Two Steps Back

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I tell you, nothing.

Summary: I ain't telling.

Reviews: YES, YES, YES. Oh, please feed the muse and review. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!

A/N: Still ain't telling. Just read it all right? Thanks.

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Angel and Fred went back to the kitchen to find complete chaos. Gunn was ranting about Fred's absence. Wesley was trying to calm his colleague down, telling him that there wasn't any way she could have left the house without someone seeing her. Cordelia was hovering protectively around Dawn. In the living room, Xander was talking to Buffy and Tara. Angel looked around the kitchen in exasperation.

"ENOUGH!" He yelled. Everyone immediately quieted. "I was just up here a little while ago and everything was fine. What happened?" He demanded.

Wesley cleared his throat. "It seems that Fred went missing. I see now that she was with you and Spike. Is everything okay down there?"

Angel nodded. "As well as can be expected. It's going to take a while."

Fred sidled over to the refrigerator and opened it with the idea of making something for everyone to eat. She studied the contents glumly. The freezer didn't offer up anything either.

Gunn walked up behind her and took her arm, pulling her away from the appliance. She looked up at him curiously.

"What were you doing down there with that vampire?" He said the word 'vampire' as if it were the ultimate insult. Angel was on him in a second, game face in full force. Shoving his friend up against the counter, the master vampire had him in a choke hold.

"That 'vampire'" He gave the word the same emphasis. "is my Childe. He's family. If Fred wants to talk to him, she will. In fact, he didn't say anything at all until she came downstairs. But he's retreated again so if she wants to go down and sit with him all day, we're going to let her. Aren't we?" The last question was growled threateningly.

Fred put a calming hand on Angel's arm. "It's okay. He just didn't know I was down there. I should have told someone I was going. Can we get someone to go to the store? There's not much in the way of groceries." She changed the subject hoping to divert the attention away from herself.

Cordelia walked over and pulled Gunn away from Angel's grasp as the vampire returned to his human visage. She steered Gunn toward the door. "Come on, Wes. Let's go to the store. Dawn, do you want to go with us?"

The teenage shook her head. "I want to see Spike." She stated defiantly. Buffy came in and heard her tone of voice but other than a glare, the slayer didn't comment. It was decided that Cordy, Gunn and Wesley would go to the store. Xander decided to go back to his own apartment for a shower and change of clothes. Tara elected to stay with Buffy and Dawn in case they needed to talk. Fred began cleaning the kitchen. It was either that or start writing on the walls and she didn't figure that Buffy would appreciate her doing that.

Dawn was adamant about seeing Spike so Angel took her downstairs. Spike was still sleeping so Angel left her sitting quietly in the chair for a while. She kept remembering his breakdown. Tears slid silently down her face as she watched him sleep. His dark blue eyes opened as his enhanced vampire senses warned him he wasn't alone. He clasped the pillow a little tighter. He realized who was sitting next to him and he sat up slowly.

"Don't cry, Niblet. He's not worth it." Spike said softly.

Dawn wiped her face with her hand and gave him a watery smile. "Yes, you are, you dope. I love you. I need you to stay with me."

The platinum head shook slowly. "No. No one needs me."

She sobbed. "I need you. I'm sorry Buffy made you stay away from me. I should have fought harder. I thought our link was enough but it wasn't. I missed you so much."

Spike tilted his head. She loved him? He was evil, how could such a pretty little girl love something like him? Didn't she know about the bad things? He clutched his pillow tighter. She made his chest hurt. A sympathetic tear tracked down his face.

"Um... Why?" He studied his blanket as he voiced the question.

"Why what?" She wanted to know.

"Why do you love me?" He refused to meet her eyes.

"Because you took care of me. Kept me safe..." He interrupted her.

"NO, I DIDN'T! I failed! You got hurt. B-Buffy d-d-died. Spike is bad, useless. Not needed. Not wanted." He scrambled back to the wall and buried his face in his pillow.

Angel had been monitoring the visit from the other side of the kitchen door. At Spike's wail, he dashed down the stairs. Dawn clutched at him in panic. He hugged her briefly and sat her back down in the chair. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out to his Childe.

"Spike. Stop it. It wasn't your fault. You are not bad and you're certainly not useless." Angel nearly shouted to get Spike's attention. The younger vampire kept his face buried in his pillow. "William!"

Spike raised his head. "Sire."

"Will, listen to me. You are not useless." Angel lowered his voice trying to sooth Spike. The elder vampire shook his head. He opened his link to try to get an idea of what was going on in Spike's thoughts. "What is it going to take to convince you? Will, everyone here cares about you. You have to get better, we need you around."

Spike rested his head on his pillow and gazed sadly at his Sire and Dawn. They didn't understand. He couldn't figure out why they insisted he wasn't bad. He never wanted to be evil, but he was. Buffy had told him over and over that he was. An evil soulless thing that she could never love. She'd said he was useless, called him fangless and a chipped wonder. He had no reason not to believe her. Why would she lie to him? She was the Slayer, she'd know if someone were evil. It was her job to know. Another tear dripped down onto the pillow.

Angel's head snapped back in shock. Closing his link before Spike realized it was open, he gazed back into those sad blue eyes. So that was it. That was why Spike didn't believe he was good enough to love.

Angel took Dawn back upstairs, leaving Spike alone for a few minutes. The elder vampire escorted her to the living room and stayed with her to make sure the she was okay. The blond vampire took the opportunity to get up and slip out of the basement while his Sire was gone. He was half way across the kitchen towards the back door and the splash of deadly sunlight shining on the back steps when he realized he wasn't alone. He whirled around to face Fred who was leaning against the counter she'd just scrubbed.

He ducked his head shyly. "Um... Hi." He stammered.

She didn't smile. "Hi. What did you think you were going to do?" She questioned gently.

Spike cast a longing look at the sun drenched back yard. "I... ah... was just going to... well... um, nothing. I wasn't going to do anything." He finally lied. He inched toward the door imperceptibly.

"Fred, are the others back... yet? Spike?" Buffy came into the kitchen carrying an empty cup.

The blond vampire got a 'deer in headlights' look. "B-Buffy." He managed to say. "I... um... was just going to... um go back to the basement." He lied as he took another inch toward the back door.

Xander came in behind him and stopped his stealthy progress toward the door.

"Well, Spike, it's certainly nice to see you out and about." The male Scooby said cheerfully as he put a bag containing three one dozen boxes of donuts on the table. He'd slung an arm around Spike's shoulder as he passed and took him into the room with him, foiling Spike's attempt to go outside. Xander opened his link to Spike completely. 'You are sooo busted my friend. If you think I'm going to stand idly by and watch you go out and play in the sun, you are so wrong.' Xander grinned when he heard the barely suppressed growl of frustration.

Buffy gazed at the blond and the brunette standing across the room from her. She couldn't believe Xander was standing there with his arm around his former mortal enemy.

Fred surveyed the scene with trepidation mixed with a little amusement. She knew Spike had been trying to go outside to let the sun fry him and knew as well that somehow Xander had known and prevented that tragedy.

'How did you know?' Spike asked Xander mentally.

'I've kept my link open just enough to know what you're doing, but not enough to actively talk to you.' Xander explained.

'Why?' The vampire asked, frustrated.

His friend looked him in the eye, chocolate brown boring into sapphire blue. 'You asked me let you stay on the sidewalk so you could go all dusty. Just couldn't let that happen. I told you. I don't have that many male friends that I can afford to loose one. So have a donut and get used to the idea that some of us care what happens to you.'

'Wanker.' Spike's response elicited a burst of laughter from Xander and puzzled looks from both Fred and Buffy.

'Welcome back, Blondie.' Xander returned the link to its former half-open status. Aloud, he addressed the girls. "If there's coffee, I brought the donuts. Knew the cupboard was a little bare and figured everyone would like some sugary goodness."

Fred turned to start a fresh pot of coffee as Xander pulled out a couple of chairs and gently but firmly pushed the reluctant vampire into one, taking the other one for himself. Buffy sat down across from the two men and gazed at Spike with unreadable eyes.

Something Xander said penetrated Spike's mind. "The cupboards are bare? Why? There should be enough money to buy food." He started to get agitated. "I left the debit card with Niblet so she could get groceries and anything else you needed. I put money in it. Why didn't you get food?" He demanded of a thoroughly confused Buffy.

"Spike, calm down. It's okay. Everyone has been busy trying to keep you here. There have been a lot of people here so the supplies got a little low. I'm sure Dawnie has the card and it has enough on it. Cordy, Wes and Gunn went to the store. Deadboy's footing the bill today." Xander assured the shaking blond next to him. "Here have a donut. I want to see Spike on a sugar high." He joked, pulling a donut box toward them and helping himself to two, handing one to Spike. Fred brought a handful of napkins and cups for everyone to the table, passing them out. She got out the cream, sugar and spoons for those who wanted them for their coffee.

Buffy finally processed what Spike had been ranting about. "Wait a minute. You have a checking account? And Dawnie has the debit card for it? Since when do vampires have bank accounts?"

Xander fixed her with a glare. "Vampires have checking accounts when they are the main source of support for a teenage girl and have to get a job to keep her and the other occupants of the house in food, clothing and utilities." Spike looked like he wanted to crawl under the table or go back to the basement, whichever was easier. Xander caught that impulse and clamped a hand on Spike's arm. "He worked damn hard to keep this place running and Dawnie out of the Social Services clutches."

Spike ducked his head in embarrassment. "Don't." He whispered. "I didn't do that much."

Xander turned his glare on Spike. "Yes, you did. And it's time everyone found out how much you sacrificed to take care of Dawn. All you did for five months was work and patrol. The rest of us were wallowing in our grief but you had to set aside your sorrow and hold us together. And you paid for it. Don't lie to me and tell me it's not part of the reason you broke down. Even after Buffy came back, you had to keep it together for her. You took everything she dished out and suppressed all your grief, anger, everything you were feeling so she could feel better. All you got for your efforts was kicked in the teeth." His voice got louder as he spoke so that by the third sentence those in the other room could hear every word clearly.

"She wasn't supposed to know that!" Spike yelled, trying to wrench his arm free. Xander's construction work paid off. He was stronger than Spike realized and refused to let go. The frustrated vampire sat back in his chair fuming as Angel rushed into the kitchen, followed by Dawn and Tara.

"Spike! Are you okay? What's going on?" The older vampire took in the scene, wondering which head to bash first.

Buffy glared up at him with tear filled eyes. "Xander was just filling me in on stuff someone should have told me months ago."

Xander snorted. "Like you would have listened."

Buffy turned a shocked face to her friend.

Tara put a hand on the slayer's arm. "He's right. You wouldn't have listened. I'm sorry."

Fred tried to stay out of the spotlight by pouring coffee for everyone and making sure everything they needed was on the table. Spike noticed her efforts and rewarded her with a sweet smile, melting her heart. She had the thought that his smile should be listed as a lethal weapon.

Buffy sputtered in indignation. "I would so have listened." She claimed.

Dawn shook her head. "No, you wouldn't. I tried to tell you. Over and over I tried to get you to understand how much Spike did for us while you were gone. He took care of me. He was more of a parent than anyone other than Mom. He's a better father than Dad ever thought about being. He was there for me. He helped me with my homework. Did you know he's wicked smart? He made sure I had money, clothes and food. He gave money to Willow and Tara so they could do the shopping. He even did laundry so we wouldn't have to do it while he was trying to sleep. How much of that have you done since you got back, Buffy? I know it's been hard. I know you were in heaven and now you feel you're in hell. I'm sorry but you haven't been there for me that much. I love you. I'm indescribably happy you're here, but the way you treated Spike was just wrong."

Buffy looked over at the vampire in question, seeing him in a new light. She processed the information that had been thrown at her and compared it with her dealings with him since she'd been back. He was studying the table as if he'd never seen it before. He was still trying to wrench his arm from Xander's iron grasp and not having any luck at it. He felt her gaze and looked up at her, his blue eyes fearful of another rejection. She walked around the table; keeping her eyes locked on his and seeing him stiffen at her approach. She knelt at his side, still holding his gaze with her own. She felt his withdrawal as he leaned back toward Xander and the support he provided.

She reached up to touch his face, tears falling from her green eyes as he flinched away from her touch. "Spike. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything, Luv." He denied.

"Yes, I did. And I was so wrong. I mistreated you so badly. How can I make it up to you? I do care about you, more than I ever thought possible." She admitted.

A voice from the back door stunned them all. "Did you think I would let you do that to me? Now you're going to pay, bitch."

Xander shouted. "Gun! Get down!" Shots rang out. Screams split the air.

She felt burning and touched the spot, feeling stickiness. She looked at Spike, reaching blood stained fingers out to him. The pain hit her and buckled her knees. Darkness blurred her vision then blanked it out completely as she hit the floor.