A/N- SQUEAL! SO MANY REVIEWS! I am overjoyed! Thrilled! All teary eyed mushy gushy! So many new readers and positive comments! Wooo! You all deserve freshly baked chocolate chip cookies or something similar to it! It's interesting how I get more reviews when my story is updated at the beginning of the day. I always update round 7pm-9pm because that's when I finish typing but now I'm beginning to think I should update during weekend mornings. Too bad I can't test my theory next weekend since I'm visiting Japan for two weeks and all. But on the brighter note the reviews passed up my other still-in-rewritten–process 'love is a mystery'!
Special Shout Out to DobbyGrlCongrats! You're my 40th reviewer! You marked the new level of review getting I have ever received since my other story! I want to do something special for this lucky reviewer, maybe have Dobby in the story and Sirius multiplying him to the point the castle is full of bouncing-hyper house elves? Hmm, well you can suggest anything you like and it's done! As long as it isn't something big like Dobby being baby Harry instead of Harry or something, lol.
BTW- All your wonderful reviews are answered at the bottom! And it seemed that you guys can't see chapter six that was updated on the 12th, so I'm going to take it off then back on again!
Disclaimer- I am not making any profit out of this story because all the characters are created by the infamous J.K. Rowling, not me. There are no connections of Sirius' sudden disappearance in the OoTP and the new black dog I have locked up in my room. None at all. Really. No he isn't trying to type 'help' on my computer. STOP INTERROGATING ME!
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Chapter Six- Lessons with the Lockharts Part II
James rushed through the halls in such a rush that he completely ignored the fact he was knocking over any one who stood in the way, looking as though he had committed some horrible crime. His mind was completely blank and overwhelmed in panic, which it took him half a moment to register his actions, and to his surprise, he didn't even know what he was doing. In an act of pure panic, he had blindly followed his instincts when in trouble, and ended up in front of the one place he knew so well.
He was supposed to go to his 'marriage class' and ask Mrs. Lockhart for help. He was supposed to ask a female who was experienced in this matter to assist him. Heck he could've flood home and asked his mom for Merlin's sake! But did he do any of these reasonable things? Nooo… His feet had completely betrayed him.
Because he wasn't supposed to be standing in front of a stone gargoyle that has seen him more times then his parents preferred. He wasn't supposed to be red faced from running, or perhaps it was Harry's fumes. And most importantly he wasn't supposed to be going to a god-knows-how-old headmaster of Hogwarts for a silly thing such as this.
For a while James just stood there, gaping at the immobile stone statue, amazed at his own stupidity, making Harry quite angry that his situation was completely forgotten. Making a face of utmost annoyance and sadness he opened his mouth in a big gaping hole that took up half of his pudgy baby face, and for the first time, wailed.
Loud.
So loud, that James could have sworn that Harry was part banshee along with Lily and that he had finally gone deaf. His cries rebounded through stone floored floors, making them shake from the ultra sound that couldn't possibly, (in James' opinion) be created by a human being. His failing attempt at soothing the crying child was drowned from his screams, and only when the entrance way to Dumbledore's opened up with a slight grinding sound, the hall was silenced.
And who would come out of Dumbledore's office than Dumbledore himself?
"Ahh Miss Evans." He said with the usual twinkle in his eyes. "What do I owe this rare visit?"
"Er…" James replied intelligently making baby Harry giggle and clap his hands at his supposed mother's discomfort.
James was beginning to resent at that smile, and gave Harry a disapproving frown. But to his surprise a small electrical jolt traveled through his entire body making his long red hair stand to its very tips, and a certain sixteen year old to go rigid, his eyes wide open from shock.
At this Dumbledore seemed more amused than concerned, as he looked down at the shocked James, his mouth curved slightly upwards. It had taken him a few moments to retrieve the feeling in his body and soon realize the reason of this strange occurrence. His mind flew back to the previous incident only minutes ago with Lily.
Now James wasn't really paying attention to Lily while she was making a very unusual deal with him that early morning. In fact he was too occupied with the new baby that had taken a habit in pulling on his newly acquired auburn locks. All he caught her saying was something about him smiling all the time and the prize was a complete control over the other for two straight days. The latter caught his attention immediately, therefore his enthusiasm to comply. But now, he wasn't too sure.
James knew that he was suppose to grin and bear this bizarre body switching thing for three days, but he had no idea it involved physical pain when he failed to do so. Perhaps it had something to do with the charm Lily cast earlier? Either way, he didn't like the semi painful bolt of electricity, and decided to go along with the Head Girl's silly little plan until he could yell at her personally. For now he had to get away with the situation he was in.
How hard was it to be a girl?
Placing the sweetest most, cheesiest smile he could muster, James giggled and blinked happily at the headmaster. Using his not-so-successful girly tone he replied, (a bit of a slow response if I do say so myself). "Sorry Professor Dumbledore, Harry here..er…had…er… well, did his business so I ummm…panicked and got lost on my way to the classroom." He smiled wider at his successful half true lie.
"Ahh. I see Miss Evans, I know a nifty little spell that would take care of this misfortune instantly. But sadly I believe it's a requirement to learn how to do this the muggle way. Please step into my office, I have just discovered a most peculiar candy called Lemon Drops, it's quite delightful if I do say so myself."
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Ten minutes later an extremely freaked out, yet still smiling James Potter made his way towards the class he was very much late for, one hand clutching a slip for his tardiness, while the other held a stinky free Harry. One would be freaked out too, if you had just witnessed the greatest old wizard of all time changing a filthy diaper. The fact he had passed out twice from the unpleasant odor didn't quite make the situation less creepy.
Well at least he wasn't the only one. Right after he was revived awake the first time, McGonagall had rushed in; demanding to know what had caused that awfully disrupting racket that had occurred earlier, only to faint by the time she had reached the usual routine of blaming Sirius and James.
If James wasn't already smiling, he would have at the thought. For he couldn't help but think how powerful Harry was to make his transfiguration teacher faint like that, or perhaps Harry just has a terribly bad digestive system?
Well, after the second time that James got shocked, he learned very quickly to never frown again for the pain grew a bit powerful each time. This, he mused, was the result of a very intelligent twisted mind of his stuck up rival.
When James finally reached the closed doors to his destination, he slowly opened them with a low creek, to peer inside the gap, awaiting the reaction of his strictly looking new Professor. However, to his surprise and relief he found the classroom to be teacher free, filled small groups composed from the female population of Gryffindor and Hulfflepuff's seventh year, each surrounded around a small oven. With a reassured postured, he strode into the classroom and was just about to take an empty space beside a wary looking Emmeline when a sudden voice made him jump.
"Well, well, well." The icy voice whispered lowly within a foot behind him. "Miss Evans has finally deemed this class worthy of her time. Twenty points from Gryffindor!"
James turned around to face a pair of steeling grey eyes. He was completely forgetting the note in his clutched hand in favor of being intimidated by some woman wearing what seemed to be a cooking apron.
"I expected you to be far more responsible from your respectable reputation among the school staff." Mrs. Lockhart placed her hands on her hips as everyone else watched, receiving a hated glare from Emmeline and an annoyed frown from Amber as they both watched a cruel smile form upon their newly acquainted teacher.
"I had imagined the Potter boy I heard about to consider above the rules. He must have damaged your pretty little mind by that horrid wedding kiss" Similar to her husband, she gave a dramatic paused. "Pity, I had really hoped there was at least one person in this place that isn't a complete imbecile."
She paused yet again as a young Hulfflepuff gave a loud shriek at her burning oven, running around in circles with her hands in the air, thinking this would solve her dilemma of her burning skirt as Amber rushed forward to put out the fire while the others tried to calm her down.
"Like everyone else." Professor Judy Lockhart hissed under her breath as she strode quickly over to the other girls who somehow managed to catch their skirts on fire too, shouting something along the lines of 'are you too stupid to get anything right?'
Ignoring the screaming girls who were all running around in one giant circle around the very stressed out Professor (as some successfully put out the flames); James quickly made his way next to Emmeline who wore a look that clearly stated tell-me-everything-that-happened-this-instant-or-I'll-die-of-curiosity. He chose to ignore her too, making Emmeline seem very crossed as he punched the dough that was required for the cake they were baking.
Why was a cake essential to being a mother? James did not know, but his mouth frozen in a very stiff smile, his mind cured both Lily and Lockhart for his anger. He blamed Lily for the stupid charm that'll cause him harm every time he frowned and Lockhart for being Lockhart.
He did however, had to cover his powered hands to stifle his laughter when Professor Lockhart had also gotten her skirt on fire. No one but Alice seemed to try to help her, in fact the ones with the burnt clothes and slightly smoked faces seemed to be satisfied. It was not until James caught the sight of the Hulfflepuff girl hiding her drawn wand into her pocket did he realize what they seemed so smug about.
Emmeline watched with both amusement and disgust while James carelessly dumped the whole jar of chili powered in his cake and a handful of chopped up celery, seeming as though he was just blindly dumping things into the bowl.
Which, was why his cake turned a strange yellowish green color, instead of the good chocolaty brown it was supposed to be. Poking his wand disdainfully at the gooey yellow frosting, James slowly looked around to see if anyone was watching. Carefully, he placed Harry on the table beside the cake and hid under the table, transfiguring a bowl into a perfectly made chocolate cake.
He happily stood up with a new cake in his hand and placed it on the table next to his name. James frowned (and got electrocuted for a moment) when he realized that Harry was gone. His eyes frantically searched the room for any signs of him. James opened his mouth in horror when his gaze fell upon a tiny plump ball of skin covered in yellowish green frosting, sitting on the place his home made cake once used to be.
That tiny plump ball started to move into a sitting position, until a very green face emerged into the view, looking not too happy at all.
James' started to panic when Mrs. Lockhart came his way, grading and tasting everyone's project. He swiftly picked Harry up, making the poor food abused baby grimaced even more, and tried to rush to the bathroom, to no avail. Instead, Harry threw up on the Emmeline's gorgeous three layered vanilla cake, turning it from white to brown. James froze in horror, wondering why no one had noticed yet, and his eyes practically grew to the size of a tennis ball when Professor Lockhart came round and dipped her finger into the contaminated cake and place it in her mouth.
James being the only witness, wanted to throw up himself when a look of delight flashed across his teacher's face and beckoned everyone to gather around.
"Look here class! Miss Vance has created the most unique tasting cake I have ever tasted! Ten points to Gryffindor!" She exclaimed as Emmeline shot her cake a puzzled look, but nodded her head along.
Now James was a responsible father/mother thingy. That is why he did not notice Harry climbing on to a nearby table while he was in a state of mortified disgust. Only when a pair of girls started making a fuss over him did he notice he was missing a six pound bundle in his arms. (A/N- How much do babies weigh? . )
"Like oh my god!" squealed Jessica Brown. "He is so like cute! Isn't he Sarah?" she turned her head to a brown haired Gryffindor next to her. "Uh-huh! Like, words are not like, enough to explain!" She squealed back. "You don't mind if we look at him for a while, do you Lily?" Sarah Patil asked, not even glancing at James and started to coo before he opened his mouth to respond.
"Errr…" said James as a small crowed of fussing girls formed around his son. He started to get annoyed as they started to pinch and ruffle his hair.
"Umm…I think he needs to go now." He called out to no one in particular. "Errr... Excuse me?" he tried again. He gave a low growl then squeaked when the static electricity went through his body for frowning, thus he placed on a murderous smile.
"Okay now… This is not A ZOO!" he raised his voice after the stress added from the shock, but the girls still ignored him. Taking a few steps back, James ran toward and dived into the crowd, not caring if he was tugging anyone's hair along the way.
"Excuse me…Pardon me…Get out of the way…I said GET OUT OF THE WAY!" HE pushed forcefully through. When he finally reached the middle he found Harry covered in lipstick marks as Jessica started to pinch his cheek, using a modified baby voice, which reminded him violently of the deep hidden memories of his over attentive slightly intimidating fat aunt who wore too much lipstick.
"Can I have him back now?" James smiled dangerously, and unconsciously placed his hands on his hips to show his annoyance.
"Awww…Just a bit more Lily! Please!" whined Sarah as Jessica nodded eagerly.
"I said no! Now hand Harry over!" James expanded his arms to take the baby, but the girls backed away quickly.
"But he's soooo adorable!" Jessica pleaded.
"That's nice, but hand him over!" James raised his voice.
"NO!" Jessica yelled back violently. "You get to keep him for the whole year, now let us see!" In the back round some loud agreements could be heard, but this only aggravated the teen even more.
"So why don't you just back off you old prudish witch." Sarah spoke a little too boldly, creating a sudden silence in the room.
"OH! You just did not go there girlfriend!" James snapped his fingers in a very girlish way, while someone in the background called out 'cat fight!'
These seemed to be the magical words as James had finally had lost his temper and slapped a very shocked Sarah on the cheeks as Harry giggled widely from Jessica's arms.
Soon they began slapping and pulling at each others hair, not noticing the stern professor approaching but instead continued to insult each other as they rolled around on the tiled floor.
"I told you once…slap…and…I'll….tell…you….slap….and….I'll say…slap…it again." He jumped to his feet and grabbed Emmeline's cake. "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" and with that, he shoved the whole three layered, puke covered cake into Sarah's face.
A sudden silence has once again engulfed the room, and James stayed immobilized on the spot, realizing what he just did.
Oh my god. He thought. Did I say something girly? Oh my god did I say oh my god? OH MY GOD! I meant holy crap. Yeah, that's better, more manly. He smiled in satisfaction than grimaced once again, than remembered his bet with Lily, and forced a creepy grin. Oh great, being in this body is going to really make me gay. I mean what kind of manly man would say' you did not go there girlfriend?' I need to stop talking to myself too….
"Hem-hem" Mrs. Lockhart opened her mouth to speak, when she was suddenly interrupted by a loud scream from Sarah. "EW" she cried. "Is this puke?!?" she asked in no one particular before rushing to the bathroom, followed closely by the green faced professor who just realized what she actually ate earlier.
As soon as they disappeared from everyone's view, the same person who had called out earlier screamed "food fight!" Cakes started to fly around the room, some pelting James and Harry as they made their way to the door. Without even glancing back, James ran out of the classroom like his life depended on it…not noticing an all too familiar grin was directed at his back.
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A/N- I'm sooo sorry for the late update! It's just that I recently had a play, birthday parties, school reports, chores, and packing up my stuff for Japan that I didn't have any time to write this! My computer won't let me go online for the past 5 days now! I don't know how I can get this up, but I'll try. I'm going to write a lot of stuff for this story on my 9 hour plane trip that I'll attend to the air plane so when I come back I'll have a ton of chappies for you guys. If I'm not too busy playing on my new game Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories! WOO HOO! Oh I would put Review Responses here, but as I said, I can't see your reviews, I will next chappie.
Very Important Note!!! I'm not sure if I can update for the next two weeks with the I'm-leaving-the-country-for-two-weeks thing. I'm going to TRY to update from Japan since I can't have my friends update for me cause 1.) Her cpu just recently died. And 2.) I haven't written it yet. Check the days before Christmas of very soon after if I have updated, if not than u guys gotta wait till January 4th!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Love, Miss Runa Black
P.S.- I wanna see a ton of reviews by the time I get back! . Oh and the person who told me to have a good time in Japan, thanks! You are very kind! I will find out who when I can!