Lost
Disclaimer: Wish I owned them.
Summary: I don't want to tell you. Just read it okay? Thanks.
Reviews: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!
A/N: Spike's song is actually a poem by a lovely Denny's server (don't ask) named Carole, internet name Gincoco. Only part of the poem has been used (so far). Thanks Carole for letting me use it. The title of the poem is 'If You Choose To Love Me'. Pressie for everyone, an extra long chapter to make up for the really short last one.
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Angel approached his traumatized Childe slowly. The blond had been huddled against the wall rocking and crying for almost five minutes. He'd repulsed everyone's attempts to calm him down. Dawn and Xander both had to consciously close their links to block out Spike's mental wailing. Angel kept his link open in an attempt to break through the wall of terror and anguish. The only word that had leaked through had been 'Fred' repeated over and over. Giles and Cordy were dispatched to the motel to check on the scientist. The rest waited tensely for them to return.
Angel sat on the floor in front of Spike. He gazed at the younger vampire thoughtfully.
'When would they get a break?' He wondered. Just when it seemed things would improve something else happened to put them right back in hell again. The elder vampire bowed his head and heaved an unneeded sigh. Once more he followed the link and attempted to calm down the distraught vampire.
Giles and Cordelia came back into the shop. The expressions on their faces were telling. Fred was nowhere to be found. It seemed that she had just disappeared from her bed. It stymied them as to how that had happened.
Spike looked up at them with tear filled eyes. "It's my fault. Everyone I touch gets hurt. I kissed her and now she's gone. Our link is severed. She's gone." He repeated.
Angel focused on one sentence. "You have a link with Fred?" He asked in confusion.
"HAD! She's not there any more. The link is broken!" Spike yelled in frustration.
"I could have loved her." He mumbled into the pillow. The heartbroken words touched every one watching.
"I wish I'd never been born." He yelled suddenly. The words had the effect of a bomb dropping in the dead silent room.
Xander raised his head. He'd been resting it on the table trying to recover from the headache he'd gotten from Spike's mental anguish. "Never say 'wish'." He instructed.
Dawn looked over at Giles, fear shining in her crystal blue eyes. "Could Buffy have anything to do with this? You don't think she…?" The teenager couldn't finish the question. No one wanted to voice the possibility that Buffy could have harmed Fred in any way.
Angel put a gentle hand under Spike's chin and raised his face. "Will, try to contact Fred. If she's not… if she's still alive you might be able to reach her."
Spike closed his eyes, tears leaking out and sliding down his face. Desperately he attempted to link with the pretty scientist who had captured his heart. He stretched his senses out and searched for her but she was nowhere to be found. He ached with loss. Clutching his pillow tighter, he gave up with an anguished moan and went back to rocking. Angel grasped Spike's face more firmly and forced the younger vampire to stop and look at him.
"Will, try again. You can't give up. Use your power and reach out. You can do it." Angel ordered.
Spike suddenly threw the pillow across the room. Wrenching his face from his Sire's grasp, he leaped up to pace.
"Don't you think I've tried?" He shouted. "She's not there. The link snapped. That's what woke me up. It's like she just winked out of existence." His voice cracked on the last sentence. He stalked over to the bookshelf and began pulling books out, shuffling through them frantically before discarding them on the floor, one after the other. Dawn moved over to him and placed a calming hand on his bare arm. He stopped as abruptly as he started. Letting a final book fall to the floor he slipped his arms around the brunette teenager. She ran her hands up his bare back and held him close, letting him know he was not alone and they would find Fred as soon as they could.
Something Spike said struck a chord in Giles. He cleaned his glasses once more, frowning in concentration. Replacing his glasses, he walked over to the blond vampire.
"Spike." He began hesitantly. "Could you tell me how it felt when the link snapped? Did it feel as if she… died? Or… or was it as if she just vanished?" The former Watcher asked.
Spike let go of Dawn and began pacing again, thinking hard. He ran his hands through his short blond curls and frowned. The feeling had been familiar. He'd felt it only once before. Of course the only link he'd had for over a century had been with… Angel. He looked at his Sire in shock, stopping in his tracks.
"If felt like… when Buffy… sent… Peaches to… hell." He stammered.
Angel's head snapped up. "What?" He asked. "You mean when I was sent to the hell dimension, you felt it? It felt the same way?" The dark vampire sought clarification.
Spike nodded, frowning. "I was carrying Dru to the car and I felt it. She stabbed you through the stomach and sent you through the portal. The link snapped the same way, suddenly. Violently. But I don't understand. How could it be the same?"
Tara frowned, trying to remember something she'd heard from Willow. Something about another dimension. Fred had been in another dimension. "Could she have been sent back to…?" She began.
Cordy went cold. "Sent back to Pylea." She whispered. The dark haired seer wrapped her arms around herself. She'd only spent a few days in the other dimension but Fred had spent five years there. The scientist hadn't been quite sane when they brought her back. Returning to Pylea would only do the other girl harm.
Giles took a chair. "Dear Lord."
"We have to get her back." Dawn stated the obvious.
Spike looked around the room, searching for… there it was. His pillow still rested against the far wall where it had landed during his temper flare. Angel followed his Childe's line of vision and saw the pillow. He intercepted the blond on his way to pick it up.
"No, you don't. You're staying with us. We'll get her back. I promise." The elder vampire swore.
Dark sapphire eyes found chocolate brown ones. "Keep your promise this time?" Spike whispered, desperately heartbroken.
Angel looked away before closing his eyes. He'd broken many promises to this Childe. It was the main reason that Spike was so determined never to break a promise. He knew how it felt to be disappointed over and over. Looking back into the sad blue eyes of his biggest regret, he made up his mind this was one promise he would keep. Even if it meant he'd be dust before it was over. "Yes, Will. I'll keep this one." He whispered back.
The others observed the scene in silence. Xander broke the spell. "How could she be sent back? Don't you need a portal of some sort? The only one I know who could do that is… oh my God. Tara, where was Willow when you left the house?" He turned to the blonde witch. His eyes pleading with her to tell him Willow had nothing to do with this current crisis.
Tara shook her head slowly, denying the possibility that her love could do something so cruel. "She was sleeping. A spell of this magnitude wouldn't have been possible so fast. She would have needed to come here for supplies and we were here the whole time."
Cordelia went over to Angel and held out her hand. "Give me your phone." She demanded. He handed it over obediently.
"Are you calling Wes?" The elder vampire questioned.
"No. I'm calling Lorne." The seer stated firmly, pushing buttons quickly.
The Sunnydale residents looked at Angel for an explanation.
"Lorne is a demon. He's from Pylea. He reads people's auras. Not like you do, Tara. He sees their futures and whether or not they're lying. He can help us get back to Pylea and rescue Fred." Angel told the group.
"Cordy, tell him to bring the books." The dark vampire instructed. She nodded and passed the order on.
Spike glanced from Cordy to Angel. "Let me transport him." He requested quietly.
Cordy relayed the request to the green demon and nodded. "He says okay."
Spike stood in front of Angel. "Picture Lorne." He said. "I need to know what he looks like. Send his image along the link." Angel nodded.
The younger vampire closed his eyes and concentrated. Holding the image of Angel's demon friend firmly in his mind, he focused a big portion of his power on bringing the Pylean to Sunnyhell.
"So Princess, when can I expect to… Oh, I guess I'm here." The large green demon closed his cell phone and looked around. "Angelcakes. Good to see you. Who am I here to read?"
Cordy closed the phone she was using. "No one. Fred's been sent back to Pylea. We have to go get her."
Lorne nodded. "But you didn't give me a chance to get the books, Beautiful." He told Spike, admiring the handsome young vampire.
The blond wizard gritted his teeth. "Damn, buggered it again." He muttered. He glared at the new arrival. "Picture the books, Peaches." He ordered, shoving his hand through his hair again. Angel nodded silently and did as his Childe instructed. A few minutes later the required tomes were resting on the research table tempting Giles.
Lorne sat at the table next a completely wigged out Xander and helped himself to a donut. His red eyes noticed the young man's unease and patted him on the arm.
"Not to worry, Precious. I'm harmless. Unless of course you're the one who exiled my Fredikins." He assured Xander.
Xander shook his head numbly. "I wouldn't do that. It would hurt Spike." He said without thinking. Everyone smiled at his slip. The whole hating Spike thing was now totally in the past.
Lorne looked over at the blond vampire with new interest. "And just why would that hurt Spike?" He wondered out loud. He got up from his chair and approached a suddenly nervous Spike. "Sing for me, Sweetling."
Spike went even paler than he already was. "Don't call me that." He growled. He spun around searching for his pillow and was immensely frustrated to notice that Angel had moved it. It was nowhere to be seen.
Dawn went over to her vampire and put her arms around him. Resting her head on his bare shoulder, she gazed up at his tense profile.
"Spike, if it will get Fred back, please sing for him. She's alone and scared and is waiting for us to rescue her. You know that." She told him gently.
He closed his eyes and swallowed. He glanced down at the teenager in his arms, the pain in his eyes reminded her of the bad days after Buffy's death. Inhaling sharply, he nodded once.
"If it will help get Fred back." He relented. "Do you need music, lights, what? Name it and I can do it." The blond wizard dared the green demon to request something he couldn't do, a sure impossibility.
Lorne smiled. "Just sing for me. I think we can dispense with the accompaniment. Anything you want as long as it's at least one verse." He deliberately left off any nicknames, not wanting to further antagonize the supremely tense vampire.
Spike closed his eyes again and began to sing a song no one had heard before. It had a very simple melody and the words would haunt the listeners for a long time.
'My heart is looking for a brand new start
So if you choose me don't break my heart
It's healing and looking for love again
So if you want just be my friend
Don't make promises you can't keep
Because my scars go very deep'
Lorne held up a hand. His other hand pressed against his temple. "That's enough, Gorgeous. You aren't lying there. I got it. Go take a break. And if you ever decide to go pro, give me a call. I want to be your agent."
Turning to Angel, he lowered his voice. "If you want to give him back his pillow, I wouldn't blame you."
The elder vampire gave his friend a startled look. "What did you see?" He asked. The green demon merely motioned for a meeting around the research table. Leaving Dawn and Spike in their own little bubble, the others gathered around him to find out what he'd seen. The teenager and the vampire went over and sat down on the steps leading up to the restricted section. She sat with her back to his front and let him cling to her much like he had with the pillow. With one arm around her waist and the other crossing her chest with the hand clasping her shoulder. His hold was light, applying no pressure. She rested her chin on his forearm.
Lorne cleared his throat and glanced around. "Is there any water? I'm feeling a little dry." Tara got up and fetched him a glass from the small bathroom in the back of the shop.
"Thank you, Darling." He took another look at the blond witch. "My, my, you are a powerful one, aren't you?"
She blushed and stared at the table. "M…my girlfriend is the one with all the power." She mumbled.
"Don't sell yourself short, Sweetie. You haven't begun to tap your power yet. I wouldn't mind being in the audience when you realize your potential." Lorne smiled kindly at the blushing girl.
"And speaking of untapped potential, Angelcakes, you didn't tell me your Childe was such a deep well of power. He could destroy the universe in a blink if the wrong person pissed him off. But he never will because he couldn't bear harming those he loves." Lorne held Angel's gaze soberly.
Giles nodded absently. It fell into the same line of thinking the high priestess had offered so long ago. He continued leafing through the fascinating books in front of him, wondering if it would be possible to keep the books for a while. They would provide weeks of research opportunities for him. Lorne gave him a strange look before continuing his narrative.
"He's very conflicted. He loves that girl, Buffy. He made promises to her. As cruel as she was to him, his loyalty is astounding. But he's falling in love with Fred. He hasn't any clue what happened to Fredikins but he's blaming himself. He does that a lot, taking the blame, even if he had nothing to do with it."
Cordelia looked puzzled. "How can he be falling in love with Fred? He's only known her a few days. He wasn't even all there for one of them."
Angel gazed at her, his dark eyes unreadable. "It doesn't take long for similar souls to recognize one another. That's what happens when you hear about what they call 'love at first sight'." He suddenly found his fingers very interesting. "But sometimes it takes longer for some souls to know each other."
Lorne gazed at each person at the table. "He has one of the purest souls I've ever read. How did he survive being a vampire all those years without going completely off his tracks?"
Angel studied the table intensely. "He was very pure, very innocent when he was turned. Angelus instilled so much violence in him the soul got buried. It only came back recently. Same with the magic. It resurfaced last year." The vampire admitted quietly.
Lorne nodded. "I see."
The peaceful demon took another sip of his water. "Anyway, he can open the portal to Pylea. She is there. I can tell that much by the link he shares with her. I saw her being pulled into the portal. He's not aware of it because he was sleeping at the time so all he knows was that the link snapped when the portal closed. What I don't know is, who opened the portal in the first place? Who had it in for sweet little Fredikins?"
Xander spoke for the first time since his inadvertent admission of not wanting to hurt Spike. "What's with the pillow? I noticed recently he's taken to strangling innocent bedding."
"It's a security thing. Something to hold onto while his world flies out of control. He hates not having control. He feels that if he can hold on tight enough he maybe he can regain control. He feels as if his whole existence is being torn apart. The pillow helps hold it in, dulls the pain if you will. It's his way of holding on to his sanity. Something he's not been real successful with recently, I see. His other anchor is the Sweet Bit he's got his arms around right now. She keeps him grounded, his love for her is endless. How long have you all had the Key? Not that I'm interested in the whys and wherefores, I'm just surprised to see it in human form. And a slayer's sister at that, very clever. Guaranteed safety." Lorne focused his attention on Giles, knowing he had the answers.
"Dawn is no longer the Key." The former Watcher stated stiffly.
Lorne shook his head. "She will always be the Key. It's just that she doesn't open anything anymore. There's no lock that she fits. The power that she was formed from is only a little older than the power he holds."
He waved his hand dismissively. "No matter, we need to get back to Fred. As I said Spike can open the portal. He can do it whenever he wants. We'll need some supplies before we go. Fortunately with our Wonderful Wizard over there we won't have to wait for a new portal to get back so we should be able to go in grab our lost scientist and zip right back."
Dawn and Spike had been listening to the green demon's dissertation. The teenager gazed up at the tense profile. "Spike, did you hear? We can get Fred back. YOU can get her back." She whispered.
He merely closed his eyes in relief, not willing to risk speaking. His entire body trembled as the tension began to lessen. He hadn't been happy to have his soul bared before the whole group, but if it meant getting Fred back, he'd endure anything. It felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest.
Angel's phone shattered the silence that had fallen over the group after Lorne finished speaking.
"Hello?" He answered the summons. His dark eyes centered on Tara. He covered the mouthpiece. "It's Willow." He said softly.
Giles glanced up from the book he was engrossed in. "It's okay. Tell her we're here."
Angel returned to the phone. "Yes, Willow. I'm here. We're at the Magic Box. Come on over. No, we're not plotting against you." He chuckled at her outrageous suggestion.
"Okay. We'll see you shortly." He closed the phone.
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Fred sat on the floor of her cave in shock. She couldn't understand why she was back in the hole she'd spent five years trying to survive. If it weren't for the fact that she was wearing her new pajamas, she would believe the whole getting rescued by Angel and his friends had been a dream. She attempted to open her fragile new link with Spike but couldn't find him anywhere. After a long morning of trying she realized that the link couldn't bridge the dimensions. She retreated to a hidden corner of the cave and prayed that they would realize where she was and come for her. Her sanity wouldn't let her believe any differently. To think even for a second that rescue was not on the way meant spiraling down into madness. Sitting with her back against the rough cave wall, she wrapped her arms around her legs. Closing her eyes, she visualized Spike and repeated her prayer over and over.
"The handsome man will save me, the handsome man will save me. Please Spike, save me." Tears fell silently down her delicate face as she mumbled the refrain.
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Willow and Buffy breezed into the Magic Box chatting happily about their morning. The group turned as one as the girls advanced into the room. Buffy was telling Willow about a song she'd heard on the radio and sang a small bit of the chorus.
Lorne spun around in his chair and glared at the petite blond. Menace colored his voice. "What did you think you were doing?"