Tripping Down the Aisle

Chapter Eleven: Birthday

****

Saturday, 19 January

Five months, five days

Monday was James's twenty-first birthday.


He was making quite sure that every person he had ever met realized this as well.

 "Two days until my birthday, love," he announced as soon as Lily opened her eyes on Saturday morning.

 "I know," Lily replied patiently, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and yawning. While it had been almost endearing for the first, oh, nine days or so, James's constant countdown was starting to wear a little thin. James, however, did not share this view. In fact, as the date drew nearer, he had actually progressed to counting down the hours and minutes, provided he had a Magic Math tablet lying around to help him out, since wasn't particularly good with numbers.

  James, sitting up in bed and leaning against his pillows, began to idly play with Lily's hair, wrapping it around alternating fingers as he spoke. "I do hope you've been working on your speech," he said lightly. Looking down at her and meeting her skeptical but slightly amused eyes, he continued, "You know, the one in which you thank my parents for producing such a spectacular specimen of Man and declare January twenty-first your favorite day ever. And then you insist that, in the event that we ever mature enough to have children, we absolutely must time the date of conception so that you'll give birth on January twenty-first, because obviously, if we ever want our child to amount to anything, that will just have to be his birthday. While you were sleeping," James continued, just as Lily opened her mouth to respond, sure he was finished, "I took it upon myself to calculate the day that I will have to get you pregnant in order for that to occur, are you ready for it?"

 Lily opened her mouth to reply again, but was, for the second time, cut off.

 "May twenty-first," James told her proudly. "Or...April. I'm not sure. You know I'm crap with arithmetic. But it doesn't matter, you know why? We'll have sex on both days, that's why. Just to be sure, you know?" He had his left hand in her hair and his right was supporting his head. "What do you think?"  James blinked down with ridiculously innocent eyes.

 Lily exhaled loudly, smiling. "I think you've been drinking."

 "Me? Drinking?"

 "Oh, don't act like it's such a foreign concept," Lily laughed. "You've been drinking since the age of fifteen."

 "But never at nine in the morning," he pointed out. "At least not unless it's mixed with coffee. And you're no saint, either, little miss 'I got so trashed on my eighteenth birthday I threw up in my boyfriend's closet and then passed out there.'"

 She rolled her eyes and attempted to sit up, but his hand was still in her hair, and when she lifted herself, it kind of hurt. "James."

 "Oh, but don't worry," James assured her. "I still love you. Even when you smell like dead squirrels."

 Lily couldn't help but laugh; for some reason, James seemed exceedingly entertaining this morning. "No, it's not that," she said, "although that's good to know. No, I'm trying to sit up."

 He glanced down at her with a strange look in his eyes. "Well, good luck with that, then," he said jerkily, unsure of what she was talking about.

 She gave up. "Your hand, love," she said, reaching over and removing it from her hair and sitting up in one quick movement.

"Oh," James replied, grabbing her pillow and hugging it to himself as she stepped out of bed. "Well, you could've said something."

 "Did," she responded, moving to the closet and pushing hangers aside as she searched for a specific top. "Have you seen that shirt of mine?"

 "You have a lot of shirts, Lily," James said idly, picking at some lint on her pillow. "In fact, I do believe you have too many shirts." He batted his eyelashes at her. "What do you say we get rid of all of them?"

 Lily took a break from the closet long enough to cast him a sidelong glance. "No," she said, "I don't think anyone but you would appreciate that." She returned to the row of hangers. "I'm looking for that top…the dark blue silk one that's too big up top so it kind of hangs off my shoulders?" She glanced at him. "You like that top."

 "Doesn't mean I know where it is. What are you doing today?"

 "Er, I think I'm going to have lunch with my mother," Lily said, "and then I'm going to go run some errands." She kneeled down, frowning, and disappeared into the depths of the closet, occasionally sending a piece of clothing flying over the boundary of Closet and into Bedroom territory. "Here are those boxers you wanted," Lily added, tossing them to him.

 James leaned over to retrieve them where they had landed, about three inches away from falling off the bed. They were green and plaid and he could not remember when or why he had wanted them, but pushed that aside, instead deciding to focus on something else Lily had said. "Errands, huh?"

 "Errands," Lily confirmed, her voice muffled, as she was currently sorting through a pile of sweaters that were from either her third year in school or James's first.

 "Errands for my…birthday party?"

 Lily poked her head out of the closet, quirking an eyebrow at him. She looked strangely dusty. "Maybe," she said.

 "Can I come?"

 She shook her head and returned to the sweaters. "Do you recognize this?" she asked, holding up a navy blue argyle-patterned sweater.

 James squinted. "I think it's mine."

 Lily frowned and turned the sweater towards herself so she could examine it more closely. "Are you sure?" she asked doubtfully.

 James yawned, completely uninterested but humoring her. "Yeah," he said. "I remember because my mother made me wear it on the first day of my fifth year because she said it made my shoulders look broader."

 Lily frowned again. "Are you sure?" she repeated.

 "Love, I'm positive. Now back to my birthday."

 "Because I'm fairly sure that I have pictures of me in this sweater," Lily continued.

 James sighed. "Does it have shoulder pads?"

 Lily checked. "Yes."

 "It's mine. Now about my birthday."

  Lily put the sweater down, looking as though she was trying very hard not to laugh. "Why did your mother put shoulder pads in your sweater?" she asked, her voice painfully jerky with the effort.

 James ran a hand through his hair. "Well, she didn't want me to get made fun of because I hadn't quite filled out yet."

 Lily rose from the closet and crossed the room to him. "So she bought you shoulder pads just like the other boys," she said, her voice still strained.

 James shot her his best withering glare. "I'll have you know that Sirius wore shoulder pads in third year because he wanted to have shoulders like the rest of the Quidditch team."

 "Except for you."

 "Except for me," James agreed sourly. "Because I had baby shoulders."

 Lily, fighting a smile, lowered herself down onto the bed next to him and put her arms around his shoulders. "I like your baby shoulders," she said. "They're…delicate and soft." She kissed the one nearest to her for emphasis.

 Positively mortified, James shrugged her off. "They're not delicate!" he exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "They're manly!"

 Lily finally burst into a fit of giggles.

 "They are!" James insisted, flushing several different shades of red.

 "I'm sorry, love," Lily managed to choke out through her laughter. "You're right. They're…really…macho." That set her off again.

 James glared and put his hands on his hips in an unintentionally feminine manner, which just made Lily laugh even harder. By this time, she had tears streaming from her eyes and was essentially hyperventilating. "I'm glad you think my own personal hell is so hilarious!" James yelled over her hysterics, storming out of the room.

 "You are such a drama queen!" Lily called after him before dissolving into another fit of giggles.

 "Are we supposed to be doing anything for Prongsie's birthday?" Sirius asked, reaching for today's Daily Prophet. He turned to the sports page and put his feet up on Remus's coffee table.

 "Yes," Remus responded, eyeing Sirius's feet warily over his cup of tea. "Um, I think Lily's having a…thing at his parents' house."

 A flicker of disappointment flitted across Sirius's face. "Oh," he muttered darkly, turning the page of the paper loudly and deliberately.

"What?" Remus demanded, though he was pretty sure he already knew.

 "Lily," Sirius mumbled sardonically. "God, does she have to be absolutely everywhere?"

 Remus frowned. "Well, yes, I do think she will want to be present at her fiancé's birthday," he said slowly.

 Sirius put down the paper and glared. "You know what I mean."

 "You're not still mad about what she said at Christmas, are you?" Remus asked incredulously.

 "Of course I am!" Sirius exclaimed. "Moony, she called me a man-whore! I will not forget that easily!"

 "She did not call you a man-whore," Remus said dismissively.

 "Oh, she so called me a man-whore."

 Remus set his tea on the coffee table next to Sirius's paper. "I was there, Sirius," he said patiently, "and never once did I hear the words 'Sirius, you are a man-whore' come out of Lily's mouth."

 Sirius waved his hand impatiently as though deeming that fact unnecessary. "She didn't have to say it. She implied it, okay? And I think that's worse, don't you? You know, it's like she didn't actually have the stones to call me a man-whore to my face, so she just made little hints about it. And I think I would've appreciated it more if she had just stood up and said, 'Sirius, you are a man-whore' than shipping out little hints like a stupid…hint army. Or a hint police. No, that doesn't work…"

 "So if she had stood up and said, 'Sirius, you are a man-whore', you wouldn't be mad?" Remus reiterated skeptically.

 "Of course I'd be mad," Sirius said, staring at Remus in an annoyed fashion, as though Remus wasn't getting the point and it was really starting to upset him, "I just would've appreciated her honesty."

 "Her honesty?"

 "Yeah."

 "So you're saying that you are a man-whore, and you really want someone to just tell you so?"

 "No, you prat," Sirius said, glaring. "Why would I want someone to call me a man-whore?"

 Remus stood up to take his empty teacup to the sink. "I really don't know, Sirius."

 Sirius seemed to be thinking. "A pimp, maybe," he said thoughtfully after a few minutes.

 Remus stopped at the kitchen doorway. "What?"

 "I don't think I'd mind someone calling me a pimp," Sirius clarified.

 Remus stayed where he was, the teacup still in his hand. "Is—is that nicer?"

 Sirius shrugged and picked up the paper again. "Oh, I dunno," he said idly, turning to the sports page again and squinting to read the scores for yesterday's Wasps-Tornadoes game. "I just think that 'pimp' holds more…respect, you know? Because pimps have their own hos. Man-whores are the hos of someone else."

 Remus shook his head, positively astonished. "You seriously worry me sometimes," he told Sirius, crossing over into the kitchen.

 Sirius smiled faintly behind his paper. "That's nice of you, Moony," he replied. 

 Remus set his teacup in the sink and re-entered the living room, dropping lazily into an armchair by the fire. "But really, Sirius," he said, "you have to go to James's birthday party."

 "I don't have to do anything," Sirius responded blankly.

 "He's your best friend," Remus tried again. "And besides, it's not him you're mad at. Don't punish him because you're upset with his girlfriend. Not to mention, if you go, you can patch things up with Lily and you won't have to avoid James at all. Problems solved."

 Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Why do you want me to 'patch things up' with Lily so much?" he wanted to know.

 "Well, you can't go through your entire life hating her."

 "I've hated Snape since the age of eleven, and I don't exactly see you trying to get me to go to Tupperware parties with him," Sirius muttered.

 "Sirius, just go to the party. You don't have to talk to Lily at all. James will really want you there," Remus said exasperatedly.

 Sirius scoffed and folded up the paper again. "You're being a real girl about this, Moony," he said. "I was always going to go."

 "So you're going," Remus clarified, ignoring the slight.

 "Of course I am," Sirius said, tossing the paper onto the coffee table and yawning, running his hands through his hair. "It's Prongs, isn't it? If I don't go to his birthday, he won't get me a good present for mine."

 "Do you think you might…bring Hestia?"

 Sirius paused, considering this.

 "I don't know," he said anxiously. "Do you think she'd even want to go with me? I mean, it's not like she knows James or anything like that, and I know she doesn't...well, I just don't think she'd be that interested in going with me, is all." He reddened a little. "Probably think I was coming on to her or something."

 "Well, wouldn't you be?"

 "Yeah. She's smart like that; always knows when I'm trying to make a pass at her."

 Remus nodded solemnly. "That's a good quality to have in a woman."

 Monday, 21 January

Five months, three days

"Lily, where are my presents?" James demanded, standing on his tiptoes to lean over the counter in order to get closer to his girlfriend, who was currently fixing herself a drink.

"Unless you opened them all already and are just trying to make me think they're mysteriously lost like you did last year, they're on the table," Lily responded lightly, dropping three ice cubes into her cup.

"Which table?" James asked, following her out of the kitchen and into the living room, where most (if not all) of the guests were standing around, chattering. "Because, you know, this house is massive. There are tables everywhere."

 Lily sighed and seated herself on the edge of a chair. "I don't know, James," she said. "Your mother wanted to be in charge of presents. So you'd be better off asking her."

James looked slightly crushed. "But she won't tell me," he whined.

"That's the point." She smiled and glanced up at the door. "Is Sirius coming?" she asked. "I don't see him."

 "Oh," James responded, without thinking. "That's probably because he's avoiding you."

 Lily lowered her cup from her mouth, looking slightly crushed. "He's avoiding me?"

 James, realizing what he had said, tried to fix it. "Oh, well…yes. But in a good way."

 Lily frowned. "There is no good way to avoid someone, James," she said.

 "Sure there is!" James exclaimed, a little too heartily. "Like, if you like someone. You might avoid them because you're too shy to talk to them."

 "But Sirius doesn't like me," Lily pointed out.

 "You never know," James said. "He's always said you were hot. In fact, in fourth year, he had a bit of a crush on you."

 "Yeah?" Lily asked hopefully.

 "Oh, yeah!" James said, enthused at the thought that he was making Lily a little happier. "Yeah, yeah, he told me he thought you were completely doable."

  Lily blinked and wrinkled her nose. "Doable?" she echoed.

 "Sure!"

 "Ew, James, that's gross," she declared, taking a particularly large swig of her drink.

 "Well, I'm just trying to make you feel better," he said defensively.

  "That's very nice and everything," Lily said, "but don't. Not like that, anyway. Is he still mad about Christmas?"

 James nodded.

 Lily sighed. "Okay, what do I say to make it better?"

 James shrugged. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "Sirius is unpredictable. Whatever you say might just make him even more mad."

 "Thank you for your help," Lily said sarcastically.

 "Well, you could try telling him that you really didn't mean it like that, and you don't want him to be mad at you because of something stupid, and you'd really appreciate it if he would just forgive you, and that if he does, you'll give him money."

  Lily laughed outright. "I'm not going to give him money!" she exclaimed. "He has a job, he doesn't need money!"

  "Well, Sirius often needs persuading. And he likes presents."

  "Then you buy him a present. I am going to talk it out with him. Or try to." She stood up. "Now, where is he?"

  "I think he's in the dining room," James told her. "Oh, and he brought that Hestia chick," he added casually.

  Lily almost dropped her drink. "He did?"

  "Yeah. She's very adamant about them just being friends, though."

  "Well, that's something, at least," Lily said.

  "I guess. Remus is with them, so he can help you out. Probably."

 "Something else to drink, Hestia?" Sirius asked, stopping at the mini bar that was set up in the dining room and motioning at the various bottles.

 Hestia smiled dimly and raised her full glass of white wine. "I'm good, thank you," she said pleasantly. "This is probably my last drink, in fact."

 "Oh, but we've only been here an hour," Sirius frowned.

 "Yes, and in that hour, you've gotten me five drinks," Hestia reminded him gently. "But," she added, turning at Remus, who was standing next to her, looking into his own glass, "I'm sure Remus here would like something to drink."

  Sirius glanced carelessly at his friend. "Remus has hands," Sirius said dismissively. "He can get it himself."

 A flicker of a grin played across Remus's face. "That's great, Sirius, thank you," he said in a sardonic but good-natured manner.

 "Not a problem," Sirius replied, lifting his own drink to his lips and casting a cursory glance around the room. His eyes stopped suddenly and he lowered his cup disgustedly. "Oh, fabulous," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth and turning around as though to hide himself.

 "What?" Hestia asked, looking around curiously.

 "Lily," Sirius said derisively. "Moony, did you call her here?"

 "Sirius, I've been following you around this whole time, and you've been avoiding Lily. When would I have talked to her?"

 "You're a slippery fellow," Sirius said. "I'm sure you would've found a way."

 Remus smirked as Lily approached them, smiling cautiously. "Hi, Remus," she said breathlessly. "It's good to see you."

  "Hullo, Lily," Remus replied. "You look lovely tonight."

  Lily smiled. "Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself." She turned her attention to Hestia, who was looking quite uncomfortable. "You must be Hestia." She extended her hand for Hestia to shake, which she did. "Hi, I'm Lily Evans."

  "The girlfriend, right?" Hestia asked. "James's girlfriend?"

  "Yeah, that's my other name," Lily responded dryly.

  Hestia laughed. "It's just…there are so many people I've never met here! It's hard to keep everyone straight, is all. I didn't mean that you were, like, only identifiable by your boyfriend or whatever."

  "Yes, James's parents do delight in throwing this massive parties. I've never been to one of their dinners that doesn't also include at least fifty people I've never met. It's horribly intimidating at first, but you get used to it." Lily smiled and looked past Hestia to where Sirius was standing, stock still, by the bar, hoping she wouldn't see him. "And Sirius, it's nice to finally see you."

 "Wish I could say the same for you," Sirius mumbled.

 Lily's face darkened. "Sirius, I need to talk to you." She turned back to Remus. "Alone, if you wouldn't mind, Remus?"

 "Oh, sure," Remus replied, touching Hestia's arm, then drawing his hand away quickly, blushing a little. "Hestia, why don't we go, er, over…let's just go away."

 "Of course," Hestia said, cottoning on. "Lily it was nice meeting you."

 "And you."

 Hestia followed Remus out of the dining room, leaving Lily and Sirius alone by the bar where he was pushing stirring straws into each other to form a very long Mega Stirring Straw or something. "Sirius," Lily said.

 "Wench," Sirius returned.

 "You're being catty and childish," she chided, leaning against the wall nearest the bar and casting him a pleading look.

 "Well, you're being unnecessarily bitchy," he said stiffly, adding another red straw. "What you said was…well, it was really mean."

 Lily bit her lip. "I've tried apologizing several times, Sirius, but you won't let me."

 "What you said," Sirius repeated, keeping his eyes on his straws, "was unapologizable. Or…wait, that's not the word I meant. What's the word I meant?"

 "'Unforgivable'."

 "That's the one." He almost smiled, but caught himself. "That doesn't mean we're friends," he added hastily. "Just because you're like a sodding walking dictionary doesn't mean I forgive you or whatever."

 There was a stilted silence then.

 Lily tried again. "Hestia seems nice," she said softly. "She's really pretty, too. Like you said."

 "Don't bring Hestia into this," Sirius said sharply.

 "I'm not bringing her into anything," Lily contradicted. "I was just telling you what I thought."

  "I don't care what you think," Sirius told her stoically.

  Lily nodded slowly and rested her head against the wall. "Okay, what do you want me to do?" she asked.

 "Right now? I really want you to go away."

 "Sirius, you're being ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed, emitting a frustrated sort of laugh. "I'm trying to say I'm sorry, that I didn't mean it, and you're just brushing me off! What can I do to make it better?"

 Sirius looked over his straw tower at her, one eyebrow raised. "I don't want your apologies," he said evenly.

  "Okay, so what do you want?"

  He paused, his finger resting on top of the very tip of the stack of straws. "I don't know," he finally admitted. He hesitated. "Money?" he suggested.

  "No."

  "Okay." Sirius set down the red straws on the bar and began to fix himself a 7 & 7. "Here's the deal."

 Lily giggled.

 Sirius looked up from his glass, his eyebrow raised again, quizzically this time. "Yes?" he asked primly.

 "I'm sorry," Lily apologized quickly, "it's just…you sounded sort of…you know. Mob-bossy."

 Sirius considered her, standing stock still for about thirty seconds straight. "Right," he said. "Moving swiftly on. The thing is…I really kinda like Hestia. A lot. She's different than the types of girls that I usually date. And…I wanna make things work between her and me." Something seemed to hit him because he abruptly stopped mixing his drink and turned more towards Lily. He was even starting to gesticulate wildly, which Lily knew he did when he felt strongly about his topic. "See, everyone's been telling me since I was fifteen that I need to start looking to settle down with a nice girl, get a house, a good job."

 "Who told you that you needed to settle down at fifteen?" Lily inquired incredulously.

 "Well, my parents, actually," he said. "Who, incidentally, are sadistic fiends. Okay, bad example. But still. Especially now that you and James are getting married, people are always telling me that I need to get with the girl, sign the lease, get those paychecks. Lily, I've got the house. I've got the job. I just need the girl so people will get off my back already. And then I met Hestia, and I just…" He bit his lip and glanced across the room, smiling a little. "I felt like I could stop looking, you know? And I wanted to tell everyone, and…'cause it's really important to me. And then you go off and make fun of it." Sirius turned his attention back to her, those blue eyes of his boring into hers. "That sucked."

 Lily moistened her lips. "I know," she told him softly.

 "I mean, seriously. It really sucked." He seemed intent to get this point across.

 "I know," Lily repeated. "And I'm really, really sorry."

 "And to cap it all off," Sirius continued, "she doesn't care." He smiled dimly and turned back to his drink. "She doesn't know me well enough to know that I don't usually act like this. Around girls. Around anyone, really."

 "Like what?"

 He shrugged listlessly. "I dunno how to explain it. I mean, God, I don't even know her, Lily. I've never even kissed her and I'm all…I don't know. I really don't know what's so different about her, but whatever it is…" He trailed off and laughed nervously, blushing. "Swear to God, you tell anyone this, I will so be mad at you again. Worse this time."

 Lily smiled. "Okay," she said.

 "So, what's the deal with Sirius and Lily?" Hestia asked, leaning up against James's mother's black grand piano. "I mean, admittedly, I don't know either of them that well, but…it doesn't seem like Sirius, at least, to be so angry. Especially at his best friend's fiancée."

 "I can't believe he didn't tell you," Remus said, looking down at his shoes, suddenly self-conscious. "He's been ranting about it to anyone who will listen, lately. Um, Lily said—" He broke off, suddenly realizing exactly why Sirius hadn't told Hestia why he was angry at Lily. "Um," he said, trying to think of a form of the truth that wouldn't tip her off, lest Sirius find out and be extraordinarily pissed at Remus. "Um, they sort of got into a row about his, um, dating habits. S-sort of."

 "What does what Sirius do with girls have to do with her, though?"

 "They used to go out," Remus blurted out, without thinking.

  Hestia's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" she said, her interest greatly piqued now.

  "Oh, yeah," Remus told he, laughing out of sheer humiliation. "Love of Sirius's life, Lily was. They went out for two and a half years before Lily cheated on him with James."

  Hestia put a hand to her mouth. "No," she gasped dramatically. "She doesn't seem like the type…and James! He and Sirius seem to be such good friends! You would think that something like that would surely destroy a friendship!"

  "You would think, huh?" Remus said, wondering exactly how things like this always happened when Hestia was around. He always talked way too much when he was with her, and came across probably extremely stupid.

  "Yes! I mean, the love of his life ran away with his best friend, and now they're getting married? That would kill a normal person!"

  "Sirius isn't normal," Remus told her honestly. "And there was minimal running involved, considering we were at boarding school at the time. And, you know, there's no running in the halls there." 'There's no running in the halls there'?! Remus squinted his eyes shut in embarrassment. "Anyway, Sirius was really upset about it at first, but they sat down and talked it out one night—it took all night, that conversation—and from what I understand, there were tears shed by all. It took some time—about a year, actually—but Sirius eventually accepted it and moved on. Lily still gets jealous sometimes, though. I think she might feel like Sirius should always feel that way about her, and when she sees that he doesn't, she gets upset."

  "That's kind of unfair of her, isn't it?" Hestia said.

  "One of the main reasons her and James fight, that is."

  "I would hope so!" Hestia exclaimed. "In fact, with situations like that, I'm shocked they've lasted this long!"

  "Who?"

  "James and Lily!"

  "Oh, well, they're both too neurotic for anyone else," Remus said. "We always say that they are the only two people in the world who can stand one another."

A/N: Wow, that certainly took a long time. I can only hope that it was worth it, and that you still like it and are still holding on to it or whatever, even in spite of my lack of updates. It's difficult to put up with me (and to remember what happens from chapter-to-chapter; I know—I'm thinking of putting in a little 'previously on…' notice at the beginning of each chapter, wouldn't that be nice? ;), I totally know. I'm sorry. =)

Next time (which won't be a month from now, all fingers crossed): Adeline makes her return, Lily goes Shopping, and Valentine's Day hits. Make of that what you will. =)

Review now, please!!