Shattered Peace

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just take them out and play with them sometimes. Much more fun to play with than pocket lint.

Summary: Spike shares with Xander. Xander wishes he hadn't asked.

Reviews: Yeah, Baby. Reviews are food for the muse. We both love them. So PLEASE review. All reviewers ROCK!

A/N: I have no idea where any of this came from. I sat down to write something entirely different and this is what showed up. Guess Xander was feeling a little ignored.

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Spike had been with the coven for almost three weeks. He was happier than he could ever remember being, both in his human and his demon lives. He didn't have to pretend anymore. He could just be himself. Angel had been correct when he'd stated that Spike was almost too human to be a vampire. He enjoyed learning and knew the Scoobies would fall over laughing if they could see him. He closed the book he'd been reading and stretched, clasping his hands over his head and leaning back as far as he could go. He looked around his small room and smiled with contentment. He never really needed a lot of space and he'd made this small space his own. The room had a full size bed, a small dresser and a desk. An easy chair was in the corner with a reading lamp on a table next to it. He had a small bookcase with his very own collection of books. A photo of Dawn held a place of honor on top of the dresser with a smaller photo of Giles next to it. Giles had been flattered that the vampire had wanted a picture of him. What he thought was the best part was the sliding glass window door. It led out to a small covered patio. His room was situated so that he could go out onto his patio at any time without fear of being crispy-fried. The patio was never in direct sunlight. He'd never had anyone be so considerate of him.

He'd been reading for over an hour and was ready for a break. Checking the time he noted with a grin that it was time to talk to Dawn. They were in the habit of 'speaking' every day. He generally opened their link very early in the morning London time, which made it evening in Sunnydale. It was the last thing he did before going to sleep every day. Getting comfortable, he opened the link cautiously.

'Niblet. Can you talk?' He sent.

In Sunnydale, Dawn became very quiet. She had been sitting on the sofa watching a comedy with Xander. Buffy had gone out for patrol and Willow was out trying to mend her relationship with Tara. Xander glanced at her with concern. He'd noticed that at around the same time every evening she got really quiet for a while. Usually she excused herself and went to her room. But sometimes she just stayed where she was and seemed to retreat into herself. He'd also noticed that she appeared much less concerned about Spike in the last three weeks than she'd been the first week he was gone. He may not have been the brightest Scooby in the bunch, but he did see things and what he saw here added up to one big secret. Xander reflected on the times he'd been watching Dawn in the past three weeks and the increased number of phone calls between Dawn and Giles screamed 'conspiracy'. Things were adding up in Xander's brain and the total had bleached blond hair.

In the past month Xander had come to regret following the crowd in treating the vampire so badly. They had been co-workers and had gotten along well in the months Buffy had been gone. It had just been easier to go back to the old ways and keep Buffy happy than to hang on to the tenuous friendship he'd begun with Spike. The site boss at work had pestered Xander about the missing vampire for several weeks after the discovery of Spike's magic. Xander's thoughts sputtered to a stop. Spike's magic. Willow's magic. Willow was able to transmit thoughts to other people, what's to say Spike couldn't do the same. That was it. Spike and Dawn were 'talking'. He knew Spike wouldn't just abandon Dawn the way it appeared he had. He had to hand it to her. She could keep a secret well. Xander's thoughts wandered a little more. He thought back to the night Wesley and Giles had explained Spike's options. They had not gone into detail about the choices with Willow and Tara so they didn't know about.... Wait a minute. Suddenly he knew where Spike was. He crossed his arms and leaned back smugly. He was probably the only one to figure it out. He waited patiently for her to mentally return.

After a short while, Dawn noticed the expression on Xander's face. He looked like the cat that got the cream.

'Spike. I think we're busted.' She thought.

'What do you mean, Bit?' He asked.

'Xander looks really smug. Which means he figured out what we're doing.' She explained.

'No he didn't.' He laughed at the thought.

'Wait for it.' She defended herself. 'Listen.' She looked at Xander. "Why do you look like that?" She asked.

"Like what?" He looked surprised, but she could tell it was an act. "You mean like I'm trying to decided whether or not I should get you to tell Spike I'm sorry for the way I acted or just tell him hi for me." Xander said with a smirk that would have rivaled Spike's best.

'Oh-oh.' Spike sent.

'Got that right.' She sent back.

"I really am you know." Xander went on.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"Sorry. About the way I treated Spike. We'd been through too much for me to be such a jerk, but I was and I'm sorry." Xander's regret was written on his face.

'Bit, tell him it's okay. I'm not mad. I never was.' Spike projected.

'Tell him yourself.' Dawn sassed.

'Fine. I can do that you know. Willow does it all the time. Just so you know it's different from our link. He can't call me anytime he wants like you can. I don't want to be connected to him. Never really liked him you know.' He babbled.

'Yeah, yeah.' Dawn stopped him mid babble.

'Whelp.' Spike reached out to Xander.

Xander jumped a foot. "Man, I hate when they do that. Willow does it too and it wigs me out every time." He yelped.

Spike's laughter echoed through Xander's mind. 'Yeah, laugh all you want Draco. I figured out what was going on and I know where you are. So there.' Dawn was still linked with Spike so she could hear their conversation, and giggled.

'God, I've missed picking on you.' Spike said.

'Well, the all girl gang has been a little confining here. With you and G-man gone I've been the lone ranger in the male gender department. Not that I'm complaining mind you. It's just that the girl talk gets a little overwhelming sometimes.' Xander sent.

'Gee, you missed me. I'm touched.' Spike's smirk could be heard.

'Well don't let it go to your head.' Xander said defensively. 'How are you doing in the coven? They teaching you how to be a good little witch?'

'That's wizard, you ponce. And yeah, I like it here. Most of the time they forget I'm a vampire. It's kind of strange.' Spike grinned.

'Why haven't you come for a visit? What with your cool transporting skill and all.' Xander asked.

'The spells protecting this place won't let anything or anyone transport in or out. They did that so the Wanker's council can't find me. Imagine what they'd do if they knew about me.' Spike shuddered.

'I don't want to.' Xander echoed the shudder.

'Me neither.' Dawn added.

'Besides, I don't want to be anywhere the S-sla...um...she is.' Spike's thoughts got very quiet as he stumbled over the word.

'What did she do to you anyway?' Xander asked.

'Nothing I want to talk about.' Spike evaded.

'You need to. You can't even say her name.' Dawn said.

'Yeah, you gotta get it out. Or its just gonna eat away at you. You can tell us, we can help.' Xander added.

'I said NO.' Spike became defensive.

Xander looked at Dawn. He made a slashing motion letting the teenager know he wanted her to close her link so he could talk to Spike alone for a minute. She nodded.

'Spike. I gotta go. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow night. Talk to Xander a while. I think he needs some guy time.' Dawn sent.

'Oh all right. Love you too, Bit.' Spike closed the link between them, keeping his connection with Xander open.

Dawn went up to her room to give them some privacy.

'You wanted to talk to me? Whisper sweet nothings into my mind?' Spike sent.

'Not exactly.' Xander sent back. 'I want to know what Buffy did to you. Don't hold back. She's been different since she came back. Colder, worse since you've been gone. We've been clueless and I think you have the answer. If you let it out, you can deal with it better.'

'I said no, damn it! What makes you think I want to talk about that bitch?' Spike asked angrily.

'Because you still love that bitch.' Xander answered just as angrily.

Spike growled. The Whelp was right of course. He still loved Buffy and her treatment of him had been eating away at his heart. He made a fast and hard decision. 'Are you sure you want to know? It's pretty graphic and I'm going to give it all to you. You are going to totally hate me when you know what I've done.'

'Like I've never hated you before. I know you now. I don't think I can go back to hating you. Buffy was part of it and there's something wrong with her. Tell me why.' Xander demanded.

'Fasten your seatbelt and if you breathe a word of this to Dawn, I will kill you. She can NEVER know. In fact don't tell anyone at all.' Spike threatened.

'I got it. Tell no one. Now spill.' Xander insisted. His mind was immediately assaulted with images of everything Spike and Buffy had done together. It was as if he were watching a movie on fast forward. The scene between the two blonds behind the police station slowed down to normal speed so the brunette could see and hear every word. As soon as she left the beaten vampire on the ground, the scenes sped back up until the final moments where again he could see and hear everything. He was revolted, disgusted and sickened. He felt battered by the images. He knew Spike could feel that and he could sense Spike's pain at reliving those events.

He inhaled deeply. He could feel Spike waiting for the hatred to begin. He shook his head. 'Spike. Oh my God. I had no idea. She used you so badly. I never imagined she could be so cruel. No wonder you left.' He only felt sad.

'Well, she wasn't alone in it, Mate.' Spike said softly with no small measure of relief.

'Very true. But even I can see everything you did was because you loved her and wanted to help. Even your stupid egg plan, yeah she told us about it, was because you wanted to get money for her. I figured that out and I'm not the brightest Scooby in the box.' Xander sent. 'Man, I am so sorry. I didn't know.'

'No one did. She refused to let anybody know we were together, seeing each other or whatever you want to call what we were doing.' Spike thought sadly. 'She was ashamed of me.'

'No. I don't think so. I think she was ashamed of herself. She has feelings for you, she just refuses to sort them out and decide what to do about it.' Xander tried to comfort his friend.

'And every feeling is consumed with hate. You saw her. She hates me, hates what we had together. She made me feel....' Spike stopped, unwilling to verbalize how Buffy had made him feel, none of it had been good.

'You made her feel. You brought her out of the despair of being brought back. You gave her love, unconditional love when no one else understood. We wanted to her to be just like she was before she d...died. But she couldn't be that way. She was different and we didn't want to see it, but you did. You saw it and showed her that it didn't matter. Then you left, just like all the others and she emotionally withdrew again.' Xander argued.

'I HAD to leave. Don't you see that? I couldn't stay there any more. I couldn't take it any more. I was going bug shagging crazy there, being her personal punching bag.' Spike started pacing in agitation.

'I know. I get it. So what do we do now?' Xander asked.

'NOTHING. There's nothing to do. I'm here. I'm happy. They're good to me. I owe them my sanity. You promised not to tell anyone. Please Xander.' Spike sat down and buried his face in his hands.

'Your secret is safe with me, all your secrets in fact. Just don't be a stranger. Let me know how you're doing.' Xander said.

'Niblet is coming to see me next week. Why don't you come with her?' Spike couldn't believe what he's just said.

'You got it. How are we accomplishing this marvelous feat?' Xander was amused; he couldn't believe what Spike was suggesting.

'At a specific time the coven will lower the protection spell and I'll transport you here.' Spike explained.

'Sounds like a plan. I think we need to hang up now, Buffy will be home soon and I really don't want to try to explain why I'm just sitting here thinking. Not known for my thinking you know.' Xander grinned.

'Yeah, I know.' Spike teased.

'Talk to you later.' Xander said.

'Count on it.' Spike closed the link. He felt drained. He made a mug of blood and downed it in seconds. Then he stretched out on his bed. He was emotionally exhausted by the memory transference. It was the first time he'd attempted it and still couldn't fathom why he chose the Whelp to confide in. Sleep claimed him while he was trying to figure it out.

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Back in Sunnydale, Xander stood up and stretched. He'd been sitting still for longer than he'd planned. He was still shaken by the memories Spike had transmitted to him. He'd had no idea. Part of him was disgusted by the knowledge that Buffy would do those things with yet another vampire. Another part of him knew how deeply Spike loved the blonde slayer and understood why he would let himself be used as he had just to be close her. What he couldn't understand was just why Buffy had been so unbelievably cruel to someone who obviously loved her so much. Her whole 'you're soulless and can't love' speech just didn't hold water any more. Spike had proven over and over just how much he could and did love.

He went into the kitchen for something cold to drink. He opened the refrigerator. A beer, just what he needed. Normally he didn't indulge when watching out for Dawn but he felt an overwhelming need in this instance. Twisting the cap off he took a deep drink. Hearing the front door open, he hoped with all his heart that it was Willow. He really didn't want to see Buffy right now. Wandering back into the living room, he was doomed to disappointment. Buffy was standing by her weapons chest putting away her stakes.

"Hey Buff. Good patrol tonight?" He took another swig and avoided looking directly at her.

She shrugged. "Same old. A few vamps, a demon or two. How about you? You and Dawnie have a good time?"

"Yeah. We watched a little TV. She got tired and went up to her room." He answered. He sat down on the sofa to finish his beer. He knew he couldn't drive home with it and really wanted to drink it all. Picking up the remote, he started channel surfing.

"You okay?" Buffy sat down next to him, looking at him quizzically.

"Yeah. I'm swell." Xander answered, sounding anything but. Finishing his beer, he'd downed it in record time, he put the remote down. Standing, he went into the kitchen and put the bottle in the recycle bin. Returning to the other room, he looked past her. "Look, I gotta go. Have to be at the site early tomorrow."

"Sure, okay. Thanks for coming over." Buffy was puzzled over his behavior.

"Dawnmeister! I'm leaving." Xander called up the stairs. Dawn flew down the stairs and gave him a big hug.

"Talk to you tomorrow." She said, giving him a meaningful look.

"You got it." He kissed her forehead and left with a wave.

Buffy looked at her sister. "What's up with him?" She asked.

The teenager shrugged. "Beats me." She said and went back up to her room.

Buffy stood looking up the stairs. Something was going on and she wanted to know what it was. With that thought she also went up to her room.

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In England, Spike slept restlessly. Memories assaulted his dreams, tormenting his psyche. Tears slid down his unconscious face, dripping onto his pillow. His peace had been shattered.