Dear Diary,
Finished building my tower! It's wicked cool. I put a lot of spikes on it, and lots of dungeons for torturing people. It's AWESOME! The best part about it is that I build these two big spikes on top so I could squeeze in between them and look all badass like the big ol' eye I am.
I don't think anyone likes me. I tried sending a fruitcake to Gondor, but I think in the process of giving the order, it got messed up and translated as attacking Osgiliath. I tried to apologize, but once again everything got messed up and they attacked Osgilliath again. So I'm gonna play it cool and chill in Mordor with all my Orc buddies. Oh, and Shelob. She's wicked cool. I sent an Orc to ask if she wanted to play Nintendo with me, but I think he never came back. Weird.
Okay, that's it. Bye!
Love,
Sauron