength, he has perhaps forgiven himself at last." I had no idea what he was talking about but it didn't matter really, and I just stood there with him as he had been there for me the few hours ago that felt like a lifetime. We stood there holding each other for a long moment, remembering how to breathe.

Movement caught my eye, and Moondance and I both looked up to see the white form of Amnet moving through the darkness toward us, Starwind beside her, a hand trailing lightly over her shoulder, and Brightstar on her other side.

"Even if you have not finished talking, there is need for sleep this night." Amnet snorted her agreement to Starwind's statement.

"I think we're done," I said, looking at Moondance. He nodded. His face was turned away from the others slightly, and I could see there was a single tear on his cheek and an expression on his face as if I had been the one to bring him peace of mind.

"Yes, I believe we are done with our discussion." His hand came up, surreptitiously wiping at his cheek as it brushed his hair off his shoulder. He turned and smiled at Starwind, and I discovered that I had been kidding myself to think that he had ever truly smiled at me.

Amnet came up to me. She turned her head and looked at me with one large, liquid eye. Whickering softly, she pushed her head against my chest. :You look better.:

"Thanks," I mumbled back, stroking her ears. I started to say something else, but it dissolved into a yawn. Amnet whinnied her laughter at me, then lay down beside the fire, like a big dog, carefully arranging herself.

:Come here,: she said. Now, I have never been one to argue with a Companion. At least not when I was this tired. I sat beside her, leaning back against the warmth of her shoulder. I barely heard her next words, :Come along the rest of you lot too,: before I slipped into the sweetest sleep I had had in a very, very long time.

-o-

I woke feeling warm, and comfortable despite the crick in my neck, for the first time in years. It seemed lately that no matter how hot it was in my room, I was always cold. But then, I had been sleeping alone these past few years. Not so this night.

Amnet's warm shoulder was still under my cheek and my hand was stretched up and twisted in her mane. There was an arm thrown around my waist, and underneath my body, in the space between myself and Amnet, my other hand and that of the mystery person's were twined together. The owner of the hands was breathing on my neck, and as I blinked myself awake and turned to look at him he also awakened.

Brightstar smiled at me fuzzily, still sleep muddled. I smiled back. Looking over his shoulder, I could see Starwind still asleep; his head was thrown back against Amnet's abdomen, his hair flowing over her back. Moondance was wrapped in his arms, his own head pillowed against Starwind's chest and his hand reached out to touch his son's shoulder. Brightstar was the first to break the contact of our little group; he stood and stepped away to get room to stretch. Turning, he looked at the still sleeping couple and smiled down at them fondly. Amnet snorted and a shiver ran down her entire body. Starwind's eyes opened as his "pillow" moved; the minute he woke, he was fully awake with an air of calm readiness about him. I did not envy him the experiences that it must have taken for him to have that kind of reaction. His arms tightened around his lover, almost unconsciously, and Moondance's eyes opened. He winked at me, and I got the feeling that he had been awake for awhile but had not wanted to disturb the feeling of togetherness that still hung in shreds around all of us. I smiled. It was a good feeling. One I had not had much of lately, and that was only my own fault. Just because I couldn't have what my heart wanted most didn't mean I had to deny it every comfort.

:You silly, sleepy humans,: Amnet scolded us affectionately. :If I hadn't wakened you, you would have slept there all day.:

"And what's wrong with that?" Moondance asked with a mumble as he buried his face in Starwind's chest.

She snorted and flicked him with her tail. That was her only warning as she stood, sending the pair sprawling. :You're making my leg fall asleep,: she said, shooting him a dark look. Brightstar laughed at them, and I couldn't help but join in. It felt good to laugh.

Amnet looked at me, her ears pricked forward. :Breakfast,: she said significantly. :If we go now, we can make it to Forst Reach in time for some.:

"The other option being make it ourselves," Brightstar put in, a doubtful expression on his face.

"Hmm," I said. Amnet drooped slightly and sighed. My unwillingness to go anywhere that reminded me of Van had been something of a friction point on our journey, and my stubbornness on the subject had caused her to loose her temper with me at one point. However, the reason for that stubbornness had passed, and actually I was eager to go there and see Medren. But that didn't mean I couldn't tease Amnet about it a little. "I was thinking we," I indicated myself and Amnet, "would start back for Haven. It's a long enough trip without stopping for breakfast."

Amnet drooped further, but then she turned her head and pierced me with one eye. Her ears went back flat against her head when she caught my unsuccessfully suppressed smile. :That was not funny.: Suddenly, her ears twisted forward again as she realized something. :Stef, was that a joke?: She butted me with her head, her mind-voice colored with happiness and relief. :Well, I thought you had forgotten how. Will wonders never cease!:

I smiled again, the expression came more easily now I thought, and rubbed her ears. In good humor everyone in the group gathered their things, and together we set off in search of breakfast.

-o-

Forst Reach looked the same as it always had- with people crawling everywhere. Medren must has seen us coming, and he obviously was not over the border entertaining Tashir's court, because he was waiting on the path for us. As soon as I came around the bend and we caught sight of each other, he came running toward me. Catching me up in a hug that knocked all the breath from me, he just as quickly pulled me away to arms length and looked at me intently.

I smiled at him, before he could ask me anything, and said, "Hello Medren. I was... ah, in the neighborhood and decided to drop by."

He looked like he thought there was quite a lot more that needed to be said about that, but he nodded, accepting my words. "Come inside," he said, nodding at the others.

Moondance smiled. "If Lord Withen is available we will take our leave of him and return to our home. After breakfast of course," he added at Brightstar's pointed look.

"Of course," Medren returned the smile. "Withen is in his study; I'll show you the way."

Moondance nodded, and, meeting my eyes, he took my shoulders in his strong grip and embraced me one last time. Starwind touched me on the shoulder and Brightstar winked at me. "Thank you," I told them all, but they only smiled.

Medren and I left the trio with Withen and went out to the back porch. We sat for awhile, before I began to speak.

"I'm sorry. I've been... acting very selfish lately. And that brought about some... circumstances... that could have been prevented." I looked at him. "You've always been a good friend to me, Medren. I'm sorry if I haven't been returning the favor lately."

"Gods, Stef..." He hugged me again, impulsively. "I've been so worried about you! Everybody thought you were going crazy, and I knew it couldn't be easy for you, with... well... and gods, I've just been so worried..." He was rambling now, but I let him go and just listened to him voice as we sat in the growing day. I sat in the shadow of the porch, watching the sunlight fall through the lattice and leaves.

When he ran out of things to repeat, I said softly, "Medren?"

"Yeah?" He turned to me eagerly.

"Don't let me be stupid like that again."

He chuckled. "Well, I'll do my best, but knowing you that's a tall order to fill."

I laughed as well. "True. But I'm planning on employing a few other people to help you out with the task." I frowned. "Medren?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think about magic?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I have this... 'project' I guess you could call it, and I could use your help on it..."

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