Author: snowyplains
Disclaimer: Don't own them or any other part of CSI.
Note: I was in the mood for good heavy angst, and I couldn't find any, so I wrote my own. Had finals to worry about, so I can't account for quality (or lack thereof...haha).
It was nothing like he'd imagined.
He always thought that the first time they kissed (if there was a first), it'd be heart-stoppingly slow and extremely intoxicating.
Instead, she was rough and demanding, crawling over to straddle him on the couch as she pretty much forced her tongue into his mouth.
It broke his heart.
She didn't need to say it. He knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Screw you, Grissom. I don't need you."
He had decided to drop by when he knew her shift was over. He had a case in pending that he handed off to her when he left, and he wanted to pick up the file from her to review again before the next day. What was supposed to be a 10 minute visit turned into 3 hours. Now seperated by 8 hours at work, he had forgotten what it was like to hang around and talk to her for awhile. 6 beers and 2 made for TV movies later, it happened.
It'd be a lie to say he wasn't enjoying himself. She was beautiful, and he had been attracted to her for the better part of 5 years. Nothing that kept him from sleeping at night. He was comfortably secure in the knowledge that he loved and cared about someone that may very well never see him in a similar light. You can't get everything you want from life.
He kept himself from putting his arms around her. He wanted to, to pull her closer. But he wasn't going to. Definitely not to someone who would rather be kissing someone else.
They broke apart and stared at each other. "I want you." she said convincingly. He almost believed her. He wanted to.
He sighed in response. "No, you don't." he answered finally. He watched as a myraid of expressions flickered across her face. Confusion, rejection, contemplation and complacency. He knew what that meant. She wasn't going to argue with him. She wasn't going to try to convince him otherwise. Even if he happened to be wrong.
He tries not to look too crestfallen. "I'll see you around." he whispered, and left.
Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the fact that she was tired. Tired of constantly looking for love in the wrong places. Tired of rejection, in any way, shape or form.
She was barely surprised that night when she ended up on top of him, kissing him like the world would end tomorrow.
She knew he wouldn't push her away.
He didn't.
But he had left, for reasons that, if she was entirely honest with herself, were valid.
He knew she had used him. Used him to get back at every male that had wronged her in her adult life. Used him to prove to herself that someone still wanted her.
Had she felt anything while she was kissing him?
Of course she had. Excitement, and a whole lot of guilt. She knew she had been taking advantage of him. And he let her, knowing full well what she was doing.
She felt a pang of remorse. Using a guy that really cared about her, and breaking his heart was a new low, even for her.
She picks up her keys and walks outside.
It kept him from sleeping. It never had before. But he could still feel her, even though a hour had passed, kissing him like there was no one else for her. The woman could act.
With what had transpired over the course of about 10 minutes, she was able to make him doubt what he really wanted. Cause in the past, he had always figured that they'd never end up together, and that was okay, because she wasn't really his type, and it was just fun to have a good friend to play around with, and so on.
He sighed, staring at the ceiling. He knew he'd be too tired to function the next day, and considered calling in sick. He'd see in the morning.
He hears someone clear their throat, and he turned, surprised. It was her.
"Your door was unlocked." she said by the way of explanation. "You know better than to do that in Vegas." she teased.
"Why are you here?" He was tired of her, tired of everything she could do to him.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." She took off her jacket and shoes, and sat on his bed. "It's okay. I understand. You needed someone tonight, and I just happened to be there." It wasn't okay at all, but there was no reason to say it.
She lay down next to him rigidly, and took a deep breath. "Look, I-
He looked at her. Suddenly, he knew why she was there. She wouldn't have driven 20 minutes just to apologize.
He cut her off, and lifts the blanket so she can get under. "Shhh. We'll talk in the morning"
She nodded with a smile, and leaned over and kissed him.
This time, it was exactly as he had imagined, only better. It left him breathless and yearning for more.
He fell asleep holding her.