Tripping Down the Aisle
Chapter Five: Arrows
*****
Sunday, 9 October Six months, fifteen days
James Potter did not consider himself a jealous person.
Really. He could handle people looking at Lily on the street (until, you know, their eyes dropped down to her arse, as they invariably did, at which time he usually started hexing people). If Sirius got a better broom than James currently owned, he congratulated his friend on his spectacular acquisition (so long as it wasn't a much better broom....he was wont to buy a new one anyway, just in case). He was happy for people who knew more about his Quidditch team, the Appleby Arrows, than he did (but he always checked--double checked--their answers to his trivia questions against The Arrows Handbook. He wouldn't want them to be misinformed, after all).
But he drew the line--absolutely drew the line-- at Gideon Prewett mooning after his girlfriend.
It wasn't that he thought that Lily would go after Pretty-Boy Prewett if-- when, he should say--he were to come on to her. It was the mere principle of the thing. You just don't go after someone else's girlfriend. Especially if she's wearing a ring. An engagement ring, of course. Not just any ring; that would be stupid. Well, you still shouldn't go after someone else's girlfriend, regardless of what jewelry she's wearing, because she's, well, someone else's girlfriend.
James tuned back into Dumbledore in time to hear him say, "...of course, if we were to go that route, my dear Minerva, you must understand that it would have severe repercussions," and then tuned him out again, as Gideon Prewett had his hand on Lily's shoulder.
What was his hand doing on Lily's shoulder?
Gideon Prewett's pale, freckly hand had no business on Lily's shoulder. Gideon Prewett's hand should never be in a ten mile radius of Lily's shoulder, as a general rule. Scratch that, no part of Gideon Prewett should be in a ten mile radius of any part of Lily ever.
James narrowed his eyes at Prewett as Lily turned quizzically to him.
"There was a fly on your shoulder," Prewett explained in a whisper, smiling apologetically and placing his hand back on his lap.
"Oh," Lily whispered back, returning his smile. "Thanks." And she turned her attention back to Dumbledore.
James really did not see the point of having assigned seats at these meetings. But Dumbledore had, indeed, assigned them, so as not to have any "distractions" for his Order members. As such, he had placed Lily across from James and four seats over. How was he supposed to monitor Pretty-Boy's behavior if James was all the way over here and Prewett was all the way over there?
Dumbledore would understand, surely, the necessity of a seat change. It was definite that he would move Prewett. The idea of moving him somewhere like Iceland had it's merits.
"Hey."
James jumped, not expecting the sound of Sirius's voice in his ear.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, an amused smile spreading over his face. "Expecting an assassination attempt?"
"What?" James asked. "No. No--I was....thinking."
"Huh," Sirius said, taking the empty seat next to his best friend. James wondered briefly where Caradoc Dearborn had gone, as he was the one who usually occupied that seat. And he was about 95% sure he had been there five seconds ago. "So...wanna go out for drinks or...something?"
'Or something' in Sirius's language usually meant, "Wanna go get so drunk we can't even remember our own names, but we can remember to tell every single girl that walks by what color underwear we think she's wearing?"
"Okay," James replied. "Just...let me go tell Lily."
For he had just spotted her leaning up against the doorframe, holding one of the wedding folders and chatting with Pretty-Boy again. He sighed. The things he did for her...buying her new lingerie every anniversary...attempting to brush his hair when they went to visit her parents...and now to add to the list: protecting her from would-be homewreckers. Really, if you thought about it, he was almost a martyr.
"So," James said, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders in a would-be casual way once he reached them, "what are we talking about?"
"Oh, Gideon was just telling me about the Quidditch game he's going to in a few months," Lily responded brightly. "The Arrows are playing the Wasps. I was just about to tell Gideon how much you love the Arrows, James," she added. "He's got the posters up all over the bedroom. Personally, it creeps me out; I always think they're watching me while I sleep..."
James could just imagine Gideon telling Lily that, if she ran away with him, he'd never hang a Quidditch poster up in his room ever again.
Gideon smiled warmly at James, clearly missing the murderous glint in his eyes. "Ah, a fellow Arrows fan!" he said delightedly. "How long have you been a supporter?"
"Since I was five," James replied, feigning boredom and disinterest.
Gideon's smile did not waver. "Ever seen an Arrows-Wasps game?"
"No," James said flatly. He wasn't lying; he and Sirius had been trying to get tickets to one of those games yearly since the age of eleven, but still had not managed it. It was really one of James's lifelong ambitions, seeing an Arrows-Wasps game.
"Yes, the tickets are rather hard to get, aren't they?" Gideon said conversationally. "My brother works in the Department of Magical Games and Sports and I was on a waiting list for a month and half." His smile widened. "Fabian's a Wasps fan, I'm afraid."
"How unfortunate," James responded, in tones of cool, false sympathy.
Lily shot him a questioningly warning look. James had decided years ago that it was the color of her eyes, the depth of the green, that made her so effective at giving looks that conveyed more than one thing at a time.
Still not dissuaded by James's tone or expression, Gideon continued, "Well, Potter, I have an extra ticket for the match in a few months, if you'd like to go..."
The words echoed in James's head, and he was too surprised to even reply. Was Pretty-Boy one of those horribly annoying people who could not accept the fact that there would inevitably be people who did not like him or was he just impossibly daft?
Lily, catching sight of James's shocked expression, swept in quickly, "Well--well, we'll have to see about that," she said. "See, I--I may have planned a dinner to discuss wedding plans with my family on that night, so I'll have to see if I can cancel that."
Lily, while not quite as good as James at knowing when to lie and when to tell the truth, had a talent for lying that James often lacked: she could think fast, giving you a believable alibi without going on about it too much, as he and Sirius tended to do. Remus was always better at that than they were, and Lily could give him a run for his money.
Gideon grinned. "Ah, well, I certainly wouldn't want a little thing like Quidditch to disrupt a night with the in-laws, eh, Potter?" He winked, then looked towards his brother, who was waving him over. "Well, I'd better go, it's getting late, and Fabian's an impatient little thing. I'll see you later, Lily. Potter." He nodded to both of them in turn, and then walked off.
As soon as Gideon had left, Lily rounded on James, eyebrows raised. "What was that about?"
"I don't know," James said, sighing. "I mean, I didn't ask Prewett to give me a ticket, I--"
"Jimmy, that's not what I'm talking about, and you know it. Why are you being so horrible to him?"
James feigned shock. "Lily, I am appalled that you think I was being horrible to anyone!"
"No, you're not! What is your problem with Gideon?"
"I don't have a problem with him."
Lily laughed. "Except, you know, that you can't stand him."
James nodded thoughtfully. "That is true."
Lily surveyed him for moment, sighed, and rubbed her temples. "James, you know I love you."
Thinking that Lily was craving a snog as much as he was, James smiled patiently and said, "I love you, too."
Lily allowed a small smile, knowing exactly what he was thinking, as she continued, "But you're being an insufferable prick. Why don't you like Gideon? He's a perfectly nice person, and--"
Sirius came over and tapped James on the shoulder. "So, are we going?"
Lily stopped talking. "Where are you going?" she asked, applying a forcedly polite tone to her voice.
"Drinks," James grunted in reply.
Lily raised her eyebrows, but, much to his surprise, did not tell him he couldn't go, saying instead, "When will you be home? Actually, to rephrase, will you be home?"
"What are you implying?"
"That you can't manage to get home on your own, Prongs," Sirius helped.
"You're no better, Sirius," Lily told him.
James put his hand over his heart. "I am shocked," he said. "I am a very good drunk Apparater."
"A drunk Apparater is a bad Apparater," Sirius chirped cheekily.
"James, do you remember the time that you Apparated right on top of the Great Wall?" Lily added.
He grinned. "No, but from what you've told me, it was pretty funny."
Lily fought off a smile. "Try to be home soon," she said. "And don't drink too much, because I still want to talk to you about--" She cut herself off, noting Sirius's attention to her words. "I still want to talk to you," she substituted.
James made a face. "I look forward to it, truly."
She allowed herself to smile. "Now go," she said, "before I decide to have it out with you right here."
James smirked. "Lily, you can have it out with me anytime, anywhere."
"Go!"
***
"He's always hanging all over her," James lamented to Sirius over his firewhiskey. "'Lily, you look simply stunning in that blouse', 'Lily, your skin is radiant; do you moisturize?', 'Lily, I'd absolutely love it if you'd let me take naked pictures of you'." James sucked in a breath sourly and downed the last of his drink.
"Hmm," Sirius said thoughtfully, chewing a stirring stick. "Now, by naked pictures, d'you mean pictures of Lily naked or him taking the pictures naked?"
"Probably a sick combination of both," James responded disgustedly. He balanced his shotglass on its side and spun it like a top. When it tipped over, he did it again. And again.
Watching the shotglass and still chewing on the stirring stick, Sirius asked, "So...are you going to talk to her about it? Or are we just going to off him and be done with it?"
"Dunno," James replied, concentrating on his glass. "Offing him does sound rather appealing, but..."
"But?"
"But Lily might frown upon that. And I like Lily happy much more than I like Lily sleeping in a different room."
Sirius nodded solemnly and absently switched his stirring stick for a toothpick. "Because, you know, if you do kill him, she might do something bad to get you back."
"Such as....?"
"Such as disembowling you."
"Nah, she's more creative than that."
Sirius made a noise of agreement and thought for a moment. "She might now show up for the wedding. Just leave you standing at the altar...alone. She'd probably pop over to wherever it is you're going for your honeymoon. Without you. With me, maybe."
"You'd run away with my girlfriend?"
"Well, Prongs, I'm not going to turn down any girl who says they want to go to Aruba with me. Especially if she's as hot as Lily. Especially if I don't have to pay anything."
James sulked. "You know, Padfoot, this is why there are so many divorces nowadays. Because of people like you. And Prewett."
Sirius sighed, but he was smiling. "Cheers to that."
***
When James got home a little more than an hour later, Lily was sitting in the living room, wearing her pajamas (actually, she was wearing his pajamas- -but then, Lily hadn't worn her own clothes to bed for two and a half years), eating a sandwich, and reading the Evening Prophet. She folded up the paper without even looking up at him when he Apparated right in front of her.
"How drunk are you?" she asked, setting the neatly folded paper on the floor by the sofa.
"Not very," he responded, sitting next to her.
"Hmm. When's my birthday?"
"June seventh."
Lily smiled, telling him that this was, indeed, the correct answer. "Okay, when's your birthday?"
"January twenty-first."
She pulled on a lock of his hair. "Welcome home, love. Did you eat anything?"
"No." He took the half-eaten sandwich from her and polished it off in three bites. "Yes."
"You are very lucky I was done with that," Lily told him, the smile still playing at her mouth.
She was making him a little nervous. Wasn't she angry at him for disliking her future lover? Why was she being so...cheerful?
They sat in silence for a few minutes, James fidgeting uncomfortably, Lily smiling serenely, as if she knew something he didn't.
Finally, James squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself. "I can't stand Prewett because he's a womanizing git."
Since he had his eyes closed, James could not immediately tell Lily's reaction, as she did not say anything for several seconds. And when she did speak, all she said was, "What?"
He ventured a peek at her. Her face was slack, her mouth slightly open, eyes surprised. "A--a womanizing git," James repeated.
"You've got to explain this to me," Lily said flatly, "because, obviously, your definition of 'womanizing git' and mine are worlds away from each other."
"Lily, he is madly in love with you," James proclaimed.
She actually began to laugh. "He is not madly in love with me, James."
"Well, maybe not 'madly'," he admitted. "But I can see it going there."
"Gideon does not think of me that way at all," Lily corrected. "He's just a friend."
"He wants to be more than friends with you, Lily."
She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him warily. "And let's say he did," she said coolly, and James detected a sinking feeling in his stomach as he sensed a lecture and/or guilt trip coming on. "Let's say Gideon did tell me he loved me, did try to kiss me, did start touching me....do you honestly think that I would accept those advances? Or do you think I'm tart enough to go cavorting around with some man I just met?"
"What, you don't believe you met him in a past life or something?" James muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair.
"Jimmy," Lily said, and her tone, while still warning, was softer.
"Well, Lil, it's--it's not that I don't trust you," James said slowly, trying to process exactly what he was feeling and thinking in a way that wouldn't get him banished to Sirius's. "'Cause I do. I trust you...well, I trust you...a lot. But...okay, let's say...let's say I got a secretary, okay?"
"What do you need a secretary for when you've got a Quick Quotes Quill and Sirius?"
"I'm getting to that. Let's say I get a secretary. Now, this secretary is blonde, she's leggy, she's got a great figure--"
"She's Sirius's new girlfriend?"
"Is this what I'm like when you're trying to tell me something?" James wondered aloud.
Lily actually cracked a smile. "Exactly."
"Oh. I'm really annoying, aren't I?"
"You are obnoxious to a fault, yes."
"Hm. That's interesting. Anyway, let's say that you come to my office one day, and this secretary is telling me how gorgeous I am, how the clothes I'm wearing accentuate my eyes, how she can see my chiseled abs through those clothes, how ridiculously hilarious I am--"
"Oh, so you've told her this story, too, then?"
"Shove off. You're the one who says grey makes my eyes look pretty. How would you feel? If that happened, if she could not keep her hands off me. Would you not want to start a really hot catfight that my whole office could watch?"
Lily threw a pillow at him, but seemed to be mulling over what he had said- -minus the obnoxious commentary, of course. James noted this and immediately jumped to his feet, hand dramatically over his heart.
"Is Lily Evans, my perfect girlfriend and future perfect wife admitting that I'm right?"
"I never said that," Lily corrected quickly. "I never said anything. And how can you be right when you didn't even make a point? And if you ever call me your perfect wife again, I'll kick you."
"You need there to be a clear point, then?" James asked innocently, his tone giving way to his best mischievous smile.
Lily eyed him warily, right eyebrow raised. "As long as I don't have to throw you out of the house for it. It's rather cold tonight; I don't fancy having to sleep by myself."
"Oh, you know you love me," he declared, rejoining her on the sofa.
"Not by choice," she replied, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "But we've had that conversation seven thousand times over the past three years; I'm getting a little tired of discussing with you what exactly made me decide to fall for you. Anyway, you said you had a point?"
"Oh, that," James said, remembering it. He never got tired of that conversation, but this 'point' was better even than that.
For the point involved snogging.
He leaned forward and kissed her, placing one hand on her side, the other in her hair, twirling the strands around his fingers. She kissed back for a while, playing with the little baby hairs the nape of his neck before pulling away and asking, "Wait, what does this have to do with...with the point?"
"The point is, I never want anyone doing that to you but me. And vice versa."
Lily smiled a little. "Hmm, I see your point."
"It's a good point, isn't it?"
***
A little less than three hours later, James and Lily were still on the sofa. Still snogging.
As he took a break to clean off his glasses and she to get a glass of water, Lily asked him, "So, are you going to the Quidditch game with Gideon?"
James paused. "Lily, I know I'm a good snogger and everything, but surely I didn't kill off that many brain cells."
Lily rolled her eyes as she downed the last of her water. "Gideon's a great person, you have a lot in common, and I'm sure you'd like him if you just got to know him..."
"No, no I wouldn't," James told her flatly, putting his glasses back on and surveying her. "He's a prick. And I don't like him."
She hesitated, looking at him in a very strange way. A smile was playing at the corner of her lips, and she appeared to be concentrating on something.
"What?" James asked, alarmed. "What, did I miss a spot?" He took off the glasses again and held them up to the light.
"How could I tell if you missed a spot?" Lily said, her smile wider. "No, it's just...you remind me of me."
"Huh?" he said brilliantly.
"Do you remember," she said, in the very patronizing manner of trying to explain something very simple to someone equally so, "three years ago, when you were trying to get me to go out with you?"
"Why, no," James responded dryly. "I only still have nightmares about it, but, you know, the details are fuzzy."
"I was being as stubborn as you are now. I didn't want to admit that I could be wrong, that we actually could be good together. And just think about what would've happened if I hadn't said yes to you."
James scoffed. "If we hadn't snogged in the History of Magic classroom, more like."
Lily tilted her head and smiled. "Sentimentalism just never dies, does it?"
"Ditto for sarcasm, love."
"Mm, touche."
Lily paused a moment. "Just out of curiosity...where do you think we'd be if we weren't together?"
"Oh, well, you'd be disgustingly successful, of course. Sixteen houses all over the world, expensive clothes to match every shade of eyeshadow you own, your own martini bar...but you'd be sad and empty inside without me. Alcoholic, probably."
"Alcoholic, huh?" Lily asked, amused.
"Oh, yeah. Martini bar did you in," replied confidently.
"Okay," Lily said, smiling. "Okay, so I'm a rich, bitter alcoholic. What about you, then?"
James paused, considering this. "Oh, I'd be ridiculously successful, as well. Playing for the Arrows, I'd wager. My face on Witch Weekly every week, my own broom, different girl every night, what say you?"
Lily smirked. "I say you're touched in the head." She crossed the room to sit next to him on the sofa again and rested her head on his shoulder. "But, really," she said softly. "I really want you and Gideon to get along..."
James groaned. "Why?"
"Because, James," Lily responded, a steely note in her voice, "he is one of my very good friends, and you're going to be my husband, and...." She trailed off. "It would just make things...much, much easier." She pulled her head off of his shoulder and made eye contact. "Please?"
James grunted, still not relenting.
Lily sighed, then appeared to reach an epiphany. "Okay," she said brightly, "okay, I'll make you a deal."
"Does this deal involve you clothed entirely in chocolate?"
She wrinkled her nose. "No."
"Then I'm really not interested."
"No, just listen! Okay...go to the Quidditch game with Gideon. Get to know him a little...and, if you still don't like him after the game--honestly-- then I won't pressure you anymore. I will accept that you two just don't get along and make allowances."
James paused, considering this.
"Please?" Lily wheedled. "For me? If nothing else, do it for me."
Well, she had just backed him into a corner. If he said 'no', she would want to know why 'for her' wasn't a good enough incentive for him to endure such torture. But if he said 'yes', he'd actually have to go through the torture.
James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Just...don't expect him to stand up with me at the wedding, okay?"
***
A/N: Well, this wasn't too long of a wait, now, was it? Amazing what you can do when you actually have a computer.
Thanks are in order to the people who reviewed the last chapter, and any chapter of anything I've ever written. You keep this story alive! (Cheesy line number 872 has just been crossed off the list...) I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last one, as it's one of my favorites.
Here's hoping that the next chapter won't take very long!
Chapter Five: Arrows
*****
Sunday, 9 October Six months, fifteen days
James Potter did not consider himself a jealous person.
Really. He could handle people looking at Lily on the street (until, you know, their eyes dropped down to her arse, as they invariably did, at which time he usually started hexing people). If Sirius got a better broom than James currently owned, he congratulated his friend on his spectacular acquisition (so long as it wasn't a much better broom....he was wont to buy a new one anyway, just in case). He was happy for people who knew more about his Quidditch team, the Appleby Arrows, than he did (but he always checked--double checked--their answers to his trivia questions against The Arrows Handbook. He wouldn't want them to be misinformed, after all).
But he drew the line--absolutely drew the line-- at Gideon Prewett mooning after his girlfriend.
It wasn't that he thought that Lily would go after Pretty-Boy Prewett if-- when, he should say--he were to come on to her. It was the mere principle of the thing. You just don't go after someone else's girlfriend. Especially if she's wearing a ring. An engagement ring, of course. Not just any ring; that would be stupid. Well, you still shouldn't go after someone else's girlfriend, regardless of what jewelry she's wearing, because she's, well, someone else's girlfriend.
James tuned back into Dumbledore in time to hear him say, "...of course, if we were to go that route, my dear Minerva, you must understand that it would have severe repercussions," and then tuned him out again, as Gideon Prewett had his hand on Lily's shoulder.
What was his hand doing on Lily's shoulder?
Gideon Prewett's pale, freckly hand had no business on Lily's shoulder. Gideon Prewett's hand should never be in a ten mile radius of Lily's shoulder, as a general rule. Scratch that, no part of Gideon Prewett should be in a ten mile radius of any part of Lily ever.
James narrowed his eyes at Prewett as Lily turned quizzically to him.
"There was a fly on your shoulder," Prewett explained in a whisper, smiling apologetically and placing his hand back on his lap.
"Oh," Lily whispered back, returning his smile. "Thanks." And she turned her attention back to Dumbledore.
James really did not see the point of having assigned seats at these meetings. But Dumbledore had, indeed, assigned them, so as not to have any "distractions" for his Order members. As such, he had placed Lily across from James and four seats over. How was he supposed to monitor Pretty-Boy's behavior if James was all the way over here and Prewett was all the way over there?
Dumbledore would understand, surely, the necessity of a seat change. It was definite that he would move Prewett. The idea of moving him somewhere like Iceland had it's merits.
"Hey."
James jumped, not expecting the sound of Sirius's voice in his ear.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, an amused smile spreading over his face. "Expecting an assassination attempt?"
"What?" James asked. "No. No--I was....thinking."
"Huh," Sirius said, taking the empty seat next to his best friend. James wondered briefly where Caradoc Dearborn had gone, as he was the one who usually occupied that seat. And he was about 95% sure he had been there five seconds ago. "So...wanna go out for drinks or...something?"
'Or something' in Sirius's language usually meant, "Wanna go get so drunk we can't even remember our own names, but we can remember to tell every single girl that walks by what color underwear we think she's wearing?"
"Okay," James replied. "Just...let me go tell Lily."
For he had just spotted her leaning up against the doorframe, holding one of the wedding folders and chatting with Pretty-Boy again. He sighed. The things he did for her...buying her new lingerie every anniversary...attempting to brush his hair when they went to visit her parents...and now to add to the list: protecting her from would-be homewreckers. Really, if you thought about it, he was almost a martyr.
"So," James said, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders in a would-be casual way once he reached them, "what are we talking about?"
"Oh, Gideon was just telling me about the Quidditch game he's going to in a few months," Lily responded brightly. "The Arrows are playing the Wasps. I was just about to tell Gideon how much you love the Arrows, James," she added. "He's got the posters up all over the bedroom. Personally, it creeps me out; I always think they're watching me while I sleep..."
James could just imagine Gideon telling Lily that, if she ran away with him, he'd never hang a Quidditch poster up in his room ever again.
Gideon smiled warmly at James, clearly missing the murderous glint in his eyes. "Ah, a fellow Arrows fan!" he said delightedly. "How long have you been a supporter?"
"Since I was five," James replied, feigning boredom and disinterest.
Gideon's smile did not waver. "Ever seen an Arrows-Wasps game?"
"No," James said flatly. He wasn't lying; he and Sirius had been trying to get tickets to one of those games yearly since the age of eleven, but still had not managed it. It was really one of James's lifelong ambitions, seeing an Arrows-Wasps game.
"Yes, the tickets are rather hard to get, aren't they?" Gideon said conversationally. "My brother works in the Department of Magical Games and Sports and I was on a waiting list for a month and half." His smile widened. "Fabian's a Wasps fan, I'm afraid."
"How unfortunate," James responded, in tones of cool, false sympathy.
Lily shot him a questioningly warning look. James had decided years ago that it was the color of her eyes, the depth of the green, that made her so effective at giving looks that conveyed more than one thing at a time.
Still not dissuaded by James's tone or expression, Gideon continued, "Well, Potter, I have an extra ticket for the match in a few months, if you'd like to go..."
The words echoed in James's head, and he was too surprised to even reply. Was Pretty-Boy one of those horribly annoying people who could not accept the fact that there would inevitably be people who did not like him or was he just impossibly daft?
Lily, catching sight of James's shocked expression, swept in quickly, "Well--well, we'll have to see about that," she said. "See, I--I may have planned a dinner to discuss wedding plans with my family on that night, so I'll have to see if I can cancel that."
Lily, while not quite as good as James at knowing when to lie and when to tell the truth, had a talent for lying that James often lacked: she could think fast, giving you a believable alibi without going on about it too much, as he and Sirius tended to do. Remus was always better at that than they were, and Lily could give him a run for his money.
Gideon grinned. "Ah, well, I certainly wouldn't want a little thing like Quidditch to disrupt a night with the in-laws, eh, Potter?" He winked, then looked towards his brother, who was waving him over. "Well, I'd better go, it's getting late, and Fabian's an impatient little thing. I'll see you later, Lily. Potter." He nodded to both of them in turn, and then walked off.
As soon as Gideon had left, Lily rounded on James, eyebrows raised. "What was that about?"
"I don't know," James said, sighing. "I mean, I didn't ask Prewett to give me a ticket, I--"
"Jimmy, that's not what I'm talking about, and you know it. Why are you being so horrible to him?"
James feigned shock. "Lily, I am appalled that you think I was being horrible to anyone!"
"No, you're not! What is your problem with Gideon?"
"I don't have a problem with him."
Lily laughed. "Except, you know, that you can't stand him."
James nodded thoughtfully. "That is true."
Lily surveyed him for moment, sighed, and rubbed her temples. "James, you know I love you."
Thinking that Lily was craving a snog as much as he was, James smiled patiently and said, "I love you, too."
Lily allowed a small smile, knowing exactly what he was thinking, as she continued, "But you're being an insufferable prick. Why don't you like Gideon? He's a perfectly nice person, and--"
Sirius came over and tapped James on the shoulder. "So, are we going?"
Lily stopped talking. "Where are you going?" she asked, applying a forcedly polite tone to her voice.
"Drinks," James grunted in reply.
Lily raised her eyebrows, but, much to his surprise, did not tell him he couldn't go, saying instead, "When will you be home? Actually, to rephrase, will you be home?"
"What are you implying?"
"That you can't manage to get home on your own, Prongs," Sirius helped.
"You're no better, Sirius," Lily told him.
James put his hand over his heart. "I am shocked," he said. "I am a very good drunk Apparater."
"A drunk Apparater is a bad Apparater," Sirius chirped cheekily.
"James, do you remember the time that you Apparated right on top of the Great Wall?" Lily added.
He grinned. "No, but from what you've told me, it was pretty funny."
Lily fought off a smile. "Try to be home soon," she said. "And don't drink too much, because I still want to talk to you about--" She cut herself off, noting Sirius's attention to her words. "I still want to talk to you," she substituted.
James made a face. "I look forward to it, truly."
She allowed herself to smile. "Now go," she said, "before I decide to have it out with you right here."
James smirked. "Lily, you can have it out with me anytime, anywhere."
"Go!"
***
"He's always hanging all over her," James lamented to Sirius over his firewhiskey. "'Lily, you look simply stunning in that blouse', 'Lily, your skin is radiant; do you moisturize?', 'Lily, I'd absolutely love it if you'd let me take naked pictures of you'." James sucked in a breath sourly and downed the last of his drink.
"Hmm," Sirius said thoughtfully, chewing a stirring stick. "Now, by naked pictures, d'you mean pictures of Lily naked or him taking the pictures naked?"
"Probably a sick combination of both," James responded disgustedly. He balanced his shotglass on its side and spun it like a top. When it tipped over, he did it again. And again.
Watching the shotglass and still chewing on the stirring stick, Sirius asked, "So...are you going to talk to her about it? Or are we just going to off him and be done with it?"
"Dunno," James replied, concentrating on his glass. "Offing him does sound rather appealing, but..."
"But?"
"But Lily might frown upon that. And I like Lily happy much more than I like Lily sleeping in a different room."
Sirius nodded solemnly and absently switched his stirring stick for a toothpick. "Because, you know, if you do kill him, she might do something bad to get you back."
"Such as....?"
"Such as disembowling you."
"Nah, she's more creative than that."
Sirius made a noise of agreement and thought for a moment. "She might now show up for the wedding. Just leave you standing at the altar...alone. She'd probably pop over to wherever it is you're going for your honeymoon. Without you. With me, maybe."
"You'd run away with my girlfriend?"
"Well, Prongs, I'm not going to turn down any girl who says they want to go to Aruba with me. Especially if she's as hot as Lily. Especially if I don't have to pay anything."
James sulked. "You know, Padfoot, this is why there are so many divorces nowadays. Because of people like you. And Prewett."
Sirius sighed, but he was smiling. "Cheers to that."
***
When James got home a little more than an hour later, Lily was sitting in the living room, wearing her pajamas (actually, she was wearing his pajamas- -but then, Lily hadn't worn her own clothes to bed for two and a half years), eating a sandwich, and reading the Evening Prophet. She folded up the paper without even looking up at him when he Apparated right in front of her.
"How drunk are you?" she asked, setting the neatly folded paper on the floor by the sofa.
"Not very," he responded, sitting next to her.
"Hmm. When's my birthday?"
"June seventh."
Lily smiled, telling him that this was, indeed, the correct answer. "Okay, when's your birthday?"
"January twenty-first."
She pulled on a lock of his hair. "Welcome home, love. Did you eat anything?"
"No." He took the half-eaten sandwich from her and polished it off in three bites. "Yes."
"You are very lucky I was done with that," Lily told him, the smile still playing at her mouth.
She was making him a little nervous. Wasn't she angry at him for disliking her future lover? Why was she being so...cheerful?
They sat in silence for a few minutes, James fidgeting uncomfortably, Lily smiling serenely, as if she knew something he didn't.
Finally, James squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself. "I can't stand Prewett because he's a womanizing git."
Since he had his eyes closed, James could not immediately tell Lily's reaction, as she did not say anything for several seconds. And when she did speak, all she said was, "What?"
He ventured a peek at her. Her face was slack, her mouth slightly open, eyes surprised. "A--a womanizing git," James repeated.
"You've got to explain this to me," Lily said flatly, "because, obviously, your definition of 'womanizing git' and mine are worlds away from each other."
"Lily, he is madly in love with you," James proclaimed.
She actually began to laugh. "He is not madly in love with me, James."
"Well, maybe not 'madly'," he admitted. "But I can see it going there."
"Gideon does not think of me that way at all," Lily corrected. "He's just a friend."
"He wants to be more than friends with you, Lily."
She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him warily. "And let's say he did," she said coolly, and James detected a sinking feeling in his stomach as he sensed a lecture and/or guilt trip coming on. "Let's say Gideon did tell me he loved me, did try to kiss me, did start touching me....do you honestly think that I would accept those advances? Or do you think I'm tart enough to go cavorting around with some man I just met?"
"What, you don't believe you met him in a past life or something?" James muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair.
"Jimmy," Lily said, and her tone, while still warning, was softer.
"Well, Lil, it's--it's not that I don't trust you," James said slowly, trying to process exactly what he was feeling and thinking in a way that wouldn't get him banished to Sirius's. "'Cause I do. I trust you...well, I trust you...a lot. But...okay, let's say...let's say I got a secretary, okay?"
"What do you need a secretary for when you've got a Quick Quotes Quill and Sirius?"
"I'm getting to that. Let's say I get a secretary. Now, this secretary is blonde, she's leggy, she's got a great figure--"
"She's Sirius's new girlfriend?"
"Is this what I'm like when you're trying to tell me something?" James wondered aloud.
Lily actually cracked a smile. "Exactly."
"Oh. I'm really annoying, aren't I?"
"You are obnoxious to a fault, yes."
"Hm. That's interesting. Anyway, let's say that you come to my office one day, and this secretary is telling me how gorgeous I am, how the clothes I'm wearing accentuate my eyes, how she can see my chiseled abs through those clothes, how ridiculously hilarious I am--"
"Oh, so you've told her this story, too, then?"
"Shove off. You're the one who says grey makes my eyes look pretty. How would you feel? If that happened, if she could not keep her hands off me. Would you not want to start a really hot catfight that my whole office could watch?"
Lily threw a pillow at him, but seemed to be mulling over what he had said- -minus the obnoxious commentary, of course. James noted this and immediately jumped to his feet, hand dramatically over his heart.
"Is Lily Evans, my perfect girlfriend and future perfect wife admitting that I'm right?"
"I never said that," Lily corrected quickly. "I never said anything. And how can you be right when you didn't even make a point? And if you ever call me your perfect wife again, I'll kick you."
"You need there to be a clear point, then?" James asked innocently, his tone giving way to his best mischievous smile.
Lily eyed him warily, right eyebrow raised. "As long as I don't have to throw you out of the house for it. It's rather cold tonight; I don't fancy having to sleep by myself."
"Oh, you know you love me," he declared, rejoining her on the sofa.
"Not by choice," she replied, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "But we've had that conversation seven thousand times over the past three years; I'm getting a little tired of discussing with you what exactly made me decide to fall for you. Anyway, you said you had a point?"
"Oh, that," James said, remembering it. He never got tired of that conversation, but this 'point' was better even than that.
For the point involved snogging.
He leaned forward and kissed her, placing one hand on her side, the other in her hair, twirling the strands around his fingers. She kissed back for a while, playing with the little baby hairs the nape of his neck before pulling away and asking, "Wait, what does this have to do with...with the point?"
"The point is, I never want anyone doing that to you but me. And vice versa."
Lily smiled a little. "Hmm, I see your point."
"It's a good point, isn't it?"
***
A little less than three hours later, James and Lily were still on the sofa. Still snogging.
As he took a break to clean off his glasses and she to get a glass of water, Lily asked him, "So, are you going to the Quidditch game with Gideon?"
James paused. "Lily, I know I'm a good snogger and everything, but surely I didn't kill off that many brain cells."
Lily rolled her eyes as she downed the last of her water. "Gideon's a great person, you have a lot in common, and I'm sure you'd like him if you just got to know him..."
"No, no I wouldn't," James told her flatly, putting his glasses back on and surveying her. "He's a prick. And I don't like him."
She hesitated, looking at him in a very strange way. A smile was playing at the corner of her lips, and she appeared to be concentrating on something.
"What?" James asked, alarmed. "What, did I miss a spot?" He took off the glasses again and held them up to the light.
"How could I tell if you missed a spot?" Lily said, her smile wider. "No, it's just...you remind me of me."
"Huh?" he said brilliantly.
"Do you remember," she said, in the very patronizing manner of trying to explain something very simple to someone equally so, "three years ago, when you were trying to get me to go out with you?"
"Why, no," James responded dryly. "I only still have nightmares about it, but, you know, the details are fuzzy."
"I was being as stubborn as you are now. I didn't want to admit that I could be wrong, that we actually could be good together. And just think about what would've happened if I hadn't said yes to you."
James scoffed. "If we hadn't snogged in the History of Magic classroom, more like."
Lily tilted her head and smiled. "Sentimentalism just never dies, does it?"
"Ditto for sarcasm, love."
"Mm, touche."
Lily paused a moment. "Just out of curiosity...where do you think we'd be if we weren't together?"
"Oh, well, you'd be disgustingly successful, of course. Sixteen houses all over the world, expensive clothes to match every shade of eyeshadow you own, your own martini bar...but you'd be sad and empty inside without me. Alcoholic, probably."
"Alcoholic, huh?" Lily asked, amused.
"Oh, yeah. Martini bar did you in," replied confidently.
"Okay," Lily said, smiling. "Okay, so I'm a rich, bitter alcoholic. What about you, then?"
James paused, considering this. "Oh, I'd be ridiculously successful, as well. Playing for the Arrows, I'd wager. My face on Witch Weekly every week, my own broom, different girl every night, what say you?"
Lily smirked. "I say you're touched in the head." She crossed the room to sit next to him on the sofa again and rested her head on his shoulder. "But, really," she said softly. "I really want you and Gideon to get along..."
James groaned. "Why?"
"Because, James," Lily responded, a steely note in her voice, "he is one of my very good friends, and you're going to be my husband, and...." She trailed off. "It would just make things...much, much easier." She pulled her head off of his shoulder and made eye contact. "Please?"
James grunted, still not relenting.
Lily sighed, then appeared to reach an epiphany. "Okay," she said brightly, "okay, I'll make you a deal."
"Does this deal involve you clothed entirely in chocolate?"
She wrinkled her nose. "No."
"Then I'm really not interested."
"No, just listen! Okay...go to the Quidditch game with Gideon. Get to know him a little...and, if you still don't like him after the game--honestly-- then I won't pressure you anymore. I will accept that you two just don't get along and make allowances."
James paused, considering this.
"Please?" Lily wheedled. "For me? If nothing else, do it for me."
Well, she had just backed him into a corner. If he said 'no', she would want to know why 'for her' wasn't a good enough incentive for him to endure such torture. But if he said 'yes', he'd actually have to go through the torture.
James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Just...don't expect him to stand up with me at the wedding, okay?"
***
A/N: Well, this wasn't too long of a wait, now, was it? Amazing what you can do when you actually have a computer.
Thanks are in order to the people who reviewed the last chapter, and any chapter of anything I've ever written. You keep this story alive! (Cheesy line number 872 has just been crossed off the list...) I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last one, as it's one of my favorites.
Here's hoping that the next chapter won't take very long!