I will update out of lack nothing better to do. Maybe I should go to sleep. It's two in the morning. Oh, well. Sleep isn't important when there is something to write! But I'm starting to hallucinate things that aren't there, so I probably need sleep. Waves at the flying blobs.

Disclaimer: Do I really need one?

Chapter three

I haven't always been the happy-go-lucky- always-grinning guy I am today. No, I wasn't. I can't really remember when exactly the 'transformation' took place, but it wasn't over night. I think it took place when I was between the ages ten and twelve.

I just realized one day, after the electricity had been turned off seven times, and the water eight, that life wasn't getting any better, and I had no clue what I was waiting for. I guess nothing really. I just realized that there was just so much in life that I would miss out on if I didn't start to appreciate things a little more. It worked. I started to love things a little more everyday. Before I knew it, I couldn't go back to my old self no matter how hard I tried. It was a permanent condition.

When my parents died, my ' condition' thickened. It was like the worse of things happened to me, the happier I was, if that makes any sense at all. It was like, the more I lost, and the more I realized I didn't have to worry about losing anything. If you have a lot, you will live in fear about losing what you have, but if you have nothing, you will not worry about losing the little you have. I haven't shared my theory with anyone. Not Darry or Pony. They probably wouldn't even understand it all. Maybe Pony, but not Darry.

When Dally and Johnny died, it was painful I have to say. I tried to have an optimistic attitude toward it, but I almost lost my happy-go-luckiness. But I hung on to it, and I never let go. It was impossible, it seemed for a split second, that I could never go back to how I was.

Then Pony passed out right after Dally was shot. That was the most painful moment of my entire life. To think I lost my baby brother, like I did mom and dad. I had broke down crying right then. I had lost my happy-go-luckiness in those few minutes between Pony passed out and the ambulance arrived to announce that Pony was going to be all right. Then there were those three painful days that Pony was in the hospital. I thought I was going to die from emotional pain.

I was making a recovery. My happy-go-luckiness was coming back, and just when I thought I had it for good, something always happened that made it go away for a little while. I was afraid it would go away for good. I hoped that day would never happen. I liked to be that way so much

I was afraid because I had just gotten it back, and I didn't want it to go away again. I was afraid a horrible event would happen. Something that would change my life, Pony's life. I didn't want anything bad to happen. Not now that we finally healed, and we finally were happy, well sort of.

Sorry it's so short. The hallucinations have come back. My eyes must be wrong, or something! I must keep my parents from getting a DVD of a disco ball! Reviews are highly appreciated, and the bunnies are back,

Blame it on the government