This is Part 6 of You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This, please see Part 1 for the relevant background information. To refresh your memory, Elizabeth suffered a miscarriage in the beginning of January, about six weeks after Carol's return to County. Since Carol returned, she has been dealing with Tag's claims of adultery in response to her filing for divorce on grounds of physical and mental cruelty.

Part 6 starts on Thursday February 13, 2003, about six weeks after Part 5 ended.

This is the PG version of the original NC-17 piece. There are still some allusions to sex, but nothing overt. It is also predominantly Doug and Carol.

As always, thanks go to Jo for being a loyal beta reader, and my LJ ER Fic Filter for all your suggestions. Also, thanks to everyone for the information I needed. Characters, etc, not mine, no money. The legal stuff may not be 100 accurate.

Michael is Susan's boyfriend.

Email me with any questions or comments that you may have.

You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This Part 6: Your Smiling Face

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Carol was at work a little before 2 PM. She'd been off for the past two days but it hadn't been a relaxing two days as she had flown to Massachusetts to deal with the divorce proceedings. Due to the weather, her flights had been delayed, and she'd only gotten back to Chicago at 6AM, an hour before she was due at work. Consequently, she was exhausted. It was slow, so she leaned on the desk, with her forehead in her hands, and tried to stay awake.

A moment or two later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. 'You OK?' Doug asked quietly.

'Yeah, just exhausted,' Carol said, turning to face Doug. Noticing he still had on his jacket, she asked, 'You start at 2?'

'Yeah.'

'Let's go to the roof?'

'Sure.'

'I'll be back in a few minutes,' Carol said aloud, knowing all ears had gone to she and Doug. She didn't mind people knowing that she and Doug were seeing one another, but she hated the lack of privacy. 'Sorry I never called you back,' she said as they headed up. 'I didn't get in until 6 this morning because my flight kept getting delayed.'

'Why did you come in?' he asked as they opened the door to the roof.

'I needed to keep my mind busy,' Carol said softly, leaning her head on Doug's chest.

'Rough few days?' Doug asked, putting his arms around Carol.

'Yeah,' Carol admitted.

Doug knew not to push her, so he gently rubbed her back. 'Can you sleep when you get off or do you have errands to run?'

'My body wouldn't cooperate even if I wanted to run errands. I'm definitely going to sleep. If I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll be in. If not, I'm sleeping.'

'We don't have to do dinner tomorrow. At the very least, you don't have to cook. I can try to get a reservation somewhere.'

'No,' Carol said quickly, thinking about plans she had for after dinner. 'I wasn't making anything fancy, and I want to cook for you. You've done so much for me.'

'OK,' Doug said, kissing Carol's forehead. He thought about how much had changed in the time that Carol had been back. She had been understandably skittish when she'd gotten back, but gradually had grown more comfortable around him. They'd never formally discussed dating, but it just seemed to happen naturally. Doug was content to proceed at whatever speed was comfortable for Carol, as was evident by a conversation they'd had sometime after the New Year.

'We need to talk,' Carol had said.

'Why is it that those words never sound good?' Doug had asked from across his dinner table.

'It's not bad, I can promise you that. It's just important.'

'OK,' Doug had added, putting down his fork and giving Carol his full attention. 'What's up?'

'It's just something I want to be upfront with you about. Before this/us...before we go any further.' At that, she'd looked up to gauge Doug's reaction. He was looking at her, with encouragement in his eyes.

He reached for her hand and took it in his. 'I'm listening,' he said.

'I just, I wanted to let you know, to warn you in case you want out.'

'There's nothing you could tell me that would make me want to leave you,' Doug interrupted.

'I just want to tell you that I'm not sure how comfortable I'm going to be with sex. It's not you, I want you to know that one hundred times over it's just, I'm scared, very scared,' Carol said. After taking a few seconds she said, 'I'm not sure I could do it.'

'That's OK,' Doug said. 'I know why you think you'd have to worry, but I promise you, you don't. I care too much about you. If you feel comfortable, great. If not, I still care for you so much that it will be OK.'

Looking into his eyes, Carol realised he was telling the truth.

That conversation had served as a turning point in their relationship. Carol knew that Doug had changed and was no longer the womaniser he had been, but this proved it and showed the change as it applied to them. It had taken Carol some time to get used to the care and attention from everyone, but especially Doug. She'd trained herself to not care what anyone thought or said, and it took time to grow accustomed to the love and support she received once back in Chicago.

'I suppose we should go back down,' Carol said after a few moments.

'If you need to talk tonight, just call me.'

'I will,' Carol promised. 'In case I don't make it in tomorrow, do you want to plan on 6 for dinner?'

'Sure, what's the dress code?' Doug asked with a grin

'Whatever,' Carol said, 'Something comfortable. Like I said, it's not going to be anything fancy.'

'OK, want me to bring anything besides wine?'

'No, thanks' Carol said.

Carol woke later that evening, and it took some time for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She looked at her clock and saw it was 7:30. After getting up to go to the bathroom, she heard the TV in the Living Room and headed there to say hello. 'Hey,' she said to Susan who was curled up on the couch with a book.

'Hi. The TV didn't wake you, did it?'

'No, my bladder did,' Carol said, sitting at the other end of the couch. 'I came home and passed out, didn't hear a thing.'

'I was trying to keep quiet. I called the airlines, but by that time you'd landed and all they said was that the flight had arrived. What time did you finally land?'

'6 AM.'

'Were you delayed on the plane or in the terminal?'

'Both. They boarded us around two, but then it took another hour or so for us to take off. It was even more annoying because I'd just missed an earlier flight and if I'd been able to get on that I would have been home by about 10.'

'It seems like that always happens,' Susan agreed. 'I was surprised when I saw that you'd come in today. You should have called in.'

'I thought about it,' Carol admitted. 'But I wanted my lawyer to be able to reach me, and I knew he wouldn't here because I'd just go to sleep and not hear the phone.'
'Did he get in touch with you?'

'Yeah, around noon.'

'Is there anything new?' Susan asked. 'You said when you called last night that it had been an interesting day.'

'Yeah, it was,' Carol said, not really wanting to discuss it further. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I'm just far too tired to get into it tonight.'

'That's OK,' Susan said, extending a hand to Carol. 'I didn't mean to pressure you, I just remembered you having mentioned something.'

'I'll tell you the whole story, just not tonight,' Carol said. 'I think I'm going to get a glass of juice and then go back to bed.'

'That sounds like a good idea. You need to rest. If you want your lawyer to be able to reach you tomorrow but not go in, you can take the cordless into your room.'

'That's a good idea. I said today that if I woke up I'd go in, but if I was exhausted I would just sleep in.'

'That sounds like a good plan. Are you still having dinner for Doug?'

'Yeah,' Carol said. 'He offered to make a reservation but I want to do this for him. I really didn't get him much of a Valentine's present so dinner will be his present.'

'He will really like that.'

'I hope so. Speaking of Valentine's, what did you decide to do about Michael?'

'We're still together. I decided it would be cruel to break up the week before Valentines.'

'Plus this way you get a gift,' Carol said with a laugh.

'Maybe. He's so oblivious sometimes I wouldn't be surprised if he said he didn't realise it was tomorrow.'

'Reason alone to dump him.'

'Reason number 300, but it was fun,' Susan admitted. 'There's just something about flings at any age.'

'I agree,' Carol said, yawning. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'The nap just didn't cut it, it's time to go back to bed.'

'Go ahead,' Susan said, giving her a hug as she stood. 'Take the phone. I'll be as quiet as I can.'

'Thanks,' Carol said.

Around 6 PM the next day, Carol was almost finished setting the table when she heard the doorbell ring. After taking one last look around the kitchen, she went to let Doug in. When she opened the door, she breathed in sharply at the site of Doug in new black jeans and a button-down white shirt.

'Happy Valentine's Day,' Doug said, handing her the flowers as he leaned over to kiss her.

'Thanks, they're beautiful,' Carol said, as their kiss broke off.

'Did you get to sleep?' Doug asked, following Carol to the kitchen.

'Yes. I went to bed as soon as I got home yesterday and slept until 7:30 PM. I got up for about a half hour and chatted with Susan and then went back to sleep. I didn't get up until a little after noon today.'

'I'm glad. Did the rest help?'

'Yeah,' Carol said. 'I just really needed to sleep.'

'I don't blame you,' Doug said, placing the wine on the table. 'What do you need help with?'

'Nothing really, the pasta will be ready in just a few minutes. I would have had it ready on time but I was a little lazy,' Carol admitted.

'I suppose that's allowed,' Doug teased, slipping his arm around Carol's slim waist as she stirred the pasta. She was wearing only the slightest trace of make up and was dressed simply; in a pair of khakis and a blue sweater. Nevertheless, she still made Doug's heart skip a beat.

Doug couldn't help but think of how lucky he'd been. When Carol left Chicago he was still young and reckless. He'd grown up a lot in her absence, but never thought he'd get to have a second chance with her. He'd blown it and he knew it. They'd lost touch after sometime and that saddened Doug more than anything. They were close friends before they were lovers, and when he realised he was losing his friend, that hurt even more than when she'd married Tag and moved away from Chicago.

He could not believe it when he saw her again, that night at Susan's. He was thrilled to see her again, but his excitement had been tempered because he knew she hadn't returned under the best of circumstances. She was hurting, and that hurt him. Luckily, with her need for a support network, she'd trusted him, and they'd grown close again. Even though Carol had only been back for three months, they were closer than they had ever been before. This closeness came about, in part, due to their ages and experience. They weren't young and foolish anymore, and Doug would do anything to protect Carol.

They had never discussed dating, it just happened naturally, but Doug was cautious not to push Carol to do anything she wasn't ready for. She had enough pressure on her with the divorce; she didn't need anymore. That was why he chose what he did for her Valentine's Day Present.

As Doug stood there with his arm around her, Carol was pleased with how comfortable she felt, being this close, physically, to him. After the rape, she had not been able to be intimate with Tag; she found that she was afraid of him. Not just because of the physical abuse, that hadn't started until later, but because she knew of his connection to the rape. He'd emotionally abused her for years. He knew all about the rape, and wouldn't, refused to allow her to press charges because it would ruin his buddy's career.

Carol came back to Chicago physically and emotionally drained. She was in worse shape than she had been ever before, even worse than just before her suicide attempt. Everyone had been very supportive of her, helping in any way that they could. She knew she'd made the right decision coming back, and it felt good, it had a healing effect. She had initially been nervous around Doug, not because of their history, but because of her recent experiences.

Doug had been incredibly supportive of and patient with her. He never pushed her, yet he'd been there for her since her second day back in Chicago. They'd had some great nights out, but the moments that meant the most were her low points, where she'd started thinking about the past eight years. He let her cry when she needed to, and dried her eyes when she was ready. It was more than she could ever have asked for, and that's why she wanted this Valentine's Day to be special.

After giving the pasta a final stir, Carol asked, 'Do you want to taste it?'

'Sure,' Doug said, sticking out his tongue. 'Ow, hot!' Doug said. After a few seconds, he added, 'I think I burnt my tongue, but it's good.'

'Next time, let it cool first,' Carol said as she drained the pasta. As she prepared their plates she asked, 'Do you want to open the wine as I finish?'

'Sure,' Doug said, taking out the corkscrew as Carol scooped a bed of pasta onto each plate and placed several pieces of chicken on top of the pasta. 'That looks delicious,' he added.

'Thank you, it's a white wine sauce. I've had the recipe for so long I can't even remember where I got it from.'

'It's not Jen's old recipe, is it?'

'It might be,' Carol acknowledged as she sat down. Raising her wine glass to meet Doug's she said, 'Happy Valentine's Day.'

'Happy Valentine's Day,' Doug added as their glasses clinked. After a few minutes of silence as they started to eat, Doug said, 'This is really delicious.'

'Thanks,' Carol said, 'I was hoping you'd like it.'

'I do,' Doug said. 'Thank you for making dinner tonight.'

'You're welcome. I appreciated your offer to switch to a restaurant but I needed a quiet night in after this week.'

'I don't blame you,' Doug said, reaching for her hand across the table. 'You had a rough week.'

'You could tell?' Carol asked with a slight smile

'You looked pretty wrecked yesterday at work.'

'That was exhaustion more than anything else,' Carol admitted. 'I was so glad that you came in a few minutes early. I needed that.'

'I thought you might,' Doug said. 'Once I got your message Wednesday morning I called you and then when you hadn't gotten back to me I figured you had been delayed, so I came in.'

'I'm sorry about that message, I just, I needed to talk to someone.'

'Never apologise, you know that I'm here for you. May I ask what happened?'

'He flew off the handle in Court, started screaming at me, at his lawyer, at the judge.'

'Do you know why?'

'It's his anger. He can't control it when he's been drinking.'

'He was drinking before court?!' Doug asked incredulously.

'I guess so. They said later his BAC was .12. If there was one good thing about it, it was that they no longer had to rely on my testimony to prove the claims of abuse.'

'A little less nerve-wracking?'

'Yeah,' Carol admitted. The Judge was really nice. She called me into her chambers after his outburst to make sure I was OK. She also had the paperwork on the restraining order and wanted to know the story behind that.' After pausing for a few seconds Carol added, 'I pressed charges against him.'

'I'm proud of you,' Doug said, squeezing Carol's hand.

'Thanks,' Carol said, returning the squeeze. 'I wasn't sure about it, and it wasn't anything I planned, but I knew it was what I had to do. He is still so angry. I spoke with some former neighbours while I was back and they said his anger hasn't diminished it all. After hearing that, I knew it wasn't a flare-up of his anger just because I was around. I couldn't let him get away with it and risk that he'd hurt someone else.'

Doug nodded his head in agreement, 'Will you have to go back to testify?'

'I don't know. They were talking about going for a plea when I left and I haven't heard anything since. I hope not, I just want to be done with all of it. I spent a good portion of the time explaining that to the judge and to my lawyer for the 10th time. Neither understands why I'm not going after alimony. I just want to be done with the whole situation, I want no contact and if I have to forgo alimony in order to get that, I will.'

'I can understand that,' Doug said.

'What really bothered me was his lawyer's attitude once we were discussing the plea He kept inferring that I should have seen it coming.'

'How so?'

'He said I knew what I was in for with an alcoholic. That I should have expected the abuse.'

'That's ludicrous!'

'That's how I felt. I mean, never mind.'

'It's OK, share what's on your mind. You can't hold it in.'

'It's just that I don't mean to bring up the past, but I knew you very well when you were struggling with alcohol, but you would never lay a hand on me or anyone else.'

Doug nodded, 'I fucked up, in more ways than I can count, but I'd never hit a woman. No one should.'

'And it was sickening to hear someone excuse it.' After a few moments pause, Carol continued, 'Let's talk about something different.'

'How did it feel to be back in Massachusetts?'

'I had mixed feelings. I mean I liked it, it's a beautiful state, but it's not home. It was nice to see some friends, but I wanted to leave. I fled and now associate it with the abuse. But I think that had more to do with going back to where we lived rather than the whole state. The beaches of Massachusetts will probably always be one of my places to go for a summer vacation.'

'I've never been,' Doug said. 'Maybe if you feel up to it we could go this summer?'

'I'd like that,' Carol said.

It was about an hour later and Doug and Carol had finished washing the dishes. Doug stood behind Carol and started to massage her shoulders. 'You're very tense,' he said, concerned.

'I think it's just that everything from this week has settled in my shoulders. That, and 'sleeping' in the airport on Wednesday night.'

'Yeah, that could do it,' Doug said, kissing Carol's cheek from over her shoulder. This prompted her to turn and give him a sensuous kiss in return.

'Come on,' she said, after the kiss broke off. 'I want to give you your present.'

'Sounds good to me,' Doug said, putting his arm around Carol's waist as they walked to the Living Room. As they sat down, Doug said, 'Me first, I can't wait any longer,'

'OK,' Carol agreed, taking the envelope he offered. The card was pretty, with flowers on the front and on the inside Doug had written:

Dear Carol,
When I first saw you that night at Susan's, I wasn't sure how I felt. I was thrilled to see you again, but at the same time I knew you'd come back under less than ideal circumstances. I'm glad we've grown close again since then and that you've allowed me to be there to help you through everything. I've always loved and cared for you and I know that I always will.

Love,
Doug

Carol was blinking back tears as she read it. 'Thank you,' she said softly. She wasn't surprised that Doug felt that way, but hadn't expected him to come right out and say it.

'You're welcome. I meant every word,' Doug said, handing Carol a small box. He watched her closely as she opened it to reveal a single key. As she looked up at him, with a questioning expression on her face, he continued. 'I'm not trying to push you to anything you're not ready for, I just wanted you to know that you are welcome at my place, anytime. This seemed to be a good way to tell you.'

'Thank you,' Carol said, giving Doug a kiss. 'It's not a good way, it's a great way.' Reaching for a card on the table, she continued, 'And now it's your turn.'

Doug opened the envelope to find a beige card that said on the outside, Why is Valentine's Day only one day... and continued to the inside where it finished when I love you this much everyday. After that, Carol had written:

Dear Doug,

I know I've said Thank You before, but I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate all that you've done for me since I got back to Chicago. This is why I want to do something special for you for Valentine's Day. While this hasn't been an easy few months for me, you have made sure to be there for me all along and I know you always will be. I love you.

Love,
Carol

Turning to face Doug, Carol said, 'I don't have a present that you can unwrap, but I wanted to tell you that I'm ready. I know it's taken a long time, probably longer than it should have for me to be comfortable, but I think I'm finally ready.'

Doug was surprised, he didn't think it had been very long, certainly not longer than it should have, but very touched. 'Are you sure?' he asked.

'I think so,' Carol said. 'I, I can't promise anything, but I want to try.' After a few seconds pause she added, 'If you don't want to, that's OK.'

'No, no,' Doug reassured her. 'I do want to, I just don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for.'

'We'll just take it slow, ok?'

'Of course. And if at any time, you're not comfortable, just tell me and we'll stop.' Doug thought for a moment, and then added, 'I'm not sure I have any ...'

'Don't worry, I got some,' Carol said, standing and taking him by the hand as they walked toward her bedroom.

Afterwords, they lay together on the bed. Doug ran one hand through Carol's thick curls while keeping the other on her lower back. He tilted his head slightly and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and he murmured, 'You OK?'

Carol nodded slightly, opening her eyes. She then shifted so that she was lying on her side next to Doug, facing him, with her head still on his chest and his right arm still around her. Absentmindedly, she traced a pattern on his chest with her finger, not wanting to leave the safety of his arms. After a little bit, Doug took her hand in his, and kissed it.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Doug noticed something out of the corner of his eye. 'What's the matter?' he asked, concerned.

'Nothing,' Carol said, trying to free her hand to wipe her eyes.

Not wanting her to feel as if he was trapping her, he let her free her hand. At the same time, however, he gently kissed her forehead. 'Was it something I did?'

"No,no,' Carol said quickly. 'I'm not upset,' Carol said. 'It's...' Carol trailed off for a bit before continuing. 'You up to a story?'

'Of course,' Doug said, shifting slightly.

Wanting to be able to look Doug in the eye as she told him the story, Carol moved her head to the pillow. Doug rolled onto his side so they were lying face to face. He could tell that Carol was a little nervous and said, 'You don't have to tell me if you don't feel up to it.'

'I want to,' Carol said. 'It was a little less than a year ago, when things had started to get really bad with Tag. I knew I needed to leave, but I had no idea how I could do it. I had some co-workers who I considered friends, but they weren't friends like you guys. Plus, I'd grown suspicious of everyone, I was always worried that someone would turn around and go to Tag.'

'That's understandable.'

'So I started to do some brainstorming, tried to work out how I could possibly get away because I didn't think I could do it on my own. The conclusion I eventually came to was that I'd blown my chances when I lost touch with all of you. I knew I couldn't just call out of nowhere and say, I screwed up, I need help. So I abandoned that solution and tried to see if anything else would work. But then about a week later, it got bad. Really bad.' Noticing the questioning look on Doug's face Carol said. 'Another time, please. I just don't want to talk about that right now.'

'That's fine,' Doug said.

'I knew I needed to leave, and I was desperate. I knew that if I called you, told you I was in trouble, that you'd be there. Don't ask me why I knew, I just did.'

'I'm glad you knew that, because you're absolutely right. But why didn't you call me?'

'I did.' Doug looked very confused, so Carol continued quickly. 'I got your number from information and called, but I got your machine. I didn't have the nerve to leave a message. I tried a few other times, so if you remember a period of time with 5 hang ups in three days, that was when I tried to call. So I'd given up...But then tonight, I was thinking, I had given up but now, less than a year later I'm back in Chicago, we're together. I'm not sure why I started to cry, but they were happy tears. It's been a rough few years, but the way things have worked out in the last few months...You have been a big part of that, and I want to thank you so much.'

'You don't have to thank me,' Doug said.

'I do. You've been so supportive. There when I needed you, and you understood from the beginning that it wasn't you that I was afraid of. You've been there for me 150, even when you didn't have to,' Carol added, leaning over to kiss Doug. 'I wasn't sure I was going to be able to trust anyone again, but look what we've done. I went from not being able to be hugged to tonight.' After a few seconds pause, she whispered, 'Thank you for being willing to wait.'

'I told you I'd wait. I waited almost 8 years for you, another few months was OK. I wanted you to be ready. I'm just glad I've helped you, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, whenever you need someone.'

'I know,' Carol said, really believing it. 'I know you will.'

-16 April 2003

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